Dh still thinks "it was a good decision and I stand by it " :CRY :CRY
I have talked to my oldest ( the one that was taken by my dad when I wasn't there and circ'd) about restoration and to NEVER NEVER NEVER do that to any future grandbabies..
so I can empathize with you sylith ((HUGS)))
Just wanted to let everyone here who has helped to educate me that we are having a BOY!! And you can bet your bottom dollar that his penis is going to stay the way it is right now~! (hopefully getting bigger at some point)
Dh and I are in total agreement. I'm so glad I had people to show me the way on this one and not end up hurting my son. I wonder now though how parents follow the herd so often and never consider the damage and morality of such an act. What the hell drives otherwise great parents to do this to their sons?
Another regretter here. I was 16 when my son was born and there was still that theory that it was cleaner and healthier going around. And my mom was a nurse and was adament he be circ'd because of that, what did I know so I did it. All of the men in mine and dh's family are circ'd also so I figured it couldn't be that bad.
I felt horrible when he would scream at the top of his lungs at every diaper change and when he peed for the first 2-3 weeks of his life. I felt like the most horrible person in the world
. And after hearing of some horror stories of really badly botched circs I felt worse that I had put him in that kind of situation and that we were lucky he didn't lose half his penis or something.
The guilt really set in when I had my first daughter and I realized no one came to ask me when I wanted to sign the paperwork to cut off part of her genitals.
. I had 2 girls after my ds was born but if I had other sons I wouldn't have cir'd them.
I work as a maternity nurse and if I had worked in this field when my son was born I would NEVER have had him circumcised. The OBs don't believe in any anesthetic, except sugar water, and it totally makes me ill to have to assist doctors with these awful procedures. I try to let moms here know that there is not any medical reason to do this to their babies, but this is not a real popular view around here. As my uncircumsized dad told me when my son was born, "Leave his little joint alone! God made it the way it is for a reason!" I realize in restrospect that he was right.
I am completly devistated. I was pressured into circ-ing my son. I really didn't want to but I felt pressured by everyone but my partner- he was supportive about the whole situation. In retrospect, I should have gone with my gut feeling. I get so sad sometimes, knowing that I had a hand in mutalating my son.... My sympathy is with the mothers that feel the same.
My first son was NOT circumsized. It was not covered by the insurance I was on and I could not afford it. That was the extent of my research. However, from birth until age 5 he had infection after infection. He was CONSTANTLY in pain. no matter what we did for him, he was in pain. his penis was purple and inflamed and he was a wreck. We took him to a urologist who was anti circ, but he reccommended circ'ing him because of his pain and disconfort. he was circ'ed at age 5 and he has never had another problem. Because I had no other experience with an intact penis besides the experience with DS #1, it was no question that DS#2 would be circ'ed. i do wish I would have researched it more with him. I would have then found out that what happened with DS#1 is NOT the norm. Sometimes I think we did the wrong thing with #2. I definitely regret not researching it more.
My husband (who is uncirc'd), was very insistent that our son be circ'd. He said that he had a lot of discomfort during puberty when his foreskin was stretching over his growing penis. (I later found out that when the foreskin is routinely pulled back to be cleaned in an uncirc'd boy, this action can cause painful retraction during puberty.) So mothers/fathers of uncirc'd boys...DON'T PULL THE FORESKIN BACK...EVER! IT'D UNECCESSARY TO DO SO! I later asked my MIL if she halled pulled my DH's foreskin back to clean when he was young, and I was horrified at the torture she used to put my DH thru uneccessarily. They thought they were doing something right...when they should just leave things the way they are...which is what I should have done. Instead I gave in and had him circ'd. I cried the whole time (I couldn't go with, but my husband did). I still cry, and am crying while I write this. The circ was not performed properly and therefore, the skin did not heal properly. Now what is left of my son's foreskin has attached itself improperly to the glans. I can either have it fixed, which means he would have to be cut again, or I can wait until he grows a bit and gradually the skin will probably rip itself away from the glans. Either way, he will suffer. I am devastated that I was not strong enough to protect him. Now my husband has a change of heart, and we will not circ the next child if it is a boy. But that does my first born son no good. I will be eternally sorry for the choice I made.
