SO: How did the subject come up with the baby's dad? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: How did the subject come up with the dad?
I told him I didn't want to, and a big argument started. 9 60.00%
I told him I didn't want to, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around. 26 100.00%
I told him I didn't want to, and he agreed. 32 100.00%
I asked him what he thought about it, and a big argument started. 3 20.00%
I asked him what he thought about it, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around. 4 26.67%
I asked him what he thought about it, and he agreed with me. 17 100.00%
It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and a big argument started. 0 0%
It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around. 4 26.67%
It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and he agreed. 1 6.67%
He brought it up, and a big argument started. 1 6.67%
He brought it up, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around. 0 0%
He brought it up, and he agreed. 1 6.67%
We never really discussed it, I just decided and saw no reason to talk about it. 3 20.00%
The daddy is an intactivist. 14 93.33%
other 15 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-25-2009, 08:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 8,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is survey directed for those who live in areas where circ is the norm, and/or whose families consider circ the norm.

Another thread got me wondering how these big arguments over whether or not to cut off part of the soon to be born boys penis get started in the first place.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-25-2009, 08:47 PM
 
Night_Nurse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I live in a high circ rate area and all of my dh's male relatives are circed (as far as I know).
It came up when I was pregnant with my first (gender unknown ahead of time) and it was brought up by me when I just casually mentioned "circumcision is the most awful thing I've seen in my life and if this child is a boy there is no way he'll be circed". End of discussion. My dh is very smart and reasonable and knew long ago that a - circ has no medical benefits, and b- there is no point in arguing with me. Lol!

Mom &  RN   intactivist.gif
Pardon the typos - CWOK (cat walking on keyboard)   signcirc1.gif

Night_Nurse is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 8,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, you posted before I even finished the poll.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 08:56 PM
 
Night_Nurse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Oops! Well I voted now. I didn't vote that dad is an intactivist because he wasn't necessarily at the time, but he is now.
He even went to the march in DC with me a few years ago!
My poll answer is: I told him I didn't want to, and he agreed.

Mom &  RN   intactivist.gif
Pardon the typos - CWOK (cat walking on keyboard)   signcirc1.gif

Night_Nurse is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 09:02 PM
A&A
 
A&A's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 16,186
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
I said, "We're not circumcising our son," and he said "ok."

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
A&A is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 09:02 PM
 
frontierpsych's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Where the other 4999 Bensoners are...
Posts: 6,163
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I told him I didn't want to, we disagreed briefly, but he came around.

It was pretty much:
"If we have a boy, I don't want to circumcise him."
"But I'm circumcised, I think a boy should be circumcised if his father is."
"Why?"
"........ nevermind."



so it wasn't even really much of a disagreement. We are now both very glad our son is intact.

I'm a modifiedartist.gif DH is a reading.gif we have 2 angel.gifs, and DS is a rainbow1284.gif baby.gif
frontierpsych is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 10:26 PM
 
BaMo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 730
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I actually didn't really think about it until I found Mothering. : Love this board. I did my research, showed DH and he was totally on board.

Wife, mom to DS (4), DD (2) and baby heart 2.7.13

BaMo is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 11:25 PM
 
Fyrestorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 3,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have to be the obligatory "other"

When DH and I met. I already had bumper stickers on my car and was deeply involved in the intactivist movement.

DD turned out to be a girl, but it was never mentioned as a possibility or even in conversation...ever. There was no reason to.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
Fyrestorm is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 11:35 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I told him I didn't want to, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around.

