Andie- please don't worry about that! If your son *ever* feels like he'd like to be circ'ed, you can show him a video.. I'm sure he'll be glad he's intact after he sees a video. and then.. if let's say he really, really wants to be circ'ed, he can go to a doctor and get it done himself.. I am not saying there are ANY reason to, but in the very off chance that he's want it done.. it'd be his thing, not your doing, KWIM?
I wouldn't worry about that either
I am MUCH more worried that my sons who have been left with no choice will want to have been left intact. I figure if my intact son wants to surgically alter his penis as an adult that will be his business. Just the same as if they want to surgically alter any other part of their bodies as adults. The difference is your son will have that option if he so chooses.
I account for the responses I got (two of them from the wives) in this way. They are all from the era when circ became common/routine in the US. It was a wonderful new thing to cure all of the ills a boy might ever have. It was supposed to be cleaner and healthier. They were indoctrinated into this thinking.
One of the women who told me her dh hated not being circed was my mother. She was divorced from my dad for many years at this time. I talked to my step mom many years later and she said otherwise. She went further to say my dad was the best lover she ever had. This was a little embarrassing to hear but I think I needed to hear this. My step mom is the one who gave me the gift of Mothering almost 15 years ago. Her son is intact. I wish I had talked to her when I was talking to everyone. She had moved far away and was no longer married to my dad.
You made the right choice by leaving your son with the choice!
It's not something I worry about - didn't mean to give anyone the wrong impression. It was a decision I had to fight for, and it's something I'm proud of every day. I hope he won't decide to become circumcised later, but if he does it will definitely be a choice of his own. I'm very happy that I have left that decision to him.
It always surprises me to hear someone say that they know someone who wishes they had been circumcised. I always wish I met someone who said that so I could ask why. Unless there were medical issues, why would a man wish someone had cut off very sensitive skin from their penis? So, I was just asking for some reasons.
Hopefully when my son is older, he won't be in the minority, and there won't be such pervasive untruths about intact men being less clean, more prone to disease, etc.,. Isn't it a mother's job to worry about what it is their kids will be mad about when they are older? Such a brouhaha was made about my decision to leave him intact that I worry that that's what he'll be mad about. But really and truly, I'm never sorry that I have left him alone in all his perfectness.
I completely regret doing circ with our first son. We didn't know anything about it at the time, my dh is, and of course all the medical staff told us "it was the best choice to do" even though my heart was totally against it. I still am disappointed in myself for not pushing for more information or going with my instinct. We didn't do it with our next son and will never do it again. For us the problem won't be explaining to our uncirc sons why they aren't like their dad or brother, but more so why our first son was.
Dear friend of Misty,
Against my better judgement we circumcised our first son, I still regret it. His skin kept trying to reattach itself, of course as his body was treating it like the wound it was, and when I would pull the skin back during diaper changes as they tell you to do it would at times bleed a little....ouch. Of course my son's saving grace was that he had a "good" circumcision (oximoron...I know) and the doctor had left him extra skin, thank goodness.
When I was pregnant with our second baby I knew if it was a boy I would not have him circumcised. Hearing a story a friend told me about her cousin's son really reaffirmed that decision, his doctor did such a bad job that this poor boy had to go through many surgeries to have it reconstructed. Apparently that does happen more than you think.
We did have another son and he is not circumcised. It helps to research and educate yourself when making any important choice and you are lucky to have a friend dear enough to take the time to gather some of this research for you.
Having 1 son circumcised and the other not has lead to several conversations about circumcision with my sons, who are now 7 and 10. My cicumcised son is okay with how his penis is, but says he will never "cut" his son's penis. Explaining that every penis looks different whether it's circumcised or not, just as every set of breasts, hands, feet looks different is very easy for children as well as adults to understand. My husband had a concern that circumcision would make our son look "different" and I gave him literature that helped him agree with me on how circumcision wasn't really necessary, especially for such a trivial reason.
Good luck with your decision.
It has been a year now since the parents mentioned in this thread circumcised their baby boy. How do the parents feel today about the decision they made a year ago to circumcise? Why type of circ method did they choose? Did they stay with him? What was their boy left with(tight,loose,adhesions)? Were they happy with their choice and the results of the genital surgery on their son? How is their son today?Do they have any regrets-either parent? Will they do it again? Again,why did they choose to do it? Just curious.
oh my gosh, I didn't pay attention to that....I thought it read Feb. of 2005. I wonder how things did turn out for them?
