Problem is he has lost all of his drive. When asked what he wants to learn he says "nothing, you just pick for me".
How do I do this?
Tough situation! I commend you for coming to a very courageous decision and jumping in with both feet. I completely agree about deschooling. It is completely understandable that he would have little interest in learning, and little sense of what he wants to do. He's spent most of his life as far back as he can remember, having those choices made for him, and, I would guess, feeling pretty crappy about himself because of his inability to meet with everyone's expectations. That's a lot of baggage to carry.
There is a recent thread on this forum about the deschooling process that I would suggest you
read through. You'll notice that people tend to suggest allowing one month of deschooling for every year of structured schooling. So that's probably ten months, or an entire academic year, for your ds. Homeschooling in a school-at-home fashion is just as other-directed and structured as school, so his time doing that will not mitigate the need for deschooling.
However, as someone who has older kids (currently 12, 16, 18 and 21), I know just how close to adulthood 15 is. Not only chronologically but physically, intellectually and in terms of the drive for autonomy and the drive to find a meaningful place in the world for oneself. So I would tend to try a couple of things to sort of expedite the unschooling process, and to help him see beyond being mired in this no-man's land between childhood and adulthood, feeling like he's so "behind" that he'll never get out of it. I'd want to give him ways to see himself as an almost-adult, to be inspired by the possibilities the future might hold for him.
First, I'd try to find him meaningful work. Volunteer work or paid work, it doesn't matter, there are benefits either way. If he has ADHD, he might benefit from physical work in particular. In my community right now they are looking for volunteers to help build mountain bike trails, and also to pick fruit from wasteland trees to reduce the risk of bears coming to town to snack. In the larger town where my daughter lives, they are looking for volunteers to help with evening deliveries of furniture from the Re-Store, and for people to help with sorting food at the food bank. There is nothing that builds a teen's confidence better than doing meaningful adult type work.
Secondly, I'd see if you can set up a situation where he succeeds at advanced learning that would be considered at or beyond the level of a 15-year-old, to break down this idea that he's incapable and behind. Yes, of course he has big lags in his academic skills when measured against school's expectations, but I'd be willing to bet that in the right situation he is capable of learning astonishingly well and surprising everyone.
I'd suggest you track down a book by John Mighton called "The Myth of Ability." In a nutshell, Mighton started a charity called JUMP (Junior Undiscovered Math Prodigies) tutoring kids who were failing math in school. And not just failing: his starting point was kids in 5th grade who were
three or more years behind in math, kids who were supposed to be learning long division who couldn't skip-count or reliably add numbers beyond ten without using their fingers. Up to this point the narrative is just a typical feel-good story about needy kids and a smart guy who wants to help.
But here's where it gets interesting: the first thing he taught these kids was a 7th-grade unit on adding and subtracting fractions. The book explains the nuts and bolts of how he taught them this (basically tiny incremental steps they could not possibly fail at, using skills they had, like using repetitive finger-counting to find common multiplies, etc., all couched in lots of praise from the tutor). But to me the most surprising lesson was that showing the kids that they were actually capable of learning
at or beyond their age-grade level was the key that unlocked their latent ability.
It might take some time to find the right opportunity for your ds, but I would watch for something that might fit the bill that's maybe targeted more at adults than kids. For instance, a community college extension course in highway flagging, or an online course in WordPress websites, or a weekend course on softball umpiring, or a level 1 first-aid course, or an introductory series of classes in ASL ... something that most 15-year-olds don't accomplish that has a completion endpoint that denotes a level of mastery. Obviously if he expresses an interest in something, go with that, but if not, you could look for opportunities that are aligned with other interests he has, or might help with his eventual employability. I would look for those that involve more hands-on, auditory and experiential learning than reading. I'd suggest and encourage and facilitate pretty enthusiastically to see if he'd buy in...
Just some thoughts. And welcome aboard!
Miranda