SO: How did the subject come up with the baby's dad? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: How did the subject come up with the dad?
I told him I didn't want to, and a big argument started. 9 60.00%
I told him I didn't want to, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around. 26 100.00%
I told him I didn't want to, and he agreed. 32 100.00%
I asked him what he thought about it, and a big argument started. 3 20.00%
I asked him what he thought about it, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around. 4 26.67%
I asked him what he thought about it, and he agreed with me. 17 100.00%
It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and a big argument started. 0 0%
It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around. 4 26.67%
It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and he agreed. 1 6.67%
He brought it up, and a big argument started. 1 6.67%
He brought it up, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around. 0 0%
He brought it up, and he agreed. 1 6.67%
We never really discussed it, I just decided and saw no reason to talk about it. 3 20.00%
The daddy is an intactivist. 14 93.33%
other 15 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-28-2009, 07:35 PM
 
Bug-a-Boo's Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida's West Coast
Posts: 642
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH is intact. He did a lot of research and decided that he wanted DS to not be circ'd. I agreed w/him.

Funny, so many father's want to circ the boys so they look like them, DH never even considered that side. He wanted to what was best for DS.

~*Heather*~
Wife to J 9/00 Mama to K 12/05
Bug-a-Boo's Mama is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-28-2009, 08:08 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,487
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH is happily intact and I grew up with an intactivist mother. So, circ'ing was never even a consideration for us.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
Old 07-28-2009, 11:14 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovebug View Post
DH has good friends that are not circ'ed and they wish they were for many reasons...
Just out of curiousity, if they "wish they were", why aren't they? I'm assuming they're adults, so there's nothing stopping them from having their own body parts removed.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
Old 07-28-2009, 11:14 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In our case, I told my ex, and then dh, "if this baby is a boy, we're not circumcising". There was no "I don't want to do it" about it. It would have been done over my dead body.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 12:07 AM
 
moxygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: living by faith
Posts: 293
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I picked "other". Before I got pregnant, I brought it up, DH said he wanted to circ, I didn't think it was necessary but didn't have a lot of info, and we agreed to talk about it in the future. Now I'm pregnant with our first (sex unknown). I did research and became an intactivist. I brought it up, we had a huuuuuuge argument about it (while taking a walk in the park), and I said if we didn't agree the default was no circ (i.e., "over my dead body"). He was totally against not circing, had some random reasons but didn't exactly know why, and said he'd think/pray about it. Just the other day, he said he'd been doing research, didn't see a reason to circ, but was still processing the whole idea. I left it go at that (I made some major communication mistakes in the previous argument and decided to play it cool). I haven't asked him yet if he's "come around" but it sounds promising. At least for his peace of mind. As far as I'm concerned, whether he's on board or not, we are NOT circumcising a son. For me it's a protection issue. I'm not going to let my son be subjected to involuntary and unnecessary body modification because someone else, even his father, thinks it's a good idea.

Lore, mom to my sweet little boy, born at home 11/09, and my spunky little girl, born in the hospital 10/10

moxygirl is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 03:16 AM
 
Ambystoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: The Bayou
Posts: 713
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My brother is intact-as are all the men in my family in that generation (cousins, etc) but my dad and uncles are circed, and my grandpas were intact. So it skipped a generation? DH is circed as is his whole family (I guess-never seen )

Anyway, I didn't think much about it until I started lurking on here months ago. I asked my DH what he thought about circ, he said "I dunno, why wouldn't we?" So, I showed/told him a little about it being unnecessary, painful, etc and he said, "oh, then no way". Now he's researched himself and is PO'd that his foreskin is gone.

When I found out I was preggo, I told my mom and brother first. I asked my mom about why she didn't circ my brother and she was glad we weren't planning on doing it. I had a long, awkward, and funny conversation with my bro about his foreskin and he is very proud he is intact and was thrilled that our baby would be intact if we have a boy.