I have two sons, ages 13 years and five weeks. My first son was circumsized, I heard all the conflicting advice and left it up to my ex. He chose to do it just because it was done to him. That plastic ring apparently worked most of the way around, but not on one side so the ring was trying to come off, like its suppose to, but couldnt due to the skin that had grown back and it was rubbing him raw there and was painful. We went to the pedi and they had to cut him AGAIN. And I was there that time (in hospital, I wasnt present for the procedure) and anyone who thinks it isnt that painful can think again! It was horrible and I regretted it from that moment on. Now that I know all the facts I regret it even more. I took an anthropology class in college (after my first son) and when we studied about femal genital mutilation, I asked why women would perpetuate this, knowing how horrible it was for them, why do it to thier daughters. The instructor said because they truly believe that it's more hygenic, it's the "moral" thing to do, and etc. etc. and I was horrified, because the reasons on one hand were so obviously stupid and wrong and on the other hand sounded just like american arguments for male circumcision. Ouch. Then I wondered if thats how europeans see us, they look at us doing the male circumcision with the same horror and incredulity that we look at femal genital mutilation in other cultures. Yikes.
My second son is not circed and I have discussed with ds1 about why he was and his brother isnt. He's ok with it, but I dont think he will do it to any of his own sons.
Count me in as a Mama who regrets it everyday of my life, sometimes I get defensive about it because I feel so awful. I did it because that is what my Hubby wanted, if I had to do it again... I would fight him tooth & nail.
Originally Posted by rachelle-a-tron
Count me in as a Mama who regrets it everyday of my life, sometimes I get defensive about it because I feel so awful. I did it because that is what my Hubby wanted, if I had to do it again... I would fight him tooth & nail.
I'm right there with you. I have kept quiet about it until recently on another thread.
I simply did not fight hard enough to keep my ds intact. My dh wanted it, and is still satisfied with his decision.
I have constant guilt. And, I hope ds never hates us for what we did.
More then anything I ever could ever wish I could change is the fact that two of my three boys are circed. Actually, one is fully circed and the other is partially circed.
My first boy was circed at two years old by lazer, being young, not knowing better I allowed a medical person tell me I HAD to cut my son. He had phimosis and the uroligist told me "IT MUST BE DONE, HE WILL HAVE LIFE LONG PROBLEMS AND PENIAL INFECTIONS. HE WILL HAVE A HEALTHIER PENIS AND WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP IT CLEAN IF HE HAS THIS DONE". Oh how I so wish I knew better back then. Go figure, another doctor who knows best! He did NOT bother to tell me that phimosis was NORMAL in babies.
: Now, when my son gets an erection his skin is so taut, I do not know if this will cause him problems later in life and I pray to the GODS it does not!
My second boy was done by the pedi and OMFG worst thing ever!!! He did a botch job, my son still
has forskin, he has had an infection, and the head of his penis is at a 45degree angle. Of course by the time # 3 came along 'daddy' finally seen it my way and REFUSED to circ.
I have been scanning this thread since shortly after my lad was born. I am a doc, and so is my DH. We are both aware of the lit out there on circ. I did NOT want my son circ'd, Dh did. He is, of course. He realized that the medical benefit is minimal, but he doesn't see that there are any downsides to circ, so why not do it? I abdicated the decision to him, I did not fight hard enough, either. I really thought it wouldn't bother me, but it set off my PPD, I think. I did what I could, chose the operator (does loose circs), ensured good anesthesia, blah, blah. I still feel like I failed him. I have not regretted ANY OTHER choice I have made as a mom, and that includes some controversial things around here like WOH, transitioning to crib at 7mo, and 10min of CIO. Those seem fine, I still think about the circ daily. DH knows how profoundly this has affected me, although he doesn't understand it. I REFUSE to have another son go through this.
I'm so glad to see that there are other moms who feel like I do, and who have some circ'd sons, and some intact, and its fine.
Tarah, not only are there more Moms who feel like you do, there are more doctors who are Moms that feel that way as well. Of those who have identified themselves, you are the 4th doctor/Mom here. I suspect we have more who have not identified themselves because we are often hard on the profession and they are afraid to speak out. We are only hard on those who circumcise and those who support it. You are clearly not in that category and are welcome here.
I can't stop crying right now! I did not want my perfect little son cut. I even did research and tried to convince my dh that it was not needed. I mean we had (well I had ) big emotional fights about it. I would get so mad at everyone around me who disageed. I couldn't understand their ignorance! I even had a no circ ped who was wonderful, but she said it's not the end of the world if it's done and if you dh feels more strongly about it then let him decide. well i'm the one who felt more strongly about not doing it, but i felt all alone. even my mother whom i'm very close didn't soppurt me. ( i just got off the phone with her and told her how guilty i feel and will for the rest of my life, she and my dad said sometimes too much info isn't good, meanning researching circs. i told them maybe more info is needed for more people.
