If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 11 - Mothering Forums

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#301 of 737 Old 05-25-2007, 06:52 PM
 
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I saw this thread and just had to post. In 1995 when I was 16, I had my first son. I remember vaguely discussing circ with our ped at the time, and she scared me with horror stories of boys who were intact and had infection after infection after infection. Over and over again, she told me that if I didn't do it, I would be in and out of the hospital with my son for years. She told me parents who didn't circ were practically committing child abuse. So I caved. I felt like it was wrong, but believed "dr knows best". I remember being in a drugged out haze (I had an emergency c/s due to the "dr knows best" philosophy I held at the time) and hearing my son crying as they were taking him out of my room to do the operation. I honestly don't even know if they used anesthesia. This was still when they thought babies didn't "feel" pain. Luckily, the operation went well, and my son has never had problems, but I have always felt guilty that I wasn't there and that I didn't make more of an effort to be educated.

With my second son, born in 2006, I fought with my dh the entire pregnancy over it. He thought that because he was circ and my older son was circ, this poor innocent babe should also be brutalized. I went into labor at 38 weeks, before we had made a final "decision" (although I knew I would never allow it to happen). In the hospital, after the birth, my husband asked the on call ped about it. We were lucky enough to have an on call ped that refused to perform them. I prodded the ped to tell my dh why and he sat down with him for about 30 min and told him everything that I had been telling him. My dh, of course, listened to him and was almost gagging by the end of it. Needless to say, my youngest is intact and any future children we have will be intact.

I struggle with guilt over my oldest son's brutalization. He is a wonderful kid now, but who knows what he would have been like if he had not been attacked when he was at his most vulnerable?
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#302 of 737 Old 05-25-2007, 07:43 PM
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Originally Posted by ckmoore View Post
I saw this thread and just had to post. In 1995 when I was 16, I had my first son. I remember vaguely discussing circ with our ped at the time, and she scared me with horror stories of boys who were intact and had infection after infection after infection. Over and over again, she told me that if I didn't do it, I would be in and out of the hospital with my son for years. She told me parents who didn't circ were practically committing child abuse. So I caved. I felt like it was wrong, but believed "dr knows best". I remember being in a drugged out haze (I had an emergency c/s due to the "dr knows best" philosophy I held at the time) and hearing my son crying as they were taking him out of my room to do the operation. I honestly don't even know if they used anesthesia. This was still when they thought babies didn't "feel" pain. Luckily, the operation went well, and my son has never had problems, but I have always felt guilty that I wasn't there and that I didn't make more of an effort to be educated.

With my second son, born in 2006, I fought with my dh the entire pregnancy over it. He thought that because he was circ and my older son was circ, this poor innocent babe should also be brutalized. I went into labor at 38 weeks, before we had made a final "decision" (although I knew I would never allow it to happen). In the hospital, after the birth, my husband asked the on call ped about it. We were lucky enough to have an on call ped that refused to perform them. I prodded the ped to tell my dh why and he sat down with him for about 30 min and told him everything that I had been telling him. My dh, of course, listened to him and was almost gagging by the end of it. Needless to say, my youngest is intact and any future children we have will be intact.

I struggle with guilt over my oldest son's brutalization. He is a wonderful kid now, but who knows what he would have been like if he had not been attacked when he was at his most vulnerable?
I'm so sorry, mama. Have you thought of taking legal actions against your first ped who said that not circ-ing is practically a child abuse. If not, please do think about it really good. She has to pay for what she's done to your and other helpless little babies : . Her statements were based on nothing, just pure BS : .
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#303 of 737 Old 05-26-2007, 07:14 PM
 
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Angela and CKMoore to you both. Thank you for sharing your stories. Please do also see the 'Letter to a Regretful Mother' here: http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...11#post8220111
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#304 of 737 Old 06-05-2007, 09:51 PM
 
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When I had my first son I was so focussed on getting through pregnancy intact I didn't think much about other issues. I'd had a lot of pregnancy losses before he was born.

When it came to circ, I let his dad decide. I figured, he has a penis, he should know what's best.

Well, he didn't care, he just figured if his was done that had to be best.

I held that baby while it was done. My Doctor tried to talk me out of it, and shame on me for not listening seriously to her.

Baby 2 was done routinely in the hospital. I said I didn't want it, his father, my ex husband, said he wanted it done. It was done.

