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8 year old reluctant to read

4K views 15 replies 8 participants last post by  Dreamountaindweller 
#1 ·
Hi folks-I'm new to this forum so thanks for making it happen. I have been unschooling my twin boys, almost 8, since the beginning and love it. Generally all is well and we tend to have more fun than anything, but recently I have become a little concerned about one son who, though he has read simple books and was seeming to proceed fine with reading, has lately become quite despondic about reading, is not interested in trying anymore, and gets quite upset if I try to push it.
To clarify, I have mostly let them discover reading on their own, believing in intrinsic motivation and all that, and both my partner and I have provided support and guidance along the way in terms of learning the basics (letter sounds,sounding out words,etc.) Nither child showed a great interest until recently, when there was a reading based raffle at the local library. They both read several books over the summer, and since the beginning of September one son has become increasingly excited about reading and has now tackled a chapter book.
The other though, has not seemed to progress , as I said, and seems angry at the idea that he might need to push through a tough spot to get to the fun stuff.
I feel a conflict between my general unschool philosophy,
and fears that
a.) he is refusing to continue because he feels left behind by his brothers progress
b.) the more time passes, the lower his confidence will be, esp. as all his friends read
c.) he may pass a "magic" time frame after which reading will become increasingly difficult...(??)
I have heard several vague stories about unschooled boys not reading until nine...?
Also, I sometimes wonder about dyslexia, although he seems able to interpret the words just fine when he puts in the effort...

Has anyone had similar experiences/have some words of advice??
Thanks so much!!
 
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#2 ·
a) Yes, that can be part of it.

b) If his brother and friends don't care, he might not care.

c) I don't believe in a "magic window" with reading.

He can enjoy books without reading them. Big, adult, coffee table-reference type books with loads of pictures on subjects that interest him.

Focus heavily on something else he is good at, and don't say anything to him about the reading. I understand about the sibling thing, though you don't say the age difference. That can be a downer without adding any parental pressure whatsoever, so you'll need to help him through that. It sounds like he's anxious, and often straight-out reassurance does not wind up doing any reassuring. So, you need to do something like building him up in other ways (without letting on that you are doing so I think).

Reading was touch and go for my oldest, and to a lesser extent my youngest as with any kid. But my youngest has almost no worry about being perfect. She just charges forward and good enough. My oldest is more anxious, and prefers to feel like she has some feeling of competence before she fully immerses herself, and especially for the under-10yo set, waiting can be an excellent solution. She did show a little bit of anxiety about her younger sister's progress in all areas, but not too much. She's also pickier about what she will read than dd2 who will read almost anything just so she can read.

Definitely, definitely do not let your concern for your son trip you up. My oldest is 10.5 and has read since she was 5.5, but really only in the last year has she read anything purely for pleasure. Up until then, reading was still enough of a chore that it was tiring, and it took away the joy of reading, especially mysteries that require extra thought to puzzle things out.
 
#3 ·
Thanks so much for the thoughtful reply. It is definitely helpful to hear at least one story about a reluctant reader at this age ( and esp.interesting to hear about a girl, since most homeschool girls I know are very early readers). I think you are right that as long as he has the basics he will read when he's good and ready, and my adding pressure would only turn him off more.
My boys are twins so the competition/comparisons are really intense, with every imaginable situation. To make matters worse, the one who is reading fluently is also more athletic, and in my opinion, more "left brain/linea " inclined, which in our society is usually show cased as "more important" skills (though of course we try to counter that at every turn) Hence his feelings of inferiority at times-( I know this becasue he has stated it quite clearly), and my worry! But of course one of our jobs is to try not to taint them with our own hangups- I am a "right brainer " and have struggled with those feelings all my life, so I need to keep that to myself!
Anyway thanks again for the help, I hope I can hear more similar stories....
 
#5 · (Edited)
Hi there,
Quick response here due to internet connection fun :) I just read about folks that consider themselves athletes or asthete. I wonder if your son is more interested in natural beauty instead of competitive things? Just a thought since your post brought that to mind.

Also, my son loves anything in graphic novel form. He sees the pictures and reads each. There is so much out there in graphic novel form from history, to science, you name it. It really has helped his confidence in reading. We find them in the children's section and also in the teen.
 
#6 ·
Huge thumbs-up to graphic novels!! It's what really clicked with my oldest to get her to start reading, though the first few years the progress was slow and unsteady (she's the perfectionist one.) I would read the narrative to her, she would practice reading the bubbles.

And she *hated* my finger under the words!

Also with this are comics, comic book collections, and any format similar to those and graphic novels. Marcia Williams' books are an excellent example of this, and perfect for your son's age, if he's interested in the subject matter.

Once I had a better idea of the formats that really spoke to my daughter (Eyewitness books were too busy; others too simplistic; Kingfisher books seemed about right; she likes lists of facts, etc. etc.; I could go on) I was able to help her find books that she would spend time with. Key words: "spend time with." And when something flopped at 6yo, we could revisit it at 7 or 9 or 10yo and maybe this time it clicked. For my youngest, spending time with her field guides on all conceivable subjects was deeply satisfying to her.

Again, I think your situation is complicated by his comparing himself to his brother. Any pressure like that was fairly minimal in our house, due to age differences and temperaments. I don't think that this advice alone is going to fix that. However, it's possible that working in this one area will set an example for him to draw on in the future.
 
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#7 ·
My kids are younger (and don't read yet), so I don't have advice (sorry), but I can't help crashing in here because of the graphic novels/comics suggestion.

