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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.

353K views 751 replies 442 participants last post by  sourworms 
#1 ·
Hello everyone,

I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.

I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.

Thank you.


(edit for spelling)
 
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#627 ·
Just remember that Moms can be victims too and if a doctor is "swaying" a patient in one direction or the other, it's a red flag to sit down and really do your homework. Many doctors are circumcised too, so it has become a vicious cycle that they continue to do it to babies. I really don't know how a doctor cuts on a newborn like that and then sleeps at night....but sadly they do. Try to give yourself a break, and know that later you can explain it to your son so he understands. What helps me ease the guilt I feel (and my son is not saying anything to me about being unhappy he is cut), but even so, I know I failed to protect him and "gave in" to pressure. It is not my proudest moment as a Mom, but what I do is try to educate other people about the facts of circumcision and hopefully save other babies from being cut. It really helps to communicate with others who feel the same way too. You can private message me if you would like.
 
#628 ·
If I allow myself to fully confront the horrors to which I exposed my sons (yes, two of them, two years apart) I will drown in a well of despair. I allowed my husband to make the decision and he chose vanity over my precious babies' right to wholeness. I will regret my resignation to this decision for the rest of my life, and there are times when I feel hatred towards my husband for his complete inability to recogise the profound impact that his decision will have on our two otherwise perfect beings. My eldest son returned from theatre and seemed okay, but my youngest returned weeping and very clearly traumatised. During both of these events (done in the first few days of life out of the womb), my husband was at work, leaving me to fully bear the burdon of his decision. It is at unexpected times that I am overwhelmed with guilt, and I see evidence of this decision on their already tortured souls. No mistaking, on the outside they are happy and healthy and beautiful children (currently four and almost two), but I would give anything to take back that moment of agreeing to my husband's decision, and instead give them wholeness. I am striving every day to repair the psychological damage, and it is my hope that when they are old enough, I will be able to openly ask for their forgiveness and act out whatever is required in order for them to restore their trust in me, their primary caregiver, and their whole physical and emotional selves. To my eldest son I have explained simplistically that there are different "kinds" of penises in the world, but I am conscious of boosting rather than breaking down his self-image, so I have been unable to share with him any aspect of the emotional torture I live with every day. They are beautiful, perfect beings, and I am overwhelmed with love and despair as I face this situation alone (my husband feels no guilt and has yet to fully realise the consequences of his actions). Please, please, please do NOT allow your friends and family to inflict the same torture upon their own offspring. It is time to speak out. It has to stop.
 
#630 ·
Hi,

I know the thread says this a thread for those who regret circumcising their sons, but I hope it's ok if I post about my mothers regrets about circumcising me (I won't be offended if you delete it or anything
smile.gif
).

I was born in the early 80s in Australia, and already had a brother, who had been circumcised (I believe this routine at the time, though I was pretty young so my memory may be at fault
smile.gif
). Unfortunately my circumcision had complications, for whatever reasons, and apparently I am lucky to be alive. My entire penis turned black, and required a great deal of care and attention on the part of my mother. I also (though this may be unrelated) had a great deal of trouble with severe urinary tract infections when I was young, which were very painful and made it impossible to urinate. Of course there is a fair amount of obvious physical damage to the penis - you certainly don't have to be a doctor to identify it.

What, to me at least, is most tragic about this is how I can to find out about - my mother never (and still has never) directly spoken to me about the issue, and I only found out when my Mother asked my wife if my penis was functional. For over 20 years she had lived with the possibility that a choice she had made might have left me with a non-functional penis - it breaks my heart just to think about it! My poor mum! She told my wife that she would never have a child circumcised after what had happened to me, and I agree with her stance. I don't blame my mother (or father) at all for what happened - I think to a large extent they are as much victims as anyone - I can only imagine how my mum felt when she had to look after little me, her child, because of what had happened, the guilt she must have (and I think still does) feel! I certainly don't feel that I should (if I ever have any children that is) pass on this tradition, or feel threatened or need to justify what was done to me by continuing the cycle, and fortunately my wife strongly agrees (well, she is always right!
smile.gif
).

I do think, and I hope I don't offend, that cutting your child's genitals for what is essentially cosmetic reasons is a wrong decision, and I hope that more and more people come to realise this.

Hope that its ok that I post this here!
 