IT something you can ever take back, it's an awful feeling to know that you as a mother allowed such an injustist thing happen to your innocent, helpless, perfect just the way he was born baby, baby son. i feel awful!!! I wish that if for just one generation americans did not cut their sons. that way no dh could say "let just did it because i don't want my son to be made fun of in the locker room". I'd like to think that we can raise our sons to be healthy whole secure people that have more important things to worried about then whose penis looks like what. i will never do it to another son if i am so blessed to have another. And i always told my dh, because he was worried about ds feeling bad if he didn't look just like dad, that when he's old enogh to care he'll be old enough to know that we chose not to cut him because we knew he was perfect just the way he was born. I just will feel sorry for my ds who is no longer intact when i have to explain this to another son. I hate it when people (my parents) say that he's fine the way he is and that it's nothing to get upset about. I make me think they are so cold. If i was raped i'm sure i would survive but that doesn't make it alright to do! it is sad really how stupid some people can be just so close minded, really really SAD JUST DON'T DO IT
My two little boys are circed and it is the one thing I truly regret. They had no complications, nothing horrible that grabbed my attention, but the posts on MDC led me to do my own research and I now understand what an unnecessary and awful procedure it is. I want to thank the mamas here who continue to education others. It is because of their persistence that I even questioned the surgery. If we ever have another boy, he will leave the hospital intact. Dh and I have already discussed it and he agrees.
Again, thank you! And, please, continue to speak out!!
Yes I do. I didn't want to, wasent properly educated (which is my own fault), and my husband wanted to but when the time came he cryed before they came in to get them that he didnt want to hurt ds. That ripped my heart out and we both ask ourselves "why did we do this then?"
They gave DS anethetic and he didnt even twitch or cry. Not an excuse, but its the ONLY thing that makes us feel better. We will not do it again and are trying to fuiger out what we would tell the boy's (if we have two) as to why they are "different".
It gets me sick that I and DH where even "allowed" to make this decision for him. If it was banned, uneducated parents like us would not have the option. I hurt my perfect baby. Im so sorry Merrick.
I'm starting a post on parents who have one son Circ'd and another child intact...I'd like to hear what they plan on saying or doing.
In every other way I feel like such a great, loving parent, but I deeply regret the "choice" to circ. Now, it makes no sense to me how it is that I wouldn't even allow ds to cry-it-out as a babe, but I would just go ahead and rip some skin from his penis. Ds father was very adamant that Jake be circed and even though I instinctively knew better (listen to yourself mama
) I went ahead and consented. Perhaps this is the reason why ds had "colic" for months on end. Who knows, but if you ask me it seems pretty obvious. Also (and wow am I embarassed writing this) ds was born premature. He wasn't even ready to be out here where it's noisy, cold, and bright, and to top it all off some stranger cuts off the most senstive part of his anatomy WITHOUT ANTHESTESIA!!! I think it is pretty routine that docs no longer allow parents to witness the surgery which in my opinion speaks volumes. I would never have allowed my baby to be strapped to a board for any other reason so what's so different about a circumcision? I wish it were banned as a form of child abuse so that my ds would have been spared. Hindsight being 20/20 no more of my children will be circumcised for any reason.
Reading some of these posts makes me cry! My ds1 was circed. I was 22 when I gave birth, I knew nothing about it really. I tried to research it, but there was so much conflicting stuff out there. So I took the easy way out and let my ex decide. I mean, he was a man after all. In my gut, I didnt want to do it, but everyone said he'd get infected, have to have it done later blahblah...stuff I now know to be untrue. So we did it. DS went on a nursing strike for a day or so. I asked my ex later why he chose to do it, expecting some well thought out answer backed by research and personal philosophy. What did I get? "Because it was done to me". That brought me up short. What kind of answer was that? Lots of things were done to me that I'd never do to another person. That plastic ring thats suppose to just fall off on its own when its all healed? Yeah, well, part of the skin grew back around that so most of it was trying to come off but it was held down in that one spot so it was rubbing back and forth. He was three days old and screaming like you wouldnt believe, nothing worked. Finally when I took his diaper off to check his temp (on docs orders, armpit wasnt good enough), he stopped crying then I saw his poor little penis. We had to go get it RECLIPPED and this time, unlike the first time, I was there and saw his reaction, had to hold him to have it done and it had to be done to get the ring off (the plastibell). It was horrible. Tell me they dont feel pain, what a crock of sh%^. I was using sposies, but had to go to cloth diapers cuz his wound (yes, red, raw and oozing) would stick to the disposible diapers and hurt. Cloth didnt bother him.
