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Old 12-06-2010, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For those of you who do limit video game usage with your children, how do you go about it. Do you go by a set time that they can play each day, or what? I need to figure out some way to limit how much DS is playing, I think, because he has been getting super ragey with me when I do tell him that it is time to get off the wii, or that he can not play the wii, or that no, we are not going to his grandparents house so he can hole up for 8 hours playing video games with his auntie while he ignores everyone else... I put this here because as an unschooler, I do not want to say *you only get 30 minutes of game time a day* or give some other random limit that really has no purpose...But something has to change here... What do you all suggest?


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Old 12-06-2010, 03:22 PM
 
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I only allow the games during a certain time. It was too hard to time it, making sure they started and ended with only having had a certain amount of time. So I say from 6-8pm in the evening.

 

The time limit does have a purpose. Just because you are an unschooler, does not mean you cannot have limits. Unschooler just simply means that you let the kids lead their way academically. It does not mean you cannot steer in a direction, or have rules or bedtimes, or so on.

 

I hope this helps!

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Old 12-08-2010, 05:26 PM
 
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We don't limit screen time here, and my son is an avid gamer. Yes, he spends a lot of time on the Wii or the computer (depending on what he's into at the time) but he also spends lots of time doing other things (great thing about being an unschooler is you can spend 4 hours a day on the computer and still have 5 or 6 more hours to do other fun stuff!).

 

With my easily frustrated son I find it's very important to give continual reminders of when he'll be required to stop playing (perhaps someone needs the computer or TV, or we're going out somewhere). I check in to see how he's feeling about the upcoming transition. We talk alot about how to make these transitions go smoother.

 

If I were you (and I'm not, so take this with a grain of salt!) I would focus on the issues around the game play, rather then the game play itself. Because by passing judgement on the way he chooses to use his time you rob him of confidence in his own desires and passions, and try to exert control over something he obviously really enjoys - which is enough to make anybody rebel (see Gordon Neufeld's discussions of Counterwill). Instead, I would work with my child on the specific issues.

 

For example, it obviously upsets you that he and his aunt play for hours when you visit the grandparents. Perhaps you could let him know what you don't like about it and ask how you could together come up with a solution? After all, he's spending time with his Aunt, which is nice, and they are obviously having fun and engaging in something they like to do. Perhaps you could just let him know that Grandma would like to also spend time with him, or that you feel a certain amount of "socializing in the living room with everybody" is in order before heading off to play, etc. Ask if he'd be willing to agree to a half-hour with everybody else before heading off to play, and be prepared to accept a "no" (otherwise he won't view your requests as actual requests). If he says no ask him to help you come up with a solution that gets everybody's needs met.  You could also talk to him about transitions, let him know your needs (eg. you want to be able to move him to some other activity without dealing with a meltdown) and ask him for suggestions on how to make it easier for him.

 

Whether you choose to limit video game time or not, I still think these conversations have value. But I think when you come from a place of respecting his desires and needs, he'll be far more likely to cooperate with yours. JMHO!


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Old 12-17-2010, 12:16 PM
 
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With my 16 yeal old..he will play for days at a time and not sleep, but he has freinds on xbox live that he talks to and plays with. However with my 6yo...he goes through time periods where he will play all day for a few days and then not play for several weeks or even several days. If I see he's getting frustrated then I encourage him to take a break. But when left on his own...he regulates his own time with gameing. Lately he is really into his ipod touch and loves to watch videos on youtube. I will use game time as leverage if i need something to get done or I need the childrens participation. But it works out...when gameing is left up to my children.


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Old 12-17-2010, 02:24 PM
 
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Maybe you should talk with him about mental health and addiction type of stuff. Have you ever gone overboard with something you love to do? Tell a story about it, or about someone else, and how their relationships and feelings suffered as a result. Talk about balance in life, how we all have to find it, and how playing wii so much has already affected his relationships some (his grandparents' feelings are important, aren't they?). Ask why he likes wii so much- is he trying not to think about something else that is bothering him? Does he play the same games over and over again or does he keep beating new games? if it is the latter you could make ds earn new games through work, and learn about the value of money vs work (like how long people on minimum wage would have to work to buy the games he wants, for instance). If he is getting very angry when you try to talk to him about it, that is another undesirable consequence of his behavior. Feeling really angry is unpleasant, I am sure he doesn't want to feel angry so much. You should be able to *talk* about anything together, to share openly what you honestly think of each other. If you were doing something that hurt a relationship with him you would want him to tell you, right?

