If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 736 Old 05-19-2006, 12:59 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Galatea
No one does the surgery anymore. They have to use the skin from the testicles and it isn't as good as just stretching it yourself.
Actually, there are two doctors who will still do it, one in California and one in Canada. There was a third one but he retired.

The surgery has never been popular and only a few men have had it done. Part of the reason is because of the ordeal the men have to go through and part of it is the cost.

The men had to submit to psychological counseling and had to be deemed fit. This was especially perplexing to me as no one had to even had to be informed of what they were doing before they had it cut off and adult men don't have to have psychological counseling and be deemed to be fit before they have a circumcision. It just makes no sense at all!

The procedure is actually 2 to 3 separate surgeries and typically takes 8 months to a year to complete and the cosmesis is not very good. During that time, the man can not have sex and has to sit to urinate. Finally, the cost is $40,000.00 to $50,000.00 which not many men have and insurance doesn't cover it although insurance paid to have the damage done. My personal opinion is that if the insurance company paid for the circumcision, they should be required to pay for the restoration. The cost only covers the actual procedure and does not cover travel costs, hotel costs, etc. so it could easily exceed $50,000.00.

If parents were required to put $50,000.00 in an escrow account for their sons before the circumcision was done, circumcision in America would end tomorrow. That would be fair and confirm the parent's committment to have it done.



Frank
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#182 of 736 Old 05-19-2006, 09:56 AM
 
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A very well written and informative post Frank, like all of your stuff.

Thank you.
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#183 of 736 Old 05-22-2006, 03:03 AM
 
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We circ'd my older son and I have regretted it every single day since. I just didn't think much about it. My dh wanted to have it done, so I agreed. Stupid, I know.

I accompanied ds to the room in the hospital where they circ'd all the boys and it was one of the saddest things I have ever seen. Twenty babies in their plastic bassinets, some crying, with no one to comfort them. There was only one other parent there, a dad, plus one CNA who was prepping the babies for the doctor. Many parents would not circ if they saw what their babies were going through!

I didn't protect ds from something I *knew* was wrong, and I'll never let that happen again. I was raised to be a good girl and do as I'm told, and ironically this experience has made me a better advocate for my boys than I would've been otherwise.

Cathy
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#184 of 736 Old 05-22-2006, 12:50 PM
 
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Cathy,
It is your experience and your description: "Twenty babies in their plastic bassinets, some crying, with no one to comfort them" that someone will read and it will change their mind.

It was a simple comment like that that startled me enough to research and question circumcision.

Thank you for sharing.

Hugs,

Jessica

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#185 of 736 Old 05-25-2006, 10:00 PM
 
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here we go - it's taken me a long time to finally write this down, sorry about any typos.....

It’s taken me over two years to write this, but the thoughts go through my head every night before I fall asleep. If I could go back and change one thing in my entire life, it would be the decision to allow my first son to be circumcised. I made a huge mistake. I had the information but I wasn’t strong enough to stand up and protect my baby. My dh insisted that it be done. He did no research. I hung out on a mainstream message board during my pregnancy. When circ came up, the majority said they did it or were planning on doing it. There were a few who said they did not circ. Someone linked to mdc circ forum. I came here and read a little bit. I read some of the posts in this thread even. But I left mdc feeling like is it really that big of a deal? I didn’t stay long enough to gather enough strength. The mainstream mamas said it’s the parents’ choice, everyone irl that I asked said to do it, it’s no big deal. He won’t remember.

I don’t know any intact men. I don’t know if my dad is or if my fil is. I’ve never had sex w/ an intact man, at least, I don’t think so. Dh said circ is cleaner, healthier, and he won’t get made fun of in the locker room. Where we grew up, the circ rate is probably 99%. With all the information I had, the only reason I allowed it to happen was because I found a statistic that said circ’ed penises have a lower risk of utis. Ds has a 50% chance that he has this kidney disease from my dh. I convinced myself that on the 50% chance that he does have this kidney disease, then I guess we should make sure he has a lower chance of utis, because a uti could get bad and be bad for the kidney. Who was I kidding. It was my cop-out. I even told dh, this is the only reason I’m allowing circ – I knew it wasn’t any cleaner, I knew it wasn’t healthier, I knew he wouldn’t get made fun of in the locker room. I was an idiot.

