What's Your Definition of Unschooling? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 36 Old 10-26-2010, 10:44 PM
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Although I could use some help with self control in our house as well we do do the logical consequences.

For example ds likes yo gabba gabba but it is only on at 10:30 at night so we talked about how if he didn't lay down for a while earlier in the day he would be too tired to stay up and watch yo gabba gabba and he decided to stay awake and then ended up falling asleep later and missing his show. Although I didn't make him miss his show because he refused to take a nap it happened and now I remind him at nap time and sometimes he decides he would like to take a nap so that he will be able to stay up and watch.

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#32 of 36 Old 10-27-2010, 01:39 AM
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Originally Posted by BabyMae09 View Post
I really like your post - can you explain more about what you mean by giving logical consequences?

I dig the 'internal control' aspect, how do you encourage that? Learning how to help my DS control himself, his actions, and think about others, etc. is one of my biggest challenges right now.
I'm happy to explain more. Most parents use punishments & rewards to discourage or encourage desired behaviors. It's probably how most of us were raised, & is recommended by many parenting methods. The issue I have with this is that sometimes the the punishment or reward has no direct connection with the actual behavior. Here's an example. My young niece was looking forward to having a sleepover at our house. A couple of weeks before the date, she did something her parents didn't like. As a punishment, they told her that her sleepover was going to be cancelled unless she behaved the way they wanted her to. Now, this may seem like a reasonable parenting strategy, but what is the real lesson she learned? She didn't learn why the behavior her parents desired was better than what she had been doing, only that if her parents didn't like what she was doing they would take away a highly desirable time with her beloved family members. The severity of the punishment (losing a treasured sleepover) completely outweighed the severity of her misbehavior, which in turn took an opportunity to understand the why of choosing one behavior over another & turned it into a memory of being threatened with a huge loss. All she will remember is feeling the threat of punishment to make her do something - where is the internal decision-making development? The behavior decision wasn't really hers anymore, she was simply obeying what someone told her to do. How will this help her in making her own decisions about behavior choices in the future?

When my kids were younger & couldn't see the real consequences of their actions I would do my best to help them see it, but those real life consequences sometimes created the learning opportunities. An example of this: we used to have a dog, named Buster. My kids loved playing with little toys, like LEGOs & Polly Pockets, and they often ended up scattered about the house. I didn't leave the toys out "to teach them a lesson", hoping that Buster would grab a snack, & I didn't yell or guilt them into picking up. I made a point of cleaning up whenever I could, mentioning that I wanted to keep Buster & the toys safe. When the dog eventually gobbled up some of their toys when they weren't watching, they quickly realized the importance of putting their toys into bins - the natural/logical consequence. I was sympathetic that their toys got damaged & continued to help them find solutions - they were completely motivated to keep the living spaces cleaned up without any punishment or reward system because they understood the "why" behind the behavior choices.

I hope this helps clarify what I mean.

~ Christine Yablonski: Living, Loving, Laughing & Learning through Radical Unschooling
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#33 of 36 Old 10-28-2010, 08:45 PM
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To me unschooling is the opposite of formal schooling... I feel the teacher lecturing in front of students and requiring them to parrot back the info is the worst possible way to learn. I believe learning should be an interactive, interest based, experience with some form of an emotional stake involved. I consider unschooling to be about learning in real world applications through actual experience rather than phony recreated made up meaningless rhetoric. Of course sometimes going through the formal schooling process and getting a slip of paper indicating you did so is the only way to get where you want to go... but being an unschooler I recognize the utter absurdity and foolishness of this and will always favor alternative ways of accomplishing the same objective, especially if actual learning is the ultimate goal.
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#34 of 36 Old 11-11-2010, 01:37 AM
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Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#35 of 36 Old 12-04-2010, 12:12 PM
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My children had the control over their learning lives. :)


We often used curriculum. It just wasn't mandatory.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
peace.gif  Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!    
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#36 of 36 Old 12-15-2010, 10:10 AM
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I believe it is learning without a hierarchy.

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