Baby number three was born UC at home. I put my foot down. His dad said he had to be like his brothers. I told him if he was going to do it, he was going to have to take the baby to the hospital and hold him while he was cut. I gambled that he'd be to big of a wimp to do it. I was right.

The boys don't care a bit that their penises are different. They know. I have explained what was done to the first two, and that I'd left the decision to their father, and regret that it was done to them. I haven't made a big deal of it. I don't want them to feel bad about it. I've just stated the facts, simply and without emotion. Hopefully if they have sons they will be comfortable leaving them intact.

Kiley
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#305 of 737 Old 06-14-2007, 03:57 PM
 
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After reading all of these stories, if I have another baby that's a boy, he is 100% going to be intact.

Its a shame that doctors try to scare mom's into thinking they are doing something good for their son, when it does more harm.

Jessie
(single mommy to Emma, 3 years and Angela, 2 years)
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#306 of 737 Old 07-05-2007, 02:55 AM
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For all of you:

http://www.mothering.com/guest_edito...place/133.html

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#307 of 737 Old 07-06-2007, 08:14 PM
 
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I can't quite decide if I "regret" circ'ing my first son or not. I didn't give it a moment's thought until they were wheeling him out of my hospital room, and asked dh if he would like to attend. Dh recoiled in horror, which I found odd.

Still, it went off without a hitch, though ds never took to the breast and I was unsuccessful in that aspect of mothering. I can see how that would link to the pain he experienced, but I'm not sure I buy the idea of circ having a long-term, psychological effect on my baby. But I hadn't heard a word about AP when I had him, and thus raised him differently in his early years than my latter two.

Ds does get rashes on his glans (irritation rashes) and we have to treat that with a cream. Last year I had our ped check his penis to make sure the skin wasn't too tight (trying to find the cause of the redness). Ped, who doesn't recommend circ, said it was a clean job. I am relieved that my poor non-decision had a non-tragic outcome.

It's done, and can't be undone. He didn't die and nothing was botched. So I'm not sure I go as far as regret. Maybe I do. I do wish I'd read something, anything about circumcision before just handing him over. But I don't cry about it, wring my hands about it, or give much thought to it. If and when ds1 asks about his penis in comparison to un-circ'ed ds2, we'll chat with him about it.

It's probably part of my logical nature: what's done is done, we cannot fix it, so we must live with it as best we can. We're lucky ds didn't have to pay a horrible price for our thoughtless choice.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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#308 of 737 Old 07-06-2007, 09:46 PM
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Please watch this movie. This is an excellent movie (done by doctors opposing circumcision) about foreskin’s purpose and harm of circumcision. http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...o/prepuce.html
As you can see you took a decided to cut off a very important part of your son’s body and he and his future wife are the ones who will have to live with the consequences of this.

You probably already know that circumcision started as a cure for masturbation (masturbation was considered to be evil and sinful and was blamed for all sort of illnesses including paralysis and mental retardation http://www.cirp.org/library/history/ ).

Even a perfectly performed circumcision does life-long harm.

1. It removes the most sensitive parts of the penis (Ridged band and Frenulum)

2. Glans (the head of the penis) is designed to be an internal organ being protected by the foreskin. So once the foreskin is being removed, the glans become an external organ. Being constantly rubbed against underwear leads to it’s keratinization (the skin gets thick and rough, partially loosing sensitivity; the same way as it does on our feet once we start walking). It’s a matter of fact, it looses so much sensitivity that a circumcised man without a condom on feels less than an intact man wearing a condom.

Please take a look at a recent sensitivity study published in the BJU International (British Journal of Urology) in April 2007.
This study was the first time that the intact and circumcised penis were thoroughly, systematically and scientifically tested for sensitivity. The testing method was monofilament testing, the same method used in assessing peripheral neuropathy, such as lack of feeling in the feet of diabetics. The resulting measurements of sensitivity are quantifiable and reproducible. The study was submitted for peer review before being approved for publication.

The study's objective: to map the fine-touch pressure thresholds of the adult penis in circumcised and uncircumcised men, and to compare the two populations.

The conclusion, from the abstract: The glans of the circumcised penis is less sensitive to fine touch than the glans of the uncircumcised penis. The transitional region from the external to the internal prepuce is the most sensitive region of the uncircumcised penis and more sensitive than the most sensitive region of the circumcised penis. Circumcision ablates the most sensitive parts of the penis.