But thinking back over it – there were so many times where I should’ve opened my eyes. Flags should have gone up in my head. First, the family practice doc that came to see us in the hospital, came too late. She came the night after he was born, so she said they can’t do the circ before we go home, to call and schedule it at the office. I had some time to change my mind, actually I had over a week. Thinking of the things she said to us blow my mind, why was I so stupid. She mentioned things like…I’m pro-circ, I think it’s a good thing to be done but just to warn you, she said, it looks pretty brutal afterward, the glans looks raw and swollen. A little baby she had circ’ed before bled a little and needed a stitch. These things she said made me very nervous and I asked people again, should we do it? Everyone said yes, do it, it’s not big deal. If just one person in real life would have said, nope, don’t do it…it’s not necessary as a matter of fact, it’s not even recommended – I think I could have been strong enough to say no. but I was all alone. My baby was perfect but no one told me that.

So when he was 9 days old, we brought him to the dr’s office and he was circ’ed. And guess what – he bled badly and needed two stitches. A NEWBORN BABY SHOULD NOT NEED STITCHES IN HIS PENIS! I made dh go with him and watch. He had no problem doing that. He said ds slept through the anesthesia and the gomco clamp but when they needed to stitch him up he started screaming. They were back there for so long I started to feel sick. I knew it was too late and I also knew deep inside that I made a mistake and should have protected my baby from this horrible, brutal procedure. He turned two in april and the guilt is still very strong, every day, I still feel sick. Changing his diaper makes me want to cry. His scar is huge and horrible looking. He has no idea what was done to him.

Ds has a younger brother now who is intact. And any more brothers that may come will also be intact. Will ds1 forgive me for what I allowed to happen? Will he hate me? How will I explain it? They are only 17 months apart. I used to think dh’s penis and the circ’ed penis looked normal. That’s all I knew. But now that I have an intact penis around, the circ’ed penis looks so terrible. So violated. So scarred.

My sister just had a baby boy. I sent them everything, all the info, even sent a dvd w/ the videos – penn and teller, the nocirc video, the prepuce. I talked to her on the phone – they were fully informed, way more informed than I was and I was the one person irl to tell them not to do it. They still did it. And I can’t get over it. I tried so hard, hoping that they would learn from our mistake. But their reasoning was the same as all the mainstream mamas I hung with over 2 years ago – please respect that this is a personal preference and our parental choice. Idiots. Just like I was.

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#186 of 736 Old 05-26-2006, 11:49 AM
 
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Oh, I am so sorry. I know how sick and sad I feel when I read about circumcision... I can only imagine how I would feel if I was thinking about my son being the one who went through it. I would be torturing myself, as I'm sure you do. You've made up for it the best way you can by not allowing it to happen again- that is so huge! And when he gets older, you can tell him about restoration. He will not hate you, I promise. You're his mother, and you are learning and growing just like the rest of us.

I'm sorry about your nephew, how awful.

~*Kristi*~
Tallulah Dare 8-01,  Marcos Gael 12-04, Cormac Mateo 9-09, Leonidas Ronan 11-11

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#187 of 736 Old 05-31-2006, 08:35 AM
 
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My hubby is not circumcised so I didn't have a fight on my hands. He wanted his son to be the same as him. I didn't really do any research on it. I am also lucky to have my sister, who introduced me to this website and to the issue of circumcision. After reading many of the posts on this thread I am soooo grateful that my little angel is intact. My hubby and I have a great sex life. I didn't know a lot of that was due to him being uncircumcised. That is pretty cool to know...

Mommy of breastfed, uncircumcised, beautiful boy.
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Auntie to breastfed, beautiful girl and another baby on the way. :

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#188 of 736 Old 05-31-2006, 11:07 AM
 
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imgr8ful: I feel -so- sorry for both you and your son. It was really not your fault, or at least not entirely. It was the fault of the whole enviroment really without that you would have stayed strong.

At least you have had the courage to admit that you did something so horrifically wrong and then the courage to talk about it. That is admirable.
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#189 of 736 Old 06-15-2006, 09:20 AM
 
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Last night I cried. Our son is 16 months old and circ'ed. We (DH and I) came across a website that had pictures of the equiptment used to circ and pics of the actual procedure.

Circ'ing had never bothered my DH before last night. When he saw how the baby was strapped down, he said "OMG...THEY DIDN'T..."

