anyone have an intact son and a circed son?? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
mysparklingangels's Avatar
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey there. I am new here. When my son was born we made the decision not to circ him, but later a birth defect was discovered that needed surgically repaired. It was necessary in the surgery to do a circumcision. I felt awful about it, but it had to be done. My second was a girl and I am pregnant again and absolutely dread facing this decision again. It was hard enough to convince my husband the first time. Now (if it is a boy) he would have an older brother that looks different, I am not sure I will be able to convince him. I am so emotional about this issue. I desperately don't want to unnecessarily circ a baby!

Does anyone have experience with 2 boys that are different From each other? Do they notice? Do they care? Please help!
mysparklingangels is offline  
#2 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 04:27 PM
Night_Nurse's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,951
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I just wanted to let you know there are plenty of mamas on here w/ both circed and intact sons. They'll pipe in shortly.
I'm not in your situation but my husband is circed while my son is intact. My son has never noticed and it's not an issue for my DH or my DS. They are never standing around comparing penises, you know? Now I realize it might be different w/ two sons, maybe they'd bathe together, but if it comes up, just say your oldest had to have surgery due to a medical problem and that's why they look different. People have surgery all the time to correct medical problems and often have scars or altered limbs, etc. because of it. I'm sure that would be something both a circed and intact son could understand and appreciate without question.

Mom &  RN   intactivist.gif
Pardon the typos - CWOK (cat walking on keyboard)   signcirc1.gif

Night_Nurse is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 04:58 PM
zinemama's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: from the fire roads to the interstate
Posts: 6,569
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It took years for them to notice. Till they were maybe 5 and 8. They don't care.

There are so many other ways they are different that are far more visible - hair color, eye color, freckes vs. no freckes. No one suggests attempting to alter any of these things so that the brothers won't "look different."

Really, it's not a big deal.
zinemama is offline  
#4 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
mysparklingangels's Avatar
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

That's my instinct about it. I just want "proof", I guess, for my husband, from other parents that have successfully navigated this issue.

did you have to explain to the boys? or just tell them everyone is different? was there ever an issue for the circed son as to why him and not the other?
mysparklingangels is offline  
#5 of 7 Old 05-13-2009, 05:40 PM
Fyrestorm's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 4,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This isn't going to be an issue unless someone makes it one. They might not have the same hair or eye your DH worried about that? Everyone is different.

If and when it comes up, you just explain that when you know better, you do better and if your circumcised child wants to restore when he's older, he has that option.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
Fyrestorm is offline  
#6 of 7 Old 05-14-2009, 09:21 AM - Thread Starter
mysparklingangels's Avatar
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hmm. yeah. as I said, I am fully on board and do not need convincing. I am just looking for advice from parents that have dealt with this. I am just as passionate as you. For some reason a LOT of men seem to have some attachment to all penises looking the same. (women don't look the same, but we wouldn't cut anything off over it!) I don't get it, but there attachments are strong, so I am trying to be sensitive. That said, I will NOT circumsize this baby. I tried not to think a lot about it bc I don't even know if is a boy, but now coming to this board, it is all I have thought of for the last couple of days. I know I am going to need a lot more this time to convince dh, as it wasn't easy last time. I think viewing some of the online videos may help. (I didn't know there were any) Does anyone recommend any?
mysparklingangels is offline  
#7 of 7 Old 05-14-2009, 01:14 PM
Quirky's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Princeton, NJ
Posts: 12,070
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If you go digging on the search function on this board, this is a topic that comes up a fair amount, so you should find some good threads. There are a good number of I don't have any direct experience as a parent of circed and intact, but I can tell you that I can think of at least two families I know IRL off the top of my head who are in the same boat, and as others have said, it's simply not been an issue.

My ds is intact and my dh is circed, and the issue of matching hasn't come up. That may be an adult hangup, but kids don't notice and/or mind one bit. Any more that my ds cares that his eyes are brown and dh's eyes are blue (and that's something that strangers can actually see and observe!)

Come visit the NEW QuirkyBaby website -- earn QB Bucks rewards points for purchases, reviews, referrals, and more! Free US shipping on great brands of baby slings and carriers and FREE BabyLegs or babywearing mirror on orders of $100+. Take the QB Quiz for personalized advice!

Quirky is offline  

Quick Reply
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off