If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 17 - Mothering Forums

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#481 of 727 Old 03-12-2009, 03:33 PM
 
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I posted in this thread a long time ago. My DS is almost 2 1/2 now and he was circ'd because I was ignorant at the time.

Just found out yesterday we are having another boy :

Obviously, this child will be left intact - no question there. I'm not looking forward to hearing crap from family, but I am looking forward to another chance to do the right thing. I know it won't change the horrible mistake I made with DS, but at least the cycle will be broken in our family.

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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#482 of 727 Old 03-15-2009, 08:27 PM
 
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I have to add to this thread my fiance's circumcision story. He was born in 1982, the oldest of 4 boys (who are unbelievably all circumcised!
The circumcision only removed part of the foreskin and left a chunk intact, which remained attached to his penis for 12 years. (His parents apparently didn't think anything was wrong with it). Up until he was 12, he was plagued with constant itching of the head of his penis, and consequently, rubbed it for years until finally a part of the remaining foreskin came off. (This also led to a very early discovery of masturbation). He now has a half-retractable penis, that he is extremely self-conscious of because of a less-than-stellar, quite unnecessary circumcision! I wish all the fathers out there who wanted their sons circumcised to "look like them" could understand that there are many, many more instances of flawed circumcisions than any sort of infection or teasing caused by being uncircumcised! Natural penises are beautiful, and not scarred with purple bands around them where they were cut!

Kaiti, in heartbeat.gif with Shane, astrological mama to spitdrink.gif Sophie *12.27.05*, praying.gif Maya *09.25.07*, sleepytime.gif Phoenix *08.23.09* & 3rdtri.gif due *12.04.11*  Having a hbac.gif waterbirth.jpg lotbirth.gif after 3 cesareans!

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#483 of 727 Old 03-18-2009, 04:31 AM
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He was born in 1982, the oldest of 4 boys (who are unbelievably all circumcised!
Doesn't surprise me at all - something like 80-90% of boys in the early 80s were cut. Mostly only preemies and son's of intact fathers (who also had intact fathers) escaped the knife back then.

Long distance Mom to boarding school superstars E (9) and Layne (6).
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#484 of 727 Old 03-18-2009, 01:41 PM
 
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I wish all the fathers out there who wanted their sons circumcised to "look like them" could understand that there are many, many more instances of flawed circumcisions than any sort of infection or teasing caused by being uncircumcised!
This is so true! Circumcision is really such a hack job of a "surgery"! Not only do you run the risk of sexual impairment or other complications, but they hardly ever come out looking the same. Some ex-friends of mine freely admitted their first two sons circ's looked totally different, yet when they had the third they were still going to do it so he wouldn't look.....different!!!
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#485 of 727 Old 03-21-2009, 11:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by amandaleigh37 View Post
I posted in this thread a long time ago. My DS is almost 2 1/2 now and he was circ'd because I was ignorant at the time.

Just found out yesterday we are having another boy :

Obviously, this child will be left intact - no question there. I'm not looking forward to hearing crap from family, but I am looking forward to another chance to do the right thing. I know it won't change the horrible mistake I made with DS, but at least the cycle will be broken in our family.

I am in the same boat! And this time, will leave my son's penis alone. I will probably not get flack from family, but it may take DH doing some of his own online research to realize that we should have never done it to my other sons and we will leave this one intact.

nurse, mama, doula-in-training to J-14, J-13, S-7, S-4, and P-2(born at home)
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#486 of 727 Old 05-17-2009, 03:59 PM
 
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Bumping.

Mom &  RN   intactivist.gif
Pardon the typos - CWOK (cat walking on keyboard)   signcirc1.gif

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#487 of 727 Old 06-06-2009, 11:34 AM
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#488 of 727 Old 06-07-2009, 04:32 AM
 
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Out of all the parenting decisions I have made this is one I FULLY regret and wish I could turn back time on. I circed my first son but not my current son.

