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#1 of 50 Old 04-01-2009, 11:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My brother and his wife had their second son today and, while I knew that there was no way I was going to convince them not to circ despite them living in a state where the rates are very, very low, I tried anyway. I sent my brother an email politely asking him to please consider it and a link to the Penn and Teller video a few months ago. He never responded and I've had no luck getting my mother, who told me years ago that she would not have circed my brother had she known then what she knows now, to say anything to them. I pretty much assumed that it was a lost cause.

So, I was talking with my mom today when she was at the hospital with the family and she says, out of the blue, "___[brother's name] said to tell you that, based on the article you sent them, they've decided not to circ the baby." I was so relieved and happy for the little guy. Also, b/c no one in the family ever listens to anything I have to say, I must say that I was shocked but in a great way. I responded with, "really? " when I heard everyone laughing in the background and then my mom told me that he said to say "April fools."

Of course I am sad for my nephew although not surprised. I am also hurt that they think that this is something to make a joke about -- that things I care about are the subject of jokes. I also wish that my mother had the guts to say something to them. I asked her to when she told me it was an April fool's joke and she made some lame excuse about being too tired to think about that.
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#2 of 50 Old 04-01-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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Wow, that's a whole different level of cruel. They abuse a child and then you. Please send them a link to this thread too.
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#3 of 50 Old 04-01-2009, 11:53 PM
 
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That is horrible. I'm not really one to get easily offended, but uh... How can they say that? That's just *mean* ...
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#4 of 50 Old 04-01-2009, 11:54 PM
 
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wow...what a hilarious april fools 'we've not mutilated a baby.....haha...we HAVE really' funny funny!

I would have been VERY mad/upset Im sorry they did that to you!

Mummy to Samuel 02/08 and new baby Molly- 04/10
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#5 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:03 AM
 
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Oh my goodness...I would've been devestated. Like, it's one thing for somebody to say that they went ahead with it...but to make a joke out of not only something very important to you but YOU too? That's just horribly horribly mean. I'm so sorry.
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#6 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:03 AM
 
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#7 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:10 AM
 
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That is extremely sick behavior on so many levels.

So sorry you had to have that experience (and your nephew too, of course). That will be a hard one to shake.

With sympathy, Gillian
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#8 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by purplestraws View Post
Like, it's one thing for somebody to say that they went ahead with it...but to make a joke out of not only something very important to you but YOU too?
I guess that's it. I know that this isn't about me and ultimately I feel worse for the baby than for myself certainly. However, I do feel made fun of. Like other "crunchy" types with whom I have spoken, I have always been the odd ball of the family. My mother denies that I have been the black sheep but even former neighbors who knew us when I was a kid tell me that my mother used to go around telling them that she didn't know where I came from, but it certainly wasn't from her.

I wish that she'd have a backbone and say something to them b/c they would be a lot more likely to listen to her b/c they do actually have a close relationship with her. Since baby was born this morning and isn't going home until Friday, I don't imagine that it has been done yet. I'm sure that they wouldn't change their minds none the less, but I wish that I wasn't the only one to speak the truth and I wish that I didn't get made fun of for trying.
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#9 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:12 AM
 
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I have no words for how awful it is that they think genital mutilation is a joke. Poor baby!!!
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#10 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:12 AM
 
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wow.
that's so unbelievably disrespectful of your feelings and efforts, and not to mention their poor mutilated baby. im sorry how awful. and rude. and, the word, "tacky" comes to mind. i agree with a pp who suggested sending them this thread, too. i'd be appalled and sad, too, if my family joked about something like circing.
my mother regrets circing my brother, too. she fought with my dad about it, but felt like she had to give in. she is very happy that my ds, and my sister's ds are both intact. she would never say something jokingly about circ.

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#11 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:17 AM
 
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UA violations!!!!!

No other words. Poor child.
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#12 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I really don't want to open that can of worms by sending them this thread. SIL is very private and would be offended that I posted about them in a public forum. I get the distinct impression that she looks down on me from many levels as well. I am a pretty normal looking person -- married, mom, work pt at a hospital, Masters degree... although I don't think that's the way they view me.

There are a lot of things that I just keep to myself b/c I've seen where it goes when I try to be fully open with my family. There were years when I was in undergrad school where certain family members didn't speak to me at all b/c I was too open with them about what was going on with me as I tried to deal with some personal problems I was processing like an eating disorder. Sad and ironic, but one of my family members who is no longer with us, but with whom I could be me and open used to say that "silence is a virtue" and, in our family, it is.
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#13 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:48 AM
 
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If you change your mind and decide to respond and stand your ground, I'll confidently say you always have all of us for support...

what a horrible, horrible thing to do to you, and to joke about in general...
I am extremely offended for you and for that poor baby.
wonder how he'd feel 20 years from now if he found out that his parents and relatives were cracking jokes about his circumcision...especially if he knows the real truth about the ethical and moral issues surrounding this barbarism.

I have a lump in my throat and a heavy heart....
I wouldn't be able to forgive...
sorry, I know that no consolation, but man....
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#14 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 01:56 AM
 
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*hugs*

That is just uncalled-for-mean.
I also want to say 'good for you' for trying to change their mind eventhough you didn't think your email would be well recieved. Sounds to me like you stood up for what you believe in and were polite at the same time. Too bad your family couldn't do the same.

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#15 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 02:40 AM
 
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Wow! Just wow! I read your post up until the part where it said that they had decided not to circ based on the article you sent, and I did a happy dance and thought to myself, one person really can make a difference! Then after about 30 seconds of that I finished reading and had tears in my eyes. Not only is it sad that they decided to circ, but to make a joke out of something that clearly means so much to you? That's cruel! You had their son's best interest in mind and tried to educate them! Of course, as the parents they have the right to make this decision (even though I feel the son should really have that right, but I digress...), but to make an April fool's joke out of that is uncalled for! I'm sorry that happed to you. At least you tried to educate them, sometimes trying is really all you can do. Way to go!

