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Please reassure me that unschooling really will work

1K views 14 replies 11 participants last post by  Lillian J 
#1 ·
By "work" I mean produce an educated child in the traditional sense - math, reading, writing, history, etc. At least as good an education as if he had attended public school. (Yes, I know most illiterate people attended school, but you know what I mean.)

I can't imagine sending ds1 to school, but sometimes I'm worried that not only are we unschooling, but that I am being downright neglectful! We are out and about a lot, and we do things like go to the zoo and Discovery Center. He takes classes like gymnastics and cooking and soccer and little day camps. We go to the occasional park day, and get together with a couple of other hs friends once or twice a week.

But I'm worried about the "provide an enriching home environment" aspect of hs'ing. I've got lots of "enriching" books around, but he has no interest in any of them. We read, but not enough for my comfort level. The library hasn't been working for us, because ds1 just wants to check out videos and ds2 just tries to make an escape. He is almost always interested in any projects I initiate, but it doesn't happen much because 1) ds2 makes these things quite impossible and 2) I am fairly lazy and disorganized about this kind of stuff.

I am doing absolutely nothing structured with ds1 as far as academics go, and I'm getting a bit panicked about it. (He turned 6 in May.) Left to his own devices, he chooses to play trains, watch tv, play on the computer, run around like a crazy man, do baking projects or play involved pretend games that honestly make me want to tear my hair out.

Please tell me that he will still end up knowing how to read and do basic mathematical functions before he is 10yo. Or tell me that I am in serious trouble and need to make some drastic changes ASAP!
 
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#2 ·
Firstly, a hug for you.
Unschooling can be downright terrifying to get into if you are unfamiliar.

Second, you might need to tweak your definition of "work". You are still thinking pretty clearly in terms of school in the traditional sense and that's pretty normal. It takes time to see learning and education in a new way. Unschooling is really more about setting personal goals and meeting them your own way in your own time than it is about meeting the goals everyone says you are supposed to at 5 years or 10 years.

Unschooling invites people to see learning as living. Not only does the learning happen, it actually MUST happen. Unless you keep a child locked in a closet or they are unconscious they are going to learn, and there's just nothing you can do about it.
Learning isn't just math or reading or science projects. It is in those things, of course, but it's also in a TV show, toys, mud, video games, and bike riding. Your trips to the zoo and museums sound terrific. Maybe you could talk about the videos he loves from the library. What are his favorite characters? What does he like the most or least about them? If he was in charge of the story/movie what would he change? It's fun to get into their heads a little bit that way I think.

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Left to his own devices, he chooses to play trains, watch tv, play on the computer, run around like a crazy man, do baking projects or play involved pretend games that honestly make me want to tear my hair out.
Ahh, he's waist deep in unschooling and loving it! Lots of good stuff going on there, but it's sometimes harder to "see" it because we still feel like it has to be academic to truly be educational. He'll be interested in reading and math as they become important, necessary, and helpful to him. (If something isn't interesting, helpful, or important to us what on earth would be the point, right?) And they do for most folks I believe. I am more natural with language than I am with numbers, but I learned basic-ish math because it makes my life easier. I'll never ever be a math whiz, and that's just fine with me. My Ds doesn't like to write by hand at all, but he is practicing his penmanship for an upcoming essay he'll have to do by hand. He wants a good score.

Hang in there! I think you are both doing just fine. Follow his lead, and let him see you doing your own thing too.
 
#3 ·
My 10yo ds was doing pretty much what you describe when he was 6. I'd been unschooling his older sister for a while by that stage, so I just let him be. He was a curious, busy, fun kid. He just wasn't into lots of reading and seatwork.

A funny thing happened this year. He decided to buckle down and do some bookwork. Since last October he's completed an entire elementary mathematics program and moved on to Algebra. Even I am tempted to frame this experience as "he's had a terrific year" and "see how fast they learn when they're self-motivated." But the truth is that he was doing all the conceptual learning during those years of free play, watching videos, playing on the computer, running around and such. This year he's just gone through the business of putting it down on paper.

Six is still so young. A hundred years ago school didn't even start for most kids until age 7. Boys are often slower to reach the point of readiness for academics than girls. But I am sure your ds is learning all the basic math and literacy foundations through his living and playing.

Oh, and for what it's worth -- DVDs (documentaries especially, but other types too) have been a cornerstone of my family's unschooling for two or three years now, utilizing an on-line rental subscription service. If your ds isn't a book kinda guy right now, you might consider feeding his appetite for videos with appropriate fare rather than de-emphasizing it because they're not books.

Cheers!

Miranda
 
#4 ·
You're doing a *lot* more than we do!!