Where your son's foreskin has reattached will separate naturally when the time is right as long as the scar line is not involved. It should be painless for him and there is no need for further surgery. This is a common complication of circumcision that will resolve itself.
My oldest son (and second child), now almost 20, is circumcised. It was against my better judgement that I let it happen, but at the time I had no line of defence (no educational info, no mothering group, no resources) when both my MIL and mother talked me into doing it. Consequently my son was two weeks old when it was done, and I was in the next room. I heard him scream as he was cut, and at the time I'd never, ever heard a scream like that coming from a human being. I vowed then and there that I would never allow another son of mine to be tortured like that.
When my youngest son was born in 1989 (we had a girl in between), he was left intact, and has told us that his sons, if he has any, won't be circumcised either. So maybe we've helped saved generations of our family from the "procedure".
When I was in nursing school we were given the option to watch a circ. At first I balked, and then I figured it was a good idea, because then I could describe the circ in detail to questioning parents. I won't go into detail; most of you know what's involved. When the baby was strapped down and the device put on his little penis it was all I could do to keep myself from leaping in front of the doctor. What I saw was a child being tortured--no anaesthesia, no nothing. I stood next to a classmate from Scotland (where they don't DO this kind of thing) and we both were crying.
I do regret having my first son circed. I don't feel guilty about it anymore. What's the point? I'd rather turn my guilt to activism, and tell my story to as many parents as I can.
I have two boys, one intact, the other circumcised. My oldest and I have had many discussions about why he was circumcised and why i did not have his younger brother circumcised. Those questions were so difficult for me to answer. He is now 11 years old and able to understand things better. His anger has subsided and he directs it more towards the pediatrician and the medical establishment. But, ultimately I have to accept my responsibility for allowing it to happen to him.
I knew in my heart that having him circumcised was wrong. I felt it so strongly, yet I let them take my son away from me and take him to a table where he was strapped down and then literally tortured. That pain is torture and they are not anesthesized at all. Even still, the process of them strapping them down and cutting off part of their body is so traumatic. I still cry when I think what I let them do. It has been 11 years and I still cannot accept it. Please if you read this, believe me when I say, it isn't necessary for you to have to feel what I am feeling and even more important, it isn't necessary for your son to have to go through that. There is no medical reason to do it. There is no valid reason at all. Listen to what all these people have said and then listen to your heart!!!! You will know what to do.
I am SO sorry that you feel such anguish over your son's circ. No one should have to feel that way...
My oldest son is circ'ed and youngest is intact. I really though nothing of having DS circ'ed (no flames please, I know better now) and sent him off to have the procedure done when he was 10 days old, so he would "match his daddy". I never knew how they circ'ed a baby until I watched the videos this week and it about killed me. I can't believe I let someone do that to my baby boy.
The questions have not started here yet, because DS is only 6. I don't think he cares about the differenece between him and his baby brother.
DS #2 is intact, but only because he had so much other crap to deal with when he was born (OHS and everything that goes along with that), so we never had it done. Of course, now I know better, I am SO glad that we never had that done.
Your reference to the foreskin being part of the injury had me LOL! I can't believe some people are SO ignorant!
Hey, paganmommy and ScrappingMommyof3. . .just trying to make sure you both get a chance to read this:http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=157594
I don't know if I want to get into my story right now. I am so sad about circing my son. It was a horrible experience. Unfortunately, barely any of the shaft was cut off, so he doesn't appear at first glance to be circumcised. So, we have both the negative of feeling the pain of the circumcision (yes they do - the screaming almost made me run screaming through the rooms until I could find him.) Plus, he has the look of being circumcised. Oh, yes, and the pain from pulling back the foreskin. It's just awful. Plus, where I have moved to, very few are circumcised. We have a neighborhood pool. Everytime I see moms changing their boys by the pool, I notice they are all intact. I am very self-conscious about it.
