Loneliness - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 08-12-2008, 04:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We just moved to Canada where DPs family is and I don't know if I can do it, I been here for a few months and still don't have any friends here, some days I feel like I just want to go back.

So from other moms who have BTDT any tips? I really want to make this work but I just feel so lonely sometimes.
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#2 of 12 Old 08-12-2008, 04:55 AM
 
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I know exactly how you feel. I felt that way when we moved to Munich a few years ago. My salvation was La Leche League. I found an English-language group and jumped in with both feet. I met some good friends that I remained friends with even after returning to the US. When we moved back to the US, and even to this day, I miss Germany so much it hurts.

Perhaps if you tell us a little more about your interests we could offer some suggestions. Do you have kids? What are your interests?
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#3 of 12 Old 08-12-2008, 11:53 AM
 
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Moving is tough and you just have to find your "in" or niche. Are you online a lot? I always found yahoo groups to be a good place to start---seach around and see if there is a local group of moms or fmailies that get togheter regularly. Or, if you knit/read/paint/whatever, you can search for a local group that gets together and does that.

Are there any member of your dh's family that you can hang with? Any SILs or such that you can invite over for coffee or to go shopping or something?

How about taking a class, if you have the time? Yoga, art, whatever. Check in at the library and see if they have any free classes. You might end up making some friends at one of those. I met my closest friend here (we moved here in 2001) at a PTA meeting several years ago. OUr families are still super close.

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#4 of 12 Old 08-12-2008, 02:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanx for the replies, I do have kids but they dont speak english yet so its hard for them to "play" with other kids so basicly we are stuck playing with each other all the time, DPs family is really nice but I'm not sure they want to hang out with me lol, i would hate it if they do it just to make me feel better you know. I have thought about taking a class Ill look more into that, Im in the process of transfering my degree here and I daydream about finding someone at the library or something looking for the same books doing the same thing, and we could be friends study together and live happilly ever after.
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#5 of 12 Old 08-12-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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Moving is really tough. How long ago did you guys move? *hugs*

I would say getting a job (if not for the money, but just for the social aspect of it), or taking classes is a wonderful idea. Would be good to get kids into situations that would require for them to interact with other kids, the sooner they pick up the language, the easier it will be on everybody.

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#6 of 12 Old 08-13-2008, 09:27 PM
 
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Are your children starting school in a couple of weeks? That is a good place to meet other parents, and it will give you a common subject to discuss. Most School councils welcome new parents to help out with planning events. The library is another great community resource.

In many larger Canadian cities, there are cultural centres for various groups - the Chinese Cultural centre, Ukrainian, Greek etc. They sponsor movie nights, conduct classes in language and culture (dance, crafts, martial arts, sports etc.) If you are close to a centre for your country of origin, perhaps you could make some contacts there.

It is hard settling into a new place, but Canada had a large immigrant population and a long history of immigration. There are places to help - good luck finding them.
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#7 of 12 Old 08-14-2008, 01:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I keep telling myself that once i get a job everything will be better, I always get depressed when sahming, but right now there is no one that can really comunicate with my kids so I dont feel ok leaving them in some one elses care, I'm going to do preschool for my littlest one in a few weeks but for my 6yo I cant imagine throwing her in a room without any means of comunication, so im getting herin some different activities where I can be with her and sort of homeschooling her for the first six months or a year untill she picks the language up.

Oh and we've been here for 4 months.

Thank you all for the advice. now lets see if we survive our first winter.
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#8 of 12 Old 08-14-2008, 01:22 PM
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Good luck with the move and settling in.
Is there any one near you from the tribe section of MDC maybe some playdates even if it's in two languages will help your 6 yo learn the language.
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#9 of 12 Old 08-16-2008, 02:07 PM
 
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i just wanted to offer you support. i hope that you can connect with someone while you are settling in. i am sorry that you are lonely.

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#10 of 12 Old 08-19-2008, 12:47 PM
 
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What about a half-day school situation for your daughter? I've seen many a six year old adapt perfectly well to school in a completely foreign language, I must say. A half day might be just enough to gain an immersion setting, and not too much to push her over the edge in terms of fatigue. Learning a language is exhausting! Also, most schools here have ESL programs for children.
Obviously, you know your child best, and I'm sure she'll do wonderfully if you just continue on with what you're doing. Just don't cross school off the list, because it could work if you guys wanted it to.

I'm so sorry you're lonely. I remember that crushing isolation when I first moved to Latin America, and it certainly isn't fun. Hugs to you. It will get better though. Where are you, roughly? Have you checked the Finding Your Tribe part of MDC? I've never lived in a place where there are other MDCers, but if you're in part of the Maritimes, Ontario or BC, chances are good that there's a "real life" MDC contingent near you!
Hang in there.

For greater things are yet to come...

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#11 of 12 Old 08-19-2008, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow thanx a lot for that info, if Im honest I have not researched the school thing at all I just assumed thats what we were doing, just by googling i learned that schools here do have an ESL program Im going to look into that, we live in BC but for now we live in the middle of no where and I dont have a car we are planing to move somewhere closer to a city sometime next year. Ive been feeling better about the whole thing but some days it hits me out of nowhere.
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#12 of 12 Old 08-21-2008, 12:35 AM
 
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Hi there -

Yay that you are doing better! I second the suggestions to find a class or group just for you, to help meet people, but I thought I would pass along a thought that helps me when I get bogged down in loneliness and negativity about being here (I am from the US, and live in Japan). They say that culture shock (which isn't really necessarily about obvious cultural things, so your lonliness counts, I think) is usually at its worst when you have been in a place around 3 to 6 months, so hey - things will start looking up soon! And though there will always be highs and lows living in another country, the intensity of the highs and lows, and their duration, fades. The end is in sight! You will be back on an upswing soon - all the sooner if you can find something to do that is just for you. Hugs!

sara
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