#631 ·
Thank you so much for posting your story! It is always great to hear from men who were circumcised as a infant and are able to acknowledge the damage done to them, no matter how painful. We need to hear from more men, since so many of them refuse to talk about it and even refuse to acknowledge what was done to them without their consent. I understand the feelings of your Mom.... I, too, was a victim of lies and an overbearing spouse who demanded his son be cut. I feel regret for not protecting my precious son every day, and that was 32 years ago! The fact that you are not angry with your parents is huge, many men are very angry. What I don't understand is, with all the available information on circumcision today, why parents are still putting their babies through such an unnecessary trauma. It is ONLY cosmetic surgery on an infant, since the touted health benefits have not been proven, but people still use such ridiculous excuses to alter their baby boys genitals. Good for your Mom for not forgetting what she and you went through, and Good for you and your wife for making a commitment to leave your children intact as nature intended. Thanks again.
 
#632 ·
I just saw this thread. I posted a week or so ago about my issue. My soon to be 4 y/o ds was circumcised. I regretted it immediatley, I Have now been reading through the forums (old and new), so that I can be better informed. I wish that I didn't, but I did, and now I just have to be informed so I can Maybe help friends in their choice as they have sons. I honestly don't know why I didn't inform myself earlier. But anywho, thanks for all who shared.
 
#634 ·
Dear Fruitloop-

You do have legal recourse because the current standard is informed consent which you did not have. There are attorney's who pursue these cases and the more that are pursued the closer we get to stopping the practice. If you go to IntactAmerica online the director Georganne posts links to articles and videos. It is one of those videos currently posted where you can find the attorneys who take these cases. Note-I think informed consent is crap and no one but the child has the right to make the decision but it is the current standard so you have recourse under that. So glad you have learned the reality of this barbaric practice. You will now have the information to educate and help save baby boys. I have saved a few in my life thanks to my mom who started saving boys in our family starting in the 70's to present. We can make a difference. :)
 
#635 ·
Ive read through about ten pages of this thread and i am so thankful it is here. I am due april 17th 2012 with our first child, a boy. I have spent endless hours researching absolutely everything ensuring that we have bonding time and that unnecessary things not be done to him. During all of this i was still being convinced by family friends and husband that circing is ok. In fact my husband is adamant about having it done. With all of the evidence that i have read i was still considering it because husband isndetermined. That is until i read this. Why in the world would i allow others to make me feel badly and wrong when i have sound evidence on my side and because i want to protect my son. Well the answer is that i absolutely will not... He can always have it removed later in life but i will not be allowing this to happen... Over my dead body. I love my son even though he isnt born yet and i cannot imagine willfully hurting him for something that is not going to benefit him in the slightest.

I am not going to be one of the mothers or athers here who have regret. I shouldnt have to feel that way and my son should never have to ask me why i willfully allowed him to be mutilated.

So what i am really trying to say here is thank you for the support and thank you for sharing your regrets. It is something i would have been facing if it werent for all of you.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
#636 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Love View Post

Ive read through about ten pages of this thread and i am so thankful it is here. I am due april 17th 2012 with our first child, a boy. I have spent endless hours researching absolutely everything ensuring that we have bonding time and that unnecessary things not be done to him. During all of this i was still being convinced by family friends and husband that circing is ok. In fact my husband is adamant about having it done. With all of the evidence that i have read i was still considering it because husband isndetermined. That is until i read this. Why in the world would i allow others to make me feel badly and wrong when i have sound evidence on my side and because i want to protect my son. Well the answer is that i absolutely will not... He can always have it removed later in life but i will not be allowing this to happen... Over my dead body. I love my son even though he isnt born yet and i cannot imagine willfully hurting him for something that is not going to benefit him in the slightest.
I am not going to be one of the mothers or athers here who have regret. I shouldnt have to feel that way and my son should never have to ask me why i willfully allowed him to be mutilated.
So what i am really trying to say here is thank you for the support and thank you for sharing your regrets. It is something i would have been facing if it werent for all of you.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
This is the reason why your husband (whom I'm figuring it circ'd) and any males who are trying to convince you (who are all likely circ'd too) that it is the right thing to do. It is for you, only: http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html And, the women in your life who are trying to convince you to do so because they were convinced & it's easier to try to convince you than for them to admit they made a mistake.

Your boy is lucky to have you.