 

 

When I got rid of the cable it wasn't so much because I wanted my unschooler to stop watching stupid vapid disney shows (I did), it was because I didn't want to pay someone to beam it into my house. I was putting up my money for something I believed was unethical, and I would not ask anyone else to do that for me. I had good reasons why I did what I did, and could explain them to my unschooler, and she respected that a lot. If you have a reason behind limiting screen time you could probably get ds to understand that it is fair- like if he doesn't regulate his behavior after discussing how it has affected everyone negatively. The consequences of behavior are their own reward system, he probably just doesn't see how this is affecting others and how it could set him up for problems in the future. If he learns self control and consideration for others now it will be easier than later- pose it as being inevitable. Ask him to use empathy, to try and imagine being his grandparents or you when dealing with this problem. He may not have thought about how other people felt about it until now.

 

These are big concepts, but younger kids can still grasp them when the right kind of language is used. Young kids understand what fairness is, and why it is a good thing. You could frame it in terms of how fair his behavior is to others.

 

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Old 12-18-2010, 08:24 PM
 
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We don't play VG during what would be normal school hours... so from waking up (they wake up kind of late) to about 2pm.  Some days a little earlier but never earlier than 1pm.

 

Also, my kids share 1 computer for three, and another computer for 2, so they have to take turns-- they're not playing VG nonstop 2pm to bedtime (which they would if they didn't have to take turns)-- if I had one child on one computer I would limit it more, maybe wait till after 5pm.

 

We also have fairly strict "chore/ household duties" system in place and noone (including me) uses VGs until those are done.

 

And, I do take VG away for really severe things, like hitting, insulting siblings-- generally that only happens with one of my kids, never the others, who are all pretty laid back.

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Old 12-22-2010, 04:46 PM
 
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I'm pretty happy with the system we happened upon this past year.  Ds 14 would play video games all day long if I allowed it, and I think it may be an addiction issue, as well as an ADD issue.  He also does a fair amount of chores for me around the house because our deal was that we would homeschool this year (even though I work out of the house three days per week) only if he would take an hour per day of chores off my plate, so I have time to do some hs stuff with him.

 

Anyway, our deal that is working is that chore time and exercise time earn screen time.  We figured it is a balance to do at least as much active stuff as play video games or watch movies, so it's one minute of screen time available for every minute of exercise (outdoor play, etc.) and chores.  Talking with friends on Facebook, writing e-mails, etc. do not count as screen time, nor does reading things like web comics on-line.

 

Hope that is useful.

 

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Old 12-26-2010, 02:51 PM
 
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My husband and I do not own a game system and never intend to. We have not once regretted this decision, or felt bad for not giving our sons one. They are also not allowed on the computer ,AT ALL. Some people think we are far too strict, but our boys are doing so well without one that we just smile and shrug! They are so helpful around the house, and do very well with their schooling...they seem to love doing school on their own. We strongly encourage board games, outdoors, etc...



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Old 12-26-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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I don't think setting limits on how much time your son can spend playing video games has anything to do with unschooling, as I understand it. Of course setting limits on his screen time would serve a purpose. The purpose of him not spending an amount of time playing video games which you, as the parent, don't think is healthy for him. I've never understood unschooling to mean not parenting kids, which is what we do when we set limits that we believe are healthy for them.
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Old 12-26-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post

I don't think setting limits on how much time your son can spend playing video games has anything to do with unschooling, as I understand it. Of course setting limits on his screen time would serve a purpose. The purpose of him not spending an amount of time playing video games which you, as the parent, don't think is healthy for him. I've never understood unschooling to mean not parenting kids, which is what we do when we set limits that we believe are healthy for them.


The dilemma for me is that a lot of VG have educational content and/ or could be used in an educational manner.  And of course some are designed specifically to be educational, like the Reader Rabbit series.  My kids have learned a lot from Zoo Tycoon which indirectly teaches about zoology, architecture (you have to build your own zoos), money management, business management.  One of my kids who was a slow reader finally started reading by learning to read the quests on World of Warcraft.  So in this respect VGs can be a novel way to motivate a child to learn.  But my instinct is just not to allow them during "working hours" so I go with that.

 

My son even told me once that the "Civilization" series was allowed in some public schools to teach about history.  -- http://www.civilization.com/

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Old 12-26-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WinterPrego View Post

My husband and I do not own a game system and never intend to. We have not once regretted this decision, or felt bad for not giving our sons one. They are also not allowed on the computer ,AT ALL. Some people think we are far too strict, but our boys are doing so well without one that we just smile and shrug! They are so helpful around the house, and do very well with their schooling...they seem to love doing school on their own. We strongly encourage board games, outdoors, etc...



for what it's worth, this would have been my preference, but since my kids have two parents, I had to compromise!  The people I know for whom unschooling really works are the ones with no video games and limited computer access and no computer video games either.  My husband got one years ago and shared it with my boys, and that was that.  Now we work together to try to get everyone's needs met.

