Where's the line between laziness and radical unschooling? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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#121 of 143 Old 04-04-2011, 09:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by WCM View Post Anyway I think that's where as an unschooler I tend to veer off from the standard philosophy, as I hold development (not exact age, but that's part of it) into account.


My ds couldn't recognize when he was approaching hunger or being too tired so I had to do a lot of guidance when he was younger.  I don't see that as counter to "standard philosophy."  I needed to initiate sleep and food or he would get all wacky and miserable when he was 4.  I've heard some kids just eat when they are hungry and sleep when they are tired, lol, but mine didn't.  As an infant, he never just fell asleep.  No one is going to call helping an infant fall asleep being contrary to unschooling.  It would never have occurred to me to worry that someone was being judgmental that my 4 yo still needed help.  I think the difference is when adults are giving help when it isn't needed.  And the disagreements come up when people have different experiences and project how their child is onto other people's children, when they think the child could fall asleep or help himself to a variety of food if the parent would only back off, because their child can.  Or vice versa.


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#122 of 143 Old 04-04-2011, 10:06 AM
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  And the disagreements come up when people have different experiences and project how their child is onto other people's children, when they think the child could fall asleep or help himself to a variety of food if the parent would only back off, because their child can.  Or vice versa.


Exactly. My child is very different from a friend's child when it comes to screen use, and both are very different from a third's child, who has all the cross-connectons piglet is talking about (for example). Unfortunatly, some of my experience of seeking support as an unschooler has come across to me that I am somehow hindering my children from their natural progress, rather than responding to their needs as they change and develop. :) And sometimes I get stuck back in that pespective that somehow I am doing wrong, because our situations don't match up, and my actions are different, rather than remembering that we are different families with different children.

 


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#123 of 143 Old 04-04-2011, 10:20 AM
 
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 Unfortunatly, some of my experience of seeking support as an unschooler has come across to me that I am somehow hindering my children from their natural progress, rather than responding to their needs as they change and develop. :) And sometimes I get stuck back in that pespective that somehow I am doing wrong, because our situations don't match up, and my actions are different, rather than remembering that we are different families with different children.

 


Yes.  It doesn't happen often but I have been taken to task on certain aspects of USing, and it stings.

 

I have come to believe families first and any ism (including Using) second.

 

 

 

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#124 of 143 Old 04-04-2011, 10:24 AM
 
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Plus, I think a lot of times the unschooling "heads" talking have older kids and might not be fully remembering what things were like with the younger kids and might not have even identified themselves as unschoolers yet when their kids were that age.  I know I didn't realize homeschooling and unschooling would be our path until we tried pre-k when ds was 4.

 

And speaking on how kids are different, I couldn't even get my ds to watch any tv before he was 3.  He just wouldn't.  He'd operate the tv but he wouldn't watch it.  He did love the computer from early toddlerhood, however.  He was never passive about either.  And I know that makes it hard for me to relate to other people's screen concerns.  I just don't have any even though ds uses the computer a lot.  He's always thrilled at the prospect of real interaction instead.


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#125 of 143 Old 04-10-2011, 05:31 PM
 
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Well, my 15 year old is addicted to gaming - and has been for a long time.

 

This may be OT, but I always think of my post count when I worry about his addiction (for lack of a better word).  People in glass house should not throw stones, lol.

 

The bottom line is he seems happy.  He is a solid B student on his online courses, he looks forward to his drama group, he is kind to his family and is giving in many ways.  He is not without an issue or two - but they are not related to gaming.

 

I do think his addiction impacts his life in a few ways - but only because he stays up late to game, then sleeps in.  None of this is wrong, per se, but he has commitments he has taken on that he has to get up for, and he is a ogre to wake up!

 

OTOH, his 12 year sister who has no screen addictions has had one heck on a tumultuous year.  I think she may be coming out the other side (and we have both made serious efforts to change) - but ouch.  

 

I am not sure how this plays out for a younger child.  My 8 yr old is somewhat addicted to TV - and I feel bad, but I am not a perfect parent and I am not going to beat myself up for her watching too much tv.  She does other things while watching tv  (primarily draw, write and build) so i think it is often more background noise than anything.  I try to make sure our plates are as full as they need to be with indoor and outside the home activities (and again, I am not perfect, sometimes I fail) - what she does in her free time is her choice.

 

 

 

 



You sound very much like me - as a parent - but I am not an unschooler.  My kids attend public school and do very well. Before and after school hours, though, I am a "do what you'd like as long as it's relatively age apporpriate and doesn't involve poking anyone's eyes out.

