Here we go again. - Mothering Forums

 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 09:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
Juliacat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Left of center
Posts: 5,278
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dh and I argued for YEARS over this issue and finally when we got pregnant, he gave in and said we didn't have to circ. Well, we had a girl, and he was super relieved. "Dodged that bullet," he said. We weren't going to have another child, but now we're unexpectedly pregnant. He keeps saying he wants another girl (so they can share a room longer, he says) but I'm guessing he'd like to dodge the bullet again.

Yesterday MIL came right out and said, "And if it's a boy, what are you going to do about circumcision?"

I said, "We're not going to do it."

For some odd reason, she was shocked: "You're not?"

I said, "No, I will refuse to sign any paperwork consenting to it. BUT," I said, "I REALLY don't want a big deal made out of my son's penis. Really. I don't want to go on and on about it." I added that most of the midwives' clients don't circ anyway so it's not like anyone will think it's weird.

Dh was listening but didn't say anything, so I guess he's going along again.

Bleh. I HATE this issue. It's SO obvious to me that you shouldn't cut off a baby's body part without a medical reason. The background here is that dh is circed and likes that he is circed, but MIL regrets having it done to him. She says it was very painful and traumatic and she thinks it's wrong.

OTOH, I'm an only child but my own mother is rabidly in favor of circing. When I was in my eighth month of pregnancy with dd, she told me that if I had a boy and didn't circ him, he would hate me for the rest of my life and dh would have grounds for divorce. UGH. I'm a lot stronger now than I was then and I think I now have the ability to say, "It's none of your business and we need to change the subject." She even told me last time that she would sic my uncle on me, because I love my uncle and she thinks I will do whatever he wants me to do, but not about this AND anyway I reckon he would probably give me the standard medical advice, which is that it is not a big deal either way!

Again. UGH. Sorry for such a long post but it's just so easy to get worked up about.

Mommy to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 10) and
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 6)
Juliacat is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 10:48 AM
 
becca_howell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 631
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel you! My mom is the anti-crunch, and she has said a lot of the same things "He's going to hate you for it." HA! If you teach your son to clean his intact penis propperly, it will be no more unclean than your daughter's vagina!

My solace in this whole battle is my rock of a husband. He is standing firm on the grounds that circumcision is not neccessary and we don't want to operate on our son unless medically necessary. I hope yours stays on the same side as you and supports your desire not to circ!!

Me: femalesling.GIFDH: fuzmalesling.gifDD: hearts.gifDS1: superhero.gifDS2: babyboy.gif
lactivist.gifsaynovax.gifsigncirc1.gifwinner.jpgcd.gifsewmachine.gifribboncesarean.gifribboncesarean.gifvbac.giffamilybed2.gif

becca_howell is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 04:39 PM
 
perspective's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,192
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)
I like circ dads that separate the issue. Ones who are circed, and may even like being circed themselves, but still can use the logic "since there is no real medical reason, why get it done"

I dont understand people saying "he will hate you for ever if you don't" Its his body, when a boy grows up he can do whatever he wants with it. I imagine instead of getting angry, he would just go get circumcised if he really cared that much.

You should respond to your mother by saying "the only decisions he might hate me for are the ones he can't undo!" Actually I think that should be the Mantra of all people with pushy family members.
perspective is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 04:46 PM
 
RMM1117's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OMG-I cant believe your mother told you that! I am SO sorry (((hugs))) You are doing the right thing, I am so sorry you dont have the support you should.

homeschool.gif mama to DS6modifiedartist.gif and DD1fly-by-nursing1.gif
RMM1117 is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 06:26 PM
 
LavenderMae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: where I write my own posts!
Posts: 12,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also do not get the 'he'll hate you for it' sentiment. I'm almost positive my boys will not hate me because I didn't have part of their penis cut off. Really I don't see them hating me for that anymore than they'd hate me for not having their pinky finger cut off.

I think you are right to just tell your mother it's not up for discussion period, repeat as necessary.


And Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
LavenderMae is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 06:35 PM
 
peainthepod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Chasing sanity
Posts: 2,242
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I always feel like people who say, "He'll hate you for it forever" might be projecting just a wee bit. After all, you're the one giving your son a choice. If he wants to be circumcised later, as an adult, he'll have access to full anesthesia and excellent painkillers for afterwards. Whereas a boy circumcised as an infant never had a choice and often didn't even get the benefit of anesthetic. Who's more likely to be resentful? Hmm...