With my first son I did not know better, infact I didnt know anything at all. I never researched it, I was young, my hubby is circed, my family said it was a good thing, every other baby boy I meet in 2004 was circed and that was that. I assumed that was how it should be. I grew up in a family of ALL girls so I didnt know about the penis and only ever saw a circed one.

When I was in the hospital they were getting my information into the computer. They asked all the regular questions about what is your birthdate, address etc. Then they asked breast or bottle feeding and then they said are you going to circumcise him and then just stared at me. I looked over at dh and he just looked at me to answer and I was just like "yeah" and that was that

So they did it and I could hear him screaming but when they brought him to me he seemed fine. He nursed and all was well so I thought

We left the hospital and his penis just looked soo bad to me but again I assumed it was normal (turns out that yes it is normal to look like that when you slice it up):
At home I was putting tons of vaseline on it but then I noticed it started to bleed very bad, I called the Dr who did it (not our ped) and they said to bring him in. He looked at him and said to me "Oh its okay I just took off a little more skin then I should of, but its okay b/c when he is older the girls will like him b/c it will look really big" as he was smiling and sorda chuckleling as to find a way to justify why he took off more skin then normal. I was horrified b.c why would you say that to his mother, I mean I do not want to think about how girls need to think he is big. I was very upset. I couldnt beleive a Dr would say that to a parent let alone make a mistake like that by taking too much skin off

He sent us to get bloodwork done to check to see if he had issues clotting. We get to the lab and they put us in a room for over 45 minutes. We started to get mad and would peek our heads out and noticed they were avoiding us, finally the tech comes in and says look "Im not going to do this, If I draw this much blood from him he would have to be put back into the hospital and be GIVEN blood!! She could not understand why they ordered that much. We were angry and relieved at the same time, what if we had a tech who didnt know any better and just drew the blood from my sweet three day old son which would cause his life to be in jeopardy??? I was sooo upset and hysterical, I could not figure out what happened. WE go back home and I call the dr and they went and checke the records and said "oops we are sorry , Dr so and so ACCIDENTALLY ordered the test twice" (it was a different dr than the one who did the cir) I said well he is not bleeding anymore and they said oh well then dont worry about it. WHAT???? you said dont worry about it since it stopped but before it was so important to get it done? On top of that they mad ANOTHER mistake.......my son paid and was going to pay for their "ACCIDENTS" and that is just so wrong on so many levels. I had severe PPD with him and maybe these things helped aid in that b/c I kept holding him and thinking he is soo perfect, what did/was I doing.

He is definetly scarred phsyically by this, his penis after that looked nothing like any of the male babies I saw (which is ironic b/c I was trying to make him look like all the male babies I saw before he was born) His head of his penis is VERY big and looks like an adult males, it also is a little more bulgey under the head. Every check up we go to I ask if it is okay and will he be okay and the answer is always yes but emotinally when he is older he may not be okay and I have to live with that I made that decision for him.:

What is made worse for me is I found out later after learning what I know now and sharing it with my dh that if I would of came to him and showed him the reasons for being intact our son would still be whole and that hurts me more than anything and is why I blame myself. I only wish ONE person would of put the thought into my head to question what I was going to do and that would of lead me to research

We went on to have a daugther and then another son who is intact! My oldest is now 5 and is a very happy and healthy boy but I know that one day I will have to explain to him what we or should I say I let happen to him and I hope that he will understand that at the time we THOUGHT we were doing what was right. I love him so much that I would of NEVER knowingly hurt him for no reason.

I can not stress how important it is to research something even if you "think" you may know the answer. Most importantly I have realized it is not my body to make those kinds of decisions anyway.

Instead of leaving him how God intended him to be I let some doctor, a stranger, a man who I did not even know decide how my son was going to look. Why? He was perfect!

sorry this got long
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#489 of 727 Old 06-07-2009, 10:09 AM
 
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Hugs to you, mama.