I picked that one but it isnt 100% accurate. I told him if we had a boy we where not circing and he said yes we are and I started crying a bit (did I mention I was pg w/dd so the hormones where a running) and said I dont agree with it and think it is a horrible thing to do to a child and he basically said OK then. But we had several more discussion about it later on when I got pg with #2

He still is not as anti circ as I am but he isnt totally pro circ either.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 11:36 PM
 
mjg013's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I knew before I met my dh I would never circumcise. I brought it up when we were expecting our first and he said of course we would circ. I dropped it because we had a girl. When we got pg with a boy I researched it before asking him and showed him the research and he is now an intactivist.
mjg013 is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 11:46 PM
 
nini02's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Southern MN
Posts: 253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I asked DH how he would feel about not doing it, told him all the stuff I'd learned about it, and he was pretty much totally on board. He never disagreed, just asked and listened. It took very little convincing. All he wanted to do was get the opinion of my OB, who thankfully was quite adamant that there was no reason to do it. But DH would have been ok with it even if my doctor had said differently, I'm pretty sure.

Stephanie ~ Mama to Avery (7/07) & Iona (3/10)
nini02 is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 11:49 PM
 
lovebug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: back in the GREAT state of Minnesota! oh how i have missed you!
Posts: 4,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
"i told him i dont want to and the argument started" and is still on going! DH has good friends that are not circ'ed and they wish they were for many reasons comedic not being one of the big ones.

Your life doesnât change by the man whos elected. If your loved by someone you can't be rejected... decide what to be and go be it! If your a caged bird brake in and demand that somebody free it.
lovebug is offline  
Old 07-25-2009, 11:51 PM
 
liliaceae's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,946
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I was pregnant with ds, I asked him what he thought about it, he said "No way." I said I probably agreed with him, but I wanted to research it first just to make sure. After I looked into it, I agreed with him 100%.

lady.gifMama to DS banana.gif(5) and DD broc1.gif(2)
 

liliaceae is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 12:07 AM
 
BlessedMommy2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 410
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hmmm...other I guess. When we were pregnant with DD, I read up on circ and decided that it was painful and unnecessary. We were having a homebirth and thus were already leaning towards the more natural. I think that we talked about it and agreed that it was not necessary and that was that.

Later on, I did have an argument with DH over it, he wasn't "for it" so to speak, but was playing the devil's advocate, I think. Later on, he realized the functions of the foreskin and then instead of just agreeing that it wasn't necessary, he agreed that it was downright damaging.

Anyway, so after that point, I think, he was enthusiastically on board with no circ and is now (slowly) restoring his foreskin. I had a boy 5 months ago and my DS is happily intact.
BlessedMommy2006 is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 02:44 AM
 
SunShineSally's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In the land of NO punctuation.!,?':
Posts: 2,942
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I picked other because we did not argue. I said "if this is a boy we are not going to circ. My Ds was not supposed to be and he knew that so it was no surprise." He really at the time wanted to because he never really heard of anyone not being circed. I pulled up lots of information and said read this we can then talk in the morning. So morning came and he said wow that is why I have so many issues and wow........ and he went on he said there is no way we are going to do that!! I just smiled and said "I know!"

Glenn bouncy.gif 11*09 Joe 4*04 peace.gif Me praying.gif & Hubby geek.gif

 

Quote:
 

 

SunShineSally is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 02:54 AM
 
Mama2Jesse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I got pregnant. Somebody brought up circumcision to me. I had been raised in your general misinformed mainstream home, but thought I should look into it anyway. My baby, my responsibility.
Found out what it was and the truth of it and was HORRIFIED. SObbed that whole afternoon.

Brought it up with DH. Three days of sheer marital HELL ensue. Lots of crying, angry silences, and arguing. Bleh. Finally said "Look, here's some research, but there is no damn way I am hurting our baby!" DH saw the light.

Wouldn't you know it, now he's an intactivist who thanks me for protecting our boy and harasses his coworkers who are about to become daddies. Sweet. :

And he's restoring. Wow. Way to accept a long held truth for the horrible lie it is, eh?
Mama2Jesse is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 02:59 AM
 
broodymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Watching the rain
Posts: 7,286
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Other for me.

Early in my pregnancy with DS (before we knew the gender), I asked DH if we would have a son circumcised and he said "nah, don't see any reason too". I had only heard the myths about intact boys, so I went online to research all the reasons that we should have it done. My research led me straight to this forum and within an hour of reading I had my head pulled out of my and quickly became an intactivist. The fact that I would have circ'd a son out of ignorance, if not for DH's casual "no", has made me more of an intactivist.

