sending money to IL family abroad - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 34 Old 12-08-2008, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Turkish Kate View Post
After living overseas, your perspective really changes. I remember when my sis was complaining that gas had hit $2.50 a gallon here in FL. We were paying that per *liter* in Turkiye, which puts it around $10 a gallon.

I live in Holland and the prices are about the same as you describe for Turkey.

I mean, I do feel bad for everyone in the States who is really so utterly car-dependent and especially for those people who live in very poor rural areas and have to drive a long way to work, because that's the only work available. In Holland, I can take my bike or walk or take public transport. Still yet, it was kind of amusing because I've gotten so used to the high prices here.
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#32 of 34 Old 12-09-2008, 04:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Swan3 View Post
My sister's ILs have told her that instead of studying to be a nurse (which they believe is taking advantage of her DH's money) she should get a job so his aunt can stay a SAHM!!! Unbelievable. This is extended family (aunts, uncles, grandparents in South America), and on top of this her MIL/FIL borrow money and demand that they not be asked to pay it back, refuse to take busses and instead demand my sister pick up their 20 year old daughter up from work!!!!
From me, that would be a "Heck no, I'm not going to work to support your friggin Aunt" kind of thing.
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#33 of 34 Old 12-19-2008, 01:55 AM
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This was a fight, until we put it in the budget. It was going to happen with or without me and honestly, once I started to truly understand how bad it is, when dh went back home and saw with his own eyes once again, it just became a part of the budget. This way there was no fighting, no going behind my back, no surprises.

I think the biggest thing, more than anything else, isn't if it is so much at once, but if there is consistency. We try to send at least once a month, maybe twice.

When dh went back he took extra money to fix up their house, pay taxes, set up an extra water tank.

I like what pattyg says, about treating her mil like her own mother, and I totally agree. Of course, that is how dh treats my mother, so it's par for the course.
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#34 of 34 Old 12-21-2008, 01:05 PM
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Count me among the resentful. DH is from Korea, and his parents are doing OK financially. His sister is not doing well financially, but that's because she refuses to work more than part-time even though she is able-bodied and single with no kids or other obligations.

DH works full-time, and I work about 25-28 hours a week. I would love to be a full-time stay-at-home mom to our three young kids, but I am working in order that we can fund our retirements and kids' college accounts, and to generally be in a more secure place financially. My working creates a certain amount of stress on our family, but it is something we feel we need to do for our future. I am certainly not going to then fork over part of my salary to inlaws who don't need it, but simply expect it.

The way I have dealt with this is to arrange our finances so our needs are taken care of first, including our future needs. When we had a mortgage, I pre-paid large amounts to the mortgage company every month. DH and I both have large 401K contributions withheld from our pay, and I have Roth IRA and college 529 money automatically withdrawn from our bank account each month. Any bonuses or tax refunds are quickly disbursed to handle our expenses or are invested. After all those withholdings and automatic withdrawals, there just isn't that much money left each month beyond our basic needs. We have an emergency account, but I am in total control of that.

So, when DH suggests giving his sister $5,000 as a wedding gift, there simply isn't $5,000 to be had. Or when the inlaws want to all go together and buy SIL a house and ask for $38,000 from us as our share, we can honestly say we don't have $38K sitting around to give. It all seems to work, and it gives DH a way to say "no." He certainly wants to help, he can explain, but we simply don't have the money. Of course, he is also always free to blame our perceived callousness on his witchy wife.

Now, if the inlaws really needed the money, that would be an entirely different story. But, as it is, I am not going to work my butt off to fund a life of leisure for lazy and irresponsible relatives.

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