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#31 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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very ignorant and immature sorry (((((hugs)))))

 Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!

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#32 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 02:44 PM
 
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Your Mom's behavior was very, very wrong. Really I am shocked. How much of a relationship do you have with her? I don't know you or her, but I think a little distance from your Mom could help.

Hugs.
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#33 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 02:45 PM
 
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That was just so mean spirited. I am so pissed that your family could be so cruel to you, not to mention their own baby. I am sorry they did that to you and of course so sad they are choosing to mutilate their baby.

I don't know how I could be around them again after that, it would be very hard.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#34 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Your Mom's behavior was very, very wrong. Really I am shocked. How much of a relationship do you have with her? I don't know you or her, but I think a little distance from your Mom could help.
I can't say that I am extremely close to anyone in my family, but I do what I need to to maintain a relationship. We intentionally live 1000+ miles away from all of my family members. Dh's parents are both dead and his siblings are friendly, but much older and we only hear from them a few times/year and see them every few years save for his brother who calls weekly.

These are my kids' only close family members and the only cousins they ever see. Their cousins on dh's side are my age. My girls do value their relationships with these cousins and their grandparents. (My parents are divorced, so they have a step-grandparent with both my mom and dad.) Both of my parents have issues. My dad would give the shirt off his back for me or my kids, but he was abusive when I was growing up and had alcohol and other problems. My mother can be self rightous and self-centered.

All of the family members with whom I had real rapport are dead now. What really does get to me is that my mother is closer to my SIL than she is me and I hear constantly about what a great mom my SIL is and get regular advice from my mother on how I should parent more like her, relate to my dh more like she does her dh, etc.
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#35 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 03:18 PM
 
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I would be crushed, as you were. I think you should let your mom know how it hurt you and why. Then, try to let it go. I doubt she did it to be mean.

I wonder if your brother really did watch the video. If he did and then actually went through with the circ, then that's just sad.

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#36 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 03:28 PM
 
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Oh my goodness...this is the cruelest thing I've ever read. I can't believe this is *family* you're talking about. I wish they had been more considerate of your feelings. I'm so so sorry they played this awful joke on you.
And to joke about the torture and mutilation of a baby? Oh, no...no. no. NO. Not ever, ever appropriate.

Kier: wife to Jared, mama to Emma ('05), Savannah ('07), and our newest little love Reid (June 30, '09) -intact because of all of YOU! I had an ecstatic birth, at home in the water!
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#37 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 05:21 PM
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This is so mean and so sick, OMG! I would make a POINT to call your mom and explain her that the pain (and the bosy part loss) of this precious inocent baby is 100% HER FAULT. Had she not mutilated her son or had the guts to talk to him and admit her mistake (share her regret) this baby would have been spared.

By the way, perhaps it's not too late to do that. Who knows, perhaps a light will finally go off for her and she will call her son saying just how sorry she is and asking to spare the baby...
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#38 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 05:32 PM
 
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Putting the whole circumcision issue aside for a moment.

These were family members who mocked you on the deepest level over an issue they KNEW was important to you.

Imagine if your SIL worked against suicides (maybe because of some past trauma with a friend) and you called her up yesterday sobbing, saying your husband was about commit suicide, and needed help. You hand over the phone he talks for a few minutes, like he is only getting worse, and then suddenly you both burst out laughing over the phone and say "April Fools!!!"


I wish those family members could be in the same room as some of us, and as they tell this story thinking it was funny, they can see the look of total disgust for them on our faces.

I know your not keeping close contact with these people, but you should let them know how disgusted you are with them. And if they say they dont understand, tell them they should evaluate how understanding they are of the people around them.

And if it gets real bad say "If you do not realize how much that hurt me, your either a horrible person and a lier, or just plain stupid."
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#39 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 06:19 PM
 
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Wow. I don't think I could have held back. I've been pretty snotty to people when they've said things in support of it in response to me being against.
I'm sorry for your nephew and for you, for having to deal with it.

Monther of Riley (11), Andrew (4) and Victoria (7 months)
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#40 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 06:35 PM
 
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As a trial lawyer little appalls me any more. But this does. Particularly since your mother participated. Not only was it cruel, but it made light of a very, very serious subject.

After two weeks spent in trial on a badly botched circ I cannot fathom how doctors can continue to do this. Really. It is so perverted in so many ways.

But the power of the mindset of the mainstream is very great indeed. That is why we must work to change it. Once being intact becomes the mainstream the jokes will stop.

I hope the circ is not botched for your nephew's sake.

It is simple - you are right - morally and intellectually - and they are wrong. Keep your head up!!

Dave
Well said . I also don't get how many more damaged /botched circumcision including deaths from circumcision to get how totally 'wrong it is for Doctors Messing with a Natural part of the body.