I think it is too late for you to sue the doctor but your son may be able to. It is worth checking in to.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
On hospital bedrest for pPROM since 23 weeks
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#490 of 727 Old 06-07-2009, 10:25 AM
 
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ah, i did not realize that there were so many parents who regret circumcising. this is such a sad topic. i think you're all great parents regardless. you just wanted to do what was best with your kids with the information you had at the time. you all seem to be such loving parents, and your sons will probably understand. we all just keep moving forward though.

two amazing sons & .
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#491 of 727 Old 06-10-2009, 02:10 AM
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#492 of 727 Old 06-11-2009, 11:58 PM
 
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it's been 12 hours and I've regretted it every second so far. Stupid me left it up to DH, assuming he'd have the good sense to think independently. But he instead chose to become part of the he-should-look-like daddy crowd. And he found a pediatrician who made him feel better by saying that it virtually eliminates the risk of penile cancer. (I'd really love to know just how many people actually get penile cancer...) I should have refused to allow this.
I'm trying really really hard not to consider this some kind of child abuse, but if it didn't occur in a medical setting and if insurance wasn't paying for it, that's exactly what it would be called.
My perfect little boy has screamed for most of his awake time today - way more than he's cried altogether over the 2 weeks we've had him. he keeps staring kind of off over my shoulder - won't study my face like he liked to do before.
I hope my kid forgives me for not standing up for him.

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#493 of 727 Old 06-12-2009, 12:24 AM
 
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I am so sorry to hear this. A for you. At this point you can't beat yourself up too much about it; what's done is done. What you can do is hang around here and spend time learning more so that if the situation comes up again, you can be prepared.

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(I'd really love to know just how many people actually get penile cancer...) I should have refused to allow this.
Consider this, perhaps, a first step in learning. If you really want to know, you can look here keeping in mind the population of American men is in excess of 100 million. Or read this other page from the American Cancer Society.

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My perfect little boy has screamed for most of his awake time today - way more than he's cried altogether over the 2 weeks we've had him. he keeps staring kind of off over my shoulder - won't study my face like he liked to do before.
I hope my kid forgives me for not standing up for him.
I am sure he will but I hope you'll take some time here, ask questions and better prepare yourself if there is a next time for you, your friends, or perhaps even your son.

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#494 of 727 Old 06-12-2009, 02:17 AM
 
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it's been 12 hours and I've regretted it every second so far. Stupid me left it up to DH, assuming he'd have the good sense to think independently. But he instead chose to become part of the he-should-look-like daddy crowd. And he found a pediatrician who made him feel better by saying that it virtually eliminates the risk of penile cancer. (I'd really love to know just how many people actually get penile cancer...) I should have refused to allow this.
I'm trying really really hard not to consider this some kind of child abuse, but if it didn't occur in a medical setting and if insurance wasn't paying for it, that's exactly what it would be called.
My perfect little boy has screamed for most of his awake time today - way more than he's cried altogether over the 2 weeks we've had him. he keeps staring kind of off over my shoulder - won't study my face like he liked to do before.
I hope my kid forgives me for not standing up for him.
Penile cancer???? That's what convinced him?

Penile cancer is actually way rarer than male breast cancer. So yeah, on top of circ not preventing it (it just manifests in the circ scar line), it's for a pretty rare disease to begin with. Sorry.
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#495 of 727 Old 06-12-2009, 02:18 AM
 
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ChickFamily, amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing.
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#496 of 727 Old 06-12-2009, 09:19 AM
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Penile cancer???? That's what convinced him?

