Did you have the circ conversation before choosing your partner and deciding to have children? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Did you have a conversation about circumcision before choosing your partner and deciding to have chi
Yes 52 20.80%
No 180 72.00%
n/a (since there is always something) 18 7.20%
Voters: 250. You may not vote on this poll

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
Erinz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: On a hill in California
Posts: 1,493
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just curious. For me it was a topic while dating just as self-sustainability, organic gardening and eating, whether or not to have children, where to live, etc etc.

Erin sharing life with a burly husband and two rad boys 7/06 & 5/09 : : Zone 9-ish
Erinz is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 09:13 PM
 
latinalonestar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 763
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
dh is intact so it really never was an issue. That said, we didn't really think about circ at that time. I never realized the harms and damage it caused.
latinalonestar is offline  
#3 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 09:15 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No we never talked about it. Back then though I didnt even think I would ever have kids though we did discuss how many we might have and how long to wait before starting a family.

Since I knew I would never circ if I did have kids I really didnt think about bringing it up to dh. I guess I just assumed he would feel the same way I did.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
#4 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 09:26 PM
 
bremen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Reinickendorf
Posts: 622
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
brought it up within the first 3 dates.
it came up cause dp is cut, and he is the first i have "had" that is, and i didn't know what to do with it!
i feel that no child should ever have genitals cut for a non-medical reason.
ever.
and dp agrees with me.
(although he is more sympathetic to religious reasons, which are fortunately not applicable to us)
bremen is offline  
#5 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 09:47 PM
 
littlemizflava's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: GTA,ontario,canada
Posts: 1,393
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
my answer would be no i never did have that talk. i am 200% against it and everyone knows it, but i said n/a because if i was talking to a guy who was cut then it would be educating him how it was wrong and make sure he knew no child of mine would have ti done to him. if he couldnt get past it and demanded that his child be cut then no we couldnt be together and no having kids.
littlemizflava is offline  
#6 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 10:01 PM
 
Kyamo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, because when I met DH I didn't think it was very important. I thought there was no reason to do it, so I wouldn't, but didn't think it was a big deal since they won't remember it when they are older anyways.

I became much more strongly against it later, when I found this board. Luckily, he has no problem with leaving any future sons intact. His current opinion is a lot like my old one, no big deal, but no reason to do it.

Mommy to  N baby.gif, born 2/20/12.

Kyamo is offline  
#7 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 10:05 PM
 
Picturesque's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Central VA
Posts: 528
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, neither of us realized the horror of it until many years after we started dating. I learned how awful it is during a human sex class in college and shared that info with him. He was on board nearly right away.
Picturesque is offline  
#8 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 10:08 PM
 
Eben'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,204
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes. Absolutely. We talked about it as soon as things stated to get serious. I said something like, "I think you should know that if we ever have kids I am absolutely opposed to circumcizing or vaccinating them." DH was in full agreement, and had made the same decisions on his own before we even met.
Eben'sMama is offline  
#9 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 10:10 PM
 
lovesdaffodils's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,318
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not at all, I had no idea about it really.
lovesdaffodils is offline  
#10 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 10:27 PM
 
hollytheteacher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,860
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I voted no because my dh and started dating when we were 16 and wasn't something I ever even thought about! I don't think we discussed it until I was pregnant and I said "i don't want to circ" and dh said "okay, sounds fine with me"

lol end of discussion!

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
hollytheteacher is offline  
#11 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 10:42 PM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,457
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yup. And I left a guy as I couldn't trust him not to take our potential child and get it done behind my back. My dh looked at me like I had two heads when I mentioned it, it would never have crossed his mind to do something like that (circ, not talk about it).
Irishmommy is offline  
#12 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 11:05 PM
 
kriket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: SW Ohio
Posts: 4,609
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
no, IMO it isn't up for debate. Just like no one else has to talk to their partner about FGM.

I'm crunchy... Like a Dorito.
Mama to Sprout jog.gif 4.09 and Bruises babyboy.gif 7.11 handfasted to superhero.gif 9.07

kriket is offline  
#13 of 108 Old 01-18-2009, 11:31 PM
 
Fyrestorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 3,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I guess I'm the obligatory 'other'!