I agree with Unschoolnma (not a stretch
), that it has a lot to do with assuming it's working or not...
It is so hard to let go of that feeling that your LO *should know* this or *should be doing* that. It's scary!! *But*, what they are doing, learning, creating, experiencing, diving into is far more importnat because they are able to follow that little voice inside them that tells them this is what they want to be doing.
6 is so young! He sounds like he's living an amazingly rich life...you're doing great, mama
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
We are out and about a lot, and we do things like go to the zoo and Discovery Center. He takes classes like gymnastics and cooking and soccer and little day camps. We go to the occasional park day, and get together with a couple of other hs friends once or twice a week.

Quote:
But I'm worried about the "provide an enriching home environment" aspect of hs'ing.
Do you see where these statements are contradictory?


PS kids do not do these things as part of their normal school day. They sit at desks and do a lot of worksheets. They may be able to perform certain academic tricks at an earlier age than your ds, but being able to perform and being able to learn (and love learning) are two different things.

Quote:
I've got lots of "enriching" books around, but he has no interest in any of them. We read, but not enough for my comfort level.
Remember that your son is six, and a boy. I'm not surprised that he's not really very interested in "enriching" books, especially now that it's summer.

Quote:
Left to his own devices, he chooses to play trains, watch tv, play on the computer, run around like a crazy man, do baking projects or play involved pretend games
Sounds exactly like what a six year old should be doing.

Quote:
Please tell me that he will still end up knowing how to read and do basic mathematical functions before he is 10yo.
No one can really assure you of that, but keep in mind that your son at 10 will be very different from your son at six. He will have developed a whole new range of interests and his neurological development will be much more advanced and he will be much more mature and those things that seem like a real struggle to learn at six will come much more easily at 10.

dm
 
#6 ·
You need to decide if you want to compare your child to those attending a traditional school or more traditional homeschool. If you do, then he may or may not turn out like those attending traditional schools. It will depend on his interests and temperament.

I was unschooled for several years and thrived in that environment. I'm a self motivated learner who would go to the library as often as I was allowed and come home with stacks of books on a huge variety of topics. I would decide, for example, that I was interested in South America or Christmas celebrations in other countries or first aid or vegetarian cooking and go check out every book they had on that topic. I learned a lot -- way more than my traditionally schooled counterparts, I would venture. (To be fair, I was 11, not six.)

I went back to a traditional public school in high school, and was far ahead in some subjects and just average in other subjects, like math and science. My mom got me books on math and science, but they were never that interesting to me. She had to force me to do algebra -- I would never have chosen to study that on my own. (In fact, there were several years where I didn't do any math whatsoever, other than what I needed in daily life.)

My youngest sister had a different experience. She's not nearly as self motivated as I was, although she was unschooled for longer than me. She went back to a public high school and was rather behind in some areas. (My mom had not made her do any higher math, for example, so she had to take remedial math until she could take Algebra.) Her grades and abilities compared to public school counterparts were average.

Is unschooling the magic bullet? Not if you're going to compare your kids to public schooled kids. I think you have to move away from that mentality if you're going to enjoy unschooling. If you really do want to see your kids learn a specific set of things by a certain time (or at all), you may be better off pursuing a more traditional homeschool route.

ETA: I am NOT saying unschooled kids WILL be behind, or that other schooling methods are better. Unchooled kids may be ahead in many ways. Just that you have to either let go of the comparisons or you might be better off pursuing a more traditional route.
 
#7 ·
I think MsElle07 makes a really good point about whether you want to compare your kids to PS kids. Personally, a large part of why we homeschool is because we don't want our kids educated like PS kids. I blogged about it here.

I think that, if you give your son the opportunity to shine where he is naturally inclined to, he will, and it will be far better for him in the long run to have his gifts and interests honored than it would be for him to have them overlooked or pushed aside in favor of a watered-down, one-size-fits-all education that was created with no specific child, and certainly not your precious son, in mind. If your son comes away from unschooling lacking some of the things that PS kids learned, so what? He will shine in those areas that he needs for his life.

dm
 
#8 ·
I think we all worry sometimes. My 13 yr old has gone canoeing to collect various specimans or just observe the changing seasons in the pond/river at school as part of his biology class, and they planted an organic garden. Really neat stuff like that. (Well, so did we plant an organic garden, and so can we go canoeing, i know!) They seem so energized and creative. The teachers get to bounce all these ideas off each other and with the kids. At home, there are fewer of us to bounce ideas off of, and sometimes I do worry we've missed a cool idea.

But yk, I *do* know we have plenty enough cool ideas to keep us happy and passionate about life. The school seems to do more of these things on a regular basis, with more 'structure' that seems to be appreciated, at least my ds, than I do at home with my hsers.

On my worry days, I sometimes I think I'll just take out a loan and send my youngest there (my teen dd is too old now), but then I realize she is happy and thriving and bright. I don't need to mortgage my home for more tuition money, kwim?

