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#31 of 41 Old 08-23-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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What really irks me is that someday someone will say the same kind of crap about my two sweet, nurturing, lovely boys if they decide to get married. Who cares if they were born and raised in the US (well, one was born in the US, the other in Israel)? Because their father is Palestinian and they have decidedly Arab names, they must be little terrorists in the making.

And no one ever thinks about the fear that men in the situation have -- that their spouse will divorce them and keep their kids in the West. International marriage is not easy for anyone. My family and friends here in the US never think about the family and cultural sacrifices my husband made to marry me and have a family.
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#32 of 41 Old 08-23-2008, 12:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MommyJoia View Post
So I married a (non-Muslim) Lebanese man (almost 9 years and 2 babies ago) and I still get the, "not without my daughter" spiel from friends and family members...

My DD#1 was actually conceived in Lebanon during my 4th visit. My mom still mentions this movie to me periodically whenever I mention that I would like to move to Lebanon for a few years... My friend mentioned this movie to me last year after I took a 9 day vacation in Orlando and she expected me back in 7, she said she thought my husband packed us up and took us away to Lebanon. I actually didn't speak to her for several months after that...

My sister has been doing work in Afghanistan and she is constantly comparing the culture in Afghanistan to my husband... Lebanon is practically a European country... I'm sure that there are some people who are the way she describes, but I surly haven't met any...

I've noticed that there are several mommy's on this board that are married to Arabs or Persians and I was wondering if I'm the only one that hears about this stupid movie regularly even after years of marital bliss?

Yikes! I married a non-Muslim Lebanese man, and my mom brought up that movie when I announced my engagement! I didn't speak to her for weeks, and then I chewed her ear off! I couldn't believe it.

And you know, the thing is that my mom should know better. She's traveled, she's had many Lebanese friends, she lived in Egypt, for goodness sake. But I think all logic went out the window when she dreamed up the idea that I might lose my future children.

I haven't heard about the movie ever since, but I did once hear about it when I met a Peruvian woman married to a Lebanese man. She herself was worried about something like that happening and I didn't even know what to say to her. All I could think was that they must have had other issues if she didn't trust her husband not to do something like that.

ETA: I did tell her that anyone, from any culture, could potentially kidnap children in a custody fight. And they do, every day. I said that there was nothing inherent in ME cultures that should make her worry.

DS1: 2/02 ROTFLMAO.gif DD: 9/04 blahblah.gif DS2: 9/07jog.gif and EDD: 11/13 belly.gif

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#33 of 41 Old 08-25-2008, 11:44 AM
 
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I got this from my dad's family before I married dh, who is an Israeli Jew. (Apparently, everyone from the Middle East is the same - Jews, Christians, Muslims, religious, secular, extremist, liberal, psychopaths, whatever.) Someone else told my mom that she should stop the wedding because once I married him I'd lose all rights and he would beat me. As offensive as that would be were he religious (as the commenter thought), he's completely secular.

My response is to give a look that says "you did NOT just say that!" and ignore them. It's complete ignorance and isn't even worth my time.

Mama to DS1 (2/08) and DS2 (9/10).
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#34 of 41 Old 08-25-2008, 12:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Turkish Kate View Post
I got to hear all about this and a whole host of other crap when I married a Muslim Turkish man and moved to Istanbul.

Honestly, I feel for Betty Mahmoody's situation, but her personal idiocy does not warrant the denigration of an entire culture of fathers. Read the book, read what really happened to her, and then ask yourself what this woman's damage was? She made some very un-wise decisions and then had the nerve to write an opportunistic book slamming an entire culture for the mistake of marrying a man she hardly knew. She went to a foreign country with a man who was already showing signs of mental pathology, where she didn't speak the language, and then was a complete biotch to his family and denigrated their customs. I could go on and on, but this book did as much damage to "Persian-ness" as Midnight Express did to "Turkish-ness" and incidentally was ghost-authored by the same guy--chosen for his ability to turn a phrase and shock by Ms. Mahmoody's own admission.
I actually didn't finish the book (took it on vacation with me and left it somewhere), but I read enough to feel like Betty Mahmoody did herself no favors by the way she behaved from the moment she got off the plane.