 

I am a firm believer in teaching kids about the real world, as long as it isn't extremely age-inappropriate.  I would be darned to let my 6 year old be verbally abused on some gaming site.  BUT - at an older age I agree that teaching them to defend themselves/outwit their agressors is a great lesson. 

 

My son loves anything to do with games/computers/nintendo/whatever and I try my hardest to appear extremely interested in his activities as that is what he truly enjoys.  I just don't know how much more Duck Amuck I can handle, though. ;)

 

I emphatically do NOT agree with letting kids do whatever the heck they want all the time/any time/every time.  I have a responsibility to raise my children and if I have to step in and put my foot down here and there I'm darned wll going to do it.  It's for their benefit, not their detriment.

 

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#126 of 143 Old 04-10-2011, 05:40 PM
 
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I totally agree. I find it highly inappropriate to come into a forum of support with such negative opinions -- especially since you're extremely unlikely to come across any such parents in this forum -- a place where highly educated (whether it be academically or self-motivated) mamas come to read, learn, commiserate, do better, navigate situations, and who devote a good portion of their thought-life to doing what is in the best interest of their kids and families.

 

So, I do wonder what the motivation is?

 

The principle of unschooling, despite the surface disagreements among people who practice it regarding extremes in either direction, is that learning is always happening and that people are designed to seek the knowledge and tools they need to meet the agendas they've set for themselves.

 

I don't see the value in parenting which tells a child what they're "supposed" to be doing in every aspect of life, placing endless, often arbitrary limitations on what they can and can't do. Sure, people have varying comfort levels and boundaries (like, no way my 6 year old is watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre or porn), but they've got to also have opportunities to navigate situations that will occur at some point (such as, what if they happen to see porn at a friend's house on a parent's computer, what would they do?)

 

Someday they will have unlimited access to junk food, porn, horror movies, video games, and whatever other 'evil' or 'undesirable' thing you can think of in the world and mommy won't be there with her finger wagging over them forbidding them under threat of punishment or whatever. At some point, these things need to be navigated and while I don't go out of my way to introduce my child to things which go against my principles -- I realize they will indeed encounter them at some point.

 

It's my job as a parent to give her some tools beyond "don't do that, it's bad". Those tools involve some exposure to whatever 'thing',  (even if the 'exposure' comes in the form of an open dialog between us) --  talking about  how they feel when they choose it or don't choose it, consequences (good or bad) of choosing it, the difference between moderation and excess, how choosing it (or not) affects their body, their mood, family dynamics, and so on. Coming up with strategies that work for everyone where everyone feels heard, valued and validated.

 

So, to me it's far more "lazy" and "unparenting" to just say... "don't do that, it's bad". Where is the lesson in that?

 

I do hope you realize that your judgments are no different than those that you are pooh-poohing?

 

Unschooling/homeschooling/public schooling comes in all different shapes/forms/sizes.  I would imagine that none of us parent or teach the exact same way.

 

Sorry, but I tend to bristle at the "you don't think the way we do so get lost" connotations I'm reading here.  

 

 (I know I've messed up quoting.  Sorry!)

 

 

 



 

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#127 of 143 Old 04-10-2011, 05:51 PM
 
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Obv you differ from me as you are specifically pointing out what I do to raise my DS. I don't see anything wrong with my 7 year old (and I did mention that he was seven. I realize that my sig says different but I can't sort how to change it since the board change) watching t for teen movies. He decides which ones he wants to watch as long as they aren't R.

 

 

 

I also don't raise my child with any sort of religion, and will talk to him openly about any subject matter he has expressed interest in. This includes the Holocaust, WWII, animal abuse, death, kidnappings, the myths of Santa Claus and why parents lie to their kids about stuff like that etc etc.

 

I am sure to offend lots of people by doing this, and I suppose that's ok, but I really *really* don't appreciate being targeted as if I am a "bad" parent on MDC.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Heck, I do the same thing.  I didn't realize it was bad? 