 

 

I really agree with you too, Zinemama.

 

-Dancy

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Old 12-26-2010, 07:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WinterPrego View Post

My husband and I do not own a game system and never intend to. We have not once regretted this decision, or felt bad for not giving our sons one. They are also not allowed on the computer ,AT ALL. Some people think we are far too strict, but our boys are doing so well without one that we just smile and shrug! They are so helpful around the house, and do very well with their schooling...they seem to love doing school on their own. We strongly encourage board games, outdoors, etc...



we dont own a game system as neither one of us are at all into that...but we do allow computer access.  I was just curious as to how old your boys were?  Is this something you will never allow? only for educational purposes?  Are you worried about them learning how to use a computer later in life?  If they are at someone elses house who has video games or computer access, are they allowed?

 

Sorry for the million questions lol....just thought it posed some interesting discussion.  


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Old 12-27-2010, 08:56 AM
 
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we dont own a game system as neither one of us are at all into that...but we do allow computer access.  I was just curious as to how old your boys were?  Is this something you will never allow? only for educational purposes?  Are you worried about them learning how to use a computer later in life?  If they are at someone elses house who has video games or computer access, are they allowed?

 

Sorry for the million questions lol....just thought it posed some interesting discussion.  


Oh no, I don't mind the questions!  Right now our boys are 7, 10, and 14. We won't allow computer access until they reach around 16 or 17. I'm not at all worried about them learning how to use a computer when that time comes around, because technology is always advancing, so one is always having to learn as they go anyway. We do of course, allow them to watch over our shoulders as we use it, so they are familiar with how a computer is operated. We don't believe that a computer holds much importance with the beginning years of education. And we have never had any resentful attitudes because of this (they are actually pretty proud about it! Our 14 year old believes the computer and video games is responsible for low attention spans!)  We trust our children to respect our wishes for them when going to others homes, and I do make it clear to those parents we do not allow it in our home. Our sons haven't shown much interest in either computer or video games, so I do feel fine allowing them to go places where they are. Maybe I am being too "trustful", but it has never bothered me, and I haven't had reason to doubt them yet.


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Old 12-30-2010, 07:15 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by WinterPrego View Post

Oh no, I don't mind the questions!  Right now our boys are 7, 10, and 14. We won't allow computer access until they reach around 16 or 17. I'm not at all worried about them learning how to use a computer when that time comes around, because technology is always advancing, so one is always having to learn as they go anyway. We do of course, allow them to watch over our shoulders as we use it, so they are familiar with how a computer is operated. We don't believe that a computer holds much importance with the beginning years of education. 


I certainly have a lot of respect for you standing by the courage of your convictions on this -- and passing your values on to your kids. I have one child in particular who spends more time on the computer than I'm comfortable with and I do have some sympathy for your stance. We've chosen to be a video-game, cellphone and commercial-TV-free family, and my kids are quite comfortable with and proud of our choices on those counts. And I agree that it doesn't hold much importance in the early years of education. I am surprised, however, that you have a computer and use it in the home, but don't allow your kids do the same. In our family when we make a choice to establish rules or limits I generally feel that as parents we need to play by the same rules to "play fair." I'm also surprised that you don't see value in computer-aided education for your oldest ds. Fourteen is no longer "the beginning years of education" in my book. Kids are more than 75% of the way to being legally independent adults by that point. 

 

My eldest two are 14 and 16, and they have gained so much educationally from the computer. There's an interactivity and access to information that can't be duplicated in any fashion, at least not where we live. They can write music arrangements for chamber groups and listen to what they sound like to help with the editing, they can submit work to teachers and mentors over vast distances for timely feedback, they can get real-time guidance and feedback on 2nd-language mastery, they can do primary-source research for academic areas of interest, can suss out enrichment programs and admission requirements, listen to dozens of performances / interpretations of their current sonata or concerto repertoire, access math tutorials for problematic concepts, access advanced courses... so much. I honestly can't imagine homeschooling my brood without use of the computer. We do live in a rural, remote area with no library, college, etc., so maybe that plays into it. 

 

Interesting to hear about your choices.

