its interesting that you should bring on the other view of the MIL feeling anger, or other feelings towards my DH. DH was terrible with money b4 i came along. DH was like a kid in a candy shop with his money, and i simply looked at him one day (when we were dating) and said: you work so damn hard for your money, why are you so eager to throw it all away??? its like i saw the
: finally turn on in his head. ME i am a penny pincher to the end, i have made the queen cry on my pennies i think (Canadian pennies have the queen on them). my DH when we met was making GREAT money, and had NOTHING to show for it. this always made me wonder where his habits came from, then i watched his mother in action. scary watching her throw every bit of money out the door the way she does. i think that she owns more shoes then payless carries. the MIL did talk to me one day about money and told me there was no money to show my DH how to be good to his money. i was thinking to myself that nope you showed him how to get credit, get plastic and go on trips even when there was no money to be doing this... no wonder he's TERRIBLE with his money!
My DH was very good at giving his mother anything that she needed (like the fridge in her kitchen) and even got her such a discount on her beloved car the dealership actually LOST money!
well DH doesn't have that job anymore... in fact when they downsized (firing him after 13 years of work there) the first thing his mother said was: how are you going to work on my car!!! (SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH) when i was more concerned as to where the money was going to come from to FEED our children.
DH is overweight and his mother has never hidden her dislike of this, telling him he's fat, then asking in the same sentence if he wants more food!!! ruthless i saw. i just think she isn't happy unless she's being cruel.
needless to say, when DH and i met, he was picking up the pieces from a messy divorce, and begged borrowed and whatever else he had to do to get money for the things that he needed, or thought he needed.
we owe a LOT of money because of this.... not my bills, but because we're together they are now MY bills.
it hasn't been easy for us, bad credit and all, but the very first thing that i did was took a good look at his pays and decided to to take over and it hasn't been easy for him. we spend on things that we NEED, and this even meant putting off a new bra for me because i didn't want to spend the money on one. in fact i cried when i was sized, and of course saw the price of the damn thing.
so in short, DH isn't handing out money to her the same way he was, and i think she resents me for that. we are living here because we don't have the money to move just yet (i might become a bank robber
) but when the time comes were gone!
everyone is right, in short there are a ton of issues here, but she doesn't want to admit her short comings, and is always right. i'm far from perfect and try to admit when i'm wrong as hard as it is. there is no talking to her about the issues, because she is the type of person that thinks she is being attacked (always) and turns everything around on herself and plays a great victim.
DH and i have done a lot of talking about this, since i am in tears every single day.i am completely exhausted and just feel tapped of all life there was once in me. DH spent 4 days off work last week because the only thing that i could do was bawl hysterically about everything that was and is going on. we have decided to take a very long long vacation from her. there will be no visiting, no "family" dinners, no holidays spent together. i've told him that i can't expose myself, let alone our son to such a toxic person, not in the name of "family".
we have to take care of ourselves, and in order to do that, we're going to have to get away from her for good. i know this sounds like we're ignoring the issues, and maybe we are, but you can only do something about the issues if everyone is willing to admit there are issues.
i might also add that her DS and her got along good, (i always told him to get off the teat) because it seemed like her, myself and him were the relationship. she didn't like the fact that i told her that it was OUR relationship, and info was great, but we had to make "our" own decisions, that she wasn't needed for that. her DS told her this as well.
theres another reason to hate me!