Chaotic uc.jpg homeschool.gif mama to 5 plus a bonus one on the way.  stork-suprise.gif

chicken3.gif

broodymama is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:41 AM
 
USAmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Arizona
Posts: 18,573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh is a Hindu man from India. It's very very rare that a Hindu would get circed in India. He thinks circ is weird. It was an easy decision for both of us to not circ. As it turns out we had girls, but we had decided no circ when I was early in the first pregnancy.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
USAmma is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:49 AM
 
PuppyFluffer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 9,029
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We were fairly early into dating and I was asking him important questions. When I asked what he thought of circumcision, he said, and I directly quote, "Hell no, and frankly, I'd like mine back". That's THE moment that I knew he was marriage material!

"To err is human, to forgive, canine." - Unknown
PuppyFluffer is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 10:32 AM
 
SaraMum's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 498
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I mentioned it to my so he simply said "why would we do that? we are not religious He was born and raised in Europe so it is strange to him that it is done more routinely in North America

femalesling.GIFMama to intact DS Dec 06 and intact DS May 10......Looking to declutter 2012 items in 2012! (27/2012)

SaraMum is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 12:45 PM
 
FeingoldMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Westminster, Colorado
Posts: 131
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I voted other. My DS1, from first marriage, was circ'ed - firstly exDh and I had agreed (had no reasons or references to think otherwise) that we would, and then that first afternoon in the hospital, the dr came by and, after examining him, said that he'd need to be circ'ed since the foreskin would never retract. Again, no knowledge about why not to, since that's what you did with little boys.

Fast forward 14 years. This time around, I was way more in touch with the whole birthing process - and set about convincing DH2 that hospital births weren't necessary, that OBs weren't necessary, that midwives and birthing centers (our compromise - I'd've loved a homebirth) were perfectly acceptable since the female body has been doing this for thousands of years before our medical practice became what it is. We did research (necessary for my DH's brand of crazy LOL) and more research, read Mothering, with me handing him pertinent articles, and he was on board. In the course of all this, the vaccination issue, and the circ issue came up. And with everything we were reading, it was a mutual decision that if this one was a DS (we didn't find out the sex early) there would be no circ. Luckily for us, our Family dr is totally on board with how to handle circ. When he did the first exam, he told us (we already knew, but it was cool) - Don't retract him at all, just let it be, and he'll be fine. : He's also cool with the selective vax track we took. Love this Dr!

Laura wife to Dan , BFing Babywearing RadicalUSing SAHM to my free range kid Craig (12/20/93) and eventual free range kid Danny (8/26/08)
FeingoldMomma is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 01:07 PM
 
LaffNowCryLater's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 2,120
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I told him I didn't want to and he agreed. He was circd at 16 and said he would never put a baby through that pain. (His was voluntary but he now regrets it and is looking into restoring).

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
LaffNowCryLater is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:11 PM
 
Contrariety's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: The UC
Posts: 2,226
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ever since I knew they existed at all, I thought foreskins should be left alone and DH was well aware of this before we were even dating at all. We would have conversations about it here and there, and he was always like "My kid's gonna be like me..." but kind of joking... so I thought maybe he was okay leaving them intact, but wasn't 100% sure. I knew for sure my kids would be circed over my dead body, so I wasn't opposed to having children with him per se, but the night before we got married I was mulling everything over and ran to him hysterically bawling and told him that I absolutely would not marry him unless he promised me that our children would be left intact. It was the only thing I could think of that could have been a potential problem for our marriage. He started laughing and said that he knew how important it was to me and that he was just being argumentative in our previous conversations... so when I got pregnant and found out it was a boy, there was no conversation to be had.
Contrariety is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:31 PM
 
Kyamo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I brought it up, said something about how painful and awful it must be for babies. He said he didn't remember his, it wasn't a big deal either way to him. I said, but there's no good reason to do it in the first place. He said, hmm, yeah I guess not. End of discussion. I'm pretty sure he still doesn't feel strongly about it either way, but he's totally fine with leaving our future boys intact, and that's good enough for me.