What science or math or fact-themed comics have you found that are good? Because science and math comics are my kids' absolute favorites right now, even when the content goes about 10 years over the youngest's head (as in the Cartoon Guide to Physics), and I'd love to find something more her level.
 
#11 ·
I have read about Beast Academy... Thank you for the reminder.

Now that I mentioned graphic novels I am having a blank on authors :)

David Adler is a great math resource. My 6 year old was doing algebra last week, just from reading A simple picture book. Cool.

Have to dig a bit but they are out there!
 
#8 ·
Hmmm...

Magic School Bus certainly has a very similar format to at least Marcia Williams' books. But I wonder whether they would be simplistic for your kids at their level of science saavy. I suspect so, or at least have very limited appeal.

I'll keep thinking about this one. I would certainly love to find that as well.
 
#10 ·
My 8 year old girl is a reluctant reader as well...she also compares herself to her sister who is actually 5 but just has a different temperament(just very eager to be "taught", doesn't mind guessing and being wrong, while my oldest prefers to teach herself and is a perfectionist).

I simply try to remind her of all the things she knows and things she is good at and she comes around on her own with reasons to read. My 8 year old, just turned 8 but is nowhere near the patience level or experience level to read chapter books. She is reading early readers, because she prefers to see lots of sight words and be able to read everything easily and comprehend a book really well, rather than just read the words...I've used I believe it's the San Diego reading level test which says she is on her "grade level" however.

She can sound out bigger words and probably could on a technical level read 2nd grade or higher level reading, but on a maturity level, patience level, it's very rare that she wants to be challenged with reading and sounding words out. It has been difficult for me to hold my tongue and hold my fears at bay about her ability to read but when I made myself back off on the whole reading thing, she suddenly got quite into it and now I know the skill level is there for her to do what she wants with it, it's just she doesn't want to.

I was a very early reader myself, I was reading on my own before kindergarten and became such an avid reader as a child I wanted that for my children as well...but they don't need books the way I did, as they have so many of their interests they can explore and when they get around to perhaps reading on their own for their own pleasure I'm sure it will be the perfect time for them to explore just that.
 
#12 ·
I always enjoy the reading threads as there does seem to be more pressure in this area than almost any other. My 7 1/2 year old son loves stories but has no interest in reading himself. I think he recognizes most letters but maybe not all??

Anyway, I like reading articles like these: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201002/children-teach-themselves-read. Just helps me continue to feel confident and trusting about the path we've chosen to take.
 
#13 ·
Thanks for the suggestions (and do check out Beast Academy if you have mathy comic-loving young kids -- It is a textbook, but I'm surprised how much mine love it, how they've added all those characters to their pretend play, and how much they learn even without doing the problems).

Jay Hosler's stuff looks interesting, and I'll check out some of the others too.

With science, there seems to be a large gap in levels I have trouble working around. There's the little kid picture book level, and many of those are lovely, but when a kid gets beyond that in a certain subject, it's hard to find much. I often find books designed for elementary kids to read themselves (way too hard for reading, way too simplistic in content, graphics often poor), or textbooks designed for middle and highschoolers (not really the right thing at all), or popular science aimed at non-sciency adults. The adult ones can be good read-alouds but sometimes its a big jump in levels, and some of the references are kind of hard for a young kid to understand.
 
#14 ·
Little just turned 10. He goes through spurts of working on his reading, in the form of video game subtitles, and spurts of not wanting to read anything. Right now he is in a not reading phase, so my job is to be patient and not panick. One of the challenges with late readers is the content in early readers in boring as ____, and not geared to 10 or for that matter 8 or 9 year olds. Captain Underpants, Uck and ****, are popular, a series called Johnny Boo, is good, I'm saving The Bone series for when his interest is back, I think he could read those, (his brother read them in grade 2)
There is a thread on the homeschool forum MDC Goodreads, you may find some suggestions there.
Anna
PS just reread your post
1. There is no time limit on learning to read
2. Learning often takes an ebb and flo, you said he was reading a lot in the summer, maybe he just needs a break
3. He is resistant to being pushed.....I think you answered you own question...
 
#15 ·
1. There is no time limit on learning to read
Others have said this, but I'll add my :thumb too. There is absolutely no developmental window of opportunity hard-wired into the human brain. It makes no sense that there would be, because the history of written language is but a heartbeat in the timeline of human evolution.

There is a bit of a time limit if a child is in school, because if kids aren't well on the path to reading fluency by age 8 they get labelled as poor learners by teachers and peers, and they start missing a large portion of what is being taught, because increasingly the teaching incorporates the reading and writing of text. Neither of which is neceesary in a homeschooling situation.

Two of the most educated, literate young adults I know grew up as unschoolers and didn't learn to read until they were almost 10.

Miranda
 
#16 ·
Thanks all!!

Hey there
I just finally got around to checking this again (sorry! crazy busy!) and was happily surprised to see all the responses. Thanks so much to everyone for the stories and the advice. It is really comforting to be in touch with others who have similar experiences (although there are lots of homeschoolers in my area, there are few "unschoolers")
I'm excited about exploring graphic novels- I must admit I wasnt even sure what the term meant exactly(!), and certainly had no idea that there were so many topic categories to explore. Exciting!
Right now we are having most success in this area by reading together- all three of us take turns reading a page at a time in an easy reader- this i think helps relieve some pressure for him and makes it more social.
In general I feel much better about just backing off a bit and trusting his process.
There is nothing more important, I think, then nurturing lifelong curiousity and not imbedding fear or stress into the idea of learning.
So thanks again to all who've commented so far and I look forward to participating in more threads!
Drea
 
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