 

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#128 of 143 Old 04-27-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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Ok, I'm going to throw my 2 cents in. My husband and I are unschooling our dd. (Granted she's only 21 months at the moment, so our current theory could be blown completely out of the water later on.)smile.gif But we are trying to take her interests and use them as learning tools. Right now, she is obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. She would watch the show all day long, but we prefer her not to do that. So, we wondered, "is it just Thomas she likes or trains in general?" So we bought some toddler books on trains and a couple train toys. It turned out, she loves trains in general. Thomas especially, but any train will do. So, following her lead, we try to incorporate trains in many of her activities: train songs/poems, train coloring/activity books, there's even a toddler day at the local railroad museum that we take her to once a month. I'm sure her interests will change, in fact they already are, and we are evolving with them.

 

Perhaps it's not just the video games themselves that they love, but the subject matter. Is there a certain type of video game they like to play? Fantasy, airplane simulation, car racing? If so, maybe you could find some activities surrounding that subject that you could suggest to them. If they will play anything, maybe they really just love video games and would be interested in how they are made. Learning video game design can be a great way for them to learn graphic art, science and math, not to mention the whole world-building aspect which can potentially incorporate history, nature and/or the study of some great fantasy/sci-fi literature. There are even a few websites that let you make your own games for free. Those might be a good place to start. See if it grabs their interest. Not to mention, I'm starting to see video game design camps that teach (usually preteens and teenagers) how to design their own video games. Who knows, your kids could be the next great video game creators, making World of Warcraft look like tiddly-winks.winky.gif


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#129 of 143 Old 04-27-2011, 10:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zoesmom2009 View Post

 If they will play anything, maybe they really just love video games and would be interested in how they are made. Learning video game design can be a great way for them to learn graphic art, science and math, not to mention the whole world-building aspect which can potentially incorporate history, nature and/or the study of some great fantasy/sci-fi literature. There are even a few websites that let you make your own games for free. Those might be a good place to start. See if it grabs their interest. 


This is definitely how it has gone in my house. At least, once I stopped trying to distract my ds from computer gaming and instead took an interest in what he was doing, encouraging threads of it to grow in different directions. (Heck, I'm the mom who years ago arranged a medley of Runescape theme music for string quartet so he and his buddies could play it in a local fund-raiser talent show. He loved that, and ended up hugely interested in video game music composition.) I could make a list a mile long of the things gaming has led him to learn, the related areas of knowledge he has strayed into. But I'm not sure that's the case with all kids. Sometimes gaming seems to serve a purely recreational goal in some kids. 

 

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#130 of 143 Old 04-27-2011, 11:25 PM
 
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It isn't just unschoolers who have this issue. My nephew spends hours playing video games, and he is in public school. He is 14 though.


 


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#131 of 143 Old 05-08-2011, 08:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It finally worked. DS has recently taken his Minecraft obsession global. He learned to sew, started studying javascript, and was doing papercrafts today, all because of his love of video games. I'm so over fighting it.


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#132 of 143 Old 05-08-2011, 10:39 PM
 
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It finally worked. DS has recently taken his Minecraft obsession global. He learned to sew, started studying javascript, and was doing papercrafts today, all because of his love of video games. I'm so over fighting it.


thumb.gif

 

I'm so happy to hear it's spawning related interests. It took a while here too, but it eventually happened. Is he sewing and paper-folding creepers? lol.gif

 

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#133 of 143 Old 05-08-2011, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thumb.gif

 

I'm so happy to hear it's spawning related interests. It took a while here too, but it eventually happened. Is he sewing and paper-folding creepers? lol.gif

 

Miranda

 


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#134 of 143 Old 05-09-2011, 03:00 AM
 
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 Is he sewing and paper-folding creepers? lol.gif

 


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#135 of 143 Old 05-10-2011, 07:48 AM
 
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I'm thrilled that it is working out better for you. :D  Uhm, can I still join the conversation?  It feels, err, pertinent.  Recently I had a big epiphany when I realized that unschooling doesn't mean that I have to give up my personal boundaries!  My daughter is still pretty young.  She'll be three two weeks from today.  I mostly let her do whatever she wants.  However I provide safety guidelines, I talk about manners CONSTANTLY, I plan events and activities for her and I get to decide if she is up for something on a given day.  I get to decide this because she can't yet.  I get to decide this because if she is not really up for an outing and she has a screaming freak out and drops to the ground hysterical and I have to drag her back to the car with her baby sister and I am P!$$#3D and...  No.  That's not fair to her.  Sometimes she doesn't get enough sleep and she wakes up cranky.  It happens to me too.  When I pull rank like this I talk about it.  "Ok, that's the third meltdown today and it isn't even 10.  I don't think it's a good idea to go out today; I think it is a good idea for us to stay home and have some fun here."  That way when she has 15 more screaming fits (Holy cow are we in a Stage) I don't feel angry and I can let her have space for her emotional process.  When we are out in public I can't give that to her due to my own issues.  That may not be "fair" but it's life.  I need to hold those boundaries so that I can be a good, stable, non-abusive mother.