Penile cancer is actually way rarer than male breast cancer. So yeah, on top of circ not preventing it (it just manifests in the circ scar line), it's for a pretty rare disease to begin with. Sorry.


http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/en...t_uids=3944860

The tumors involved the prepuce (n = 1), prepuce and distal shaft (n = 1), circumcision scar line (n = 2), circumcision scar line and distal shaft
http://www.ajsp.com/pt/re/ajsp/abstr...195629!8091!-1
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#497 of 727 Old 06-13-2009, 12:09 PM
 
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well, our little one is on the mend. DH has had to work a little more on this one... running out in the middle of the night for tylenol, changing every dipe for 2 days... he still swears he did the right thing. Of course he'd never admit to anything else.
Thanks for the penile cancer info! I've shared it with his sister (he doesn't care to learn about it) and she was pretty surprised. She also thought that you had to retract and clean every time the kid pees or poos from now til they're old enough to do it themselves. I think a lot of this decision was driven by misinformation, which made DH feel like he had something of more substance than he-should-look-like-daddy.
Ironic too, that my SIL's second boy had complications after his first circ and had to go an hour away to a children's hospital to have it re-done. some kind of adhesions, I think. I had hoped she'd have been more of an advocate on my side, but I guess not. at least after it's done she's willing to listen. Too bad DH can't do that.
oh i'm so glad to have support from you understanding mamas!

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#498 of 727 Old 07-16-2009, 05:48 AM
 
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One of my biggest regrets is that I let my son, who is now 14 be circumsized. The other is that I let him be vaccinated. What really upsets me is that even though I had different views back then I still questioned circumcision but did it anyway because I was concerned about how society would look at him. I didn't want him to be embarrassed the first time he was with a girl. Now my son has Autism and will never be with a girl in that way. I feel like I did something for a foolish reason and now that reason doesn't even exist. I am now pregnant with my fourth child(second boy) and I will not let anyone mangle the beautiful body he is born with. Just ask yourself one question. Does it make sense that the whole male portion of the human species would be born with a part of their body that needs to be cut off immediately after birth? That is completely illogical!
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#499 of 727 Old 07-18-2009, 09:50 PM
 
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My son was circed also at 11 days old... and i regrett it every day. I too let dad make that decision, since well, he has a penis and i don't. I wish i was able to have found more research at that time (3 years ago) as to why not too do it... but all i found was reasons to do it.

I hated the "tortoure" of not allowing him to BF for the 6+ hours before it ws done (and we had to wait an additional hour once we got there because the OB was in a delivary, and the OB, not the Ped, does circs where we lived). He screamed and cried to nurse nearly the entire time we were in the waiting room.

But the biggest gunt retching was when they brought me in to see him, and nurse him, after it was done, and seeing the... device... that i knew he was strapped into. It torn my heart out and i wish i just had someone to tell me he didnt NEED to have it done.

~Kris mama to Alexis (15), Elizabeth (10), Andrew (7), and 1 angel
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#500 of 727 Old 07-19-2009, 02:33 AM
 
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Wow, I have been reading through these posts and I just want to throw out big to all of you moms. I know that this could easily have been me.

I went back and forth with the circ decision while I was pregnant. When I was 19 weeks, I threw out the idea to my DH and my dad (who happens to be a Dr.). They both said "Yes you are. You have to." Well, something about it rubbed me the wrong way and I mentioned it to a few friends and got the "eww gross" response. So, when we were interviewing pediatricians, I asked about circumcision. The first doctor we went to (and didn't choose) went into these horrible stories (I thought he was being dramatic, but now I am so grateful he tells moms to be this) about the complications, how some babies die, etc. He was a little offbeat (not in a good MDC way ) so we interviewed a second pedi. I can't believe how far I've come, really. When we went into his office which he shared with another doctor, I asked if both of them performed circs. Since the other doctor didn't, I only wanted to speak with him (the doctor who did). Gross. Anyway, while we were talking with him, he really emphasized how medically unnecessary circ is. Like over and over. I had to keep saying "Yes, but we want to."