Loving wife partners.gif and mama to my sweet little son coolshine.gif (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl babyf.gif(Fall 2010)

 

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw

peainthepod is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 07:00 PM
 
Night_Nurse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,862
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
I always feel like people who say, "He'll hate you for it forever" might be projecting just a wee bit. After all, you're the one giving your son a choice. If he wants to be circumcised later, as an adult, he'll have access to full anesthesia and excellent painkillers for afterwards. Whereas a boy circumcised as an infant never had a choice and often didn't even get the benefit of anesthetic. Who's more likely to be resentful? Hmm...
(Bolding mine)
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!!!! I think that's exactly it too!

What I also find interesting is the OP's mother in law regrets circ, the mom of a boy who had it done, yet her mom, the mother of an only girl, thinks it should be done. I'd personally respect the thoughts of a mom with regret over the thoughts of a mom with only very old knowledge, and probably limited knowledge of the procedure, any day.

I'm guessing the OP's mom has never really research circ, the current AAP guidelines, or the risks and complications. She's probably remembering the old scare tactics and cleaning recommendations parents of previous generations were given by doctors and nurses. Maybe if you show her a circ video of the procedure, let her read the AAP statement, tell her how there's no extra care of intact babies (wipe like a finger - no retraction), and let her know circ is on the decline nationwide (so her grandson won't be the only intact kid in town), maybe she'll think/feel differently.
If not, oh well! I wouldn't lose sleep over if my mom approved of my parenting methods or not. Do what you feel is right in your heart and protect your baby! If your son really wants a circ, he can certainly still get one when he's older.

Mom &  RN   intactivist.gif
Pardon the typos - CWOK (cat walking on keyboard)   signcirc1.gif

Night_Nurse is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 07:16 PM
 
Haselnuss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 358
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Night_Nurse View Post
tell her how there's no extra care of intact babies (wipe like a finger - no retraction)
Not to mention, if she's ever going to babysit, you'll definitely want her to know this anyway!
Haselnuss is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 07:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
Juliacat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Left of center
Posts: 5,278
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When my mother has made up her mind about something, she cannot be reasoned with. Period. Trying to get her to be rational is like trying to teach a pig to sing. That being said, she is going to baby-sit so if it's a boy I will have to explain to her how to handle the diaper changes, but that conversation will be put off until it's necessary for practical reasons.

Thanks for the support, everyone.

Mommy to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 10) and
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 6)
Juliacat is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 03-09-2009, 08:05 PM
 
tammyswanson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Soutwestern Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 1,480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by perspective View Post
I like circ dads that separate the issue. Ones who are circed, and may even like being circed themselves, but still can use the logic "since there is no real medical reason, why get it done"

I dont understand people saying "he will hate you for ever if you don't" Its his body, when a boy grows up he can do whatever he wants with it. I imagine instead of getting angry, he would just go get circumcised if he really cared that much.

You should respond to your mother by saying "the only decisions he might hate me for are the ones he can't undo!" Actually I think that should be the Mantra of all people with pushy family members.
:

Circ doesn't work! Stop the violence of circumcison. Had another UP/UC/HB in August!
tammyswanson is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 03-10-2009, 04:32 PM
 
4chunut1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 98
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by perspective View Post
I dont understand people saying "he will hate you for ever if you don't" Its his body, when a boy grows up he can do whatever he wants with it. I imagine instead of getting angry, he would just go get circumcised if he really cared that much.

You should respond to your mother by saying "the only decisions he might hate me for are the ones he can't undo!" Actually I think that should be the Mantra of all people with pushy family members.
I TOTALLY agree with the above. I'm an intact male, and instead of "hate," I am forever grateful that my mother did not choose circumcision for me. Physically, I think that is one of the best things she ever did for me. My only regret is that I never told her that while she was alive.
4chunut1 is offline  
Reply


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 9,902

16 members and 9,886 guests
Beemo3780 , Bow , gaidinsgirl , girlspn , jamesmorrow , lilyofjudah , manyhatsmom , NaturallyKait , RollerCoasterMama , Rubyballard@1976 , samaxtics , scaramouche131 , StarJune , Tass Thompson , thefragile7393 , transylvania_mom
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.