I like that they have their own pace. My 8 yr old spends her days doing much of what you say your dc does, and I think thats terriffic. She's older, so she does read lots, and she does enjoy being read to. I think 6 is still very young to expect a lot of that. Some kids are into it, but some aren't and that is ok. Learning takes place in a zillion ways, not just in formal, sit down ways.

So, sometimes I get ideas from my ds' school, but mostly we just do our thing and everyone is happy. On my non-worry days (which are most days) I am so happy the children get to have this really wonderful, peaceful time at home, and can follow their interests.
 
#9 ·
Thank you for the replies. It really helps to get me through the panic!

I've always said that we are unschooling for now and we'll see how things go as he gets older. And, I have known from the start that the hardest part was going to be my freak out about it. So I think for my own sanity I'm just going to give a little more effort to introducing various projects. If he doesn't want to do them, fine, but I think I'll feel a little better about the whole thing if I put it out there a bit more.

Our whole family has been in a bit of a rut the past two months with illnesses and looking for a house and everything else, so I think that's contribution to my feeling that I am neglecting the kids.
 
#10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
Thank you for the replies. It really helps to get me through the panic!

I've always said that we are unschooling for now and we'll see how things go as he gets older. And, I have known from the start that the hardest part was going to be my freak out about it. So I think for my own sanity I'm just going to give a little more effort to introducing various projects. If he doesn't want to do them, fine, but I think I'll feel a little better about the whole thing if I put it out there a bit more.

Our whole family has been in a bit of a rut the past two months with illnesses and looking for a house and everything else, so I think that's contribution to my feeling that I am neglecting the kids.

It's summer. The prefect time to hang out and enjoy the more relaxed pace. It's really ok. I hope you and yours are on the road to health now!
 
#11 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
Our whole family has been in a bit of a rut the past two months with illnesses and looking for a house and everything else, so I think that's contribution to my feeling that I am neglecting the kids.
Something to keep in mind is that with all that going on, chances are your ds wouldn't have been getting all that much out of school anyhow. When we go through what seems like a less productive time, I try to remember that there are seasons in life, and there are times when I think we do cool stuff my kids would never get to do in school. Admittedly, I only compare hsing to our local public school, where there is no canoing (UUMom, I want to go to that school!
).

Don't dismiss the value of pretend play, even if it can be annoying, LOL! Have you read Big A, Little a ?

ZM
 
#12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by zeldamomma View Post
Admittedly, I only compare hsing to our local public school, where there is no canoing (UUMom, I want to go to that school!
).

ZM
Believe me, I go back and forth with wanting to enroll my little one. I like our freedom, but the school is very dynamic and I really enjoy the people there. Maybe I shoud go, maybe I can learn to have fewer speliing typos. Drop the e, add i-n-g. lol
 
#13 ·
I read somewhere that more traditional homeschoolers are prone to burning out, while unschoolers are prone to freaking out.

Maybe that's how you know that unschooling is working?
 
#14 ·
I can't add any more than the wonderful answers you've got so far. Just wanted to give you a
. Taking responsibility to educate your kids is a big thing and we all freak out from time to time. The key is to remind yourself of your long term goals for your ds and not worry so much about keeping up with public school. Public schools are teaching things at earlier and earlier ages which isn't age appropriate at all. They're quick to blame the kids for not learning instead of looking at what they are doing (or not doing) to meet the kids' needs. (When I was a teacher, they paid for us to get training in how kids' brains learn and then we had to go right back to work with the unrealistic expectations of what kids should learn when. I was glad that I taught special ed and could tailor my kids' lessons to their abilities without being penalized like my gen ed counterparts.)
 
#15 ·
You're in serious trouble and need to make some drastic changes ASAP! Just kidding - couldn't resist...
: This is Lillian, writing on the run in between stuff where I'm working for a few weeks in Big Sur... Won't be back online for a while. I'm sure you alread have a lot of great advice here, but I'm on a slow dialup connection, so don't really have time to read through.

Your subject title caught my eye when I took a look to see what's new here. Do relax
. A six year old's work is play. Mine was still going to Waldorf kindergarten for half days at that age - he didn't even have as much going on as yours does, but the play was absolutely invaluable. He was almost seven when he first learned letters and how to read 3 letter words - and it only took weeks at that point. His needs, interests, inclinations, and drives all grew as he grew. So will your son's - it's only natural. My son's interests by his teens (and even earlier) were strong and varied, and they continue to grow now in his young adult years. He's very self sufficient and self motivated. He's taking a break from his four year college right now (is due to go back this coming year), but took classes at a community college during the break time - just things he was interested in. Your youngest will be growing and maturing enough that things will be able to settle down in time. Sounds like things are developiing just fine at your house.
Lillian
 
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