We will NEVER circ another baby boy
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#190 of 736 Old 06-19-2006, 01:47 AM
 
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As I write this, I am crying over the stories that I have read. I have felt terrible anguish over my DS' circ, and wonder several times a day whether he will forgive me, whether I will ever feel anything other than agonizing regret every time I think about our horrible, misinformed choice to circ.

I have seen myself in so many other stories here. Like other posters, I was surrounded by mainstream folks when I was pregnant. We just had so much bad information, and I just didn't listen to my gut. I wish everyday that I had seen this forum, or met someone IRL, or opened my eyes somehow before I allowed this to be done. I never should have let my relationship with such a beautiful little person begin with such violence and regret!

If your friends have even a shadow of a doubt about circ, then they shouldn't do it. It can never be undone. I have had no peace for two years now - it is always on my mind.

I am committed that my DD and DS will have all the facts when they are expecting their children. The violence needs to stop here - I can only hope that my DS will not hate me for allowing it to happen to him.
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#191 of 736 Old 07-01-2006, 06:54 PM
 
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My name is Rebecca. I was blessed with three boys and one girl. My three boys are circumcised and I have been doing research this past week about circumcision. I first started questioning it a slight bit in the last few months. My nephew is intact due to problems at birth and they were unable to circumcise him. I have found myself advocating keeping him intact without even really knowing why. I started thinking more on the subject after talking with Yoshua. I made a comment about the Case against Circumcision board and he let me know his thoughts. He is quite the advocate for keeping boys intact. We talked back and forth all this week through PM's and IM's. He even encouraged me to post on the board though I have to admit I was a bit intimidated by the idea. I was not sure how it would go over. I had a lot of things going through my mind at the time and wasn't sure of much of anything. I was also dealing with some unexpected feelings that came to surface which had little to do with circumcision; at least I couldn't initially figure out the connection. Yoshua was unwavering through all my questions and doubt. He always had a way of making his point without offending me or making me feel like I should be on the defensive. I have made the decision after much thought that circumcision is indeed wrong and unnecessary. I really have Yoshua to thank for encouraging me along. I have a thread in Case against Circumcision if you are interested in following a small part of my journey. Here are my stories.

My oldest son has a typical circumcision as far as I could tell. He is now eleven years old. I remember when he was circumcised in the hospital he was five days old. He weighed four pounds five and a half ounces. They weren't sure if they were even going to circumcise him because of his size, but decided at the last minute to go ahead with it. I remember being so upset when they brought him back to me and I changed his diaper the first time. It looked so sore and raw. I remember when the doctor came in to look at him and check the circumcision my son's hand inadvertently hit his penis separating the skin along the shaft from the head of his penis. I remember thinking that probably wasn't a good thing and the doctor even commented about that not being helpful. They just advised me to keep changing the bandage for a couple of extra days and he would be fine. We never had any other issues and his circumcision seemed to heal fine. However, now I wonder, after looking through some of the pictures, if he will have issues when he hits puberty. His circumcision looks very similar to this photograph I found on one the sites showing complications. http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/images/slide8.jpg. The remaining skin under the head of his penis is a bit tighter than the one in the picture. I always thought it healed that way from the way he hit his penis. I never even thought about it until now. I can only pray that he won't encounter problems as he grows and matures.

My middle son was circumcised at three days old. I never even thought anything of it. I just viewed it as a procedure that was done. He had what I believe is termed a loose circumcision. He didn't even appear to be circumcised most of the time. The head of his penis remained covered unless we pulled the foreskin back which we were told to do at each cleaning. He started having issues with adhesions when he approximately six months old. I was told by the pediatrician to just be sure I pulled his foreskin back and clean really well. He showed us how to pull the skin back so that the entire head was exposed. I remember how much my son cried and screamed when we did this to him. I was supposed to do this each diaper change so the adhesions would not return. I couldn't do it all the time, so I would try to do it once a week. He would cry for a day or two each time we did this to him because the skin was torn from his penis and it would cause pain upon urination. The pediatrician finally referred us to an urologist who recommended we have him circumcised again. He said the adhesions would keep coming back and the re-circumcision would prevent further issues. At eighteen months old my little boy was re-circumcised. After the surgery, we were brought to him and he seemed just fine. When the doctor came in, he wanted to show us how to care for his penis as there were eighteen stitches just below the head of his penis. You couldn’t see them when you took off his diaper because the remaining foreskin was still covering most of the head of his penis. The doctor instructed us to pull the skin over his penis and gently clean around the stitches. My son would scream and cry because of all the pain he was in, but we were told the stitches would become infected if we did not clean it properly. My son spent the next several years in fear of anyone touching penis. We taught him how to clean and pull the remaining skin over his penis, but we still would have to clean it sometimes for him. It took my husband and me to clean his penis. My husband would lie across him so he couldn't move and I would pull the skin back to clean it. I tried to by gentle, but it didn't matter. We continued doing this until he was close to five years old. He is now eight and he is in charge of cleaning his own penis. The head of his penis is still covered about halfway and he spends a lot of time pushing on his penis to get it back in what skin remains. He said it feels weird if it is out and he does not like the feeling. I would also get on him about doing this because it bothered me to watch him constantly pushing on his penis. I will no longer be reprimanding him for this as maybe it will help to save some of the sensitivity that I am sure will be gone once he grows and matures. I can only pray he doesn't loose as much as his brother who never had any skin covering the head of his penis.

