Radical Unschooler? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 74 Old 02-02-2013, 09:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
ambersrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

How many of you consider yourselves to be "whole life" or Radical Unschoolers?  As a Radical Unschooler do you believe your home is child centered or family centered?  

We are fairly "radical" unschoolers.  My kids do not have parent imposed sleep schedules, room cleaning, learning activities, TV restrictions or food limitations.  They have free access to almost everything in the house and they are thriving in the environment we provide.  My problem is that I do not believe a child centered home is the best thing for a child.  I feel that if a child grows up never having to think about another persons feelings/needs/etc, they will never learn how to function in a family or communal living situation.  I expect my children to help with family chores like washing dishes, vacuming and other occassional nessesities.  I do not make them do these household chores alone or even all the time.  I also do the chores along side of them.  I do not make them clean up their own room/space but family communal spaces have to be cleaned on a semi-regular basis.  I know this is not a common belief in the radical unschooling community.  I just feel that I am striving for a family centered home not a child centered one.  Am I looking at this wrong?  Please share your perspective!


mother, wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline  
#2 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 12:03 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 38 Post(s)

I would describe us as a consensual living unschooling family. We don't have rules around chores or bedtimes or food or whatever. We do occasionally arrive at agreements for certain expectations like our current "everyone will help with supper cleanup each evening to get the kitchen spotless" expectation, but these are solutions we arrive at through collaborative discussion and empathic communication, not parental decree.

 

Miranda

mareseatoats likes this.

Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#3 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 06:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
ambersrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

That sounds very similar to us moomminmama.  I do not force them to help but I do explain that on a semi-regular basis we do need to clean for health and safety reasons.  They know I expect everyone to help but that I would never force them too.  They usually have no complaints about pitching in.  However, most of the radical unschoolers in our local community do not seem to help out with family chores at all so I am looking for some perspective on why.  I am mostly talking about preteens and teens to clarify.


mother, wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline  
#4 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 08:21 AM
 
Mittsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: somewhere over the rainbow...
Posts: 622
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We are similar to moominmama as well. I do almost all the cleaning here by choice, but I do insist everyone pitch in to some degree when we are expecting company. We do have food rules since we have many food allergies here, and we do have a family bedtime, but that's about it for rules. But, also like moominmama, we do not do "parental decrees" here we try to base any rules on family values and make it consensual for everyone.


treehugger.gifhippie.gifhomeschool.gifnamaste.gifnovaxnocirc.gifcrochetsmilie.gifblahblah.gifenergy.gifgoorganic.jpggd.gifteapot2.GIFbftoddler.giffamilybed2.gif
 
Mittsy is offline  
#5 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 08:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
ambersrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Mittsy, who determines the family's values?  


mother, wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline  
#6 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 10:52 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 38 Post(s)

I've always said that my parenting is not value-neutral. I see our family values as being shaped (not determined, but shaped) by parental values. I'm thinking here of general values, things like honesty, integrity, helpfulness, charity, freedom, persistence, achievement, creativity, simplicity and so on. In my family we put some of those ahead of others, and the way in which we do so creates our own unique family culture. I think it would be a mistake for parents not to take a leadership role in shaping general values: for instance I think there is something wrong with putting freedom and achievement ahead of honesty and integrity, and I wouldn't want my kids to grow up that way. I think that even in radical unschooling families general values should be imparted in a balanced way.

 

However when I speak of shaping family values I'm not talking about specifics like "music ability" or "an appreciation of American literature" or "athletic prowess." Those I think of more as interests and emphases, although sometimes people talk about "valuing' them. Those things I might model through my own genuine interest in them, but I don't take any more active role than that. 

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#7 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 11:19 AM
 
incorrigible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Oregon Outback
Posts: 1,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We are definitely not radical unschoolers, but not authoritarian at all either. I have no idea what label would fit us. lol 

 

How it works here is that we do have rules that the parents enforce....but the kids were partners in making those rules in the first place. When they were little, there was a lot more enforcing on my part. Now I really just have to remind them what they decided sometimes. Nothing is set in stone. If something isn't working, we come together and work out a better plan. Crash will often just tell us that he's decided to handle something differently, without any input needed from us. Bedtimes, for example. When they were little, they needed about 10 hours of sleep per night. So, bed time was roughly 10.5 hours before they had to be up the next day...as determined by their activities. The parents decided and enforced that, but the kids were welcome to go to bed earlier if they were tired. We found that on the early to bed nights, they had trouble sleeping. So, we sat down and talked to the kids about this problem. We asked why they thought that was, and shared our thoughts on the matter. We asked if they had any ideas for solutions, and shared our thoughts on the matter. I always make a point of offering multiple suggestions. I may think one is the best, but I want them to think and make a decision about their habits and choices, not just do what someone else says because it's easier than thinking for themselves. Anyway, they decided that they should never go to bed later than 1 hour later than the earliest night of the week. That way, their bodies would be used to sleeping when they needed to. Of course that doesn't always work, so there has been much refining over the years. That's a good example of our basic process, though. 