Best wishes,

Sus
 
#637 ·
I am so overjoyed that a mom has a run across this thread.....and actually read it! It is important to tell the truth and unfortunately most doctors and hospitals are not doing enough of that. Pressure from a spouse and family can be powerful.....but when you have truth and knowledge on your side, you can make the right decision for your son. If you are on baby center at all, there are two boards with wonderful moms (and some dads too) on it. You might want to check it out. The boards are "choosing not to circumcise" and "Questioning circumcision and caring for intact boys". I hope it's okay to refer you to another site because all resources are important. There are quite a few internet sites that are terrific too: DrMomma.org; TheWhole Network; Peaceful Parenting; IntactAmerica, etc. Congratulations on your new baby boy! Please know that you always have my support and if you want to discuss this any more, feel free to PM me.
 
#638 ·
Circumcising my oldest son is the biggest regret of my life. I didn't think anything of it. My husband was circumcised, every male I ever knew or he ever knew was circumcised. There was no questions. I didn't research it or learn anything about it. I remember someone in my pregnancy suggesting that I watch a video of a circumcision so that I knew what would happen. I ignored them. I was very lucky that my son healed properly and we had no complications. It wasn't until we were pregnant with our second child that my new provider told me it's technically a cosmetic procedure because there's no medical reason to do it. I decided to go home and do my research this time. I finally saw the video and I bawled. I couldn't believe I put my son through that. The doctors and nurses told me that my baby boy would feel no pain. I watched a few more videos. All the same. I've never seen one where the baby seems comfortable and painless. So if there's no reason medically, why do we do this? I started to do more research. I learned about the function and importance of the foreskin and the damage that's caused by removing it. I learned about the risks and complications from circumcision, including death. There was no question now, we left our second son intact. I live with extreme guilt over what I put my firstborn through. And because of my regret, I am highly motivated to speak out to other parents about the truths of circumcision that my doctor didn't tell me.
 
#639 ·
I regret it. very much so. I was so young & learning to be natural with everything was very new to me. I'd only read about 1 article before labor hit the next day. had JUST started getting into researching it. I was lucky enough to talk my sons father into me staying home & breastfeeding, not vaxing etc I couldn't win the battle w/ circumcision.. i didn't have enough ammo/proof against it (its like common sense to me now) & I didn't have enough strength after 12hrs of intensive non stop labor pain to stop them. It haunts me at times. I've prayed for healing of any trauma that he went through. I could type more but I'm in a rush.
 
#640 ·
What happens when you and your husband can't agree. Like literally there is no way to convince him otherwise? Do you take the matter to court? Risk an otherwise awesome marriage and kindly ask him to step off?

Has anyone had to battle in court over it? who won?

Even if it's an elective procedure could it be construed as denying Medical care?
 
#641 ·
This is such a powerful emotional thread. I have three boys and I was lucky enough to have a concerned friend talk to me about circumcision while I was pregnant with my first. It took months of brutal arguing with my husband but in the end he reluctantly agreed that it wasn't worth fighting anymore and agreed not to circumcise to make me happy. Reading these stories is hard for me. I am so grateful that someone cared enough to intervene for my boys and I. I feel for every single one of you and it really does give me a little more courage to spread the word and not worry so much about "getting in someones business" when I know someone who is pregnant and undecided.
 
#642 ·
If you have an otherwise awesome marriage.....standing your ground on protecting your son should not be a relationship wrecker. Many men don't even understand why they feel the need to cut their son. Societal conditioning can be powerful so that is why moms must be vigilant in thei stand to keep their baby whole. Keep working on him and educating him, but at the end of the day only you can protect your baby. There are rarely ever medical indications to cut a baby and no medical organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision. Good luck.
 
#644 ·
kalohabreeze - PLEASE just say NO and do not sign the consent form. tell your partner you will NOT allow cosmetic surgery on your son's genitals. tell your care provider that you do not want this done. your partner will get over it.

you do not want to feel the regret that i and so many other mothers feel for allowing this to happen to our sons. just say NO.
 
#645 ·
Realizing this post was started 8 years ago and continues to go strong, I think this is a very important issue. I am due in June and recently brought the question up to my husband. I really didn't care either way, not having done any research, but I felt it should be his decision because it's a boy. He is, but he said he didn't think he wanted to circ our son, and I told him whichever way, it would be his decision. A few days later, he emailed me a few links, one being this thread, and few articles. His message was "I don't want to do it even more now, what do you think?" So I took some time and read through the articles, and about 10 pages of this post before deciding/agreeing that we will not circ our son. If he wants it done as an adult, it will be his choice.