My dh is Lebanese, too! And yes, I got that all the time about "Not Without My Daughter," but not really anymore. We've been married 7 years and have 2 kids. But in truth, I do know a woman who has had trouble with her Lebanese husband. My dh has a distant cousin who married some man she didn't know, moved to Lebanon to be him, and he was abusive to her. They have 2 kids, and she is not able to remove them (from what I understand) unless she gets them to the US Embassy, which she evidently could not do because her husband's family was always watching her. However, this is not unique to Lebanon. In the US, you need both parents' permission to take children out of the country (or at least to get a passport).
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#35 of 41 Old 08-25-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ChasingPeace View Post
But in truth, I do know a woman who has had trouble with her Lebanese husband. My dh has a distant cousin who married some man she didn't know, moved to Lebanon to be him, and he was abusive to her. They have 2 kids, and she is not able to remove them (from what I understand) unless she gets them to the US Embassy, which she evidently could not do because her husband's family was always watching her. However, this is not unique to Lebanon. In the US, you need both parents' permission to take children out of the country (or at least to get a passport).
This is what I was trying to tell my friend. If the marriage has enough problems, or one of the spouses is abusive, it could happen to any couple with any combination of nationalities or ethnicities. When I worked as a journalist in NYC, I covered innumerable cases of one parent in the midst of a custody dispute taking their kids to another country. It's not easy getting them back, regardless of the country's laws.

Growing up in Mexico, even with passports, we weren't allowed to leave the country with my mom unless we had a signed note from my dad. If my mom had wanted to take us without his knowledge for any reason, she wouldn't have been able to.

So, yeah, it does happen. But that movie made it seem like it was something specific to Islam and Islamic countries, which of course it's not.

DS1: 2/02 ROTFLMAO.gif DD: 9/04 blahblah.gif DS2: 9/07jog.gif and EDD: 11/13 belly.gif

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#36 of 41 Old 08-31-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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I get this all the time. Of course, my Dad knows Betty Mahmoudy... so that could be part of the reason.

But you know what?? DH gets this all the time from his relatives and friends (Egyptians). They're all afraid that if I divorce him, he would never see his kids again.

You could just educate them on the facts and say... You know, international child kidnapping is a concern of mine and every Mom. Lebanon is not part of the Hague Convention... nor are many other countries. But in 2004, the US and Lebanon signed a Memorandum of Understanding on the issue which will work to give both parents access to children.

You could also say that as a Lebanese Christian, the case would be heard by a Lebanese Christian court.

Or you could say... Yes, I saw the movie. I only wish there was a movie that addressed the issues of parental kidnapping and domestic violence in America. Seems like there are many more cases here... and sadly, the outcomes for the children don't seem to be that they get to live a long life with at least one parent. Too often, the kid is harmed.

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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#37 of 41 Old 08-31-2008, 10:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MommyJoia View Post
It was sally Field.. she married an Iranian and everything was great until she moved to Iran... Then he started beating her so she went to the US embassy and they told her she could leave, but the daughter was the husband's property...
The movie was based on a true story.

The woman in the movie and in the story did NOT go to the American Embassy in Tehran. There has not been an American Embassy or Consulate in Iran since 1980.

The woman went to the Swiss Embassy instead, since they consider themselves neutral.

Lebanon is quite Western. Beirut was similar to Miami Beach years ago.
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#38 of 41 Old 09-01-2008, 12:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You could also say that as a Lebanese Christian, the case would be heard by a Lebanese Christian court.
He's not Christian either.
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#39 of 41 Old 09-01-2008, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by applejuice View Post

Lebanon is quite Western. Beirut was similar to Miami Beach years ago.
yes, I am aware of that. As I mentioned, I have been there several times.
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#40 of 41 Old 09-01-2008, 05:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MommyJoia View Post
He's not Christian either.
Just out of sheer curiosity--is he Druze? My DH is!

DS1: 2/02 ROTFLMAO.gif DD: 9/04 blahblah.gif DS2: 9/07jog.gif and EDD: 11/13 belly.gif

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#41 of 41 Old 09-01-2008, 07:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just out of sheer curiosity--is he Druze? My DH is!
YES!
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