Unschooling and Coparenting - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 08-18-2010, 09:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,
My ds is three and I am considering what direction to go with his learning. My heart is telling me he would thrive at unschooling, but I am afraid that since I coparent and my ex is extremely volatile about discussing anything with me that he would not agree and would use it against me in court. Possibly to take custody. What is other's experience with coparenting and unschooling? What about unschooling and court?

doula mama to my turtle love, with a who came when he wanted 9/12/09, 33w 5d, NICU strongman!.
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#2 of 5 Old 08-19-2010, 02:21 AM
 
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I am a stepmom. My husband's ex was incredibly difficult. We didn't even try discussing alternative, quality education with her so the kids went to her crummy neighborhood school.

One of the pieces of advice I have to give parents of divorce is to do the best you can to find the path that you agree on. Obviously that's a difficult thing to do or you would still be together.

So, my recommendations is you find a path that you both can agree on.

First, is he open to homeschooling? If not, would he agree to a Sudbury Style School http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...sudbury-valley or maybe a Reggio Emelia school http://www.education.com/magazine/ar...Reggio_Emilia/ (I don't know if they go beyond preschool.)

If he is open to homeschooling but not unschooling, you could go with some of the looser curriculums. We use the www.sonlight.com list (we use the secular books.) Or another living books curriculum. Or maybe these learning guides would be satisfactory to him: http://www.fun-books.com/books/livin...ing_guides.htm

My experience with court is that it's a huge game. Whoever has the nastiest attorney and the paid experts wins. In our area it has gotten better and they now pretty much just do a 50/50 visitation split (which I think is best for most kids, despite what each parent may say about the other parent.) However, judges want it simple and they're probably not into a lot of experimentation when it comes to school. If you and your ex can come to an agreement, that is what the courts will go with. If you can't, then it may well be who has the best attorney that "wins."

Created an instant family (7/89 and 5/91) in 1997. Made a baby boy 12/05 adopted a baby girl 8/08. Ask me about tandem adoptive nursing. Now living as gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and tomato free vegetarians. Homeschooling and loving it.

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#3 of 5 Old 08-19-2010, 01:52 PM
 
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I don't even mention unschooling to my ex. He knows we homeschool and that's enough. He's not super involved and we've never been to court, thank goodness. He has raised questions a couple times about whether or not homeschooling is really in DS's best interest but never goes far into an argument and doesn't care enough to hire a lawyer and fight over it.

Since your son isn't 'school age' yet, I wouldn't even bring it up, unless you have good reason to think he'll be OK with homeschooling. You can just play it year by year.

good luck!

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#4 of 5 Old 08-19-2010, 06:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serendipity View Post

Since your son isn't 'school age' yet, I wouldn't even bring it up, unless you have good reason to think he'll be OK with homeschooling. You can just play it year by year.

good luck!
I agree with this. In a couple years things may change in a way that makes this easier to deal with (maybe your relationship will improve somewhat and it will be easier to discuss it?) and whether that happens or not, there's no point in opening the can of worms now.
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#5 of 5 Old 08-19-2010, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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SC Thank you for the direction. Where we are living is pretty sparse when it comes to educational variety and I have been considering opening my own school in order to facilitate myself and the parents around me. The Sudbury school model sounds amazing and is something I can envision occuring in my community.

I live in a very rural area and so there are only two judges who I know will oversee our case. I had a horrible experience with one, and from what I hear the other isn't great either. So I am hoping to create some alternative my ex will agree to. He used to be into homeschooling, but now because he won't do it himself, he doesn't want it.

doula mama to my turtle love, with a who came when he wanted 9/12/09, 33w 5d, NICU strongman!.
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