Mommy to  N baby.gif, born 2/20/12.

Kyamo is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 10:11 PM
 
JollyGG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,617
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
I asked him what he thought about it, and he agreed with me.

There's no option for "I left it up to him, presented him with the research (plus he'd already done his own) and he decided to leave our son intact."

There was no "agreeing" with me about it because I didn't have to "convince" him of anything.

We had a brief discussion about the pros and cons of circumcision and he pointed out that most of the pro's were honestly rather silly. But since neither of us had strong feelings either way we decide the default was inaction so no cir.

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
JollyGG is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 11:32 PM
 
2lilsweetfoxes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: My own little world...
Posts: 1,318
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH was deployed and I didn't want to deal with the wound. Also, I wanted to get breastfeeding off to a good start and all that. At least that's the excuse I gave about why I was delaying. I made appointments to get it done because DH had wanted it done, but always cancelled at the last minute. Then he got "too old".
2lilsweetfoxes is offline  
Old 07-26-2009, 11:33 PM
 
mama24-7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: with the dust bunnies
Posts: 2,436
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12 Post(s)
I will vote "other."

When we were pregnant w/ our first in 2002, whom we didn't know until birth that we were having a dd, I did all the researching & decided there'd be no circ'ing. I don't recall Dh saying anything about it one way or another, just kind of nodding & going along w/ what I said.

When we had our 2nd child at home, who ended up being a boy, there was no discussion either.

W/ our third, I've become a raging intactivist after an utterly disappointing exchange w/ his family member who had two boys 1.5 weeks before my 3rd was born. I've sent him a few videos, the ones that describe the function of the foreskin & I think now that he knows what he's missing, he feels a little more strongly about it. Mostly though, I think he won't let himself feel too strongly about it for all the reasons men react the way they do to circ: too painful to think that this was done to him. He has lots of issues w/ his mother & I think this is just another really painful thing for him.

He is a fan of some political guy who apparently is very outspoken when it comes to parents treating their children poorly in public. In the past, dh has said it's none of my business if people circ, to which I say I completely disagree for all the obvious reasons. I asked him what the difference between me trying to speak out for babies & this guy is. He said he wasn't quite sure.

Sus

Baby the babies while they're babies so they don't need babying for a lifetime.
mama24-7 is online now  
Old 07-27-2009, 01:24 AM
 
purplestraws's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 321
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I brought it up and said that I didn't want to do it and DH disagreed very briefly. He said, "But isn't it going to look weird?" So, we looked at intact penises together online and then we read some research and information together and he quickly realized how stupid it was to actually do it. I wouldn't consider him an intactivist as he probably wouldn't talk to somebody about it unless they specifically asked him...but he's most definitely against RIC in every situation and sees it as child abuse. He's also considering restoring as he's come to realize a lot of his "problems" down there are a result of his circumcision. I'm not going to complain.
purplestraws is offline  
Old 07-27-2009, 01:43 AM
 
treemom2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Belgium
Posts: 3,758
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Before DH and I were even thinking about children I met a wonderful woman at work who was a total intactivist. I'd never even thought about it before meeting her. I'd never met anyone who hadn't been circ'd. Anyway, after meeting her, I brought it up to DH that her children weren't circ'd and she'd told me that her DH was angry about his being circ'd. DH agreed that no child should be circ'd and expressed that he too wishes he wasn't circ'd (he had complications throughout his childhood from his circ. . .lesions, having to go in lots of times for urinary infections caused by the lesions. . .having to have the lesions removed, being cathed) Now we are both pretty strong about Intactivism

Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

treemom2 is offline  
Old 07-27-2009, 04:07 AM
 
greenmansions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,982
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Given DH is intact, I said I didn't want to circ and he agreed. No issue there. He gets the heebie jeebies even discussing circing.
greenmansions is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off