When DH and I met, I had decided that I was NEVER having children. So it was a COMPLETE non issue.

but...After a few life changing events, I decided now or never. At 37 years old, I gave us a 6 month window to TTC (I wouldn't even call it that...we just threw away the BC and decided to see what would happen.) If I wasn't pregnant by my 38th birthday 6 months away I was getting my tubes tied for my birthday. Needless to say, I was pregnant 3 weeks later

I don't think the circ issue even needed to be discussed...when DH and I met, I already had 4 anti circ bumper stickers on my car and was already dropping pamphlets in baby isles and in baby sections of bookstores (much to his embarrasement) and we had discussed the possibility of him restoring. The subject was never even discussed in reguards to our DD even before we knew her sex.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
Fyrestorm is offline  
#14 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 12:16 AM
 
moaningminny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 219
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, we did. I told my DH that if we ever had a son we would NOT be circumcising. I explained all of the reasons why not, and he didn't feel very strongly about it so we really had no issues.

It was a really important conversation for me to have with him before we actually started trying for a baby.
moaningminny is offline  
#15 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 12:24 AM
 
thixle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,945
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
nak
hehe, I had only known dh 3 months when I got pregnant... but it didn't register to talk to dh because i had been told i was infertile, and i was on bc

like kriket said, i didn't think to talk about it, just like FGM... no one would do that to my kid

most of the men in my family are intact, and i have a strong grandma that was proud of protecting her boys (after a c-section in the "good ole days," she snatched up my uncle and stood on the bed screaming at the docs not to cut on her baby!)...

---feeling like an emu on acid---
thixle is offline  
#16 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 12:29 AM
 
LiLStar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: WA
Posts: 3,363
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
Before I married dh I made it perfectly clear to him where I stood on various issues. I told him there were some things that were 100% non-negotiable (like no circ, and breastfeeding until the child is good and ready to wean, and no spanking) and things that I was interested in but wouldn't file under "non-negotiable" because they were things we would just see how they worked out (like cosleeping, which he said sounded really sweet, cloth dipes, and homeschooling) He didn't then, nor does he now, agree with me on circ, but I made it clear to him that marrying/impregnating me was "implied acceptance" to an intact son. Its not a topic he likes to discuss, at all. I think he's slowly getting used to it, even if he doesn't LIKE it. (we're having a boy in may) and it definitely helps that we live in a low circ area (oregon) and everyone in my family except like 1 person is anti circ (and even that family member couldn't find anyone to circ his 2nd ds, YAY) At my midwife's office she has a table with business cards/pamphlets on various topics and there's anti circ literature there. He's pretty much been immersed in an anti-circ culture so I think he knows he has no leg to stand on.

dd (7) ds (5), ds (2) &3rdtri.gif hbac.gif and the furbabies cat.gifZeus, Dobby, Luna, & Ravenclaw
LiLStar is online now  
#17 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 12:32 AM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,457
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kriket View Post
no, IMO it isn't up for debate. Just like no one else has to talk to their partner about FGM.

Agreed, it's not for debate, hence leaving the one I couldn't trust.
Irishmommy is offline  
#18 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 12:35 AM
 
mamanurse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Not on MDC
Posts: 3,074
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh and I thought we wouldn't have kids until we conceived dd1 with an IUD in place. When I was pregnant, we didn't even know circ was an issue. MY OB asked if we wanted to circ our baby if it was a boy and I said "Of course." : I'm of Jewish descent and all the males in my family get circed or have a bris. We are so incredibly lucky dd1 was a girl and not a boy. I would have felt eternally guilty for doing such a thoughtless, permanent, and atrocious thing.

Fast forward a few months when I discovered MDC. I saw a post on "New Posts" in this forum and clicked on it. That's when I started doing research and actually got fairly passionate about it. I was just so apalled that I had never even considered not circing during my first pregnancy. I even did a presentation in nursing school on the reasons to keep baby boys intact.

When I asked dh about circ, he said "Of course we'll circ if we have a boy next. I want our son to look like me." I presented him with information and he soon decided for himself that we would NEVER circ. I was so proud and happy. He's now even more of an intactivist than me
mamanurse is offline  
#19 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 12:39 AM
 
becca_howell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 631
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We never brought it up until we started having kids. DH is very unhappy with his circ. He didn't want the same thing happening to his kid, so the more research we did the more we decided that no action is the best action! The more I research, the more horrified I am by circ. I would NEVER allow it to be done to a child!