Full text of the study (pdf), http://www.icgi.org/touch-test/touch-test-article.pdf
Graphs illustrating the comparison findings http://www.icgi.org/touch-test/

3. Moisturizing the glans is another important function of foreskin. Once removed, the skin of glans gets dry which most of the time leads to inability to have sex/masturbation without an artificial lubricant. On the other hand intact men do not need it at all. Foreskin slides up and down the shaft of the penis providing an easy and smooth penetration, lubrication and additional pleasure for both partners.

4. The pain during circumcision is truly agonizing. There has been actually a study that was stopped before being completed due to too much trauma to babies http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9712/23/ci...on.anesthetic/ .

There has been another study that was comparing pain sensitivity in newborn vs. adults. The results were quite shocking! Newborn indeed don’t feel pain the way adults do. They feel it 1. more intense; 2. on a larger area and 3. for a longer period of time!

Lucky babies would pass out being unable to coop with such intense pain; not lucky ones will not and will go through the whole agony all the way.

There has been also a study that proved that intact boys and girls have higher thresholds of pain than circumcised boys. It was published in the Lancet (British medical journal) in 1997.

While permanent psychological impact of circumcision is still mostly unknown, it’s logical to assume that just like any extremely painful and traumatic event—even if forgotten—it can lead to a permanent emotional/psychological scar/damage.

Even a perfectly performed circumcision does not guarantee that a person will not have more serious (beyond the mentioned above) problems in his future sexual life. Such problems as, for example, too tight (sometimes even painful) erections can be due to removal of too much foreskin and whatever left over just not enough to accommodate a normal erection are much more common than many people think since it’s nearly impossible to know for sure how much is “too much” until the penis reaches its full-grown size. Removal of too much foreskin can also lead to a shaft of the penis being hairy (it pulls skin from above to more or less accommodate an erection).

Worth while mentioning most recent scientists discovery that Langerhans cells that are present in the foreskin are behave as ‘natural barrier’ to HIV. Bellow are the links.

http://body.aol.com/news/articles/_a...28234109990019
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...030500357.html
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=17334373
http://www.womenshealth.gov/news/english/602421.htm

If an adult wants to get circumcised, it’s definitely his body and therefore, his choice. There are benefits of being circumcised as an adult vs. as an infant.
- adequete pain relieve during and after procedure (also keep in mind that adults don’t pee and poop on the raw wound from circimcision the way babies do);
- significantly less chance of taking too much skin since the penis is ful grown size and no need to ‘guesstimate’;
- prosess of keratinization and partual loss of sensitivity will be much less due to glans being protected by the foreskin all the years preor circumcision;
- his body, his choice! not being ripped off from the basic right of genital integrity and the right to choose whether to preform this cosmetic sergery on the body or not. No one should ever have a right to alter genitals of another person! Kids are NOT a parent’s property!

So, I really have hard time getting what exactly here is NOT to regret about?.. :
yulia.
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#309 of 737 Old 07-06-2007, 10:03 PM
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Ds does get rashes on his glans (irritation rashes) and we have to treat that with a cream. Last year I had our ped check his penis to make sure the skin wasn't too tight (trying to find the cause of the redness). Ped, who doesn't recommend circ, said it was a clean job. I am relieved that my poor non-decision had a non-tragic outcome.
It was NOT a clean job; any circumcision, even perfectly preformed, is a VERY dirty job. And yes, it did have a tragic outcome! You are wondering why your son keeps getting rashes? Well, pretty much any mama on this forum can answer you that (if you doubt this answer you are very welcome contact DOCTORS opposing circumcision and they will tell you the same thing. unlike most American doctors who are unbelievably ignorant about the issue of foreskin and intact penis, those guys know alot about it). So your son keeps getting rashes (and he could also get ulcers on his glans (head of the penis) BECAUSE his foreskin that was designed to PROTECT his glans was removed and now his glans are being rubbed and irritated by urine and underwear.

yulia.
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#310 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 01:28 PM
 
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I disagree that occasional rashes are a tragic outcome compared to infection or total loss of the organ.

Since you insist, I'll put on my hair shirt and self-flagellate for the rest of my life over this decision.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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#311 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 01:55 PM
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I disagree that occasional rashes are a tragic outcome compared to infection or total loss of the organ.

