So a few weeks into this, and it has gone really well. DD1 is getting a handle on her actions when she is angry. DD2 is having a harder time, and I think that is actually working in dd1's favor as she sees that she is not inevitably the one to get in trouble. DD1 sees her stars adding up, and she is earning her extra treats for the short term (7 stars) and now she is looking forward in another week to earning an extra riding lesson. It has been an amazing transformation, and the best is that she is *talking* about her emotions and seeking more help when she is up against a wall. She is looking for solutions and truly trying to make things easier for dd2.
DD2 is still getting the hang of things, but it is sinking in. I thought she'd pitch a fit when the time came to tell her she had lost one of her treats because the previous day's behavior, but she didn't. She earned her star that day. We are working on ways she can feel like she is being heard, because that is the source of her screaming rampages, but I think we will see some progress.
We are sticking with only certain areas for the sticks and carrots. Even dd1 told me about tidying up something that it was enough for her to work on keeping her actions under control, and I don't blame her. Fights still happen, or course, but they are getting better, more civil.
I was also pleased that dd1 was learning to sing the Girl Scout Law from youtube today. "I will do my best to be: honest and fair; friendly and helpful; considerate and caring; courageous and strong, and responsible for what I say and do, and to: respect myself and others; respect authority; use resources wisely; make the world a better place, and be a sister to every Girl Scout." I'm hoping Girl Scouts will help her articulate these things. I'm happy for all the help I can get!
"She is a mermaid, but approach her with caution. Her mind swims at a depth most would drown in."