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#1 of 7 Old 12-05-2003, 06:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all. Over the last year my dh and I have been discussing circ.He knows my passion to educate people on this important matter, but he being circ'd failed to truly make the connection. Until last night.

We have always had a healthy sex life. But in order for me to orgasm from intercourse I need a slow kind of pressure or rolling sort of movement. He on the other hand, he needs to pound and pound and pound. Does nothing for me. I actually get a bit numb. So I finally told him I need it slow and "nice".More sensual than sexual. He was fine with that. But not really.

After trying it my way he just stopped during and sat there absolutely dumbfounded. He couldn't feel anything. He became very irate with me as to why I just couldn't be like normal girls he's been with.Then he realized how much of an ass he was being. And started to cry. THE LIGHT BULB.

He asked me for the first time about circumcision. What it actually takes away?

I did the hand test for him. How the back of your hand feels one way and the palm feels another. And had him make a fist to demonstrate the skin getting tighterduring an erection and how friction and deep pressure affect the pleasure of a circ'd penis but an intact penis has not only the deep pressure pleasure but also the light touch receptors like the palm.

Then I got out Sex as Nature intended. Yes I know it is not the best book.And I agree wholeheartedly with Sarah on how her adultery screws up what could be a very powerful book. But needless to say it was all I had. I let him read the restoring chapters. After I asked him if anything sounded familiar with either two of these men. He said," Everything". The chaffing. The sore erections. The throbbing he felt the next day. The need to thrust so long and hard. The method of masturbation. He also has a very painful vericose vein that runs along the side that gives him constant pain. He also says his glans is always cold. He said he needs a visual to get aroused. There is not enough sensation to get aroused without some sort of visual with it. He prefers the lights to be on except after I had the baby because my body didn't really do it for him them. Truth sucks, I know.

He is now angry. At first denial and now anger. He sat there last night with this epiphany in shock. "How can this be happening to little boys." to "People should go to jail for what was done to us".

I am trying to be supportive.Maybe I shouldn't have said anything about how I need him to make love.Maybe I should just lay back with my legs behind my head and pretend to enjoy being pounded while he looks away. He can't look at me when he tries to climax because it's too distracting. For a long time I thought it was me. I think he did too. Maybe it is. Who knows.

Ain't circ great! Now what's next?
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#2 of 7 Old 12-05-2003, 09:52 PM
 
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I am the same way. My dh is circ'd and he feels the need to pound me til it hurts. I cannot climax while having intercourse unless there is clitoral stimulation along with it. I have told him just recently that I need him to slow down. He tries but I can tell he gets frustrated. I'm sure he can't really feel anything but he hasn't said anything to me. He has never said anything about having painful erections or throbbing afterwards. He can climax very easily sometimes and not so easily other times. I have not talked about restoration with him. I do not say anything negative about HIS circ. Our ds is intact. That was a major decision for us. At first we were going to do it, then we were going to wait until the 8th day, then I checked on insurance and it was only covered if before we left the hospital, and finally my research and SEEING a circ. performed and me telling dh that our ds would not be circ'd. I guess he backed down and accepted it. Now that I have my intact son, I am so much more sensitive to the aspect of circ. I get angry easily when I hear someone say they are going to circ. Mainly because their reasons are purely cosmetic. The whole "I want him to look like his dad" crap. I would not cut off my fingers to prevent arthritis anymore than I would cut off my ds's foreskin to prevent any infections. So, I am so glad to hear that your dh has seen the light. I am not so brave to talk with my dh about his. Hopefully one day I will be able to. Good luck and congrats on the pg!
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#3 of 7 Old 12-05-2003, 11:28 PM
 
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Listen, I don't have any advice for you but maybe it will make you feel better to know you aren't the only couple dealing with similar issues. My circumcised DH takes for-ev-er to climax, even while masturbating or during oral sex. Sometimes he never climaxes at all. I never linked it to his circ until recently, though (of course, I don't know for sure if that's the reason behind it, but I'm guessing). This used to cause major issues for me because I figured I was simply the worst lover in the world. He once told me he was never was able to climax when he lost his virginity at 15 - that's pretty horrible that a 15 year old is so desensitized. Also, his glans sometimes gets "raw" (that's how he puts it) and we have to stop lovemaking. Lubrication is a constant issue for us. I don't make enough and his circ doesn't help.

I never mention anything about it to him, though, or told him that I think his circ is the root of the problem. I think he thinks every guy is like this. I don't want to make him feel worse about it.

Intact penises just look so much more... comfortable. Seeing pictures of erect circumcised penises makes me wince, and I don't even have one myself! DH's circumcision was pretty tight - his skin will hardly move when erect. It just looks so darn uncomfortable.
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#4 of 7 Old 12-06-2003, 01:14 PM
 
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I was the same way. Since I didn't recognize the problems as my own, I blamed them on my lovers. You know, not tight enough, too quick, not enough foreplay, etc., etc., etc. I had often heard of women who had difficulty orgasming and wondered how I had never managed to find one of them. All of my lovers were too quick on the draw. They would orgasm over and over again before I did. Sometimes they would get too irritated to go on long enough for me to finish. "What's wrong with them?" "They need to toughen up."

Over the years, I made some discoveries. One was that if left to their own devices, women make short strokes. This discovery came from my lover being on top. I also realized that position wasn't important to me because my sensitive area was completely surrounded but position was critically important to my lover and that by her being on top, she could position herself for the maximum stimulation better than I could possibly ever achieve. I figured out that if she was on top, she didn't get as sore and I also learned that with regular sex, she would "toughen up" to be able to better handle the friction. I also learned that with regular sex and frequent orgasms, her vaginal muscles would strengthen giving me the "tightness" I so desperately needed.