Since you insist, I'll put on my hair shirt and self-flagellate for the rest of my life over this decision.
I didn't mean that rashes are tragic outcome. I just said they are due to circ.

As for tragic outcome, please read my first post. Your son has got an important organ amputated (most likely without a proper anesthesia as well)and that is a very tragic outcome for him and his future wife/partner.
Yes, I do want you to regret it and regret it deeply. Your baby lost something very important because of your choice and he deserves you mourning it.
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#312 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 02:00 PM
 
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I believe the thread title makes it clear that this thread is for those who "circumcised and regret it".

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#313 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 04:37 PM
 
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Actually, KermitMissesJim, I agree with you. Flagellating yourself over your past mistake will not bring back your son's foreskin. And I admire you for realizing that you had erred and for keeping your second ds intact. I do think some of us in the intactivist movement get so emotional that we hurt our cause.

To my fellow intactivists: Please remember that almost all parents who circumcise do so believing that they are doing their sons a favor. If you live in an area where all the men are circ'ed--your dad is, your brothers are, your dh/dp is--it will seem natural to have your ds circ'ed, too. Imagine their shock and horror when they get on the internet and learn the truth--that not only is circumcision NOT a beneficial procedure, it is one that downright HARMS men and boys. This is a painful truth to swallow. Most mothers will process this emotionally, but some, like KermitMissesJim, will process it mentally. By doing so, she came to leave her second son intact. And really, folks, that is the outcome we desire. She doesn't have to shed tears to correct her mistake.
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#314 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 04:40 PM
 
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And, Peppermint, I wrote my post so I could work through what I was feeling and see to what degree I do regret it.

What does it profit any of us to constantly flog ourselves over it? Can't we express regret (here, as invited) and then leave our regret behind?

As for what I stole from him and his wife...he doesn't have a foreskin. He won't know what he's missing. My husband doesn't know what he's missing. I don't know what I'm missing. We're perfectly content. I suppose if he and his brother have in-depth conversations about their sexual activities it could come up, and I could apologize to him then. His wife may or may not know what she is missing.

I regret neither doing the research nor making an informed medical decision for my oldest son. But I'm going to model a healthy way of dealing with that regret for all of my children. I'm going to forgive myself.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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#315 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 04:41 PM
 
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Thank you for you compassionate words, njeb.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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#316 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 04:45 PM
 
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KMJ you said it just right...

I circumsized my son and of course regret it but am I crazy for being happy that he has a very loose circumcision???? :
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#317 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 04:58 PM
 
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Thank you for you compassionate words, njeb.
You're welcome.
I like what you said about forgiving yourself, too. Sometimes forgiving yourself is harder than forgiving someone else. Good for you for modeling that for your children.
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#318 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 05:29 PM
 
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I am crying right now as I read everyones responses to this thread. I have two boys, both circed. With my first, I really didn't realize that it was a big deal, after all, I had never seen foreskin, so why did they need it? My husbands penis was fine, so would my boys. Never had another thought about it until I got pregnant with #2. I did a ton of research this time around, I was determined that this birth be better than my last due to lack of information about procedures. I only read a little bit about circ, and asked my hubby about it. He said the child would be made fun of etc and end up wanting it done when he was older, so why not save him the pain, and do it when he couldn't remember. I hadn't researched it too much, so I just let it go. I remember after he was born, I had all these emotions. This time, his penis didn't look funny to me (I thought my first son's looked funny before they circed him...stupid I know) he was perfect. I asked my husband again if he was sure he wanted it done, and he said yes. I wished I had listened as every fiber in my being screamed to not let them do it... After the intial sleep period, my son cried for days and days. It got infected. It was horrible. Since his birth, I have started to do TONS of research, and I can't believe what I allowed them to do to my boys! How dare I think I can make that kind of decision for my children? I have a lot of anger towards myself for letting it happen and not doing the research to back my intial feelings. I feel as if I have scarred my boys for life because of my ingnorance to the facts. Please tell your friend that she needs to research everything before making the decision to do it or not to do it, so she doesn't have to deal with the guilt and shame like so many of the mommies here. When and if we have another boy, he will NOT be cut!
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#319 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 06:00 PM
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As for what I stole from him and his wife...he doesn't have a foreskin. He won't know what he's missing. My husband doesn't know what he's missing. I don't know what I'm missing. We're perfectly content. I suppose if he and his brother have in-depth conversations about their sexual activities it could come up, and I could apologize to him then. His wife may or may not know what she is missing...
I *really* hope you talk to him and tell him what he is missing and how wrong circ is regardless of his in-depth conversations with his brother. It will be absolutely awful if he thinks it's fine either way and decide to mutilate his sons to match their daddy...
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#320 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 06:09 PM
 