 

As for chores, they aren't guests. They help to maintain their home that they live in. We sat down and discussed the wide variety of household responsibilities, from earning money to pay for food, housing, utilities, clothes, etc. to actually upkeeping our property. We talk about how much Beast and I earn and how much time and effort it takes to earn that. The family budget is in a google doc that they have access to. We asked them what contributions to the family and household they would like to be responsible for. They really impressed us with some of the dirty work they chose. Once they realized just how much goes into making a comfortable and healthy lifestyle for the family, they felt like they had been taking advantage of our love and concern for them by doing the minimum necissary. They felt it was unfair for them to do so little. The kids discovered early on that they have trouble finding things and tend to be in more negative moods when their rooms are dirty. When they decided they should keep their rooms clean, we started enforcing it. When they say they don't want to clean their rooms, we remind them of the reasons they dislike having messy rooms, and say "oh ya" and clean their rooms. About the worst we get is not allowing them to leave the house if they aren't wearing clean clothes (they do their own laundry) and not letting them have friends over unless the house is clean. It's embarrassing for dh and I to have other people in our home when it's messy. I don't see that as being controlling, but as demanding others (including my children) treat me with respect. Keeping communal spaces clean is a basic respect issue though. If we were room mates, it would be willfully disrespectful to leave dishes in the sink or your stuff all over the table everyone uses. It's not less disrespectful when you do it to your family. Most families just have a culture of disrespect. 

 

wooo...that got long, didn't it? lol sorry about that! =D

Fillyjonk likes this.

Affordable organics delivered from GREEN POLKADOT BOX

Wife to jammin.gif Beast 

Mama to guitar.gif Crash (14) and hippie.gifSpritely (12)

incorrigible is offline  
#8 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 12:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
ambersrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you all for your perspectives.  I also believe that unschooling is not unparenting however I think that from an early age children know basic wrong from right and can sit down with parents to come up with a set of family values.  I feel that having some say in what they are suppose to hold as valuable is important to kids.  I know this is only my opinion however and I ask questions because I genuinely am interested in hearing others answers.  I have never been long winded in forum posts and hope that does not come across as being rude or harsh.  I promise that is not my intention.


mother, wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline  
#9 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 12:04 PM
 
incorrigible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Oregon Outback
Posts: 1,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Heh...don't worry about it. I'm long winded enough for the both of us. ;) 


Affordable organics delivered from GREEN POLKADOT BOX

Wife to jammin.gif Beast 

Mama to guitar.gif Crash (14) and hippie.gifSpritely (12)

incorrigible is offline  
#10 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 12:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
ambersrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

incorrigible it sounds like you and your husband are a very thoughtful, respectful parents.  I value and appreciate your long posts and everyone else who takes the time to respond!


mother, wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline  
#11 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 12:18 PM
 
Fillyjonk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 825
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by incorrigible View Post

We are definitely not radical unschoolers, but not authoritarian at all either. I have no idea what label would fit us. lol 

 

<snip>

 

wooo...that got long, didn't it? lol sorry about that! =D

 

Yeah this, totally, all of it. (sorry thought better to cut it rather than repost whole lot! But even down to the bedtime conversation :-)


Raising Geek_Generation_2.0 :LET ds= 10 ; LET dd1= ds - 2; LET dd2=dd-2; IF month=0.67 THEN LET ds = ds+1; 
Fillyjonk is offline  
#12 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 06:50 PM
 
avismama24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: NH
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Awesome feeback!


Me, slinggirl.gif mama to 1.5 yr old kid.gifDS, step mama to two tweens, married to a sarcastic sports nut censored.gif. We are unschooling! mdcblog5.gif http://twocoolfourschool.wordpress.com/

avismama24 is offline  
#13 of 74 Old 02-03-2013, 07:11 PM
 
incorrigible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Oregon Outback
Posts: 1,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fillyjonk View Post

 

Yeah this, totally, all of it. (sorry thought better to cut it rather than repost whole lot! But even down to the bedtime conversation :-)

It's so nice to have a place I can talk about parenting and get this response. We're so weird to everyone in real life. The responses are usually really positive now that my kids are older and it's clear our methods are effective...but we're always so different. lol


Affordable organics delivered from GREEN POLKADOT BOX

Wife to jammin.gif Beast 

Mama to guitar.gif Crash (14) and hippie.gifSpritely (12)

incorrigible is offline  
#14 of 74 Old 02-04-2013, 10:14 AM
 
Mittsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: somewhere over the rainbow...
Posts: 622
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambersrose View Post

Mittsy, who determines the family's values?  