Kara: on a journey with DH, Mama to DS 2/2010
Ambystoma is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 03:32 AM
 
momasana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,224
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Our closest friends had a son and did not circ. That gave DH and I the opportunity to discuss it. We were both on the same page so there wasn't a whole lot that needed to be said. When we found out our baby was a boy it didn't even come up because we both already knew how we felt about it.

DH and his two brothers are circ'd.
momasana is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 03:44 AM
 
artgoddess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Suburban hell
Posts: 12,661
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hadn't done any research, it was early in the pregnancy and I asked him if we had a boy what he would want to do. I fully expected him to say circumcise since he is circed. He was adamantly against it, and that's a really rare thing for my DP. I hardly ever see him get worked up about anything, and it took me by surprise. That's how I found MDC in 2003. I was looking for reasons why not to circ. My DP had been clear he didn't want it done, but not why. I printed out the Mothering article titled The Case Against Circumcision and he was so happy to have that to use as back up if anyone gave us a hard time about not circing.

So I'm an "other" DP was the one who planted the seed with me that it was wrong.
artgoddess is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 03:57 AM
 
phrogger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I sent DH a video of a baby being circ. Dh didn't even have the sound on and he couldn't watch it all and said "ok, you win, I can't do that". It was actually very easy.

Oddly, with my ex husband it was harder. I had to work to convince him we were NOT cutting our oldest son, and my ex is intact. It finally came down to a lamaze class where one of hte other fathers said "not circ. is gross" and that just pissed my ex off. I guess with my ex it was all about pissing him off to get him to the what was needed to be done.
phrogger is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 04:10 AM
 
sunanthem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Asheville, baby!
Posts: 2,567
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We hadn't really discussed it at all.. I guess we were too busy researching homebirths with our first. After ds was born, our midwife asked if we wanted to schedule one with a rabbi. We weren't sure, we asked her what she thought and she said "I think God made your little baby perfect just the way he is" we agreed. That and that it would cost us $300, and our first decision as parents was made. We have been against circing ever since.

Saamy Student mama to  superhero.gifand hearts.gifand babyf.gif

sunanthem is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 04:22 PM
 
itsrtimedownhere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: parker, az
Posts: 247
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
our 3 year old is circ'd.

we UP'd for ds2. we wanted a UC but ended up transfering. we had a circ discussion while i was pregnant. we looked at both sides and hadn't really made a decision. (the biggest "yes" argument was so he could look like daddy and brother.) when we got to the hospital, they asked us if he was a boy (we still didn't know) if he was going to be circ'd. we didn't really answer because we hadn't decided so the nurse said she would ask again later. she never asked so our mind was made up for us. he's not circ'd.

any future boys will not be either.
itsrtimedownhere is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 04:31 PM
 
Honey693's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,086
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I asked DH what he thought and we had an argument. We don't even have a boy and aren't ttc for at least 4 months so we agreed to shelve the argument (little does he know there is no way I am chopping off any part of any kid's body and will not let this drop) until we know for sure we are having a boy.

obstruct livery vehicles

Honey693 is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 05:20 PM
 
Poodge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Posts: 473
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I told DH I didn't want to. We did a little (15 minutes) of research together and he agreed. Since then I have become much more vocal about it and he is happy we didn't circ DS, but doesn't understand my passion for the issue.

Mama to DS (03/09) and DD (10/11) and married to the love of my life

Poodge is offline  
Old 07-29-2009, 05:49 PM
 
~Christina~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 341
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I told DH there was no way I would allow anyone to cut a piece off of my child's body. I told him that if he did the same kind of research for his side of it that I had for my side I would at least sit and listen to his reasons. He never came up with anything other than, "I don't him to be made fun of in the locker room" The two things that made him come around to agree with me were 1. Our doctor telling him it was uneccesary and he does not recommend routine circumsion. and 2. Seeing the board that they strap the newborn to in the hospital to perform the circ. That freaked him out.

