If you are a seasoned unshooler with children 9 and older - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 45 Old 11-21-2012, 11:03 AM
 
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I never took notes from a book in school. I took notes on what was said, but not from the book. I had a history teacher in 4th-6th grade who had us write two questions for each page of the chapter before the chapter test, as homework. That's the closest to taking book notes.
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#32 of 45 Old 11-21-2012, 03:38 PM
 
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That's why in another post I recommend just keeping it low key, so the child(ren) don't feel like they're being punished, although I worded it differently, then. Anyway, yes, I think reevaluating from time to time is good.
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A freak-out where you re-evaluate and question is great. A freak-out where you impose blame or dramatically different expectations on your children, fueled by your own anxiety -- not so good. It can damage your relationship with your kids and their sense of being trusted and worthy of trust. It can send the message that your "trust" is contingent upon their satisfying some sort of hidden agenda.

 

Miranda

 

Ah, yeah!  That is where it is tricky.  I have a LOT of work to do on myself.  Unschooling my kids seems to expedite that process.  

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#33 of 45 Old 11-29-2012, 09:17 AM
 
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I'm an USing mama to 5 kiddo: 15, 12, 9, 6, and 3. We've US'd since I pulled my oldest out of public school in mid 2nd grade.

Over the years, especially in the younger years (5-8), I've had moments of freak-outs. Usually they were over feeling like my 2nd son was "behind" because things didn't come as easily as it did to my others. He didn't become a fluent reader until 9. He struggles with numbers, spelling, and reading due to dyslexia. He has developed coping skills for reading and has really become an excellent reader now at 12.

 

When he turned 11, he found his love. His joy. His calling. He was introduced to a car engine by our neighbor. I had never seen him excel with such enthusiasm. These last two years we have found a mechanic shop that allows him to come and volunteer/ apprentice 3 days a week. He has learned so much and is valued at the auto shop. This past year he has changed our oil, replaced our break pads, worked on big rigs, oil rigs, and engines galore. I no longer have freak outs over him because he has found his success! He has more engine expertise than most men. :)

So, I'm sharring this because too many times we compare or superfluously decide where our children should be. At 32 years old  I don't have the same college degrees, the same interest, the same knowledge, experiences, or hobbies as other 32 year old ladies. We need to encourage our children to pursue who they are, not who or where we think they should be.

 

Pay careful attention to their interests, hobbies, and personalities and give plenty of avenues for them to explore them. I persoally have noticed my children blooming or finding their true interest sparking around age 8/9.

 

I'd also like to share that through my experience I've found that I can try and force teaching or change or something i think they should know, but inevitably when i leave it alone, then when it becomes important to them they choose to change/ learn it/ explore it and capture the knowledge. That is when it is true learning, not regurgitation. 


Jesus-loving, helpmate to Billy and Unschooling mama to a six and one on the way!
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#34 of 45 Old 01-04-2013, 11:26 PM
 
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I am subbing to this as I am in a freak out period myself, and too embarassed about it to go into the details, so I will just piggyback on your post. I am freaking out because we are totally isolated, and we have zero friends that we see these days, and I am realizing that my major depression has come back (or maybe never went away) and is interfering with unschooling and parenting and just plain old living. I am hoping seeing replies will make me feel a bit better.


Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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#35 of 45 Old 01-05-2013, 07:00 AM
 
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Depression recovery recommendations : fresh air, sunshine, and exercise, positive affirmations (focusing on your desires, and avoiding "not" & "try", which the subconscious does not understand), and positive visualizations. In addition, make sure you are eating well and getting plenty of rest. If you have certain things that you can't get out of your mind, those are problems that need real solutions. Good luck, and my thoughts are with you!

Homeschooling freak out solutions : look at what was able to be done by your child(ren) a year ago and compare to now. I bet there's improvement! Go easy on yourself until the depression is improving.

If you want help with positive affirmations or visualizations, let me know.
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#36 of 45 Old 02-22-2013, 06:50 PM
 
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My eldest are 14 & 11 and have been unschooled (mostly radically) except for the 14 year old's kindergarten year, so over 7 1/2 years.  

 

I don't have any freak outs at all.  I think radically unschooling is AMAZING.  My children are so amazingly happy and fulfilled.  They are so sweet, so wonderful, such excellent buddies, really kind and friendly to other children (friends & new acquaintances) & I feel extremely happy to have them as my children.  All I have to do is think of various points in the past to see how much they have grown, learned, experienced to see how unique and interesting each of them are.  I trust that as they continue to grow, they will learn about whatever they need and want to learn about, plus they will come across all sorts of other interesting things because we live a rich and varied life.  Though I think they are both amazing, I don't think either of them are extremely driven in one way or another, but both have a number of interests (things they like to do like reading, art, field trips, going to museums,  playing different sports, having friends & more) that change all the time.

 

Trust that your children are wonderful exactly as they are and that they do not need to change to be good enough for you.  If you freak out and tell them about it, I think you will make them doubt their own worth & intelligence.  

 

If you stress about math, you will probably make a child hate math.  Then again, a huge chunk of children and adults simply dislike math and teaching it to them certainly won't help that and it won't help your unschooling relationship either.  

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#37 of 45 Old 02-23-2013, 07:29 PM
 
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Out of curiosity, RiverSky, how would you rate your children's interest and ability in math? And where do you live?