We all do. The values are pretty basic though mainly it's stuff like respect and consideration of others feelings/needs, enviromentalism (shared value), respect of property, respecting others privacy, healthy eating (another shared value).........


treehugger.gifhippie.gifhomeschool.gifnamaste.gifnovaxnocirc.gifcrochetsmilie.gifblahblah.gifenergy.gifgoorganic.jpggd.gifteapot2.GIFbftoddler.giffamilybed2.gif
 
Mittsy is offline  
#15 of 74 Old 02-04-2013, 12:37 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 4,987
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 45 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambersrose View Post

Thank you all for your perspectives.  I also believe that unschooling is not unparenting however I think that from an early age children know basic wrong from right and can sit down with parents to come up with a set of family values.  I feel that having some say in what they are suppose to hold as valuable is important to kids.  I know this is only my opinion however and I ask questions because I genuinely am interested in hearing others answers.  I have never been long winded in forum posts and hope that does not come across as being rude or harsh.  I promise that is not my intention.

I think most radical unschoolers agree that it is not unparenting.  Perhaps I have too limited social circle to know any RU families intimately, but the impression I get from the limited time I've had in their company is that their households are ones of mutual respect, no matter their rules or lack of.  I have not met those ru families with selfish and uncontrolled children who

 

 

Quote:
never having to think about another persons feelings/needs/etc

 

Whether they are a myth of the media (who gets a visit or two, google "unschooling" then offer an opinion based on no long-term research like a recent article in the Huffington Post).

 

I am not a radical unschooler.  We have bedtimes, and I do enforce rules, though not chores and some other things that are very RU-flavored.  My children are younger than many in this conversation, and we are still dealing with difficulties regarding respect and empathy.  I would say we are more child-centered than some families, though what that means exactly I'm not sure except how it compares to my traditional upbringing, which was not very child-centered.  

 

Last musing: in some ways, one can see unschooling as profoundly adult-centered.  Adults work their lives, and the children choose when and how or whether or not they want to join in.  

 

 


Give me a few minutes while I caffeinate.
SweetSilver is offline  
#16 of 74 Old 02-04-2013, 01:01 PM
 
incorrigible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Oregon Outback
Posts: 1,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I've known a few families that were 100% RU families. I think there's a kind of spectrum of unschooling where such families are the furthest extreme, unschoolers that don't unparent are more in the mddle, and very "relaxed" homeschoolers are at the other end...and that's just of the unschooling portion of the homeschooling spectrum! lol We tend to label people by which section of the spectrum they fall into. I think my family floats around the Relaxed Homeschooler end of the Unschooling section. Most RU parents are not all the way at the Unparenting end of their spectrum, but the ones that are consider it the purest form of Unschooling. 

 

My little brother, for instance, was raised by his mother...a full on RU before anyone knew the term. lol He had no rules, no expectations. He was treated with great respect, and his parents loved him very much. They weren't just ignoring him or anything. His mom was right there to treat his wound when he burnt his hand on the stove as a toddler, but was completely offended at the idea that anyone ever tell him "no" about anything. He was welcome to have dinner with the family or make himself something else - even if that meant ice cream for every meal. Hard drugs at 10years old? She trusted that he would learn from his experiences and eventually be better for them. In some ways, she was right. While he's a life long addict and his personal life is a disaster, he is an amazing father and has an amazing work ethic. He does not feel that such extreme parenting was worth the costs within his life, and parents his daughter differently. His mom was absolutely an Unparent, though. And, I've seen this idealized as a kind of purity in real life unschooling circles. One which some people do live up to.

Momsteader and Fillyjonk like this.

Affordable organics delivered from GREEN POLKADOT BOX

Wife to jammin.gif Beast 

Mama to guitar.gif Crash (14) and hippie.gifSpritely (12)

incorrigible is offline  
#17 of 74 Old 02-04-2013, 03:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
ambersrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My local unschooling group has about 40 families with kids aged 1 - 24 years.  Most are RU.  I have seen some children who have a hard time thinking of other peoples feelings.  I had a 16 year old boy at a party we were hosting tell everyone loudly that we did not have enough food that he liked.  He whined and pouted for a while and then his family left.  I was so embarrassed and so was my husband and even some guests at the party commented on how uncomfortable it made them.  I know this can happen with any parenting style and I DO NOT blame Radical Unschooling but it is not exempt from a radical unschoolers family either.  

