If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 16 - Mothering Forums

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#451 of 729 Old 07-07-2008, 08:56 PM
 
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Thanks for all the answers and info! I can recall being given some anti circ pamphlets from my ds1's midwife and I just blew them off 'cause I was sure that circ was the norm. Everyone in our families are circ., so it was kind of like...'why not?' Regardless, I know I still have a lot to learn about all this. I want to make sure I know all my facts so I can start talking to others about circ but I am feeling kind of fired up about it and I want to become an Intactivist!!!

P.S. I'm trying to not beat myself up so much over having ds2 circ. I want to turn those bad feelings into motivation to help others come to the decision not to circ. If I can save other little boys from being circ I know it will help. Anyway this is probably all I will post about this in this thread so that it's not cluttered up since I already told my story of why I regret ds2 being circ.
As awful as it sounds, parents who circumcised and regretted it are often the best advocates. So join the discussion. For what its worth I am glad to hear you had a midwife who made the attempt its a good sign.
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#452 of 729 Old 07-10-2008, 03:31 PM
 
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I didn't circumcise. But I'm posting here, because it ended up being the thing I struggled with most and had the hardest time deciding on. In the end I didn't do it, and I feel it is one of the best decisions I ever made.

I am a single mom, so I didn't have the pressures of a husband wanting to have it done. Still, I did have some internal debate since I didn't know much about this issue prior to getting pregnant. My gut told me it was not the right thing to do, but having never really seen an intact penis I had questions and I initially thought maybe there was some truth to what my doctor told me, which was that there are higher rates of cervical cancer among women who have sex with intact men. I was surprised when I started researching how there really are no good reasons for doing this. All of the reasons seemed contrived or lame at best. One doctor even said "you don't really want your son to have to spend his whole life pulling back the foreskin to get clean". Huh? I mean, we have to wipe our butts too.. is it that DIFFICULT?

I talked to a friend who is uncircumcised (he's European who lives here) and he was very adamant about it and thought it was ridiculous that Americans do this. I also talked to another friend who is circumcised but wishes he wasn't because he said "I have less sensitivity and sometimes it takes sooo long during sex" LOL! Then there were a lot of people who said it would be best to have him "cut" so he would fit in with his peers or that his penis would look better, etc. I was sympathetic to those arguments, but ultimately they just seeme, well, so lame. I figured if he hated his penis he could always alter it himself one day, but he could never undo it if I had part of his penis hacked off. In the back of my mind there was always this nagging thought "He's innocent, coming into the world with no one but me to count on.... how can I take that precious gift from God and cut off part of his genitals.". Anyway, in the end, I never "fully" made up my mind until I gave birth but I think in my heart I always knew I wouldn't do it. So when the doctor said after he was born "is he to be circumcised", I said "NO!". I didn't even have to give it a thought.
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#453 of 729 Old 07-27-2008, 09:32 AM
 
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I am encouraged that so many parents are verbalizing their regret having circumcised their son. As a man who has an early recollectioni of his circumcision, and all the horror that goes with it, I am glad that these feelings are being said out loud.

To encourage others to speak their regrets, and to archive them for others to read, I have created a blog where you can post your stories. I hope everyone who has posted here will submit a copy there, too.

Please visit blOUCH!, the blog for Project: OUCH!

Dan
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#454 of 729 Old 08-17-2008, 05:36 AM
 
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I'm so impressed at the bravery of all of those who have expressed their regret. It takes great courage to adjust your way of thinking in a way that you're forced to accept that you've hurt the most precious of people in the world to you in a way that you can't undo

I have only a daughter; her older brother was stillborn, but he wouldn't have been circumcised, I was clear on that. It's not the norm here in NZ and my brother wasn't circ'ed back in the 80s, so despite my youthful naivety it's one mistake I wouldn't have made.