 

As for screen time, I am trying to find the right balance.  If she watches "too much", which is a fuzzy thing, she starts being very verbally aggressive with me around them.  I'm not ok with that.  When she does that I get increasingly angry.  If I let her push me like that I will snap and get nasty. :(  So the solution here is for me to have better boundaries than that.  We have a rule, "Asking once is always ok.  Asking twice if you think someone hasn't heard you is ok.  Asking three times is pestering.  If you get to pestering you are very unlikely to get what you want."  And now my kid turns around and yells at me or her dad to stop pestering her when we ask her to clean. :P  My response is usually, "Hey I only asked once!"  But it's ok with me that she wants to have limits around being pestered.  :)

 

I don't think that signing on for unschooling is signing on for letting my family get into abusive cycles because I'm not allowed to place limits on my kids.  I really don't think anyone believes it should go in that direction.  Maybe people who believe unschooling shouldn't involve limits think people like me, you know... with issues.., just shouldn't do it.  But I've never seen mention of that in the literature. ;)


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#136 of 143 Old 05-10-2011, 05:54 PM
 
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rightkindofme: I love your sig line. I should have exactly the same one, we must be very much alike that way. ;-)

 

Unschooling isn't about having no limits. Radical unschooling is also not that, but RU'ers tend to try to resolve situations non-coercively, focussing on problem solving that meets the needs of everybody in the family.

 

With respect to the TV viewing, is the verbal abuse the result of being told that she has watched too much? In that case I'd guess it's more about not liking it when people try to control her (seems to get big right around age 3; it certainly was with my DD). Or is this a general behavioural thing that manifests after she has been watching for a while? Three is such a young age, and I would probably limit TV watching myself if I noticed that, after too much of it, my child was having behavioural issues. However, I would try to do it without implicating the TV or the time spent as a problem, and rather go about emphasizing the need to do other things. I'd probably schedule our day to make sure that my child was going out regularly (to play, run errands, etc) or plan "sit down" time with her, where I'd offer to play or do a project with her, to break up TV time.

 

Anyways, my point is that I find it helps not to make something a forbidden fruit, or to implicate it as something less valuable than other activities, as this creates a disconnect between what the child is experiencing ("this is fun, I like it") and what adults are telling her ("this is bad for you"). I think this undermines a child's sense of trust in themselves. I also think that when the child senses the adult is wanting to limit something they will immediately start clinging to it and it becomes a focus for conflict. 


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#137 of 143 Old 05-10-2011, 08:54 PM
 
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rightkindofme: I love your sig line. I should have exactly the same one, we must be very much alike that way. ;-)

 

Unschooling isn't about having no limits. Radical unschooling is also not that, but RU'ers tend to try to resolve situations non-coercively, focussing on problem solving that meets the needs of everybody in the family.

 

With respect to the TV viewing, is the verbal abuse the result of being told that she has watched too much? In that case I'd guess it's more about not liking it when people try to control her (seems to get big right around age 3; it certainly was with my DD). Or is this a general behavioural thing that manifests after she has been watching for a while? Three is such a young age, and I would probably limit TV watching myself if I noticed that, after too much of it, my child was having behavioural issues. However, I would try to do it without implicating the TV or the time spent as a problem, and rather go about emphasizing the need to do other things. I'd probably schedule our day to make sure that my child was going out regularly (to play, run errands, etc) or plan "sit down" time with her, where I'd offer to play or do a project with her, to break up TV time.

 

Anyways, my point is that I find it helps not to make something a forbidden fruit, or to implicate it as something less valuable than other activities, as this creates a disconnect between what the child is experiencing ("this is fun, I like it") and what adults are telling her ("this is bad for you"). I think this undermines a child's sense of trust in themselves. I also think that when the child senses the adult is wanting to limit something they will immediately start clinging to it and it becomes a focus for conflict. 


No the verbal abuse tends to be more in the form of, "Can I watch another movie?" "Uhm, not before lunch.  But you may ask again after lunch."  "NO!  NOW!!!"  Cue screaming.  This is new.  This all feels horrifically over the top because up until ~5 months ago she was the most easy going kid I'd ever seen.  And she only does this with movies.  Nothing else.  When I say that you can't have something right now but you can ask again later I always say yes later.  That's something I am very consistent with because I want her to believe me.  I pretty much always have a reason right this minute is not a good time, I'm not willy nilly about it.  