 

We had a situation at the girls Girl Scout troop this morning that may explain better my perspective on chores.  At snack time my daughter spilled her drink and was needing to clean it up.  The girl scout leader feels that it is her respondsibility to clean up her spill and while I agree with her, I think the adult helpers and leader should help by getting paper towels and even helping mop the spill.  The leader demanded that I not help her and encourage (or force) her self sufficency.  I was not doing anything else and I see no reason to help someone who needs it.  I think we should be leading my example.  Being helpful and kind are girl scout values right along side helping young girls to grow into strong self sufficent women.  I think it is ridiculus to have adults standing around doing nothing while a young girl is struggling to clean up a spilled drink.  Work is made so much lighter and dare I say "funner" when shared with others. I will be sharing my viewpoint with the leader via email tonight and I hope she is willing to listen to my perspective and not just dismiss me.  


mother, wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline  
#18 of 74 Old 02-04-2013, 04:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
ambersrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

And yes Un-parenting Radical Unschooling parents do exist.  I have met a few and a few have been asked to leave my local group because of their out of control children who harm others and their parents offer no guidance towards them behaving otherwise.  They are not common but they do exist.


mother, wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline  
#19 of 74 Old 02-06-2013, 11:16 AM
 
onatightrope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

FWIW, most of the unparented children I know are not unschooled, radical or otherwise.  

 

Ambersose-- how old is your daughter?  My thought about that kind of situation is that I need to periodically ask myself if the amount of help I'm giving is age appropriate.  A small child might have trouble reaching paper towels, and therefore might need help cleaning up a spill, but otherwise, I think it's reasonable to give a child the same opportunity to clean up after themselves we would give an adult.  I grew up with kids whose parents loved to swoop in and fix things whenever they made a mistake, and over time, the underlying message was "we don't think you can handle your own problems".  Giving someone a chance to fix their own mistake can be a sign of respect.

onatightrope is offline  
#20 of 74 Old 02-06-2013, 11:28 AM
 
incorrigible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Oregon Outback
Posts: 1,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by onatightrope View Post

FWIW, most of the unparented children I know are not unschooled, radical or otherwise.  

 

 

 

Heh....I was trying to be academic about the term...parents that weren't parenting for intentional philosophical reasons related to controlling behavior and it's effect on independence and development. Most of the parents I know that don't parent their children (which I define as unintentional, not related to their personal ideals, and having a noted lack of interest in their children's choices) aren't unschoolers....in fact, most of them have their children enrolled in institutional schools. ;) I'd say it's most common in parents that enroll their kids in private school, followed closely by those who enroll them in public school, and I have known a few who were school at home type homeschoolers. Though, I can't wrap my head around how that worked well enough to explain it. lol


Affordable organics delivered from GREEN POLKADOT BOX

Wife to jammin.gif Beast 

Mama to guitar.gif Crash (14) and hippie.gifSpritely (12)

incorrigible is offline  
#21 of 74 Old 02-06-2013, 02:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
ambersrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by onatightrope View Post

FWIW, most of the unparented children I know are not unschooled, radical or otherwise.  

 

Ambersose-- how old is your daughter?  My thought about that kind of situation is that I need to periodically ask myself if the amount of help I'm giving is age appropriate.  A small child might have trouble reaching paper towels, and therefore might need help cleaning up a spill, but otherwise, I think it's reasonable to give a child the same opportunity to clean up after themselves we would give an adult.  I grew up with kids whose parents loved to swoop in and fix things whenever they made a mistake, and over time, the underlying message was "we don't think you can handle your own problems".  Giving someone a chance to fix their own mistake can be a sign of respect.

I totally agree with what you are saying (both parts).  This was my five year old daughter and all I did to help was get her more napkins to use for the clean up because the few she had were not enough.  I would do the same for an adult.  The only napkins available were the ones in the bathroom down the hall with one of those wave your hand and wait dispensers.  It was not easy to get enough towels at once to clean up the large spill.  The troop leader apologized as well, admitting she was a little over zealous in that situation.  


mother, wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline  
#22 of 74 Old 02-09-2013, 01:34 PM
 
starling&diesel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: West Coast, Canada
Posts: 3,799
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)

Thank you for the interesting conversation!  

My oldest is just 4, so it's fascinating to hear from others who have been thinking about this idea for a while.

