All that I've really figured out so far is that it can take a LONG time....Long meaning not just a few weeks or even months, but YEARS. I remember having many conversations with Aprilushka about this, and if I recall correctly she said that it took about two years before things really started getting easier for her dh (perhaps she will chime in here, too--she does have lots of good advice on this).
We have been here about two and a half LONG, HARD years...And it is getting a little better. I think the turning point was when dh actually made a friend a few months ago (his first one here!). A nice guy from Estonia (ethnic Russian), who lived in NYC for about 10 years and recently moved out to CA and doesn't know many people here, either. They met though a local Russian group on meetup.com
Having someone to talk to has helped, someone that he can really be himself around, speak his language (since dh has resisted English and still doesn't speak much), etc.
Now, if dh's work were to take off, I think that would also improve things DRAMATICALLY, but I'm still waiting on that
For the most part, things are OK, although he still gets in these TERRIBLE moods were he starts yelling about "stupid, fat American idiots" and tells me that I am no longer to speak English to dd (not that I usually do anyway) because he doesn't want to her to even know that "debilnij yazyk" and to turn into a "debilnaya amerikanka", etc., etc. But those moods usually only last a few hours, he vents, lets out the built up frustation, and things go back to normal. Sometimes you just have to weather the storm....
So.....Not much advice I guess, but a whole lot of sympathy. It is HARD, no doubt about it, and it can take a LONG time.
And definitely work on the drivers license--that does help too, especially if you are in an area without much in the way of public transportation. Mobility gives a bit of a sense of self-determination and control over your life.
So dh's adjustment issues aside, how are YOU doing here?