Plus, you know how the head of the penis stays more sensitive if it's protected by the shaft? And how the head of the circed penis is less sensitive. I've noticed this in both my boys. My little guy just goes bananas when I clean his penis. My older guy never did that. It's like the sensitivity is definitley "calloused" so to say compared to my first one.
It was my dh's decision.
I totally regret it. I wish I had educated myself a little more then I would have prevented it at all cost. My dh totally regrets it, too. We cried.
You know how in the states, your son is taken away from you, so you never really know exactly what happens and what sounds of protest your child makes? Well, in Mexico, where we were, you're only a few rooms over and you hear EVERYTHING. I'm telling you that IS ALL IT TAKES TO KNOW IT IS STILL PAINFUL. AWFUL.
I just let my baby boy be tortured.
I still get upset just thinking about it.
And I don't know if and when I will every forgive myself.
I'm another mother who regrets having her son circ'd, and I am having a really hard time dealing with it.
Why did I do it? I did it because at the time I felt it was best. I felt that DH should be allowed the decision (after all I don't have a penis and he does) I heard all the "horror stories" of intact boys who had to be circ'd and who had infections all the time etc. etc. I surveyed a bunch of men who all agreed that it was the way to go (and again, I figured if they were for it than why shouldn't I be)
So we had it done. DH and I were present. DS had numbing cream and the block as well. I insisted that we both be there. I told DH if he felt strongly enough to have it done then he could be there for it.
Fast forward a couple of months. I start cloth diapering and in my research I come across MDC and other AP type sites. I start to read and I am horrified. I always sort of in the back of my head though, "why is there a foreskin if there is no point to it" I mean it has to be there for a reason....but I defered to the knowledge of everyone that was around me because so many people must be right...right? I now know that all the infection stories that I was told was most likely due to forced retraction. I know have to deal with worrying that my circ'd son will have adhesions etc to deal with. I now have to deal with the GUILT...and at every diaper change I feel this all incompassing guilt. I am having such a hard time dealing with this and what I allowed....I'm just so angry at myself because I already followed so many AP/NFL things like co-sleeping and no cio etc...but I did the most mainstream thing in the world to my boy!!
So that is my story. I now have to deal with this forever. I also have to deal with not having researched enough for my baby boy. I also have to deal with if I ever have anothe son I will have to explain why one is circ'd and one is not (and how I failed ds who is) - I'm not even sure how to deal with that when and if that time comes...
Sigh, obviously my advice to anyone who may be considering it is don't...if for some reason your DS grew up and really wanted it done than he could go have it done...but he can't have it undone...don't let that be on your conscience because believe me, it really sucks.
i came across a really great website by a doctor about it AFTER the fact. i totally regret not researching it beforehand. that's my best advice: do as much research as you can and, like i used to do, quietly e-mail them or sections of them to your husband's e-mail address or print it or parts of it and leave it for him to read.
i found the website by doing some research here. maybe some of the other moms know where they are. if noone gets back to you soon, i'll do some searches.
I, too, circumsized my son & I regret it immensly (sp?). When he was born in '99 & I did everything straight by the "book" with him. Circ, vax, etc. Thankfully I learned the error of my ways & did the complete opposite with my daughter. So far my son really hasn't asked any questions about his penis. I just wish I had known before hand that thios didn't have to be done. I will never forgive myself!
mom2go, check your private messages.
I also regret having my son circumcised. We were really stupid. I wish with all my heart we had found this website before then.
We went ahead with it because we didn't have all the facts.
We certainly will not be circumcising any future sons.
sparkprincess, i'm so with you on this one!
Originally Posted by newlife
Well, i see why people fel so strongly about not having this done to their sons, but have ya'll ever talked togrown men who have not had it done. I talked to one man that said, he couldn't get up the nerve to have sex, and when he finally did he couldn't get erect because he was so imbarrased. Another said that, no matter what under his foreskin had a horrible odor, that could be smelled as soon as he dropped his underwear. So my thing is it may increase sexual pleasure, if the person can get over being embarrassed and have and erection, but what if he can't. And it is supposed to be more protective, but if so why do some experience an awful strong odor, no matter how much it is cleaned.
oh, i'm sorry but this is not true, my husband is not circ'ed and believe me there is no disgusting odor. it's a body part, and if you dislike odor so much then as women we'd have to remove our vaginas as well.
my dh and the whole male side of the family (un-mutilated, btw) has never been embarrased. I think I would feel embarrased if I had no foreskin, which makes the penis 50% smaller, I must add. (and weird looking too)
I regret having my son circumcised. My DH was fairly insistent about it; I had some reservations.