My youngest son was circumcised at three days old as well. He has a loose circumcision as well. He had always appeared to not be circumcised. I used to have family ask me why we did not circumcise him. When I said we did, they would always say they did not take enough off. We did not have the adhesion issues with him as we did with his brother. He seemed to do just fine. I made sure to be more diligent in pulling his foreskin back and cleaning it because I feared a repeat of what happened with his brother. My youngest son is now five years old and I can say he had picked up on his brother's cues to push his penis in the remaining skin. The head of his penis is just now starting to be seen most of the time. He is intent on keeping the foreskin over it as much as possible. I used to reprimand him as well for "messing" with his penis. Now, I remain silent and pray for him as well. I have more regret than I ever thought I would for subjecting my boys to this unnecessary procedure. There is nothing I can do now, but pray they will understand and forgive me when they realize what I allowed to happen to them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this small novel of mine. It has actually helped to write it down and I hope it makes some amount of sense.

Rebecca

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#192 of 736 Old 07-01-2006, 08:22 PM
 
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Neither of my sons is circ'd, but that is largely because my husband is not circ'd. The only reason that my MIL did not circ her son (my dh) was because she had buried her seven year old daughter nine-months before my husband's birth. She was still so grief-stricken that I don't think it crossed her mind. Thank God! She makes comments about my uncirc'd sons, and how funny they look. I think they look fine, so I just ignore her

We had a hospital birth with ds1, and when the pediatrician came in he asked me if I wanted my son circ'd and I said no. He was an older doctor and this was a small, country town in Texas. I fully expected him to say something derogatory...instead, he said, "Good. It's completely unnecessary. Most of the men in the world are not circumcised. He's fine the way he is." Totally re-affirmed the need to not do it, even though I really hadn't done any research. I'm glad for doctors like that one! If he had told me that we NEEDED to do it, I might have. I was young and naive, and fully believed in the American medical profession at the time.
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#193 of 736 Old 07-01-2006, 08:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Houdini
My name is Rebecca. I was blessed with three boys and one girl. My three boys are circumcised and I have been doing research this past week about circumcision. I first started questioning it a slight bit in the last few months. My nephew is intact due to problems at birth and they were unable to circumcise him. I have found myself advocating keeping him intact without even really knowing why. I started thinking more on the subject after talking with Yoshua. I made a comment about the Case against Circumcision board and he let me know his thoughts. He is quite the advocate for keeping boys intact. We talked back and forth all this week through PM's and IM's. He even encouraged me to post on the board though I have to admit I was a bit intimidated by the idea. I was not sure how it would go over. I had a lot of things going through my mind at the time and wasn't sure of much of anything. I was also dealing with some unexpected feelings that came to surface which had little to do with circumcision; at least I couldn't initially figure out the connection. Yoshua was unwavering through all my questions and doubt. He always had a way of making his point without offending me or making me feel like I should be on the defensive. I have made the decision after much thought that circumcision is indeed wrong and unnecessary. I really have Yoshua to thank for encouraging me along. I have a thread in Case against Circumcision if you are interested in following a small part of my journey. Here are my stories.