 

I think the real problem is that I need to finish this stupid house remodel.  Then we can go back to being sane, reasonable people.  But in the meanwhile, tv is heavily restricted because she acts like a beast about it.  festive.  If the behavior happened at any other time I wouldn't think it was connected and I wouldn't react this way.  If she's limited to one movie a week she doesn't act like that.  I don't know why.  Right now she gets multiple movie days a week because I am doing a bunch of work.  So she's upset a lot.  And I'm upset a lot.  I have declared that anything not done by the 15th is just not getting done.  We need our routine back.  This too shall pass.

 

ETA: I feel the need to point out that this screaming is literally agonizingly painful for me.  I will have a headache for hours.  It ruins my whole dang day.  And she almost always leans in so that she is inches from my head when she does it.  Today when she did it I knocked her over completely without thinking because I had to get that noise away from me.  :(  It is violence.  And it really has to stop.  I am not proud of my reaction and I don't think it is great.  But please don't anyone pile on me for being a bad parent.  I know this isn't my finest hour. :(

 

I think I'm saying this because people in the thread were saying that there are no examples of the problems in Unschooling families.  Well, that's one in mine.  The only way I currently know to end this awful cycle is to make it so she does not receive the stimulation (movies) that triggers this behavior.  It doesn't matter if it sounds too structured, it is exactly the right amount of structure for *my kid at this time*.  Boundaries.  We need a few more freakin boundaries in this house.


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#138 of 143 Old 05-11-2011, 05:41 AM
 
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ETA: I feel the need to point out that this screaming is literally agonizingly painful for me. I will have a headache for hours. It ruins my whole dang day. And she almost always leans in so that she is inches from my head when she does it. Today when she did it I knocked her over completely without thinking because I had to get that noise away from me. greensad.gif It is violence. And it really has to stop. I am not proud of my reaction and I don't think it is great. But please don't anyone pile on me for being a bad parent. I know this isn't my finest hour. greensad.gif
Not piling in on you at all. Just wanted to send you a hug in empathy. My DD sometimes does the same thing - shouting as loud as she can as close as she can get to my face. It hurts and yes, I've pushed her over in the instinctual reaction to get away from the noise too greensad.gif
As for the line between RU and laziness? I find I have to feel around with my toe to avoid stepping over it. Thing is, I have to feel around all over again almost every day...

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#139 of 143 Old 05-11-2011, 06:05 AM
 
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No the verbal abuse tends to be more in the form of, "Can I watch another movie?" "Uhm, not before lunch.  But you may ask again after lunch."  "NO!  NOW!!!"  Cue screaming.  This is new.  This all feels horrifically over the top because up until ~5 months ago she was the most easy going kid I'd ever seen.  And she only does this with movies.  Nothing else.  When I say that you can't have something right now but you can ask again later I always say yes later.  That's something I am very consistent with because I want her to believe me.  I pretty much always have a reason right this minute is not a good time, I'm not willy nilly about it. 

 

What worked well for me when ds was at that stage was tweaking how I said things.  In that situation, I would say "Yes, right after lunch."  Or "Yes, after we have lunch and after we blow bubbles outside for a while."  Whichever I meant.  Starting off with the yes helped keep my ds from getting into the power struggle mode.  He was really rather oppositional for a while.  Telling him not to do something was just begging him to do it or butt heads about it.  I'd rephrase any directives I felt I needed to give him in a positive way so I'd say "Remember to walk in the store" and "Watch for cars" instead of things like "Don't run" or "Don't go in the street."  If we were trying to get through a task before doing something fun, I'd keep the focus on the thing he was looking forward to, so I'd say "As soon as we are done brushing teeth, we can read books in bed."  Or "As soon as we get your shoes on, we will be ready to go to the park."  

 

Some people drape blankets over the tv or have it in on a cart so they can put it in a closet when it isn't in use.  That can help because the tv isn't "staring" at the kid and for some kids it seems less personal than a parent denying permission.

 

Hope some of that is helpful and your remodeling gets done soon!