Well, anyway, after my son was born, I never even really got to see his intact penis (and the only ones I had seen had been on the internet) because he was in the Level 2 Nursery...and honestly, while that was very difficult and made BF a challenge (which I ultimately never conquered), I am SO thankful for that extra time he had. My son's bassinet was also right by the circ room and the screams out of that room....: I was trying to learn how to nurse, and the cries of those poor babies made me so nervous and shaky. Yet, somehow, I still convinced myself that somehow it would be OK. Anyway, fast forward to my release date. The pedi comes in and asks me if I still want him circ'd. I said "yes" (seriously wth was I thinking?!?!) and he told me that we'd wait until one of his check ups since he had been through so much at the hospital. Well, fast forward to his 1 week, 2 week check up...the pedi doesn't mention it. I keep asking my DH why he hasn't brought it up and telling my DH to ask about it. By this point, I think my wonderful DH was not wanting to do it at all. He kept telling me he was "fine either way" but he wasn't active in seeking it out (he even took DS to his 2 week appt alone and he was intact when he came home!). I spent SO many nights just holding my sleeping baby boy, crying, agonizing over the decision. At this point, for some reason, I still had so many mainstream thoughts in my head (likely b/c I was part of a much more mainstream board that I have since left). Something inside of me rejected the idea so strongly, but I felt like I HAD to, for some reason. So, finally at the one month appt. the pedi brings it up...he just says "So, you still want to circ him?" and thank goodness I had spoken with my doulas, watched DVDs, internet videos, changed a ton of my son's diapers and I said "No, we don't want to do that anymore" and the pediatrician just said "OK." You know, we ended up switching pedis for a family doctor but I am SO beyond thankful for this doctor (on this issue at least!). I have to think he purposefully mentioned 123819832 times how unnecessary it was, made me wait (maybe he could tell how torn up I was about it?) until one month old, etc.

Anyway, that was a really long story, but even though my son is intact, I feel like I can really identify with you women who regret it b/c I was thisclose. One thing my mom always used to say to me was "There but for grace go I." (OK, not exactly but I want to avoid religious references ) I know that I could easily be posting my own horror story here, but instead I am able to post a comforting message to you Moms and for that I am truly thankful.

I really think giving parents time to get to recover from their birth, research, get to know their child etc. would be greatly beneficial to moms and avoid some of these feelings of regret. But to all of you from me. I can really understand how you feel, and while I hope you are able to break the cycle, I also hope you are able to let go of the guilt and move on as best you can.

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#501 of 727 Old 07-19-2009, 09:55 AM
 
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I regret having my sons circ'd. With DS #1, I honestly didnt even consider not circ-ing. I didnt know anybody who didnt circ and assumed everyone did it. With DS #2, 7 yrs later, I felt strongly against but DH wanted it and I gave in. This I regret so much. I knew it was wrong and aloowed it to happen. I am now pregnant w/ DS #3. DH has now changed his mind and is ok w/ non-circ. This is wonderful for DS but I am so sad for the other 2. I would reccommend your friend and her husband wait on circ until he is 1. This gives them more time to decide what is right and her DH may change his mind. You cant go back after the cut is made. Its also alot harder to put your child that you have grown to love through such an unneccessary precedure than a newborn (especially for men who tend to bond after baby is born).
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#502 of 727 Old 08-14-2009, 05:57 PM
 
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#503 of 727 Old 08-20-2009, 09:48 PM
 
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http://org2.democracyinaction.org/o/...tition_KEY=473


"No medical society in the world recommends male circumcision – yet newborn male circumcision is the most common surgical procedure in the U.S. This painful and risky procedure deprives over a million boys each year of healthy, functional tissue, while increasing medical costs by an average of $678 per baby.

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) is developing public health recommendations for the U.S. on male circumcision that could ignore the serious risks of this non-therapeutic surgery, such as hemorrhage, infection, surgical mishap, and death.