Anyway, fast forward several years when I went back to school and Im taking an anthropology course where we cover female genital mutilation and Im horrified and disbeleiving and ask how anyone could let that happen to thier child, much less participate in it! The prof tells me because they honestly believe <list of stupid reasons>. And it hit me physically right in the gut that those are the same reasons WE give for male circumcision and that Europeans much see us as barbaric and horrific as I was seeing these people. Ouch. I swore then and there I'd never circ another baby. And I felt so guilty for letting it happen to my first.
Luckily, my current dh is intact and there was never a question or an argument and we used a midwife, no hospital, so I didnt have to argue with anyone to keep ds2 intact. But I would have. Oh, boy, would I have! Well, I did argue with my mom, but she had no power to enforce her opinion thankfully and after reading some literature I gave her from the birthing centers waiting room, she has completely changed her mind.
All 3 of my sons were circ'd. The part I regret the most was when I was pregnant with my oldest, I had pretty much decided I wasnt going to circ.....but I wasn't 100 % sure (everyone I knew was, and my ex was).....I talked about it with my ex and at the last minute decided to do it
Im sure if I had held strong then, the other 2 wouldnt have been circ'd either. My DH watched our 2nd son being circ'd...so Im surprised he still said he wanted our 3rd son to get it done (he didnt really care, but I think leaned towards doing it since it was familiar). Our 3rd son's looks different....they left much more intact (so much so that the pediatrician said they should have taken more off....but Im glad they didnt)
I just wish I had followed my gut initially.
I wish i had been more informed.
I didnt really know what all the baby went through.
When they took my son away i was expecting it to be a few minutes and he would be right back with me to try to bf. I waited, waited, waited... and when he didnt come back soon i was starting to get worried. At least an hour had passed and I was sick that something had happened.
They had taken him to the nursery and back then i just thought, oh they didnt know i wanted him back in my room. Well, looking back i am sure that the procedure took more than a couple of minutes. ( dont know what i was thinking, like it was getting a hair cut or something???? no idea) And that they take them straight to the nursery because they dont want the parents to see the babies so upset.
I can only hope and pray they used some sort of anesthesia. I used to obsess every day about why i had it done. But i cant wreck myself like that. I cant dwell on it i will put myself into a depression. I can be informed and do better next time. When we know better, we do better, right?
I am still upset though over a friend who volunteered to change DS's diaper at about a month old. I know she only did it to see if he was circumcised or not. That embarrasses me that she would purposefully change a diaper to look at my son's penis. Makes me sick actually. Isnt that one argument about the locker room- no one should be looking and comparing anyway? I have never said anything to this friend. She is obviously anti-circ, but she could have brought it up in conversation instead of looking at my son. Or she should have tried to inform me better before he was born. I really didnt know what the case against it was and didnt even know any difference. I am not saying anythignis her fault. I am saying that after the fact, it is really not her business. I am kinda embarrassed to admit that i had that done to my son, and i feel that was pouring salt into my wound. Or whispering and gossipping about me behind my back. " Did you see? Amy had her son circumcised. I just cant believe she did that." Isnt the guilt of having it done bad enough. Then to be judged by others for womething you already regret???
Here's our story of regret:
I became educated about circumcisions during my pregnancy by researching here and on the web. I was very strongly against it and constantly argued with my husband about it the whole time. My dh is intact, so I assumed our son would be too. But unfortunatlely, my bil (who is extremly messed up due to drug use-this is not a lie) tried to cir'c his self at the age of 27 with a pair of sissors, since then my dh has held to the idea that boys need to be cir'c. Well, when I had ds, my husband signed the papers, as I constantly refused, but what could I say at the moment. They swore it would only be a few minutes. Needless to say that 3 hours later, a very distraught baby came back to the room. He refused to nurse for the next four hours and screamed constantly and we could do NOTHING to ease his pain or calm him down. The whole process was tramitizing and NOT WORTH IT!!! My dh has now agreed that we will NEVER do this to another child of ours ever. (NOt to mention that I constantly ask him how he'd feel if someone were to mutilate him.) Also, my friend who has two boys has had to have them both recir'c many times, due to the skin growing attached again, so once again. I REGRET IT AND WOULDN"T WISH IT ON ANY BABY BOY EVER!
Our son is (almost) 10 months. He's intact, thank goodness. I just wanted to know I wish I could give each and everyone of you great big hugs. Your stories have really touched me. I swear I feel like I could cry, I just feel so bad for all of you.