I'm glad that so many of you who regret this have chosen to TALK to your sons about what happened and why you regret it - I honestly think this will help in their healing & future sexual fulfillment. My ex and the father of my children was circumcised and has a mother who shies away from open & honest communication with her sons (or anyone else). I can't help but feel his circumcision and an inability to come to terms with it played a part in his numerous issues with anger & anxiety that were eventually instrumental in our break up. I broached the subject of circumcision with him when I was pregnant with our son & he shut down instantly - it was obviously something too painful to discuss.

Our sex life was lacking (something I didn't realise until later, when I'd had other partners - you really CAN'T contemplate something so good, when you've never had it) because it was as though in his mind pleasure & pain were inextricably linked. He used to suffer panic attacks after orgasm which left him curled in a ball, breathing heavily & as helpless as an infant. I often wondered if the circumcision had left him expecting pain after pleasure, or if he was guilty at experiencing enjoyment because in his subconscious the circumcision was a punishment for this. I'm no psychologist so I don't know, but I've never seen anything else like it and it didn't seem normal to me.
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#455 of 729 Old 09-16-2008, 07:00 PM
 
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I regret it very much that i let this happen to my 1st. It is something that i actually did research. However, I let dh and the stupid dr make the decision. I felt very bullied by that dr. He told me his 1st 2 sons were circ. and had alotta problems so they left the 3rd son intact and he ended up having to be circd too because of a really bad infect. and either way you cant win. He also got all nasty with me and told my husband and I...."how are you going to agree on big things later in life if you cant even agree on one little thing now?!" I was just so overwhelmed from the birth and everything. BUT I WAS ALSO SO STUPID. I wish I wouldve said NO to dh and dr. I wish I could undo it.
This dr also tried to tell me I should not be breastfeeding my baby. STUPID STUPID DR!

My advice is to always research things and dont let people push you into doing something you don't feel good about. There is NO NEED to have things done right away. If you arent sure about something then dont do it til you are.
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#456 of 729 Old 09-17-2008, 11:06 AM
 
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HUGS TO YOU !!

This is a perfect example of why the Medical Community has to carry a very large part of the blame in the perpetuation of this brutal and damaging custom.

They pick on and bully the mother at her most vulnerable time, when she is totally exhausted and emotionaly drained.

Why have they no "ETHICS"? It is just absolutely disgusting behaviour.
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#457 of 729 Old 10-06-2008, 05:27 PM
 
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I have 2 boys, both, unfortunately, circumsied.With #1, I had no idea about any circ. issues.I blindly accepted, that its just what you do.His had no healing prob.s everything did work out

With my 2nd boy, I was leaning toward no circ. mainly b/c our haelth ins. didn't cover it. But my husband, his mom,and both my parents insisted he needed it.So we scraped $285 together and prepaid the pediatriction. This time they did a weird circ. they forced a plastic ring with a string tied around the head & into the shaft.Then they just sliced the very tip off. It was supposed to fall off in 3 - 7 days. Well his didn't.After 2 weeks, the whole little thing was swollen and red and the head was healing and growing on to the stupid plastic ring. I called the Dr. office & spoke with a nurse who told me, "it just looks like its adhearing to the ring" I took him to the doctor the next day anyway.It was indeed growing onto the ring, so the doctor started RIPPING his skin off of it, to start the process of falling off.It took about 2-3 more days to completely fall off.As it was in the process I expressed some of my breastmilk to the new wound, to ensure no infections.

If I ever have anymore sons, they will not suffer through a needless surgical procedure like a circumcision!

Unvaxing, Breastfeeding, Cloth diapering, Mama cloth loving, Passionate about all things natural Mommy to CJ-8/03, AG-9/05, JJ-6/08. And married to my best friend Feb.2005!
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#458 of 729 Old 10-06-2008, 05:48 PM
 
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Kelly, that is so sad, and I am sorry you and your son had to go through it.