My oldest son has a typical circumcision as far as I could tell. He is now eleven years old. I remember when he was circumcised in the hospital he was five days old. He weighed four pounds five and a half ounces. They weren't sure if they were even going to circumcise him because of his size, but decided at the last minute to go ahead with it. I remember being so upset when they brought him back to me and I changed his diaper the first time. It looked so sore and raw. I remember when the doctor came in to look at him and check the circumcision my son's hand inadvertently hit his penis separating the skin along the shaft from the head of his penis. I remember thinking that probably wasn't a good thing and the doctor even commented about that not being helpful. They just advised me to keep changing the bandage for a couple of extra days and he would be fine. We never had any other issues and his circumcision seemed to heal fine. However, now I wonder, after looking through some of the pictures, if he will have issues when he hits puberty. His circumcision looks very similar to this photograph I found on one the sites showing complications. http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/images/slide8.jpg. The remaining skin under the head of his penis is a bit tighter than the one in the picture. I always thought it healed that way from the way he hit his penis. I never even thought about it until now. I can only pray that he won't encounter problems as he grows and matures.

My middle son was circumcised at three days old. I never even thought anything of it. I just viewed it as a procedure that was done. He had what I believe is termed a loose circumcision. He didn't even appear to be circumcised most of the time. The head of his penis remained covered unless we pulled the foreskin back which we were told to do at each cleaning. He started having issues with adhesions when he approximately six months old. I was told by the pediatrician to just be sure I pulled his foreskin back and clean really well. He showed us how to pull the skin back so that the entire head was exposed. I remember how much my son cried and screamed when we did this to him. I was supposed to do this each diaper change so the adhesions would not return. I couldn't do it all the time, so I would try to do it once a week. He would cry for a day or two each time we did this to him because the skin was torn from his penis and it would cause pain upon urination. The pediatrician finally referred us to an urologist who recommended we have him circumcised again. He said the adhesions would keep coming back and the re-circumcision would prevent further issues. At eighteen months old my little boy was re-circumcised. After the surgery, we were brought to him and he seemed just fine. When the doctor came in, he wanted to show us how to care for his penis as there were eighteen stitches just below the head of his penis. You couldn’t see them when you took off his diaper because the remaining foreskin was still covering most of the head of his penis. The doctor instructed us to pull the skin over his penis and gently clean around the stitches. My son would scream and cry because of all the pain he was in, but we were told the stitches would become infected if we did not clean it properly. My son spent the next several years in fear of anyone touching penis. We taught him how to clean and pull the remaining skin over his penis, but we still would have to clean it sometimes for him. It took my husband and me to clean his penis. My husband would lie across him so he couldn't move and I would pull the skin back to clean it. I tried to by gentle, but it didn't matter. We continued doing this until he was close to five years old. He is now eight and he is in charge of cleaning his own penis. The head of his penis is still covered about halfway and he spends a lot of time pushing on his penis to get it back in what skin remains. He said it feels weird if it is out and he does not like the feeling. I would also get on him about doing this because it bothered me to watch him constantly pushing on his penis. I will no longer be reprimanding him for this as maybe it will help to save some of the sensitivity that I am sure will be gone once he grows and matures. I can only pray he doesn't loose as much as his brother who never had any skin covering the head of his penis.

My youngest son was circumcised at three days old as well. He has a loose circumcision as well. He had always appeared to not be circumcised. I used to have family ask me why we did not circumcise him. When I said we did, they would always say they did not take enough off. We did not have the adhesion issues with him as we did with his brother. He seemed to do just fine. I made sure to be more diligent in pulling his foreskin back and cleaning it because I feared a repeat of what happened with his brother. My youngest son is now five years old and I can say he had picked up on his brother's cues to push his penis in the remaining skin. The head of his penis is just now starting to be seen most of the time. He is intent on keeping the foreskin over it as much as possible. I used to reprimand him as well for "messing" with his penis. Now, I remain silent and pray for him as well. I have more regret than I ever thought I would for subjecting my boys to this unnecessary procedure. There is nothing I can do now, but pray they will understand and forgive me when they realize what I allowed to happen to them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this small novel of mine. It has actually helped to write it down and I hope it makes some amount of sense.

Rebecca
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#194 of 736 Old 07-04-2006, 07:14 PM
 
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I was diricted here to possibly get som support...


