anyone have an intact son and a circed son?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 05:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey there. I am new here. When my son was born we made the decision not to circ him, but later a birth defect was discovered that needed surgically repaired. It was necessary in the surgery to do a circumcision. I felt awful about it, but it had to be done. My second was a girl and I am pregnant again and absolutely dread facing this decision again. It was hard enough to convince my husband the first time. Now (if it is a boy) he would have an older brother that looks different, I am not sure I will be able to convince him. I am so emotional about this issue. I desperately don't want to unnecessarily circ a baby!

Does anyone have experience with 2 boys that are different From each other? Do they notice? Do they care? Please help!
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#2 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 05:27 PM
 
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I just wanted to let you know there are plenty of mamas on here w/ both circed and intact sons. They'll pipe in shortly.
I'm not in your situation but my husband is circed while my son is intact. My son has never noticed and it's not an issue for my DH or my DS. They are never standing around comparing penises, you know? Now I realize it might be different w/ two sons, maybe they'd bathe together, but if it comes up, just say your oldest had to have surgery due to a medical problem and that's why they look different. People have surgery all the time to correct medical problems and often have scars or altered limbs, etc. because of it. I'm sure that would be something both a circed and intact son could understand and appreciate without question.

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#3 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 05:58 PM
 
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It took years for them to notice. Till they were maybe 5 and 8. They don't care.

There are so many other ways they are different that are far more visible - hair color, eye color, freckes vs. no freckes. No one suggests attempting to alter any of these things so that the brothers won't "look different."

Really, it's not a big deal.
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#4 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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zinemama-

That's my instinct about it. I just want "proof", I guess, for my husband, from other parents that have successfully navigated this issue.

did you have to explain to the boys? or just tell them everyone is different? was there ever an issue for the circed son as to why him and not the other?
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#5 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 06:40 PM
 
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This isn't going to be an issue unless someone makes it one. They might not have the same hair or eye color...is your DH worried about that? Everyone is different.

If and when it comes up, you just explain that when you know better, you do better and if your circumcised child wants to restore when he's older, he has that option.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
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#6 of 7 Old 05-14-2009, 10:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hmm. yeah. as I said, I am fully on board and do not need convincing. I am just looking for advice from parents that have dealt with this. I am just as passionate as you. For some reason a LOT of men seem to have some attachment to all penises looking the same. (women don't look the same, but we wouldn't cut anything off over it!) I don't get it, but there attachments are strong, so I am trying to be sensitive. That said, I will NOT circumsize this baby. I tried not to think a lot about it bc I don't even know if is a boy, but now coming to this board, it is all I have thought of for the last couple of days. I know I am going to need a lot more this time to convince dh, as it wasn't easy last time. I think viewing some of the online videos may help. (I didn't know there were any) Does anyone recommend any?
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#7 of 7 Old 05-14-2009, 02:14 PM
 
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If you go digging on the search function on this board, this is a topic that comes up a fair amount, so you should find some good threads. There are a good number of I don't have any direct experience as a parent of circed and intact, but I can tell you that I can think of at least two families I know IRL off the top of my head who are in the same boat, and as others have said, it's simply not been an issue.

My ds is intact and my dh is circed, and the issue of matching hasn't come up. That may be an adult hangup, but kids don't notice and/or mind one bit. Any more that my ds cares that his eyes are brown and dh's eyes are blue (and that's something that strangers can actually see and observe!)

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