Peace,

Amy
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#459 of 729 Old 10-23-2008, 02:16 PM
 
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Circumcising my son is my biggest parenting regret and the thing I wish I could wish away. I'd been expecting a girl and was relieved knowing I didn't have to make the circumcision decision. My plan was to labor naturally and breastfeed. After 2 of pushing, I requested an epidural and after another half hour of pushing my OB told me that none of my pushing had been productive and I was diagnosed with failure to progress and needed a c-section on 3/12/08. During the next 24 hours I tried to breastfeed unsucessfully. And the lactation consultants said the baby could go 48 hours without food, but a little after the 1 day mark of his life I requested formula. He did end up breastfeeding after three weeks when my husband and I finally got good consul and we got his frenulum snipped. But anyway, here I was in the hospital and recovering from surgery, surprise it's a boy, having feeding issues with my son and my husband was having difficulty adjusting to fatherhood and was spending several hours a day away from the hospital and given all these factors we were expected to make to this big decision. Both of us were unsure, but the pediatrician was putting on the hard sell telling us he was the best in the area, which I've come to find out is in fact true. My mother and my husband's mother were both pushing him. But regardless, I wish just one person had said to my husband and I, "If you're unsure, just wait, just give it time and don't try and make this decision before you leave the hospital, really there's no pressure, you can make this decision anytime. You can always do a circumcision, but you can't undo one." The worst of my pain comes from not having been there because I would have stopped it, I had these awful feelings while my son was gone from the room, a voice in my head saying, 'Go stop this'. I wish I'd done something, but now all I can do is feel this pain and wish, wish I'd done it differently, that I could have stopped it somehow.

I can't believe how common this procedure is in America and that parents are even called upon to make this decision right after the birth of their sons. Giving birth and adjusting to new parenthood is challenge enough. No one should be asking parents to make this decision while they're in the hospital. I'd like to see legislation banning routine infant circumsion, at very least banning it from being done in hospitals. This is a decision that needs time and care to be made.

I will not circumcize again and I am so, so, so very sorry that I ever did and I hope that my son can only forgive me my greatest parenting mistake and regret. And I hope I can find someway to forgive myself. I keep trying to tell myself, 'When you know better you do better'. And I did not do better because I didn't know better.

My final thought is this: I can't believe that such a cruel act of tradegy is visited upon so many innocent babies and that is had become so normalized. My husband who witnessed it has been scarred by the experience.
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#460 of 729 Old 10-26-2008, 10:25 PM
 
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I regret it too. my first son had medical problems with Phimosis he was not circ at first but he had trouble urinating and was getting frequent uti's they recommended we have it done and it resolved however he has a buried penis now that while it is minor and mainly from his fat pad he still has there but it still makes me feel bad. I had my second son done out of fear from what my first went through mainly but I felt devestated from day 1 after doing it. I am expecting a 3rd son in march and he will not have it done and I am happy about it.

 Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!

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#461 of 729 Old 11-03-2008, 08:01 PM
 
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Both of my boys were circumsized and both my husband and I deeply regret it. I am so angry with myself for not doing the research and for just doing what the doctors recommended. I was DEVASTATED when I realized what we had done. I failed them as a mother during a critical time and I just pray that they don't resent me one day for not protecting them from a horrifying procedure.
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#462 of 729 Old 11-12-2008, 03:29 PM
 
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My dh was 100% set on circ'ing our son and I didn't put up enough of a fight. If the circumstances at the time had been different (long story), I might have been stronger but I caved and "went along to get along". I have regretted it wholeheartedly. It is a savage and unnecessary procedure and I'm ashamed for putting my beautiful boy through it.

Today, at the age of just 3, my son has a lot of issues with chafing and irritation. This ONLY occurs where his foreskin should still be. It saddens me beyond words because I *know* that he would not have these issues if he'd been left intact.

The only bright spot in this story is that I've finally been able to convince my husband that circ'ing is unnecessary, as is the whole "sons should look like daddy" nonsense. Our future sons will be left intact, as God intended. It won't change what has already past but at least we won't repeat the same horrible mistake.
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#463 of 729 Old 11-27-2008, 07:16 PM
 
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I too regret consenting to my son's circumcision. I hadn't know what I know now about it at the time. After the fact, I felt the ONLY argument that had any semblance of reason to it was preventing infection, but then I learned that my LO is prone to infection around the penis head, probably because of the circumcision! Makes me so mad! My husband who is also circ'd has to pay very close attention to cleaning around his penis head, very much like a pp said about wiping one's butt. If he's having to show the same intensity of care to his circ's penis as a unaltered male, doesn't that procedure defeat the purpose????