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#16 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 02:40 AM
 
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Originally Posted by foreskin friendly View Post
what a horrible, horrible thing to do to you, and to joke about in general...
I am extremely offended for you and for that poor baby.
wonder how he'd feel 20 years from now if he found out that his parents and relatives were cracking jokes about his circumcision...especially if he knows the real truth about the ethical and moral issues surrounding this barbarism.
At least he has an aunt that can help educate him. And she works in the medical field to boot. I would definitely give them a piece of my mind. That is insanely wrong. Tell them what all is involved. Blow up on them!!!!

And coming from your mom who SUPPOSEDLY regrets it? I call bs.

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#17 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 09:15 AM
 
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Originally Posted by foreskin friendly View Post
If you change your mind and decide to respond and stand your ground, I'll confidently say you always have all of us for support...

what a horrible, horrible thing to do to you, and to joke about in general...
I am extremely offended for you and for that poor baby.
wonder how he'd feel 20 years from now if he found out that his parents and relatives were cracking jokes about his circumcision...especially if he knows the real truth about the ethical and moral issues surrounding this barbarism.

I have a lump in my throat and a heavy heart....
I wouldn't be able to forgive...
sorry, I know that no consolation, but man....
This - every.single.word.
My mouth literally dropped, my eyes got teary, and I just said, "that's up" out loud.
So un-freaking-believeably CRUEL.
Not just for the baby, but that was absolutely sickening for them to say to you.
I am so sorry

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#18 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 09:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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And coming from your mom who SUPPOSEDLY regrets it? I call bs.
I wonder, too, how much you can really regret something without telling your son that you regret it and would have done differently, how much you regret something that you are willing to quietly stand by and let happen again. But, with my mom, it is generally about her more than anyone else. I went through a lot of problems in my teens and early 20s and remember my mother visiting me in the hospital when I was 17 and in for a suicide attempt and her chewing me out about how embarrassing it was for her to have to tell her boss why she needed time off.

There has and always will be limitations to her willingness to put herself out there for the people she loves the most which, IMO, is a limitation to her love itself.

I just hope that the little guy comes through his circumcision with no complications aside from the obvious.
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#19 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 11:19 AM
 
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Wow, that's a new level. Everything I have to say qualifies as UA Violation.

I would have dropped the phone in disgust. I would have hang up after that one. That's so twisted on so many levels.
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#20 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 11:27 AM
 
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I'm sorry mama. That must have hurt straight to your heart. That was a cruel joke, especially when the subject matter should never be joked about. Mutilating a baby's genitals is not funny. The fact that they would joke about it shows how little they actually know about what they are doing, and considering that you sent them the info, they have CHOSEN to remain ignorant in making this life-affecting decision for their son. :

Quote:
Originally Posted by foreskin friendly View Post
wonder how he'd feel 20 years from now if he found out that his parents and relatives were cracking jokes about his circumcision...especially if he knows the real truth about the ethical and moral issues surrounding this barbarism
Exactly. At least you can tell him that you tried, as if that will be any consolation. Hopefully when he learns the truth and confronts his parents, they will maybe think back and realize what a mistake they made. More likely, though, they will make fun of him too.

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#21 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 11:50 AM
 
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I would have felt incredibly betrayed. I'm so sorry, but glad you have this forum to retreat to.
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#22 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 11:51 AM
 
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I hate April Fools day.....

I'm sorry that your family did that to you

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#23 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 11:54 AM
 
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Sounds like something my mom would do. I'm sorry your family has turned deaf ears to you trying to teach them the truth about circumcision.

Ugh, what a SICK JOKE!

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#24 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:03 PM
 
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I am so sorry that you and your nephew were so deeply hurt in such a cruel way. I'm offering you and your nephew lots of 's.

Anything else I might say about them is a UA violation .

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#25 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 12:40 PM
 
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As a trial lawyer little appalls me any more. But this does. Particularly since your mother participated. Not only was it cruel, but it made light of a very, very serious subject.

After two weeks spent in trial on a badly botched circ I cannot fathom how doctors can continue to do this. Really. It is so perverted in so many ways.

But the power of the mindset of the mainstream is very great indeed. That is why we must work to change it. Once being intact becomes the mainstream the jokes will stop.

I hope the circ is not botched for your nephew's sake.

It is simple - you are right - morally and intellectually - and they are wrong. Keep your head up!!

Dave
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#26 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 01:07 PM
 
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Heartbreaking. I am so sorry. I am holding back tears. That is awful.

UAV.

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#27 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 01:10 PM
 
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I felt sick to my stomach when I read your post.


I'm sorry that this happened to you.
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#28 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 01:12 PM
 
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I am nauseated.

How anybody could even joke... that's just beyond terrible. I honestly would not be able to forget this one.

I mean for crying out loud... "Hey, this unecessary surgery we're performing on an unconsenting child's genitals? That could possibly result in outright mutilation or even death? It's so frickin' funny! Let's tease the one member of our family who has empathy and believes in human rights about it!"

I am just ill. I don't know whether I'd yell, cry, or vomit.
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#29 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 01:22 PM
 
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Your story made me *cry*. What a horrible thing to do to you and that little one. I can't believe how callous your family was about the situation.
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#30 of 50 Old 04-02-2009, 01:23 PM
 
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some people shouldn't have children. Big hugs to you and that poor child.
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