Is Unschooling Compatible with Punishment? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Is unschooling compatible with punishment?
Yes, but only non-corporal punishments like taking-away-priveleges. 37 43.53%
No, not at all. 48 56.47%
Voters: 85. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-31-2008, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by SagMom View Post
Maybe this sounds nit-picky, but the word "always" jumped out at me here. I would say that we (my kids and I) are mutually respectful. I would say that I've modeled respect and consideration for them and they've picked that up and shown respect for me. OVERALL, that is our life. Have I ever "lost it" and said stupid things that were disrespectful and that I regretted? You betcha. And they've done likewise. We talk about it afterwards, we apologize, we move on and get back on track again. It's a mistake, but not a failure.
Thanks for sharing that! That just goes to show how sometimes we misinterpret things while we're in the thick of something.

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It IS a two-way street. We respect each other, and we forgive each other when we freak out occassionally.
Yes, forgiveness and second-chances (and third and fourth and so on) are an important part of our family-life as well.

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With little kids though, I think there are times when it's less about respect and more about self-control. I could tell my little ones things like, "I don't like being yelled at. Just ask me and I'll help you." but if they were in the middle of melt-down, that kind of discussion had to wait. Being tired, or hungry, or overstimulated could definately lead to a meltdown and lack of self-control. I wouldn't expect a child to politely explain their needs to me at that point and I wouldn't see their inability to do so as disrespect, but as a developmental stage. kwim?
I agree, and that's why I think it's so good (though sometimes difficult) to find a supportive community IRL. It just doesn't help to hear people nattering on about how "That child needs to learn some manners" or "I can tell who's the boss in that family," when you can see your child's at her wit's end and just needs a snack or some attention, right then.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 06-01-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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Ok...I prefer the word "accountability" instead of "punishment"

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 06-01-2008, 06:38 PM
 
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Ok...I prefer the word "accountability" instead of "punishment"
Maybe this is all about semantics. We've established that some mean one thing by the word "discipline" and some mean something entirely different. Maybe some of us also think of the word "punishment" in different ways.

The dictionary definition I found on punishment defines it as: suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution; a penalty inflicted on an offender.

The dictionary definition I found defines accountability as: the quality or state of being accountable; especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.

Using those definitions, I think you can be accountable till the cows come home without ever being punished . As I said earlier, I was never in my life punished except for having to take a class to keep a traffic ticket off my record, and having to do detention in high school because of accidentally going to the wrong assembly and missing a class - and my son was never punished. But we're both responsible people who have always held ourselves accountable for our behavior. - Lillian
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Old 06-01-2008, 08:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The dictionary definition I found defines accountability as: the quality or state of being accountable; especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.

Using those definitions, I think you can be accountable till the cows come home without ever being punished . As I said earlier, I was never in my life punished except for having to take a class to keep a traffic ticket off my record, and having to do detention in high school because of accidentally going to the wrong assembly and missing a class - and my son was never punished. But we're both responsible people who have always held ourselves accountable for our behavior. - Lillian
Thank you for sharing that! That's how I see it, too -- but you've worded it way better than I could.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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