The only fly in the ointment was that I got older and older, I was getting less and less out of it and was losing interest in sex. That meant that with less frequency, my lover was losing the toughness necessary to take me the distance and she was also losing the vaginal muscle strength to trigger my orgasm. While as a young man, I took great pains to adequately prepare my lover through foreplay, I found that now my lover was having to prepare ME! It scared me because I took great pleasure in my sexuality in my youth and now it was slipping through my fingers. The specter of impotence loomed large!

About 5 years ago, I discovered this topic and decided to try restoration. It worked! It restored the sensitivity necessary to revive my interest and gave me enough mobile shaft skin to not rub my lover raw. It also facilitated a new discovery. Not being distracted by the friction of circumcised sex, my lover is more able to revel in the experience and is far more interested in sex because she knows she won't be hurting tomorrow.





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#5 of 7 Old 12-06-2003, 02:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's another thing I have noticed right from the start. I need to get him ready for sex. Usually, but not always. My others lovers were usually ready to go long before me. It is also very hard for him to orgasm from oral.My other lovers didn't have that problem.

He has asked about restoring but thinks he's cut too tight. ANd he has a painful vein. He shudders to think about how to pull the skin over that vein.

Should I get him Jim Bigelow's book? I do think he would attend a restoration meeting.

He has a vasectomy appt next week. He better not see a circumstraint in there or he will come unglued. He is so angry. ANd sad. ANd feels very inadequate.He has little desire to make love to me . I'm afraid he'll will have an affair with someone less in tune with his body. Just to feel better about it.

I have never complained about his skills before. I just asked him to slow down. And tried to explain how it felt good for me. wHEN He tried this he realized he had no sensation. That was the light bulb moment.
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#6 of 7 Old 12-06-2003, 06:31 PM
 
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Hi Mom2to3
I would recommend purchasing the book called "The Multi Orgasmic Male" and its companion book The Multi orgasmic couple.It teaches couples to have sexual experiences beyond what they previously experienced.Sexual ecstacy can be a whole body experience.It can also allow lovemaking to be joyfully prolonged by allowing him to orgasm without ejaculating until he wants to.Most major bookstores should carry those books.

I would also suggest on exploring different areas of each others body during foreplay.Its a way to spread the sexual energy all over.The hotest spot on many men is the area between the testicles and the anus.Stroking that area often bring very pleasurable sensations to him.I aslo heard that some men reported having whole body orgasms when their partners focused on his nipples.

I hate circumcision too and am vocal about it but it shouldnt prevent you and your husband from having a completely fulfilling sex life.
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#7 of 7 Old 12-07-2003, 12:11 AM
 
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well, here's my novel:

I lost my virginity at 15 to an intact guy with a HUGE penis...I didn't know he was intact until later. It hurt, but it was my 1st time, so i didn't know the difference. Future boyfriends were all circ'd and smaller than my 1st. And sex always hurt with them, too. I never seemed to make enough lube, they always pounded away at me anyway, and i would be sore the next day, and even numb!! comparing my 1st experience to the rest, it was actually the best, b/c it was more tender, gentle, and most of all, he took it slow! I had to know why...then I began to ? circ (i was 17, so all this happened in 2 years...i was a promiscuous teen ) I decided that it will be up to my kids if they want it done b/c it's their body, and they have to live with that decision, not me.

I met my XH at 18, and discovered that he had a really bad circ. he was circ'd at birth, then circ'd again as a toddler to fix his "uneven" penis. He had some terrible scars, they were awful to look at. We had sex maybe once a month, if he was lucky. I just couldn't deal with the pain and the pounding...then we divorced after less than a year.

I met my current DP way back in high school, and we had always been friends...we hooked up during my divorce. His skin was loose, but i could tell he was cut. I just assumed he had a loose circ. But even so, he was the 1st lover to give me an orgasm vaginally, and the 1st to not give me any pain. After we were more comfortable talking about sensative things, he brought up circ, how he thought it was wrong, and how he was angry about being cut. then he told me about restoration. He was more nervous talking to me about it b/c he didn't want me to think he was a nutcase for doing it. I didn't believe him at first, i didn't think it was possible. but it is.

He's been restoring a total of 5 years...we've been together for almost 3 years now, and his progress has been amazing! he went from a tight painful shaft to loose, wrinkled skin in 2 years. Since we've been together, his foreskin has grown to cover his glans completely when soft, and covers half the glans when erect and pulled forward. We love it! Our sex life, even though it was already great, has improved by leaps and bounds. the more progress he seems to get, the better the sex seems to be for BOTH of us. BTW~~those "lube" problems i was having are not a problem anymore...since we've been together, (TMI) i often end up sleeping in a puddle when we're done, LOL!

DP is more satisfied with his penis now, but he is still very unhappy knowing what he has lost, and knowing that there is alot he will never get back. He still gets angry, too. if he could find the DR that did it to him, well, he'd be in alot of trouble.

here's alot of info in another thread about restoring:Restoring ???
and about this~~
Quote:
He has asked about restoring but thinks he's cut too tight. ANd he has a painful vein. He shudders to think about how to pull the skin over that vein.
I dont' think anyone is cut too tight to restore. If it hurts, then you're being too vigorus/aggressive with it. It's a slow process, but well worth it.

HTH and if you need any info, just ask!

~Christy crochetsmilie.gif, mom to DD Sage (12-2003) joy.gif and DS Isaac (04-2012)  babyboy.gif, wife to Josh geek.gif.

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