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Am I holding DS back by USing?

637 views 7 replies 4 participants last post by  Serendipity 
#1 ·
Our family has sort of fallen into (radical) unschooling because DS1 has always verbalized that he has no interest whatsoever in school. He's even said he doesn't want to homeschool.

Anyway, I'm starting to question whether I'm doing what's best for him. He's shy and very, very slow to warm up in new/unfamiliar situations. But, when he does try something new, 8 out of 10 times, he loves it and doesn't want to leave/stop. For example, today I took him and DS2 to the dentist. DS1 was very hesitant but agreed to go (really I needed DS2's molared checked, but I figured I might as well try to get DS1's teeth examed while I was there as he hadn't been in over a year). In the end, both kids had a positive experience and all the way home, DS2 talked about how grateful he was to receive a "goody bag" with a new tooth brush and floss.

I guess I'm starting to think he might really like some of the aspects of school. I used to think he'd hate sitting at a desk, but now I'm not so sure; if not a traditional classroom maybe Waldorf. Am I crazy? There are so many things that make me cringe when I think about school. Has anyone else been through this. Please talk me down.
 
#2 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by wdube View Post
Anyway, I'm starting to question whether I'm doing what's best for him. He's shy and very, very slow to warm up in new/unfamiliar situations. But, when he does try something new, 8 out of 10 times, he loves it and doesn't want to leave/stop..
Well, if he is shy and slow to warm up, then unschooling would work just fine. It would give him the space he needs to do things in his own time, versus a school's schedule.
 
#3 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by wdube View Post
Our family has sort of fallen into (radical) unschooling because DS1 has always verbalized that he has no interest whatsoever in school. He's even said he doesn't want to homeschool.

Anyway, I'm starting to question whether I'm doing what's best for him. He's shy and very, very slow to warm up in new/unfamiliar situations. But, when he does try something new, 8 out of 10 times, he loves it and doesn't want to leave/stop. For example, today I took him and DS2 to the dentist. DS1 was very hesitant but agreed to go (really I needed DS2's molared checked, but I figured I might as well try to get DS1's teeth examed while I was there as he hadn't been in over a year). In the end, both kids had a positive experience and all the way home, DS2 talked about how grateful he was to receive a "goody bag" with a new tooth brush and floss.

I guess I'm starting to think he might really like some of the aspects of school. I used to think he'd hate sitting at a desk, but now I'm not so sure; if not a traditional classroom maybe Waldorf. Am I crazy? There are so many things that make me cringe when I think about school. Has anyone else been through this. Please talk me down.
I would think you could find other ways of giving him new, fun experiences without all the junk that comes along with school...

Maybe free community events, classes that allow 'drop-ins' etc. Are you involved in a playgroup of sorts?
 
#4 ·
It sounds like you are giving him a wonderful gift by unschooling... the opportunity to take as much time as he needs to ease into situations, and to regulate his own comfort level with new experiences and people.

I'm betting that the experience at the dentist was so positive because YOU were there at his side. I mean that in a good way... you know him best, so you know when a nudge is helpful, and when he needs you to back off.

I'm hearing your story through the filter of my own experience. I was always an introvert, shoved into groups in hopes that I would learn to socialize. I'm still kind of bitter about it, not to mention shy and anxious in groups. After all, introversion in a personality trait, not a moral defect! (oops.. this is supposed to be about you
) I would have LOVED to have the kind of education you're providing your ds.
 
#6 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Serendipity View Post
I would think you could find other ways of giving him new, fun experiences without all the junk that comes along with school...

Maybe free community events, classes that allow 'drop-ins' etc. Are you involved in a playgroup of sorts?
Yeah, maybe this is what we need ... or what I need. We go to playgroups two days a week and are still active in LLL. Other days we play at home; our community has a pool, tennis, and basketball so we have lots of stuff to do here.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way. It could be because we recently got a wii, and I feel like I'm not playing with them directly as much. I feel sick when I watch too much Mario Cart (motion sickness). I'm glad they're enjoying the game so much, but it almost makes me feel like I'm not parenting well. (For the record, I do not have a problem with video games.)
 
#7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Serendipity View Post
birdie22 makes a good point, maybe he has such positive experiences because he isn't inundated with too much of that environment and he gets enough of a break in between.
I agree with you guys. I've always been with my kids, and I do think that helps.

Early on, I had a tough time dealing with DS1's personality because I needed to get out and meet other moms. Now I embrace it, and realize I'm very introverted, too.
 
#8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by wdube View Post
Yeah, maybe this is what we need ... or what I need. We go to playgroups two days a week and are still active in LLL. Other days we play at home; our community has a pool, tennis, and basketball so we have lots of stuff to do here.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way. It could be because we recently got a wii, and I feel like I'm not playing with them directly as much. I feel sick when I watch too much Mario Cart (motion sickness). I'm glad they're enjoying the game so much, but it almost makes me feel like I'm not parenting well. (For the record, I do not have a problem with video games.)
I went through the EXACT same thing when we got a wii.


It took a while to readjust and figure out where we all fit in, and how to make sure we are all getting what we need. You could try getting out more (though twice a week at park is a lot) and see how he likes it, you may find it's too much and that those every now and then experiences are what's just right for him.
 
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