Mistaken for the nanny - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-27-2008, 08:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
Draupadi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,445
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigeyes View Post
Maybe I'm weird that way, but I often look at kids when they're out and try to find similarities in the people they're with. I think it's cool the way some kids are the image of one parent while others are a perfect blend of both.
I do too. I try not to assume anything because you never know.

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
Draupadi is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-27-2008, 08:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
Draupadi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,445
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by PabloHoneySF View Post
I'm glad you were able to get past that. You and your son are very beautiful!
Thanks!

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
Draupadi is offline  
Old 08-29-2008, 10:12 PM
 
angela&avery's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: new england
Posts: 2,438
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
yes, because Im young ..., more when they were younger..

Now my dd looks just like me and everyone comments on that!!!, but Im sure they wonder about ds bc his hair is so much lighter than ours...

OTH, I babysit a fair one and my dd and I are very dark haired and darker complexioned than the 2 year old I watch... and people constantly mistake her for mine... so.... and she looks absolutely nothing like us!!!
angela&avery is offline  
Old 08-31-2008, 07:26 PM
 
50ftQueenie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yesterday, some woman commented on how cute DS is and how tanned. Dh wasn't there, and I am the pastiest person ever, so I'm guessing she thought DS as light as me and had been out in the sun. Uh, nope, lady, that's his natural skin color.
I cut her some slack because she was quite elderly, and I don't think biracial marriages were legal in her day. It probably didn't enter her mind that he was a Native kid. The younger woman she was with looked totally embarrassed.
50ftQueenie is offline  
Old 08-31-2008, 07:41 PM
 
Twinklefae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Halifax, NS
Posts: 4,992
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've never been mistaken for the nanny, but when I was a nanny in Connecticut, it was assumed that I was the Mom. It was mean though, because when the other ballet moms found out that I was a nanny, they all stopped talking to me. It was like I stopped being a person, which was really weird.

Sarahknit.gifmarried to Kylehopmad.gif Mama to Orion  bouncy.gif08/07 and introducing Alice! babygirl.gif 02/11
DCP to 1 busy munchkin! and a CRST too!
 
Twinklefae is offline  
Old 08-31-2008, 07:54 PM
 
mama2landon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi all, I just found this board not too long ago- I love it! I'm biracial, AA dad and white mom (and my DS is half Mexican too so we are definitely a multiracial family) : Anyway, I wanted to say that I had a similar experience a couple years ago.

I brought my mom to work with me to give her a tour. I introduced her to all my co-workers and everyone was very nice and smiley to us & no one made any comments about race. But I found out later from a friend who wasn't there that day, that one of the guys who met my mom told her (my friend) "Oh yeah, Shannon brought some woman to work today and was showing her around. She said it was her mom, but that can't be right because she was white!" WTH? Like I don't know who my own mom is- oh, I thought she was my mom, but I was mistaken? Honestly, what gets into people?

DS is the exact same skin color as me and my spitting image, so hopefully he won't have to hear those sorts of thoughtless comments, though.

Bookworm read.gif , computer geek geek.gif , and single mom wild.gif to DS blahblah.gifbouncy.gif (11/06)
mama2landon is offline  
Old 08-31-2008, 08:10 PM
 
skai's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Yurp
Posts: 430
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2landon View Post
"Oh yeah, Shannon brought some woman to work today and was showing her around. She said it was her mom, but that can't be right because she was white!" WTH? Like I don't know who my own mom is- oh, I thought she was my mom, but I was mistaken? Honestly, what gets into people?
LOL! Reminds me of the time when I was at a school function with my mom. Mom is typically Nordic, with blond hair and blue eyes. I look mediterranean. I was sitting next to mom when a teacher asked me "skai, where are your parents?" I said "Mom's right here" and the teacher looked at her, flabbergasted, and said "But how can that be?"
skai is offline  
Old 09-06-2008, 04:06 AM
 
Swan3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 703
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There are a lot of nannies in my area and they thought I was one of the club due to DD being very fair and me looking somewhere between Hispanic and native...