Christina, mom to Alaina, Addison, Noah, and Magdalyn
~Christina~ is offline  
Old 07-30-2009, 12:27 AM
 
D'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 789
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH was circ'd for religious reasons. We are not religious. We had a HUMONGOUS blow-out fight that lasted for like a month. He actually cried. It was bad. I got all the usual "want him to look like me" "what about the locker room" "everyone else is circ'd" crap from him. He refused to look at any info and only half heard anything I told him. He seemed to take my anti-circ stance personally, as if I was rejecting him because he was cut.

Eventually, he came around and accepted that I wasn't saying anything bad about him or his parents' choice (that was a lie) and agreed to keep DS intact. He says he's happy we kept him intact, but the mood in the room still gets a little tense whenever the subject comes up.

SAHM to DS Jan09, DD Mar11. lactivist.gifintactivist.giffamilybed2.gifhomebirth.jpguc.jpgwinner.jpggd.gifcaffix.gif

D'sMama is offline  
Old 07-30-2009, 07:51 AM
 
writteninkursive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DP is the oldest of 4 circumcised boys (if you can call them that). His mother was against circumcising, but his father insisted that his sons just had to look like him. They totally botched DP's circ and only partially removed the foreskin, and the peds told his mom it was fine and would heal eventually on it's own (this also happened with one of his brothers). So he spent the first 10 years of his life rubbing it (because it itched, he says) until the partially-intact piece of foreskin came off. He is, what I consider "partially circumcised". His penis doesn't look like a typical circ'ed penis, but it doesn't look like a typical uncirc'ed one either. Because of this (and the COMPLETE lack of necessity to butcher part of our child's body routinely),we immediately agreed that if we had a boy (we are expecting one in a few weeks here), he will NOT have his penis touched!
My parents and his dad think we are crazy and are doing a major injustice to our son. Ignorance.

Kaiti, in heartbeat.gif with Shane, astrological mama to spitdrink.gif Sophie *12.27.05*, praying.gif Maya *09.25.07*, sleepytime.gif Phoenix *08.23.09* & 3rdtri.gif due *12.04.11*  Having a hbac.gif waterbirth.jpg lotbirth.gif after 3 cesareans!

writteninkursive is offline  
Old 07-30-2009, 02:43 PM
 
dorenavant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: royal oak, mi
Posts: 57
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
As soon as we found out this baby was a boy, I went and looked at the information that I had leftover from my Bradley class last pregnancy (at that time, we knew the baby was a girl so I didn't pay too much attention) and there was a strong suggestion to watch one being performed- one quick trip to youtube and I was sweating and feeling ill and told DH I did NOT want that to happen to our son. I don't think he had strong feelings one way or the other, but then we watched the Penn & Teller Bullsh*t episode about circ together and that totally made sense to him.
My father, who I expected opposition from, was thrilled that we are leaving his grandson intact- apparently he attended a bris and pronounced the idea of circ "barbaric" after witnessing it. He told me, "I can't tell you how happy I am to know that my grandson will not have that done to him." :
dorenavant is offline  
Old 07-30-2009, 08:31 PM
 
RubyWild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,531
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Am I reading this wrong, or do all the options assume that the mom is against circumcision from the start?

My husband told me he was against circumcision and why, and I came to agree with him. Is that an option?
RubyWild is offline  
Old 07-30-2009, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 8,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyWild View Post
Am I reading this wrong, or do all the options assume that the mom is against circumcision from the start?

My husband told me he was against circumcision and why, and I came to agree with him. Is that an option?
That would be "the daddy is an intactivist."

Sorry there aren't more option, but the limit on surveys if 15.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
Old 07-31-2009, 06:29 PM
 
salmontree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: ravelry
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son's father was very defensive when I brought it up and he was adamant that it was the right thing to do. I gave him the chapter of Women's Bodies Women's Wisdom about circumcision to read and he didn't even finish it before he handed the book back and said, "okay I agree. No circ for the baby if it's a boy." I was so relieved that it was that easy to convince him. He really just didn't know anything about the subject except that he'd been circ'd and since it worked for him....

~Stephanie )O(

DS- 07/01 & DD- 09/05 & DD- 12/07 & DS- 10/13

salmontree is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off