I just wanted to thank everyone here for having the courage to speak on the subject and share their experiences so that others can make educated decisions. I also wanted to thank you all for the extra reading material posted, as I always like unbiased opinions before making any decision.
 
#646 ·
I have never regretted anything more in my life!....I told my husband that since he was a guy and knew better (head shake) that if we had a son it would be up to him. Our first born is a son, a beautiful, perfect son, who was circumcised and lost a part of his body for the sake of vanity and personal preference of a father....it was horrible, he bled a lot because he was 2 months old (our doc said we should wait until then for some reason and we didn't question it :( ) so he bled a lot and was in a lot of pain :(.....everytime I look at him while changing I think "if God makes everything perfect, why did we feel the need to change you"....again THERE IS NOTHING I REGRET MORE IN MY LIFE THAN CHANGING MY PERFECT SON AND CAUSING HIM UNNECESSARY PAIN FOR MY HUSBANDS PREFERENCE WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SON AND HIS BODY PARTS

HIS BODY, HIS CHOICE
 
#647 ·
Our circumcision story

I don't know how to start this. My heart hurts every day for the mistake I made & can never take back. I cry every day & hope that my son can forgive me for the uneducated decision that I had no right to make on his behalf.

January 2011, my son was born perfect. My labor was unmedicated & fairly quick. I was proud of myself & my lil babe for doing so well. He was 8lb 3 oz of gorgeous chubby baby! He nursed right away & was very happy. My jewish husband always assumed that our son would be circumcised. I never questioned it. I didn't know I should. I didn't think there were risks. I was so ignorant. I hardly even thought about the procedure until that day.

I have 4 younger brothers. 2 are circumcised & 2 are not. My mother never really explained too much about it, she just said that my grandfather wanted his grandsons circumcised & when she had the younger 2 boys she didn't want it done. The only experience I'd ever heard about the care of any of my brothers penis', was my youngest. I can remember at least 5 times in his childhood when he'd had an infection. He would cry & say his penis hurt. It was red & inflamed. And my mother told me it was because the opening of his foreskin wasn't big enough when it was separating from the glands? I never thought too much about it at the time, but 8 years later, when I found out I was having a son, I remembered my brother's hard times & I sure didn't want that for my son.

So when the doctor came in to talk to us about our sons circumcision, all I could think about was how this was the safest best option for him in the long run. I asked the doctor how many he had performed before & begged him to be careful because my baby only gets one penis & there was no going back. He joked that this was his first & then reassured me that he had performed hundreds before & he would do just fine. He even almost tried to tell me it was an unnecessary procedure, but he sure didn't warn us of any risks or any dangers. We had asked permission for my husband to be present to say the Jewish prayer while they performed the circumcision. There was no way I could've been in that room, I said. Now I wish I was, because I'm sure I would've stopped it! I can not imagine seeing my perfect baby strapped to a table... My husband was in the room (while they physically & permanently mutilated our son). When my son came back to the room, he wouldn't nurse. I asked if this was normal & they assured me it was. They assured me he didn't cry & everything went perfect. They used something called a plastibell & told me it was safer. A plastibell circumcision leaves part of the plastic ring on the head of the penis for healing. It falls off on it's own around the same time as the umbilical cord. I asked about how to care for it & they told me not to put anything on it! I was surprised because I did remember a friend having a son not that long before & she said something about lots of vaseline. But I asked again & they said the plastibell required no extra care & not to put anything on it, it would heal on its own. Not to wipe it with a wipe, but drip a little warm water on it from squeezing a wet paper towel. That's it. No further instructions, no warnings, nothing to look out for, not how to care for it after the plastibell fell off. Sent us home...

So the first week was "fine". But when the plastibell ring started to fall off unevenly I got nervous. I called everyone I knew that had a son & asked if they were circumcised with a plastibell & if this was normal. A friend of mine stopped by who had 2 sons who had this type of circumcision & said it looked "normal". At our 2 week check up the Dr said it was ok & not to worry. Still said we shouldn't be putting anything on it. So when the ring came all the way off I was relieved. Everything seemed to be alright? But I've never taken care of a circumcised penis before! I noticed there was still enough foreskin to cover the head of his penis. Once a day I would pull it back just a little to wipe it clean. I never pulled it back too much because I didn't want to hurt him. Everything seemed fine.