 

 

 

 


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#140 of 143 Old 05-11-2011, 10:36 AM
 
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ETA: I feel the need to point out that this screaming is literally agonizingly painful for me.  I will have a headache for hours.  It ruins my whole dang day.  And she almost always leans in so that she is inches from my head when she does it.  Today when she did it I knocked her over completely without thinking because I had to get that noise away from me.  :(  It is violence.  And it really has to stop.  I am not proud of my reaction and I don't think it is great.  But please don't anyone pile on me for being a bad parent.  I know this isn't my finest hour. :(


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BTDT. I actually screamed at poor little dd2 on Mother's Day, because I had a headache, and she was screeching in my ear. She's not even two, yet. :(

 

You're not a bad parent! We all have less than spectacular parenting moments. It comes with the territory.

 


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#141 of 143 Old 05-12-2011, 03:00 PM
 
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It's funny that this thread keeps getting commented on, everyone brings something new.  Rightkindofme, I totally hear you.  When my DS watches to much tv he becomes very dependent on it.  He loves to be entertained, he is not good at entertaining himself.  My youngest DD however never ( just turned 3) asks to watch tv. And will entertain herself for hours.  So, I have also discovered that I have to have boundaries about the TV  ( he will dissolve into puddles about watching another movie if he has watched too much) and other things as well. Because my kids really want to be ON me all the time, and now that they are bigger it's very over stimulation for me and it makes me angry,  SO I have to have times where they may climb on me and times when they give me space.  This is very hard for them, and me too because I hate being the creator of the boundary and the consequential hurt feelings...  but if I give my kids ultimate freedom, it's hard on the whole house.  None of us has total freedom. There are responsibilities and obligations that keep a family running.  Anyway, just saying in a long and rambling way, you are not alone.  I freak out and yell at people, and it is always because I have gotten lazy and been inconsistent with boundaries.

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#142 of 143 Old 06-09-2011, 10:48 AM
 
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Piglet68 says "Julesmiel, the more I do this parenting thing, the more I tend to agree with your assumption. It's true that kids are pretty resilient. Somebody else higher up in this thread also talked about the importance of the parent being authentic and parenting the way their gut tells them to. "

What happens when gut instincts run counter to what you believe to be best?

On this forum, most parents have gut instincts towards gentler discipline and similar philosophies. Sadly, I am the opposite, as it's instinct for me to be authoritative bordering on authoritarian. Being gentle is a struggle and Im not good at it, but I try because I think its best overall for my son. I don't want to be that strict parent, but it takes effort not to do this. While unschooling IS a great fit for us, and we will continue with is so long as it serves Ds needs, the discipline dimension is a struggle. My son is so young, we don't have too many issues, but I can see them cropping up.

I don't have anything helpful to add, just wanted to share our struggle! This thread is very helpful to the parent that has to LEARN how to be non coercive- it doesn't come natural to us all. but it's worth it!
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#143 of 143 Old 06-13-2011, 05:50 PM
 
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I don't unschool my son.  I was unschooled, home schooled, and attended a democratic school, which was basically unschooling at school.  I'm not judging anyone, but my personal experience is radical unschooling works for most children.  I know it didn't work for me, it didn't work for my siblings, and it didn't work for my parents in the long run.  I think unschooling can work under the right circumstances.    

 

Happiness is important, but I don't think it is the only measure to decide if a child is doing well and thriving.  My son would be very happy playing video games, watching TV, and eating Fruit Loops.

I would be happy spending all my time reading, spending money on books, and occasionally walking my dogs, but I wouldn't thrive.  I'd also be homeless, dog less, and book less eventually and cease to be happy.  I have the cognitive judgement to know I need to go to work, pay my bills, and walk the dogs three times a day.  Eight year olds do not have the cognitive ability to always make the choices that are in their long term best interest.  I want my son to have choices in life and to me that includes making sure he has the foundation of good education, some self control, and healthy habits.  I realize that is sounds very authoritarian for this forum and even MDC.  My son self regulates in many areas and has, at least according to most my family and friends, way too much freedom, but there are some desicions he isn't ready to make. 


 

I am not an unschooler.....because my daughter isn't school aged yet, but we are thinking of home-schooling and I've been researching all the different ways we (might) go about homeschooling her. Including unschooling (specifically Catholic unschooling). 

 

That said, the above quoted is a great post and I totally agree with every word. Especially given what pp have said about video games being designed to not foster self-regulation and to be as addictive as possible. I believe children need our guidance and need us to be leaders and teachers at times and this situation in the OP sounds sounds like an excellent example of one of those times. And I don't think you're describing authoritarian parenting here, but rather authoritative parenting.


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