I still think she looks like me! Just a lighter, sweeter version!
Swan3 is offline  
Old 09-06-2008, 12:06 PM
 
LauraN's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Abu Dhabi
Posts: 1,038
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Slightly OT, since this has nothing to do with nannies...

My dad is Mexican, quite dark. But for some reason I came out the spitting image of my Irish-American mother--blonde, freckled and blue-eyed. My brother and my sister, while they look a lot like my mom, have darker skin and hair.

My sister and I in particular have the same shape of face, the same nose and chin, the same shape of eyes. And all the same expressions. We always appreciated it when people pointed those things out instead of saying, "you look nothing alike!"

So anyway, when I was a teenager, if there was ever an occasion that my dad and I went out to dinner alone, the waiters would always get all weird. So my dad would say, "I'll have x and my daughter wants y." And I swear those waiters would wink and nudge and say, "Oh, she's your daughter. Sure she is." :

Ewwwwwww.

And if they really thought that a 50+ yr-old man was dating a minor, why on earth did they wink and nudge about it!!! :

DS1: 2/02 ROTFLMAO.gif DD: 9/04 blahblah.gif DS2: 9/07jog.gif and EDD: 11/13 belly.gif

LauraN is offline  
Old 09-08-2008, 02:06 AM
 
mariag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 448
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
this happens to me ALL THE TIME and 5 years in it still drives me a little crazy! (I am spanish and dark skinned, dh is white....kids got his skin and light eyes) I try not to get offended, but geez. And I think in our case the fact that I only speak Spanish to them is a contributor as well sometimes. People way overstep boundries sometimes, in my opinion...
But, also glad to hear I'm not the only one in a way....
mariag is offline  
Old 09-10-2008, 01:40 AM
 
almadianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: *clicks heels* There is no place like Stockholm
Posts: 5,872
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
yes i get this often. my daughter has curly dirty blonde hair and i am mexican with brown hair and eyes... its frustrating.

earth.gif trottin', pole dancing, Norway and Sweden lovin' , hippie.gif,WOHM Kiddos born waterbirth.jpg 12/11/06 and 08/09/08 
belly.gif with #3 puke.gif EDD:01/2013 yikes2.gif So in love loveeyes.gif with my sweet Swede 2twins.gif and my bonus-son 10/25/98 carrot.gif

 
 

almadianna is offline  
Old 09-11-2008, 11:26 PM
 
mamacita angelica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 419
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i had actually come to this board today to see if anyone has had this happen to them, because it happens to me SO often. today really got me mad. my mother is central american and my father is american (he is blue eyed). i have dark complexion and black hair, dark eyes. My husband is a white guy with very blue eyes. so, I have a little girl with strawberry blond hair and crystal blue eyes. I admit seeing the resemblance between us takes, I believe, a love for me that blinds actual vision, since the only people who think she looks like me are my mother and my sister. last week at the zoo, THREE PEOPLE asked me if i was the babysitter or the nanny. I don't always mind when people ask me, because I get it. Believe me, I do. She looks different than me. But families come in so many different shapes, colors and sizes, you would think people would just be polite and honor the fact that this baby has someone who clearly loves her.

Anyway, today at the market, the check out lady said, "Her eyes are so gorgeous" so I said, "Yes, she gets them from her dad and my dad." (I usually say something like that, so that people don't go to the nanny place.) and she said, "She's not yours, is she?" and I said, "Yes, I'm the mommy." and she ROLLED her eyes and said, "Are you sure about that?" and I just went there. "Well, she came out of me, so yeah, I'm sure about it." give someone an out and you think they would take it!

Like I said, I don't usually mind unless they actually don't believe I am telling the truth.

married to my best friend sam sahm to beatrice (04/07) and mourning lucia, born still 12/22/08
mamacita angelica is offline  
Old 09-12-2008, 01:02 AM
 
Joyster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacita angelica View Post

Anyway, today at the market, the check out lady said, "Her eyes are so gorgeous" so I said, "Yes, she gets them from her dad and my dad." (I usually say something like that, so that people don't go to the nanny place.) and she said, "She's not yours, is she?" and I said, "Yes, I'm the mommy." and she ROLLED her eyes and said, "Are you sure about that?" and I just went there. "Well, she came out of me, so yeah, I'm sure about it." give someone an out and you think they would take it!