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I am crying right now as I read everyones responses to this thread. I have two boys, both circed. With my first, I really didn't realize that it was a big deal, after all, I had never seen foreskin, so why did they need it? My husbands penis was fine, so would my boys. Never had another thought about it until I got pregnant with #2. I did a ton of research this time around, I was determined that this birth be better than my last due to lack of information about procedures. I only read a little bit about circ, and asked my hubby about it. He said the child would be made fun of etc and end up wanting it done when he was older, so why not save him the pain, and do it when he couldn't remember. I hadn't researched it too much, so I just let it go. I remember after he was born, I had all these emotions. This time, his penis didn't look funny to me (I thought my first son's looked funny before they circed him...stupid I know) he was perfect. I asked my husband again if he was sure he wanted it done, and he said yes. I wished I had listened as every fiber in my being screamed to not let them do it... After the intial sleep period, my son cried for days and days. It got infected. It was horrible. Since his birth, I have started to do TONS of research, and I can't believe what I allowed them to do to my boys! How dare I think I can make that kind of decision for my children? I have a lot of anger towards myself for letting it happen and not doing the research to back my intial feelings. I feel as if I have scarred my boys for life because of my ingnorance to the facts. Please tell your friend that she needs to research everything before making the decision to do it or not to do it, so she doesn't have to deal with the guilt and shame like so many of the mommies here. When and if we have another boy, he will NOT be cut!
:

That sounds horrible, I'm sorry.

What did the doctors and your husband say after he got infections? What kind did he have? MRSA?
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#321 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 06:13 PM
 
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And, Peppermint, I wrote my post so I could work through what I was feeling and see to what degree I do regret it.
My post wasn't only aimed at you. :
I do think one *must* regret it, and move on. I think regret is important and not a wasted emotion, but also not something to dwell on daily.

I regret failing at nursing my firstborn, I regret not VBAC with #2, I regret circ.ing my first son. These regrets do not stop me from living a wonderfully happy life with my family, but they do help me to understand other mama's "mistakes" and not be too hard on people. The regrets also encourage me to be an activist.

Someday I will apologize to my son for what was done to him with my permission, in hopes to spare any kids he will someday have.

Regret is a good emotion to have, IMO. It sparks change and action, forces us to be more careful with other decisions, etc.

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#322 of 737 Old 07-09-2007, 06:21 PM
 
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And, Peppermint, I wrote my post so I could work through what I was feeling and see to what degree I do regret it.

What does it profit any of us to constantly flog ourselves over it? Can't we express regret (here, as invited) and then leave our regret behind?

As for what I stole from him and his wife...he doesn't have a foreskin. He won't know what he's missing. My husband doesn't know what he's missing. I don't know what I'm missing. We're perfectly content. I suppose if he and his brother have in-depth conversations about their sexual activities it could come up, and I could apologize to him then. His wife may or may not know what she is missing.

I regret neither doing the research nor making an informed medical decision for my oldest son. But I'm going to model a healthy way of dealing with that regret for all of my children. I'm going to forgive myself.
It sounds like you are afraid to know what you and he are missing sexually? Am I reading that right?
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#323 of 737 Old 07-12-2007, 01:11 AM
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Originally Posted by angelachristin View Post
When it was over I came back in. My baby's foreskin was there on the table and the doctor asked us if we wanted to keep it. Yes I wanted to keep it...on my baby.
What a horribly evil doctor!!! How dare he ask you this after he cut it off!!! I'm so sorry you were faced with this vileness.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#324 of 737 Old 07-14-2007, 06:05 PM
 
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I actually regret that I spent hours researching the perfect swing and no time reseraching circ's. Then he got penile adhesions at 3 months and the research that followed sickens me.

I wouldn't circumcise if I could do it all over again, but I try not to call it regret. If I knew then what I know now I would not have done it. I try to remember that I made a decision based on the knoweldge that I had at the time - which was not enough.