 

Miranda


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Old 01-01-2011, 03:15 PM
 
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I certainly have a lot of respect for you standing by the courage of your convictions on this -- and passing your values on to your kids. I have one child in particular who spends more time on the computer than I'm comfortable with and I do have some sympathy for your stance. We've chosen to be a video-game, cellphone and commercial-TV-free family, and my kids are quite comfortable with and proud of our choices on those counts. And I agree that it doesn't hold much importance in the early years of education. I am surprised, however, that you have a computer and use it in the home, but don't allow your kids do the same. In our family when we make a choice to establish rules or limits I generally feel that as parents we need to play by the same rules to "play fair." I'm also surprised that you don't see value in computer-aided education for your oldest ds. Fourteen is no longer "the beginning years of education" in my book. Kids are more than 75% of the way to being legally independent adults by that point. 

 

My eldest two are 14 and 16, and they have gained so much educationally from the computer. There's an interactivity and access to information that can't be duplicated in any fashion, at least not where we live. They can write music arrangements for chamber groups and listen to what they sound like to help with the editing, they can submit work to teachers and mentors over vast distances for timely feedback, they can get real-time guidance and feedback on 2nd-language mastery, they can do primary-source research for academic areas of interest, can suss out enrichment programs and admission requirements, listen to dozens of performances / interpretations of their current sonata or concerto repertoire, access math tutorials for problematic concepts, access advanced courses... so much. I honestly can't imagine homeschooling my brood without use of the computer. We do live in a rural, remote area with no library, college, etc., so maybe that plays into it. 

 

Interesting to hear about your choices.

 

Miranda

I agree with you that by the age of 14 they are more than half way to being an adult! And I have spoken to my husband about shortening the age years for using a computer. It's just that, once my 14 yr old has finished his school (usually only takes him a few hours or so), he heads outside to do some part time work for a local farmer. He hasn't shown any interest to use it, so I guess I really haven't thought much about it. We also live in a remote area, though I believe our local libraries, college, etc.. are probably a little closer than yours, because we go to the library once a month or more if we must. As for us using the computer while they don't, I really don't see it being a problem. My husband and I pay a lot of bills online, and my children know I use it for birth, family health, recipe research and etc... so none of them seem to care. But, I think if there ever was discontent in that area, we would probably question as to how we could do things better!

Also, we've been discussing college options for our son, and he would prefer to try online courses first, so I'm sure we will be doing some readjusting with the computer!
 


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Old 01-02-2011, 11:43 AM
 
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We had no limits on media. Well, we tried to respect the rest of the people in the home to the extent possible... so my kids didn't watch really graphic horror movies in the living room when I was there, and etc. We solved some issues by making sure they had access to their own TV or computer. He has been known to play the games all day easily. :)

 

Video games were and continue to be extremely important to my kids, especially my son. He learned so many things from them. I can't imagine how stunted or stifled he would have felt should I have limited or forbidden them. We did discuss the games often. So many cool conversations were had about WOW, Halo, Grand Theft Auto, Civilization, Tetris, Mario Bros and so on. My son learned not only math, reading, and some very real history from video games, but also about technology and politics involved in the industry.

 

I discussed with him when he was very young the concern about being overwhelmed by something. I talked about the concerns that usually lead parents to limit or forbid such things, and asked for his input on it. Video games actually taught me a lot about my son. This conversation is timely today. My son just drove over to visit for a few. He just finished the "week from Hades" at work and is finally enjoying a day off. He plans to go grocery shopping, have a drink, and play WOW most of the day. geek.gif


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Old 01-03-2011, 02:07 PM
 
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Old 01-03-2011, 02:16 PM
 
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I would sit him down and discuss your concerns about him getting angry when you suggest a break and also about how people's feelings may be hurt when you visit his grandparents and ignore them for a video game.  I wouldn't limit his game time, but try to respectfully discuss the matter and try to come up with solutions that makes everyone happy.  Compromise.

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Old 01-11-2011, 07:38 PM
 
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Quote:
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We had no limits on media. Well, we tried to respect the rest of the people in the home to the extent possible... so my kids didn't watch really graphic horror movies in the living room when I was there, and etc. We solved some issues by making sure they had access to their own TV or computer. He has been known to play the games all day easily. :)

 

Video games were and continue to be extremely important to my kids, especially my son. He learned so many things from them. I can't imagine how stunted or stifled he would have felt should I have limited or forbidden them. We did discuss the games often. So many cool conversations were had about WOW, Halo, Grand Theft Auto, Civilization, Tetris, Mario Bros and so on. My son learned not only math, reading, and some very real history from video games, but also about technology and politics involved in the industry.

 

I discussed with him when he was very young the concern about being overwhelmed by something. I talked about the concerns that usually lead parents to limit or forbid such things, and asked for his input on it. Video games actually taught me a lot about my son. This conversation is timely today. My son just drove over to visit for a few. He just finished the "week from Hades" at work and is finally enjoying a day off. He plans to go grocery shopping, have a drink, and play WOW most of the day. geek.gif

I agree 100%
 


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