Too bad there is no Irl rafiki the monkey from lion king because your family needs him to bonk them on the head .

Like it took about 3 times of simba getting bonked on the head because he wasn't thinking then the 4th time he finally prevented himself from
getting bonked on the head.

I would say send to your sister in law and brother that 'sick cold blog, botched and death from circumcision.

Say this may still be your son he could still end up with a botched circ and it's not funny to joke about the chances you put on your son.
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#41 of 50 Old 04-03-2009, 01:31 AM
 
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I hear constantly about what a great mom my SIL is and get regular advice from my mother on how I should parent more like her, relate to my dh more like she does her dh, etc.

Latina Mama of 3 and Wife of a great man since 1997
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#42 of 50 Old 04-03-2009, 01:58 AM
 
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wow, i'm thoroughly disgusted by such a sick joke from your brother, which was supported by your mother. hugs to you and your nephew, i hope his parents do not treat him like a joke either.

Mom to DD1 02/07, DD2 03/09 and expecting LO#3 01/12

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#43 of 50 Old 04-03-2009, 02:55 AM
 
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That is probably the worst April Fool's joke I have ever heard. That was so cruel. And your mother had to have been in on it. Probably currying favor with your brother and SIL.

I'm so sorry. I don't know how you get over that level of meanness.

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#44 of 50 Old 04-03-2009, 05:48 AM
 
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#45 of 50 Old 04-03-2009, 12:59 PM
 
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I'm so sorry, this was so cruel! I don't think I could forgive for something like that. What a cheep shot. His joke, his son's agony. Poor little fellow.
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#46 of 50 Old 04-04-2009, 04:32 PM
 
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Oh but come on guys??? Mutilating another human being and taking away their genital integrity is SO HILARIOUS! HAHAHA

I have been thinking about this. I'm so scared for this child. I would definitly tell your mom how sad it is that she is such a coward for not admitting she was wrong for what she did and that she did it all over again by not speaking out. This makes me sick.
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#47 of 50 Old 04-04-2009, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I appreciate all of the support. I do also understand why I am being encouraged to talk with my mother further about this. I hope that I don't come off as a wimp here, but I am not going to do so.

I have a long enough history with my family to know what can and cannot be said and what the outcome would be. From my father, it would be volatile -- I do not question the intensity of his love for us, but he blows up and has a volatile temper that has led to many issues in the past for the two of us. Fortunately, he isn't involved in this.

My mother just has limitations to how much she can love at least me. She has never had much of a connection with me and has always been enamored of whomever my brother's girlfriend (or in this case, wife) is. The fact that she flew 3000 miles to help out SIL with this baby for two weeks (I think that's how long she's there) when SIL is a SAHM with a housekeeper and never came to help with my two girls when they were born (I was a grad student and single mom at the time) speaks to who she is closer to.

It does reinforce in my mind, though, that we owe it to our children to build that rapport with them regardless of how hard it is. It may be easier to understand one child (my brother in our family), but the other child should never question or know and you should work your butt off to love that other child equally.

Speaking to my mom would go nowhere. She would just roll her eyes at me, cozy up to SIL again, and not say anything to them. Actually, I haven't heard from my mom at all since she's been there except the day baby was born. I don't think that my mother or brother would call me more than a few times a year if I didn't call them.
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#48 of 50 Old 04-04-2009, 06:14 PM
 
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My mother just has limitations to how much she can love at least me. She has never had much of a connection with me and has always been enamored of whomever my brother's girlfriend (or in this case, wife) is. The fact that she flew 3000 miles to help out SIL with this baby for two weeks (I think that's how long she's there) when SIL is a SAHM with a housekeeper and never came to help with my two girls when they were born (I was a grad student and single mom at the time) speaks to who she is closer to.
Since you have mentioned your mom narcistic tendancies, I would attirbute this more to that.

She get to sit on the airplane being waited on and telling everyone what a great MIL she is. When she gets there, there isn't all that much work to do, but there are a whole bunch of people to admire every little thing she does.

If she had come to help you, there would have been actual work involved, and you would have been too busy and to worn out to stand around telling her how great she was.

In some way it's the lack of true closeness to SIL that makes it more fun. Since you really know her, you don't buy into the facade.

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#49 of 50 Old 04-04-2009, 06:26 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. That was a mean joke.
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#50 of 50 Old 04-05-2009, 03:51 AM
 
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Your story literally made me gasp in horror and shock. I am so, so sorry they treated you so cruelly. You didn't deserve it.

I can't say much more without getting warned for a UA violation, so let me just leave it at that. They sound beyond toxic.


Loving wife partners.gif and mama to my sweet little son coolshine.gif (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl babyf.gif(Fall 2010)

 

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw

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