Both of my sons are circumcised. I wish we would of never done it.
I 100% regret having our first son circumcised. We just never really questioned it, as I think a lot of mother moms don't question it. We just thought it's what you're supposed to do since everyone we knows has their boys circumcised. I didn't really even know much about the procedure, I just thought it was a "quick snip". I can't believe how stupid and un-questioning I was. When I got pregnant for a second time, I did some research and I was shocked and horrified by the whole thing. We left our second some intact and I'm so glad I was able to save one of my boys from that awful procedure. I only wished I would have saved my first one...
I just wanted you all to know that this thread helped convince me that I DO NOT want my baby (my first, a boy) circumcised, even though my DH felt very strongly that he wanted it done. (He's circumcised, as are his two teenage boys from his first marriage.)
I was thinking I would just leave this up to my DH, since he felt strongly about it and I had mixed feelings. But the more I read the more I realized that *I* was starting to feel very strongly about it -- against it -- and that I had way more valid reasons not to do it than DH had to do it.
And I'm happy to say that he has agreed not to do it, and our son will not be circumcised. So thank you all.
I left the decision up to dbf, and he wanted to do it. My only stipulation was that he had to have anesthesia, so it "didn't hurt".
Ugh. I have no idea why it didn't occur to me to just leave him the way he was! I wouldn't have wanted to "alter" a baby girl, so why did I let this happen to my ds?
When he was a couple of months old, some skin around his circ grew together. (yes I did take care of it and keep it clean, and pull it back occasionally). When it came apart, it hurt my poor baby. I felt so so so awful
I decided then and there that any other sons I have will remain natural and intact.
I'm glad that I'm not the only one who did this and now regrets allowing it to happen. It's something I can't change, but at least I can learn from it, and perhaps others can learn from it too.
Keagan 11 mos
Thanks ladies for all of your input. I wasn't sure early on in my pregnancy what I was going to decide and like a lot of the population was misinformed. When our ds is born in the next week or so he will be left intact, just as nature intended.
Sigh.. I'll have to be added to this list.
I am so guilty over the fact that I took care to research natural birthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, cosleeping, gentle discipline... but it never ocurred to me to research circing. Being not at all familiar with the proper functioning of the penis, I didn't even know the foreskin had
a purpose until much later when I found MDC! The only person I'd met that was intact (that I know of - I'm sure plenty of other men I've known have been intact, but it hasn't come up in conversation) was BIL, who told us he'd wished he'd been circed. He never did explain why and I didn't know enough to question it. The irony being his son is intact even though he planned to circ him - he was just too lazy to get around to doing it. What a lucky little boy in that one instance to have had lazy parents!!! MIL was against circ, but she never spoke to me about it so I was never given the other point of view. I just thought it was "normal". I cannot believe that I questioned and fought "normal" procedures such as drugs during labor, having the baby removed to a nursery, etc... but didn't think to question circing. I think of myself as irresponsible for not taking care to educate myself regarding male genital care in order to provide my son with the best. DS has what I assume is a low and loose circ. It looks unfinished to me, as if he's stuck with a half circumcision or something. I really have no idea whether it falls in the realm of (again, that word) "normal" or if he'll have to worry about not looking like either circed OR intact boys. I don't have any horror stories about the actual procedure, although I felt like I was swallowing my heart the entire time we sat waiting for them to do the procedure. I should have listened to mother's instinct and left. I most certainly will not be circing any other boys if we are blessed enough to have them. And I will have to face my son when he asks me why I cut off a part of his penis and tell him "because I didn't know any better" as if that is a justifiable excuse.
I'm heartbroken over my stupidity and clearly see that it never should have been MY choice in the first place whether he kept his intact penis or not.
i feel a little bad about it.
my two sons are circumcized.
i don't plan on circumcizing this time, but i am unsure......
i regret having them circumcized, because i actually watched a show on television which made me realize that mostly 'uncivilized' places were circumcizing...and most 'civilized' places were not..................
then i started thinking about the statues in art museums (classical ones) aren't usually circ'
i thought that the non-circ looked "odd", but now i sort of think that the circumcized way is more "odd"
as for health reasons. i don't see any big difference thus far.
i don't plan on circumcizing this time around.
i am a little nervous though. as i have never dealt with an uncircumcized penis and i am not sure how or what i should do.....and husband also doesn't know what to do. so fear is making me a little nervous.
anyway, if i had to do again. id NOT get them done.
just because we did it for "looks" and now my views have changed somewhat.