M.Ed. Mama to Chunka (1/07), Beauty (5/09) and Elizabear 3/12): Birth Doula (working toward certification) AAMI Midwifery Student, Advocating with Solace for Mothers & The Birth Survey

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#464 of 729 Old 01-10-2009, 12:10 PM
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First of all, I thought my kids penises looked better before they were circ'd. We did it "just because" with my first son. With my second son, I didn't feel comfortable, but I was busy trying to gain support from my husband over the vaccine issue, which was a huge priority at the time because my DS1 is ASD. We didnt have a "bad" experience, like nothing "horrible" other then the obvious, as circ in itself is pretty horrible, but I still regret it. I am really big for children's rights (especially the no spanking issue) and I can't believe my mind was so warped by society that I thought this was normal?! It was my son's decision to make, not mine, and I regret it.
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#465 of 729 Old 02-02-2009, 01:35 AM
 
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I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".

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#466 of 729 Old 02-02-2009, 01:49 AM
 
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I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".
I am sorry to hear this too. It sounds like you're doing all you can and that is the best we can hope for. Some people just don't want to listen to the logical, factual truth. If you want to try a different tract perhaps you could ask her why it isn't recommend by any pediatric organization, not done in any other western country, and why there is consideration of a ban on the practice in Australia and Denmark. If you need help finding those resources please let me know.
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#467 of 729 Old 02-02-2009, 04:48 AM
 
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OMG, I just watched that video (closed my eyes a LOT). That poor poor precious babe! I sobbed while watching it and couldn't go to the end. I already knew no son of mine would be circumsized but DH still talks about doing "research" before deciding. End of discussion. This video will be part of the research he'll be forced to do next time he brings it up.

My job as a mother is to protect my children. This will NEVER happen to a child of mine. NEVER.

OMG, why is this LEGAL????
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#468 of 729 Old 02-02-2009, 12:39 PM
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OMG, why is this LEGAL????
That's what I keep asking myself all the time. How in the world do doctors get away with that?!
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#469 of 729 Old 02-26-2009, 09:00 AM
 
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I regret circumcising my son. I did it because my sister had her sone done too. I wish though I had read up on what circumcision entails. It was awful watching him being circumcised (yes I watched). I couldn't forgive myself for putting my son through it then and I don't think I shall ever forgive or forget.

Its sad that so many people think that circumcision is the right thing to do and have their sons done even though there is no medical requirement for it. Whats even more sad is that many women think an uncircumcised penis is sick/disgusting/gross, etc. Here's a link to an article I came across that potrays how these women think. Think its about time people were educated about this.

http://www.healthmad.com/Men's-Healt...n-Women.541911
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#470 of 729 Old 02-26-2009, 09:09 AM
 
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I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".
I can identify with what you are feeling - I feel the same right now. I hope your nurse friend does have a girl. One would have thought that health professionals would know better, but I guess they've been numbed by watching this supposedly "painless" procedure. I hate docs/nurses - they just don't give you the full picture or the full facts.
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#471 of 729 Old 03-06-2009, 03:37 AM
 
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I regret circumcising my son. I did it because my sister had her sone done too. I wish though I had read up on what circumcision entails. It was awful watching him being circumcised (yes I watched). I couldn't forgive myself for putting my son through it then and I don't think I shall ever forgive or forget.

Its sad that so many people think that circumcision is the right thing to do and have their sons done even though there is no medical requirement for it. Whats even more sad is that many women think an uncircumcised penis is sick/disgusting/gross, etc. Here's a link to an article I came across that potrays how these women think. Think its about time people were educated about this.

http://www.healthmad.com/Men's-Healt...n-Women.541911
I just wanted to give you my support...