I get Sandra Dodd's yahoo groups digest, and I'm often flummoxed by the approach and tone of the radical unschoolers on that listserv, and the parenting style in general.  However, I find the perspectives compelling, and I often have an 'ah-ha' moment while reading the posts.  

However, we're not radical unschoolers by any means.  

We limit screen time, we have a bedtime routine (not a set time, but it seems to fall into place within the same hour and a half or so each night) and we have a culture of helping each other in our house (cleaning, tasks, etc).

My permissiveness (if you want to call it that) ends if my child does something mean, hurtful, or simply unkind. Other than that, they're pretty free range!


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
starling&diesel is online now  
#23 of 74 Old 02-09-2013, 07:46 PM
 
sk8boarder15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 727
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My son is only 2.5 but we are unschoolers all the way and there is no "Going to school" or even "doing school" in his forseeable future. We are NOT "Radical Unschoolers" but we are much much more relaxed than most parents of toddlers. Our "Hard" bedtime, is when both mom and dad are going to bed (since hes too young to stay up safely, and he's miserable without sleep, but not old enough to realize that yet). He watches TV and there are no hard limits on it, but he'd much rather be outside so its not really an issue since he only watches it first thing in the morning and after dark most days.

We don't force him to eat or even sit down at dinner, but we don't let him choose to eat ice cream (or other sweets) unless he ate some "real" food for dinner, but if he doesn't like what I made and there is something else available (like a hot dog) I gladly make it for him. 

I dislike labels, no family neatly fits into any label. 


- Mom to Baby Mark (9/18/10) and 4 wonderful dogs!
sk8boarder15 is offline  
#24 of 74 Old 02-13-2013, 12:53 PM
 
jpcoffee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: We move around
Posts: 5
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Not sure what label I would use to label use, daughter and I  get on great, best friends!

 

We don't really have rules, no bed times, no limits on TV, but have understandings, like keep the living areas tidy and starting of with tidy clothes although she does not comb her hair, often. I never punish her and she can be headstrong at times. She sometimes helps but not required to.

jpcoffee is offline  
#25 of 74 Old 02-17-2013, 01:24 PM
 
DuckDuckDuck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hi everyone, so is there any unparents here?

 

I have two girls aged 9 and 7 who were brought up quit strictly until last summer, then my marriage broke up and I have gone down deparenting route.
 

Does anyone know of any unparenting forums/sites

DuckDuckDuck is offline  
#26 of 74 Old 02-17-2013, 03:48 PM
 
owlhowl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 351
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Define "unparenting"! Never heard of that before!
smile.gif
owlhowl is offline  
#27 of 74 Old 02-17-2013, 03:48 PM
 
owlhowl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 351
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Define "unparenting"! Never heard of that before!
smile.gif
owlhowl is offline  
#28 of 74 Old 02-17-2013, 05:16 PM
 
avismama24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: NH
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hmmm unparenting....can you explain a bit more what you are referring too? Most of us in this thread would define ourselves as RU's (radical unschoolers) or whole life unschoolers, meaning that the unschooling philosphies we apply to educating our children also apply to our daily lives, such as no set chores, bedtimes, eating times, screen time, etc. etc. Is this what you mean when you say unparenting?


Me, slinggirl.gif mama to 1.5 yr old kid.gifDS, step mama to two tweens, married to a sarcastic sports nut censored.gif. We are unschooling! mdcblog5.gif http://twocoolfourschool.wordpress.com/

avismama24 is offline  
#29 of 74 Old 02-17-2013, 06:09 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 38 Post(s)
Unparenting is a term I've usually heard used with derision to describe parents who abdicate their responsibility for facilitating and supporting the development of appropriate social behavior and/or basic life skills in their children. Presumably you're using a different definition?

Miranda

Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#30 of 74 Old 02-18-2013, 01:03 PM
 
DuckDuckDuck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by owlhowl View Post

Define "unparenting"! Never heard of that before!
smile.gif

I was not the first to use the term on this thread. I am new to this type of parenting and currently on the route as described by avismama, although I don't expect the girls to be perfectly behaved anymore while I hope they will not turn into tearaways

 

There are days I wish I had not embarked on this route, there are times my mind says one thing why deep down a feeling says the opposite, like allowing the girls to go out shopping in their socks, or saying nothing as they play on escalators in the mall or when they use the occasional swear word. A couple of days ago my oldest pipped up and asked if she can smoke,

 

Yet it has been an interesting year, watching them change, while I have no regrets so I far wonder where we are going.

DuckDuckDuck is offline  
Reply

Tags
Unschooling

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off