Like I said, I don't usually mind unless they actually don't believe I am telling the truth.
What a crazy question! I mean what are you going to say "Well....now that you mention it, I think you're right, I don't think she is mine afterall." Boy talk about a candidate for the Doofus of the Week award. lol

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
Joyster is offline  
Old 09-13-2008, 01:33 PM
 
seh97001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kansas
Posts: 23
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
After my son was born, that night in the hospital, a nurse came in with my son, and when she walked in she looked at me and then looked back down at the baby, then she looked back at the door like she had gotten the wrong room. Then she asked to see my bracelet. I knew what she was thinking, but she didn't make any rude comments.

But I have never had anyone think I'm not the mother, or at least they never said anything.
seh97001 is offline  
Old 09-13-2008, 01:42 PM
 
2mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 937
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been asked if I was dd's sister many times and nanny as well. It always bothers me...

As for you and your ds I think he looks just like you!!!!!! You have a beautiful family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2mama is offline  
Old 09-13-2008, 02:23 PM
 
Sijae's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,435
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
People make assumptions based on what they "expect" to see all the time. They don't usually look beneath the surface. I do not have bi-racial children but my 12 and 13 year old sons both have very long hair and my 12 year old has chosen to cut himself bangs because he doesn't like hair in his face. They are constantly called girls in public even though they are clearly boys when you look at their faces. Most of the time we do not correct them and let them make the assumption. I'm teaching my kids not to put so much stock in other peoples opinions.

My sons also have a different biological father than my daughter. Since we all share a last name and have been a family for a long time, there is no way of knowing this fact. Many people comment on how they look like their father (my husband now) because they expect to see it. We don't correct those comments either - just smile and say thank you.

I also used to get mistaken for the babysitter but for a different reason. I had my sons when I was 16 and 17 years old. I got a lot of assumptions on the playground especially from children and if I went out with my mother or an older friend it was assumed I was holding my little brother. Of course I didn't get those assumptions when I was nursing! LOL then I just got dirty looks for being a teen mom.

Laura

mom to 3 home-born children, wife to a great guy joy.gif

Sijae is offline  
Old 09-20-2008, 02:37 AM
 
hbmomof5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: missouri
Posts: 47
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have two bi-racial kids. My DS is lighter and no one ever questioned me about him. My DD on the other hand doesn't really look bi-racial except for her hair. I had three incidents that really stick in my head. The first two are funny and cute. The third just weird.

When DD was about 1yo we were sitting at the side of the pool at our apt and a little girl about 4yo came up and sat beside us. The conversation went something like this:

4yo: You have a pretty baby
Me: Thank you.
4yo: (Pause) Is that YOUR baby?
Me: Yep, she's mine.

Long Pause
4yo: Did you birth her?
Me: (Much laughter) Yep, I birthed her!

Second Incident:

Playing at the park with my DD a little AA girl comes up to play. They play for quite a while and DD comes up to me several times and talks. Once as they are walking away I hear the little girl say, "Are you a foster child?" I knew the little girl wasn't one herself but also knew there were several in the grade school which might have given her the idea. My daughter just kept shrugging her shoulders.

Third incident:

Took DD for a checkup before starting K. They wanted to test for lead and I was sick of pushing it off and agreed. The lady drawing the labs comes into our room. DD is up on the table and I am sitting in a chair. As the lab lady starts talking to DD, my DD keeps looking at me out of the corner of her eyes (very shy). Then it gets weird.

Lab Lady: Where is your mom at today?
DD: (gives me look as if "Whats wrong with this chick?")
Lab Lady: Does your mom know youre here?
Me: Yes, Im sitting right here.
Lab Lady to my DD: Is this your mom? (she says this with a "if it's not you can tell me" voice)

Oh, almost forgot! My BF is black and when DD was a baby people would tell her how cute her baby was. : When I would say "Thank you" they would always look at me like "I wasn't talking to you" so I would just say something to let them know she was mine.
hbmomof5 is offline  
Old 09-20-2008, 10:30 AM
 
NYCVeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: On my couch
Posts: 4,949
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just saw this thread in the list and wanted to say...it may not always be racism. I don't have a multicultural family, but I've been asked many times if I'm dd's babysitter, because I look very young (for the record, I'm in my 30s and dd looks exactly like me ).