The CDC is the foremost expert on public health in our country and, as such, has a responsibility to share the truth about circumcision. Sign our petition to the CDC below and demand a truthful statement on the risks and harms of newborn male circumcision."
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Hey guys, I'm a new member, here, but I thought I'd chime in even though this is a very old thread. As a circumcised male from birth, I have always had what I now regard as severe sexual dysfunction, because I have never been able to have an orgasm through intercourse with any of the lovers I've ever known throughout my life. I began to think that this can't be "natural"! Then I realized that I masturbate in a way that I am simply not stimulated during intercourse: I have no foreskin to rub up and down my glans to cause the ejaculatory reflex! Sadly, I know many women who are revolted by the foreskin, and some who have declared that they would have their sons cut again, if given the chance! When I explained to one woman about the lack of sexual sensitivity in the penis--and my in particular--she scoffed at the issue when she responded that her husband (who was cut() laughed at the very notion. But, isn't that like asking a blind man to describe the color "orange". I even know that, albeit I am only 30, I have even less sensitivity than what I used to. And, the knowledge that intact men experience so much more pleasure than I ever will for the whole of my existence (8-0-90% more) haunts me! Sometimes it makes em seriously depressed, in fact, because I know that there is NOTHING that I can do about it--NOTHING! There a way to create a faux-skin by stretching out the shaft skin, but it doesn't replace those specialized tissues that are FILLED with nerve endings. Why parents seem to believe that they have some sort of right over their son's body is something that I simply do not "get". And, why don't more parents question the accepted "wisdom"? After all, why mess with how we've come into the world, anyway?

By the way, something else that's always plagues me are intact fathers who allow their sons to be circumcised! A couple older teachers whom I had in high School (in their 60s or so) were intact, yet their sons were all cut! They, of all people, should have known the pleasurable benefits of the foreskin, so why'd they let this happen?
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#505 of 727 Old 09-10-2009, 02:48 PM
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MacMorrighan, welcome to MDC!

I would like to give you and say that you are not alone! There are thousands of men with simular circ complications.

I pm'd you some info that you may find helpful. Let me know if you have any questions.

I'm so sorry it happened to you.
yulia
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#506 of 727 Old 09-13-2009, 10:20 AM
 
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I'm so, so ashamed to be writing this post yet I feel I must get it out. My son is circ'd because I didn't do the research I also let Dad make the decision and like so many others, he did it because he is circ'd.

I tried for 15 years to have a child and suffered many losses. So when I got pregnant yet again, they classified me as high risk and I was put on several sustaining meds. The entire pregnancy my focus was on getting my baby here safely and I failed to look beyond that. That is my only weak excuse for not researching circ thoroughly.

I consider myself and my son very lucky that we had no complications. I do want another child and I know without a doubt if I was to have another son that we will not ever circ again. NEVER. I co sleep, breastfeed, and wear my son and I failed him with this. It makes me angry and sad.

Mama to one 2 yr. old tornado banana.gif
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#507 of 727 Old 09-13-2009, 11:47 PM
 
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Hugs, latte mama! No parent is perfect and you're now armed with more information for your next pregnancy. Please also share your story with any pregnant family members or friends. I think parents who regret circing can make a huge difference by sharing what they know.

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#508 of 727 Old 10-23-2009, 02:45 AM
 
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Bumping for someone.

Mom &  RN   intactivist.gif
Pardon the typos - CWOK (cat walking on keyboard)   signcirc1.gif

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#509 of 727 Old 10-25-2009, 03:35 AM
 
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To the poster above, I would get a second legal opinion. If the child's mother is finding it difficult to support herself, then perhaps you should pursue your case in the best interest of the boy. Waiting several years can be a awful long time, and you should consider and/or try to exhaust all your options before making a final decision.
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#510 of 727 Old 10-25-2009, 07:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tennisdude23 View Post
To the poster above, I would get a second legal opinion. If the child's mother is finding it difficult to support herself, then perhaps you should pursue your case in the best interest of the boy. Waiting several years can be a awful long time, and you should consider and/or try to exhaust all your options before making a final decision.
You need to realize that this is not someone from the US - but another country where courts may view things very, very differently. If this poster was from the US - i would agree though

~Kris mama to Alexis (15), Elizabeth (10), Andrew (7), and 1 angel
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