Me: femalesling.GIFDH: fuzmalesling.gifDD: hearts.gifDS1: superhero.gifDS2: babyboy.gif
lactivist.gifsaynovax.gifsigncirc1.gifwinner.jpgcd.gifsewmachine.gifribboncesarean.gifribboncesarean.gifvbac.giffamilybed2.gif

becca_howell is offline  
#20 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 12:55 AM
 
MrsAprilMay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 705
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We didn't discuss it until after we'd had our first child. I was so naive. I didn't know you had a choice. (no flames, please) After we had DD and I started to get more into the natural, gentle lifestyle I learned more about it and we decided to leave our kids intact.
MrsAprilMay is offline  
#21 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 01:04 AM
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 8,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It just never occured to me that he would want to.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
#22 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 01:31 AM
 
bluetoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 950
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It never came up because in our 'world' it would have never been an issue. I met and married DH in Ireland where almost no one is circ'ed. I didn't really even know what was involved. When we moved to the US I understood it as something silly and optional Americans do to their babies and figured if and when we had children we wouldn't bother. It was only when I realised I was having a boy that I researched it was horrified by what it actually entailed. Since then I have very much become and intactivist.

I am presuming I would have done the same sort of research if I'd gotten married to an American. Even then over my dead body would I let that sort of mutliation happen to my child.
bluetoes is offline  
#23 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 01:41 AM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 31,187
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I voted n/a because I honestly can't remember exactly when it first happened, we have been together almost 20 years.
Arduinna is offline  
#24 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 01:43 AM
 
jessjgh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 4,744
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, I didn't really know much about it and didn't even think about it.
When I was pg I started researching and quickly changed from, its something that everyone does, to why the heck would anyone do that if there's no reason...

Harder discussion to deal with religious reasons, but dh gave in and doesn't have regrets... just not his 'issue'.

Jessica

Jessica..lady.gifintactlact.gif Falling in love all over again..... 
Dhprivateeyes.gif, Joshua rolleyes.gif Rebeccagrouphug.gifand dog2.gif.    candle.gif for Laura
jessjgh1 is offline  
#25 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 01:45 AM
 
phrogger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH and I never talked about it in regards to what we would do because we were NOT having more kids (I came with two, he came with one) I also was deathly afraid of having a child with him because of some family issues.

I got over that and after being together for 5 1/2 years I am pregnant with a boy and this IS becoming an issue. Both of my sons are intact and my DH knew that, but he isnt really open to the idea of his son staying intact. I wish we would have talked about it more before. I don't think I would have not married him, just maybe really considered what it meant to have a child with him. But then again, I was sure we weren't having kids.

I am sure this will be a battle in our home until our son is born. I will win though, I am pretty sure of that
phrogger is offline  
#26 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 04:33 AM
 
JessicaS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 42,897
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No,

I guess I didn't really consider someone really would want to. A relative of mine was severely circ damaged. We don't circ in my family.


I was shocked when dh thought we would, he admitted he had "no real argument in favor" and we didn't circ our son.

Not all those who wander are lost 
JessicaS is offline  
#27 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 05:22 AM
 
dinahx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: earth
Posts: 2,061
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am another 'other'. On our second date, I asked DH 'are you circ or not?' He was like 'sort of'! And explained his situation. (They tried and failed, he was a preemie, what did they expect?)

So we had the conversation, but not really about what we would do with our children. However, it was resolved pretty easily. We touched on it a little while I was pregnant but not seriously, but then at the hospital, I sat straight up, pointed to the doctor and said "don't circumcise him" as soon as they said 'its a boy!'. After working so hard to free DS from my body, that was that! <3
dinahx is offline  
#28 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 05:25 AM
 
Aliviasmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sort of. Dbf is intact, and happy that he is. He would never dream of going through the procedure himself, and therefore, wouldn't consider doing it to a newborn.
Aliviasmom is offline  
#29 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 10:09 AM
 
njeb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 1,907
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No. I already had one intact ds when dh and I started dating. When I was pregnant with our ds, I told dh that I did NOT want to have him circ'ed. His response? "Ok." Thank goodness it was a total non-issue with him! He didn't care one way or the other. Yes, he's circ'ed.
So, we ended up with two intact sons!
njeb is offline  
#30 of 108 Old 01-19-2009, 11:41 AM
 
HarperRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: In my own little world
Posts: 10,475
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, because I had made up my mind before kids that none of mine would ever undergo a slice-n-dice on their parts. I wouldn't even entertain a circ conversation because it just would not be done.


I married an intact guy who agreed w/ me.

 upsidedown.gif  Please see my Community Profile! energy.gif blogging.jpg about Asperger's Syndrome!

HarperRose is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off