Latina Mama of 3 and Wife of a great man since 1997
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#472 of 729 Old 03-08-2009, 04:38 AM
 
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I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.
I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.
I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.
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#473 of 729 Old 03-08-2009, 11:18 AM
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I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected...

How about respecting her SON's views and basic human rights? After all, it's not her husband who will be baring the life long consequences of this senseless amputative
surgery.
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#474 of 729 Old 03-09-2009, 09:19 PM
 
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i recently (as of a week ago) found out the TRUTH about circumcision...unfortunately it was three and a half years too late for my precious little boy. i'm dealing with very serious regret. My mother was a nurse...she told me the logical benefits of circumcision...she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!
So, I guess that convinced me, in spite of my dad's incredible opposition, to circumcise. So, to make a long story short...now that I know the truth, I apologized to my dad for not listening to him...and I asked him to share the mdc articles with my mother. I guess I was hoping, to A) get her to understand the error of her way (even though uninformed and well-intentioned) and B)get her to sympathize with my regret...and I was hoping that she would in turn feel regretful for her decisions so she could understand me better. (believe me, I'm not saying that I wanted her to feel bad, but I wanted her to feel bad).

I just asked her about it, if she'd read the article. She read one and said, WOW it's amazing how much they know about circumcision now. As though this was unknown info...I think it was known, but brushed aside.
She didn't feel bad at all, though. She said she could understand why I would wonder about my decision and why I might not choose that again.
But she couldn't understand why I should feel bad about it.

AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! So now I wonder if it was even worth passing on to her, or should I just have kept my mouth shut. Now she'll probably just assume that I'll be judgmental of her. UggGHHH!!!!! No wonder I was so afraid to have a daughter---thank goodness I do have a daughter though!

Any advice?

Jennifer
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#475 of 729 Old 03-10-2009, 10:21 AM
 
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i recently (as of a week ago) found out the TRUTH about circumcision...unfortunately it was three and a half years too late for my precious little boy. i'm dealing with very serious regret. My mother was a nurse...she told me the logical benefits of circumcision...she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!
So, I guess that convinced me, in spite of my dad's incredible opposition, to circumcise. So, to make a long story short...now that I know the truth, I apologized to my dad for not listening to him...and I asked him to share the mdc articles with my mother. I guess I was hoping, to A) get her to understand the error of her way (even though uninformed and well-intentioned) and B)get her to sympathize with my regret...and I was hoping that she would in turn feel regretful for her decisions so she could understand me better. (believe me, I'm not saying that I wanted her to feel bad, but I wanted her to feel bad).

I just asked her about it, if she'd read the article. She read one and said, WOW it's amazing how much they know about circumcision now. As though this was unknown info...I think it was known, but brushed aside.
She didn't feel bad at all, though. She said she could understand why I would wonder about my decision and why I might not choose that again.
But she couldn't understand why I should feel bad about it.

AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! So now I wonder if it was even worth passing on to her, or should I just have kept my mouth shut. Now she'll probably just assume that I'll be judgmental of her. UggGHHH!!!!! No wonder I was so afraid to have a daughter---thank goodness I do have a daughter though!

Any advice?

Jennifer
Hi Jennifer,

You just cannot expect someone else to react in the way that you would, unfortunately. It sounds like she actually reacted more positively than most in that she acknowledged that circumcision is not such a good idea. Many people don't even admit that. She may feel bad but be unable to admit it, or she may think there is no point in crying over spilt milk. Neither of which means that you cannot feel bad about the circumcision. It is normal for you to feel bad, and though you cannot change what happened to your son, you can make a difference by speaking out to save other boys who aren't born yet. We understand your pain. When your son is older, you can tell him about foreskin restoration, but that is a long way off. Don't beat yourself up too much - you do what you knew how to do, and in many places there is overwhelming cultural pressure to circumcise.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
On hospital bedrest for pPROM since 23 weeks
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#476 of 729 Old 03-10-2009, 12:02 PM
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I'm so sorry, mama (HUGS).

Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferLS View Post
she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!
If I could bet my money on it, I'd say your brother was needlessly circ'd. I bet it's whether he failed to retract by the age of five (which IS totally NORMAL) or your mom (or a pediatrician) was retracting his forskin to clean (which is a HUGE mistake that can cause multiple problems, one of them is infections. Like if you keep ripping a nail off its finger bed it WILL get infected sooner or later)
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#477 of 729 Old 03-10-2009, 12:53 PM
 
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I regret circ'ing my 13 yo DS. He was circed in the hospital days after his birth. I am grateful that he did not have any complications.

I hadnt read about circ'ing since then until i was preg with DD and found MDC. If this one we are expecting is a boy, he will not be circ'ed regardless of what DH has to say about it. IIf he wants it done he has to watch that video of the baby being circed. if he still wants to do it after that, then too bad b/c my foot is down.

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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#478 of 729 Old 03-10-2009, 01:43 PM
 
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Galatea...thank you so much for the positive feedback. It's very helpful.

Yulia R...you are ABSOLUTELY right! My mom said she just had so much trouble cleaning my brother under the foreskin----BIG NO NO now we KNOW! I don't know if this is too much psycho-babble, but the doctor who did the circ (thankfully my brother was under general anesthesia) told my mom that my brother would probably hate her for the rest of his life. Don't know if my brother remembers it (maybe it's supressed) but he definitely has NEVER gotten along with my mom EVER probably since around that time...he was always a behavior problem and ALWAYS resents my mother's criticisms, etc. He has no respect for her and when they're not fighting, they basically don't say much to each other at all. It's a very uncomfortable situation and it is extremely painful for my mother. I just can't help but wonder if psychologically that most probably unnecessary circumcision is the very deep root of the problem. It would be interesting to see studies on this.

Thanks again for everyone's input.

I thought of an idea last night to help me get through this...don't know if anyone else has done this (probably so) or thought about it. But, I think for closure, it would be most helpful to write a letter to the pediatrician who circ'd my little boy. Just want him to know how painfully I now regret it and wished he could have at least MENTIONED that it wasn't medically necessary...and pray that he can think about discouraging other new moms who might not know...I think pediatricians have an obligation to at least say it's not medically necessary. He's not our pediatrician any longer, simply because we had to move to another state a couple months after my son was born.

These message boards sure are helpful in dealing with all these thoughts and feelings. What a blessing!

Jennifer
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#479 of 729 Old 03-10-2009, 02:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferLS View Post
Galatea...thank you so much for the positive feedback. It's very helpful.

Yulia R...you are ABSOLUTELY right! My mom said she just had so much trouble cleaning my brother under the foreskin----BIG NO NO now we KNOW! I don't know if this is too much psycho-babble, but the doctor who did the circ (thankfully my brother was under general anesthesia) told my mom that my brother would probably hate her for the rest of his life. Don't know if my brother remembers it (maybe it's supressed) but he definitely has NEVER gotten along with my mom EVER probably since around that time...he was always a behavior problem and ALWAYS resents my mother's criticisms, etc. He has no respect for her and when they're not fighting, they basically don't say much to each other at all. It's a very uncomfortable situation and it is extremely painful for my mother. I just can't help but wonder if psychologically that most probably unnecessary circumcision is the very deep root of the problem. It would be interesting to see studies on this.
Jennifer, I'm so sorry about the relationship between your brother and his mom. It must be so painful for both of them as well as other family members. I don't know if circ itself had anything to do with this (after all he was under GA), but the fact that forcible retraction is VERY painful, kind of like ripping off a finger nail (so if your mom did that on a regular basis it definitely could be VERY traumatizing for your brother) did not help it.
I know your mom had your brother's best interest in heart and thought she was doing the right thing by retracting and cleaning it. But emotions and sentiments aside, how would you define a constant very painful manipulation of child's genitals against his will? So, of course this could form a lot of bad feelings and resistance.
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#480 of 729 Old 03-11-2009, 05:59 AM
 
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Very interesting point...thanks for sharing that. Don't know if it helps now, but it sure helps with perspective. Maybe one day they can both heal from this.
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