At about 3 1/2 months I noticed a small part of the remaining foreskin was reattaching to the head of my sons penis. When I asked the Dr about it at his 4 month visit, she said not to pull it apart because it would cause scarring & cause him pain in the future. So I was sure not to pull it apart! Well then I started to notice it attaching more. Every time I talked to my mother about my concerns, she would tell me I was "obsessed with his penis" And she was sure it was fine. This of course made me feel worse. Was I "obsessed"? I don't know. How could I not notice it? I changed him 10 times a day!

We saw a different Dr at our next visit & he told us to separate it, but I was concerned about scarring like the other Dr had warned us about. So I did not. I started to do some research online. From what I've read, it seems like he has penile adhesions. Some sources say to separate it at home & some say he'll need surgery.

At about 8 months I took him to a ND because I wanted to try out a more natural health care provider. Even though it was going to cost me $200 out of pocket for our 1st visit, I was excited to talk to someone more on my page. When I called to make the appt & spoke to the ND on the phone, she assured me that she could address every question I had, including his circumcision. Well I was extremely disappointed with our visit. Not only were we rushed & hardly had enough time to remember all my questions, but when she looked at his circumcision, she said "I think it looks ok, but I'm not a penis expert" Really? Ugh, we never went back.

A few months later I made an appt with our Dr for a referral to a urologist. I wanted to talk to someone who looked at penises all day. I needed an answer! Our Dr wouldn't give us a referral. She said if he wasn't in pain, not to worry about it. She said to give him a warm bath & then gently separate it & then apply vaseline. At this time he was 10 months old. He would not sit any kind of still for me to try to separate it. I still try on a daily basis. It is only an uncomfortable situation. I am terrified of making it worse, but don't trust the Dr's to help us. I am terrified that he will need another surgery to correct this!

He is now 1. I am going to make another appt with our Dr to try to get a referral to an urologist again. I don't know if I will trust what they say if we do get the chance to go.

He is my perfect angel & I am so mad at myself for putting him through this. I feel like a failure of a mother! How could I not protect him. How could I just let them do a surgery on my one day old PERFECT baby without doing any research???? I am so angry at myself, I can't stand it. I make myself sick to my stomach wishing I could go back to that day & change things.

Has anyone had their son go through this? What was the outcome? I feel so lost & don't know who to trust.

I have permanently mutilated my perfect baby boy. I regret it with my whole heart & soul.
 
#650 ·
I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I am in the same boat. I did the same thing to my son. I wasn't planning to but at the last minute did. The hospital birth threw me all off. I can't find a way to forgive myself. I remember looking at his penis before it was done and thinking how perfect it was now I look at it and feel it is scarred. I wish I planned ahead and really knew more about circumcision. It is the greatest regret of my life.
 
#651 ·
While I was pregnant, I received lots of information from my midwife regarding the case against circumcision. I read through it all and was on the fence with things because I had grown up with the thought that it was the right thing to do. In the weeks leading up to the birth, I spoke with my mother about the issue and she encouraged me to circumcise. She seemed very confident about her opinion in believing it was the best thing to do for my son, for "health and cleanliness". I had so much going on in my life at that time... the relationship between my son's father and myself was not healthy, I was living 3000 miles away from my family - I was not able to give the issue my full thought, and as another poster said, they want you to decide NOW. Immediately. I remember thinking about it, looking around the room at everyone - my midwife, the nurse, my son's father... I remembered my mom's opinion. I was so overwhelmed, so I just went with what I had always been taught. When they brought him in to me after the procedure, the nurse removed the bandage to check the circumcision and show me, and when I saw what had been done to my precious baby, I cried. No one knew why I was crying and I couldn't say it. I couldn't say I had made a horrible choice, because what good would it do? Once it's done, it cannot be undone. I regretted circumcising my son from the moment it was done, and to this day, 2.5 years later, I am still heart broken over the issue. If I think about it too much, I will cry. 2.5 years later. It's something I will have to work through within myself - the guilt - but I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. My son is not all here with me. Part of my beautiful child who came into this world perfect the way God created him, is gone forever. He is not whole, because of what Man has told us is better. If I have another son, I will not circumcise him, but my heart will still always be broken knowing my first son has been robbed - that his brother is whole and he is not.
 
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