I differ from a lot of people on MDC in that I don't think it is that extreme of a procedure, but I do feel it was completely unnecessary and not the right thing to do.
Also, I have done a ton of reading and research on babies and newborns, how pain affects them, and how events when a baby is young can have an effect on them later in life, subtle but still there. That is most of all why I regret it.
If we have another boy, I think DH and I are really going to butt heads on this. He is fairly set in his ways about his parenting ideas (it's so true that people just accept the parenting philosophies of their parents, without necessarily thinking about it!). I just can't imagine doing this again knowing what I know now.
Babies aren't little lumps like most people think of them... they are thinking, feeling creatures who are affected by things just as much as we are. Just because they can't consciously remember the events later on, it doesn't mean they aren't affected by them!
Thanks for letting me confess/vent.
My regret is not over having my own son circumcised, but for bullying my brother to get my nephew circumcised.
I feel an enormous amount of guilt. SIL wanted my nephew circumcised, and my brother said, "Absolutely not. Nobody is going to operate on my son's penis!". SIL appealed to my mother and, as the oldest sister, I was also encouraged to tell him the error of his ways. Mom and I told my brother he was uneducated about the issue (we, who had NEVER read a single article on circumcisions), and that he was putting his son at serious risk. At the time, both parents were teenagers.
I don't know that what we said had a great deal of effect on my brother, but the fact remains that his son was circumcised.
When I found out I was pregnant and was having a son, my friend got a video to watch about circumsions. She watched it, and still had her son circumcised. I watched 2 minutes, almost threw up, and started doing research. I shared my research with my husband and he was not totally swayed. I showed him the video. He watched the entire thing, and said we'd never do that to our sons.
I was disgusted with myself. Had I not happened to find out about the video, would I have changed my mind? Would I have gone with status quo? Of course I would have, convinced that I was doing everything right. Why don't the doctors try to talk you out of it? Why don't they at least try to educate you on the issue? Even the professional papers of our major medical associations admit there is no justifiable health benefit to circumcision. It angers me that so many people are doing this simply because they believe if the insurance pays for it, and the doctor does it without discussion, it MUST be right.
Since then, I've tried to convince 2 people close to me not to have their son's circumcised, and I failed. I wish insurance didn't pay for the surgery; that might make people think twice about it.
Oh, my mom did change her mind after I did my research. She admitted that, like me, she had been assuming it was normal and healthy. She says she doesn't believe she would have had my brother circumcised if she'd realized she had a say in it. She really thought it was something required by law, back in 1978. So we are both reformed; it is tragic that it had to happen after my brother could have really used us on his side. All he had was his gut feeling, and we let him down.
my beautiful son is circumcized, and i regret it immensely as well. DH was adamant about having it done (he's circ'ed) and i had some qualms but i didn't know enough. i asked the medical professionals we were dealing with, and i asked several friends. several friends had intact sons who experienced SERIOUS complications and BOTH had to be circ'ed before the age of 10. i know now that that is rare, but it didn't feel rare at the time when the 2 moms i spoke to BOTH had that happen! my mom was a nurse for over 30 years and when she worked in pediatrics she saw soooo many intact penises with problems, and ZERO circ'ed penises with problems.
these are all anectodal, and who knows why the "facts" i was presented with were so skewed...but it was enough for me at the time.
my god, i wish i'd questioned it more. thank heaven, my son has had no complications (other than the fact that his penis is not whole and will never be)...i will never do this to another son if i have one. but it will be a battle with my husband. boy, will it ever be. but my husband quite simply will not win.
i will live with this guilt for the rest of my life.