In my area, as someone else said, at least 50% of the kids I see at the park are with nannies. There are nannies of all ethnic backgrounds--West Indian, British, Eastern European, Haitian, Korean, Chinese, you name it. I also know many multicultural families in the area. If I asked, it wouldn't be because I assumed a "dark-skinned" woman couldn't possibly give birth to a "light-skinned baby"--but precisely because I wouldn't want to assume that someone was either the mom OR the nanny. I don't make assumptions about any adult I see with a child.
NYCVeg is offline  
Old 09-20-2008, 03:05 PM
 
psychethemuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: GA
Posts: 61
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I haven't had this happen yet, but the other day a woman was saying how cute my daughter was and then she looked up at me and said in surprise, "Oh, she does look like you!" Generally people say "she must look a lot like her dad."
I'm biracial (B&W) and her dad is caucasian so she's quite fair skinned, with reddish hair to boot. Still, her features are a definite mix and she definitely has my smile.

However, I have had the opposite problem. When I was about 13 and babysitting a 4 year old, I took him to a park one day. A parent observed me playing with him and asked if he was my son. I'll grant that we had a similar skin tone, his slightly paler (he was half caucasian half asian-sorry I don't know what his mom's background was exactly). But I actually looked my age, so it would have been quite impossible.
psychethemuse is offline  
Old 09-20-2008, 03:25 PM
 
Viola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Nevada
Posts: 22,549
Mentioned: 4 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
Nannies aren't particularly common in my neck of the woods, but I'm sure there are plenty of non-parental caretakers out there. I usually just act as if the caretaker is the mother and figure I'll be corrected if it's actually the aunt, grandmother, older sister, nanny, what have you. I remember when I was 12 people thought I was my baby niece's mother, and that just cracked me up.
Viola is offline  
Old 09-21-2008, 12:14 PM
 
CorasMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Standing on my head
Posts: 2,353
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Haha, this used to happen with me and my sister. I thought it was particularly funny, because due to being a pre-olympic athelete in my younger years, at 13 when my sis was born, my period was still another 2 years away!

So when someone was rude enough to assume my baby sister was my dd, and make the accompanying rude looks or even remarks, I would look them in the face, smirk, and say, with a level of condescention in my tone to equal their level of rudeness, "she's my sister. Now, for her to be my daughter, that's biologically impossible. Would you like me to explain more?" And stroll away

scifi-convention runners Kate, DH Drew 11/07, DD Cora 12/97. We , ,
Welcome to baby Fiona with a giant omphalocele, 6/17/10!
CorasMama is offline  
Old 09-21-2008, 08:42 PM
 
mamacita angelica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 419
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg View Post
Just saw this thread in the list and wanted to say...it may not always be racism. I don't have a multicultural family, but I've been asked many times if I'm dd's babysitter, because I look very young (for the record, I'm in my 30s and dd looks exactly like me ).

In my area, as someone else said, at least 50% of the kids I see at the park are with nannies. There are nannies of all ethnic backgrounds--West Indian, British, Eastern European, Haitian, Korean, Chinese, you name it. I also know many multicultural families in the area. If I asked, it wouldn't be because I assumed a "dark-skinned" woman couldn't possibly give birth to a "light-skinned baby"--but precisely because I wouldn't want to assume that someone was either the mom OR the nanny. I don't make assumptions about any adult I see with a child.
i don't think it is racism, per se, and it is great that you don't make assumptions about people, but lots of people out there do. i don't always mind when people ask me, but somedays, i just get fed up. I would just like to go through my day without having to justify my relationship with my own daughter. i was using this board to rant, not necessarily to make sweeping generalizations about all these people. i thought people here in this post would understand how tiring and annoying it can be.

married to my best friend sam sahm to beatrice (04/07) and mourning lucia, born still 12/22/08
mamacita angelica is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off