Part of my annual freakouts have been a direct result of having to go through the required evaluation process.
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#38 of 45 Old 02-23-2013, 08:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pek64 View Post

Out of curiosity, RiverSky, how would you rate your children's interest and ability in math? And where do you live?

Part of my annual freakouts have been a direct result of having to go through the required evaluation process.

My 14 year old has always naturally loved math and asks us about math concepts all the time.  My 11 year old doesn't love it as much (she's more into marine biology and all sorts of artistic endeavours) but I think she's just as good at it as her same age friend who lives next door (and sometimes brings her homework over and asks me to help her).  I am a huge math lover and always have been though, so I think we all just have math genes.  I strongly believe that not everyone has them, and that some people (many, many successful adults that I know) just aren't good at math, don't like it, never have been and never will be.  

 

We live in Florida and use an umbrella school option, thereby avoiding evaluation, but even when we did evaluations, I would only have to include 3 sheets a year showing improvement, and I would only show them to a teacher evaluator of my choice, not the school board.  

 

Where are you and is there another way you can satisfy the law?

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#39 of 45 Old 02-23-2013, 08:18 PM
 
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Don't forget that probably half of the kids your son's age in public school, are getting Cs or less in math, too, and somehow they manage to stay in school!!!  If your child is doing horribly in math but find in other evaluated areas, it still doesn't mean that they will stop your homeschooling, right?

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#40 of 45 Old 02-23-2013, 08:20 PM
 
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Here, if for some reason the school board requested a portfolio review, and looked at your portfolio and had enough reason to say that your son had not improved adequately over the past year, they could only put him on a probation for one year.  You'd have one more year to see if you could show better improvement in math.  Perhaps the consequences would be similar where you are?

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#41 of 45 Old 02-23-2013, 10:18 PM
 
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I'm in PA, and my son is now 17. Neither of cares what this year's evaluation will be like, because it's the last one, legally. In fact, we're debating the graduation issue. He sees no reason to worry about a diploma.

I've always been frustrated because he excelled at math early, then lost interest. I believe he could do more, but he wants to be a writer, and has written a couple of books this year. I was just curious. I wish I could get him interested in math again, just in case he wants to pursue something else, someday. Oh, well.
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#42 of 45 Old 02-23-2013, 10:18 PM
 
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Duplicate post.
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#43 of 45 Old 02-24-2013, 07:31 AM
 
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I'm in PA, and my son is now 17. Neither of cares what this year's evaluation will be like, because it's the last one, legally. In fact, we're debating the graduation issue. He sees no reason to worry about a diploma.

I've always been frustrated because he excelled at math early, then lost interest. I believe he could do more, but he wants to be a writer, and has written a couple of books this year. I was just curious. I wish I could get him interested in math again, just in case he wants to pursue something else, someday. Oh, well.

If he decides he wants to get a degree in English or literature or something a bit later on, he can just take a remedial college course in math,, one semester and he'll be ready.  Or he can pick up a math curriculum and do it himself in a short period of time.  It's pretty amazing that he has written some books already!  He's obviously not afraid of working to finish a goal, so if/when he requires that math component, he will get it.  

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#44 of 45 Old 02-24-2013, 08:29 AM
 
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He keeps telling me he can get whatever math he needs if and when he needs it, and otherwise doesn't want to bother with it. I worry he will be viewed as having difficulty learning math, if he has to take a remedial math course later.

I know, that's me worrying about what others will think about him, and me, instead of being confident in his abilities. I struggle with that.
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#45 of 45 Old 02-24-2013, 11:08 AM
 
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My daughter is 9, we've been unschooling most of her life.

 

I have, as someone above me said, "mini freakouts" about her socially, mostly at her lack of "street smarts" in the social sense. Among unschooled or eclectically homeschooled kids, she's fine.

 

It's among traditionally schooled, especially public schooled kids, that she tends to get in trouble. Public schools here are rough socially, very hierarchical and almost a "Lord of the Flies" environment. DD has few skills to cope with that mentality. She trusts and likes adults, she's a very poor liar (it's comical the few times she's tried, usually at the behest of older children), and she doesn't have the reference points to understand why these children lie, steal, bully, manipulate.

 

As she grows older, it's happening less and less, but when she was younger, she would often get roped in and become (mostly) unwittingly complicit in their wrongdoings, because it just never occurred to her that they were lying or intentionally being bad. Nowadays she's grown wiser and has the developmental maturity to understand that most children come from environments, school and home, where lying, manipulating, power struggles, bullying and deception, are not only commonplace but necessary. She's not indiscriminate with her trust any more and takes the time to think about why she's being asked to go along with things, what others' motivations may be.

 

 

I like others here have had occasional outbursts of wanting to enforce schoolwork to make sure she's "on track." As much as I hate it, I don't think my inner school-marm is ever going to completely shut her ugly face! I've resisted temptation to assign work, but I do keep curriculum in the house. Singapore, those big colourful all-in-one workbooks, Spectrum, little things like that. I consider them just another resource. And she actually likes some of them, she does it when she's bored or takes a workbook when we have a long car trip ahead. That it's an option for her is enough to satisfy me and shut up my inner school marm! The rest of me just has to have faith that if she wants or needs to learn soemthing, she will find a way, whether it's through those workbooks or not. And so far that's exactly what's happened, she always finds her own way and a way she is happiest with.

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