We've had many mothers of intact sons come here with prescriptions from doctors of "necessary" circumcisions. Not a single one of them have happened because those mothers have gotten correct information here. It's amazing how simple it is but the doctors completely miss it. I suspect that every single one of those boys you heard about were circumcised unnecessarily. The problems are really simple and are easily treated with the same medications a girl would get for the same problems. What would they cut off of a girl for the same problems? Nothing of course but oftem the first course of treatment for a boy is amputation and if that doesn't work, THEN they try medication. That is just so totally wrong I can't understand why they don't see it.
Another reminder just to help make sure michelemiller, & whoever else, get a chance to read this:http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=157594
Originally Posted by michelemiller
my god, i wish i'd questioned it more. thank heaven, my son has had no complications (other than the fact that his penis is not whole and will never be)...i will never do this to another son if i have one.
i will live with this guilt for the rest of my life.
I wish every day too, that I had not had my baby son circumcised. I was ambivalent, but had no real resources. I had not even found the MDC community yet. All I went on was my husband's (circ.) advice, and that of the pediatrician. My husband was not adamant at all, he really wasn't sure what to do either, but he thought that the pain would be short-lived and not remembered, and his son would be more 'normal' then. Wow. I'm not sure why I explore this further.
I honestly felt a little ill-equipped to make a decision about a procedure and the appearance of an organ I don't have and therefore don't know all that much about. Now, I know that the function of the organ was also compromised- didn't realize that before, and I also realize that ...
even though I was overwhelmed with decisions and stress at the impending birth of my son, that is no excuse
for treating so lightly my personal responsibility as his mother
in making this huge healthcare decision for him!
I have to say that I did want to have a full awareness for what my husband and I chose to do to our son...and I did not want my baby son to have this experience alone...so I attended his circumcision and cared for him as best I could during and after the procedure. I am not a squeamish person in the least, and the operation itself was not gory, but the look on his face during it...I cannot believe that I put my beautiful son through that- and I didn't even have a compelling reason.
I have changed a few important things about his life by this act
and I am truly sorry
Please, take the whole baby
home with you.
kvan - I appreciate you sharing your story. I totally relate and totally agree. It helps to not feel so alone. Thanks.
I didn't read all the pages of parents who realize they shouldn't have circed, but it pleases me to see so many who have realized how unnecessary this "procedure" is.
I am also one of those parents. I had my son circed almost 15 years ago with hardly a thought. It was just what was expected and what everyone did. After that child was born I got Mothering Magazine as a gift and started to learn that not everybody circed their kids. I went to the library (largely doing birthing options research) and started to read more and more about circumcision that made me question it (no internet yet). I did not want to circ my 2nd son. My dh did. I interviewed family members who were intact and they all (3) said they wish they were circed! I felt bullied and I succumbed.
I insisted on taking him and being with him (like that would make some great difference
). Anyway, it was horrifying. The whole time my inner voice was screaming at me not to let them do this yet I kept responding and cooperating. I cried with him. I look back and cannot understand why I didn't run out the door with him. He was circed.
We were done having kids so that was the end of that. 7 years later we had s surprise pregnancy and guess what? Another boy. My dh asked me a few days after he was born when I was going to get him circed. I told him that no one was going to mutilate this baby and they would have to kill me first (something to that nature). That was the end of that.
It took me many years of mothering to grow a spine it seems but I finally have. My youngest is doing great and is now 4. He does get redness and puffiness from time to time but mostly a bath cures that. He occasionally has yeast. He had thrush as a baby and it was systemic.
That is my basic story. I debate circ on the internet in appropriate debate forums. I use Dr Fleiss articles always. They are my favorite!
Originally Posted by Epicurus
...I did not want to circ my 2nd son. My dh did. I interviewed family members who were intact and they all (3) said they wish they were circed! I felt bullied and I succumbed.
I'm just curious, and maybe it's none of my business. Did your three family members give a reason why they wished they were circed? I don't regret leaving my son intact, but I do wonder if he'll ever wish I hadn't. I haven't met anyone who has ever said they wished they were circed - I'm curious to the reasons behind those feelings.