Does that make sense?
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#325 of 737 Old 07-15-2007, 08:54 PM
 
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Please don't do what I did. I was STUPID! I let the doctor lie to me. I HATE HATE HATE her for harming my son. He was tongue tied and I was having a lot of problems breastfeeding. The Lactation Consultant said I should have it clipped but I'd need a referral. At his one week check up I asked for one. She went ballistic. And I'm not kidding! She said I'd have to find a different doctor because clipping the tongue wasn't medically necessary. Our new pediatrician is a Jew and he took one look at my ds's buried penis, heard me say, "I really didn't want to do this but my husband was adamant that it be done." he said, "Circumcision isn't medically necessary." I almost fainted."

I did a ton of research after that appointment and I feel so so bad for what I allowed happen to my poor newborn. I have nightmares to this day for what he endured. After learning the truth and of course the damage is already done. He can't ever get his foreskin back. I feel so sick. Please, don't do this. Please. Its been almost 8 yrs now. I'm STILL regretting it! Its aweful. Don't allow this to happen to your perfect son. GROW A STRONG BACK BONE!!!! PROTECT YOUR BABY!!! THEY JUST WANT TO TORTURE YOUR PRECIOUS NEWBORN'S PENIS!!!! AND GET MONEY!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET THEM DO THAT TO YOUR BABY!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
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#326 of 737 Old 07-24-2007, 11:35 PM
 
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I have a one year old DS, he is circumcised and I regret it deeply!
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#327 of 737 Old 07-26-2007, 01:32 AM
 
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I couldn't even finish reading the 1st page of this thread. My DH stopped the circumsision at birth to think about it. I was surprised and hopeful. Then we decided to do it. My father and brother and uncles are not circumsised and yet EVERYONE was telling me to do it. I felt no one was supporting me and that MAYBE I was wrong. I blame myself. I knew it wasn't necessary, but DH insisted he liked being circ'd. He was circumsised at 15 or so: and it sounded horrible. Anyway he said he didn't want his DS to have to go through that later. When the pediatrician came in to tell me she was happy she got tto see my DS and check him before he was "strapped down" I LOST IT! I wanted to run down the hall and stop it!! I cried uncontrollably for a long time. He came back with a betrayed look on his face. I let them hurt him and I will never forgive myself I knew better. Everyone can flame me. No one can hurt me more than I have already hurt myself and my DS.
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#328 of 737 Old 07-26-2007, 01:00 PM
 
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Gina- this is not a place for flaming, but for support, information, and even activism... If you can turn your regret around and help other parents fight for their son, then we are moving forward in a better direction.



Jessica

Jessica..lady.gifintactlact.gif Falling in love all over again..... 
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#329 of 737 Old 08-01-2007, 12:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
My post wasn't only aimed at you. :
I do think one *must* regret it, and move on. I think regret is important and not a wasted emotion, but also not something to dwell on daily.

I regret failing at nursing my firstborn, I regret not VBAC with #2, I regret circ.ing my first son. These regrets do not stop me from living a wonderfully happy life with my family, but they do help me to understand other mama's "mistakes" and not be too hard on people. The regrets also encourage me to be an activist.

Someday I will apologize to my son for what was done to him with my permission, in hopes to spare any kids he will someday have.

Regret is a good emotion to have, IMO. It sparks change and action, forces us to be more careful with other decisions, etc.

As a mother who has a circed son and regrets it a lot, this really struck a cord with me. HOW do you not regret it every day? And HOW do you move on? I have an intact son also, so its hard for me NOT to see the hrrors of what I've done, ya know?
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#330 of 737 Old 08-01-2007, 03:51 PM
 
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my oldest was adopted- so he came circ'd - wish he wasn't but no regrets.
with my next boy i cried begged and pleaded with his dad to not have it done, but i beleived in "head of the household" stuff that the church was teaching so i allowed it to be done. looking back i see how sick and wrong that is, to allow my child to have a body part removed due to false teaching!!! it cannot be undone, and it breaks my heart. especially since their dad has passed away and so cannot explain it to ds.
i have since had another son with another man who was adamant in his stance too, only PRAISE GOD- his stance is one of genital integrity.
in some ways the joy of leaving ds intact is mingled with the grief of allowing the false doctrine of wifely submission cause me to allow my other son to be mutilated.

Punk, hippy, mama to 4 amazing kiddos, Boy#1 (18), TheGirl (13), Boy#2 (11- PBD) and Boy#3 (6)
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