I have a 2 1/2 month old son and I had him cicumcised. I feel terrible now about it. I had mentioned to DP about not having it done but he was very pushy about it. He said an uncircumcised penis was ugly and he was affraid our son would be made fun of in the locker room. (I myself have never seen an "attractive" penis but that's just me.) Anyway I gave in and we had it done. I wish I could go back but I can't. The more I read on here the more I feel so bad about having him cut. I know now if I have another son he WILL NOT be cut, but I just keep kicking myself for doing it . I live in a hole in the wall small town in east tennesse and people do what doctor's suggest or "tell" you to do. I agreed more because of his daddy. Luckily I found this place before I had him vaxed and have decided totally against that, however he had his Hep B in the hospital. It just makes me mad that so many mothers are never given a choice of anything...circ. vax. ect, It's just what people do and most don't know any better. I should have researched more instead of giving in. Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with the guilt? What if he gets mad at me when he is older for having it done? or if I do have another son and don't have him cut, what if he gets mad because I cut him and not his little brother? This has really brought me down the past few days and I don't know what to do. I may be in the wrong place for support, some mother's may say " that's what she gets" but I know there are women on here that are supportive and "forgiving" if you will. I just wish I could give my little man his WHOLE penis back...but I can't


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#195 of 736 Old 07-04-2006, 07:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jarynsmom06
I was diricted here to possibly get som support...


I have a 2 1/2 month old son and I had him cicumcised. I feel terrible now about it. I had mentioned to DP about not having it done but he was very pushy about it. He said an uncircumcised penis was ugly and he was affraid our son would be made fun of in the locker room. (I myself have never seen an "attractive" penis but that's just me.) Anyway I gave in and we had it done. I wish I could go back but I can't. The more I read on here the more I feel so bad about having him cut. I know now if I have another son he WILL NOT be cut, but I just keep kicking myself for doing it . I live in a hole in the wall small town in east tennesse and people do what doctor's suggest or "tell" you to do. I agreed more because of his daddy. Luckily I found this place before I had him vaxed and have decided totally against that, however he had his Hep B in the hospital. It just makes me mad that so many mothers are never given a choice of anything...circ. vax. ect, It's just what people do and most don't know any better. I should have researched more instead of giving in. Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with the guilt? What if he gets mad at me when he is older for having it done? or if I do have another son and don't have him cut, what if he gets mad because I cut him and not his little brother? This has really brought me down the past few days and I don't know what to do. I may be in the wrong place for support, some mother's may say " that's what she gets" but I know there are women on here that are supportive and "forgiving" if you will. I just wish I could give my little man his WHOLE penis back...but I can't


Proud mommy to Jaryn 4-16-06 :





Mama - I'm so sorry! Please know that your son will love you and understand that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I know of many parents who circumcised their first but not their second and when the boys got old enough to notice any difference they explained that when ds1 was born they thought that they had to do it, but when ds2 was born they found out that they didn't need to do it. I have heard that all the ds1 reactions are typically "I'm so glad that you didn't have to do it to my little brother!" and so on, and that they understand.

You will go through this grief process, don't fight it, just let it happen. Turn to people you know will be understanding and get love and support from them. We are here for you! You will find peace about this. For many parents, becoming dedicated Intactivists who educate others can be a part of the healing as you protect future babies from having this done.


Much love to you,


- Kira
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#196 of 736 Old 07-09-2006, 12:36 AM
 
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I have two sons, both of them are uncircumcised.
When I had Phineas nine years ago, I had read all the information about why to not circumcise, so that's the route we went. Once he got older, I started really regreting not having him circumcised.
Phineas is a very sweet and soft boy and it would break my heart if he enters the locker room years and is different than everyone else and they make fun of him. That hadn't occured to me when he was a baby. Or it had, but that was too far off to be a factor. He's also gotten numerous infections (they were nothing serious,) some antibacterial cream applied cleared it up within a day, but now that he's older he's in charge of his hygene. I will tell him to scrub up while he's in the tub and I just have to hope he follows through.
Anyway, I started to really regret it.
Then I got pregnant again and when they told us it was a boy, we had to reopen the issue with a little experience under our belts. In a way I hoped my husband would just insist that he be circumcised so I didn't have to take responsibiltiy for it. As I got further into my pregnancy, I took out all the old articles I had saved and looked online and
It was like re-reading all the information and hearing how intense circumcision is, reminded me WHY we hadn't done it.
When I had the baby, when I saw the tiny helpless, precious boy,there was just no way that my concerns justified doing that. The journey is so sacred and intense. I couldn't turn him over to be cut. I just felt like it was unspeakable to even suggest it. I wanted to protect my baby. If I gave them the go ahead, I felt like the baby would feel like I wasn't protecting him, that the world is scary and harsh from the start. I couldn't betray him by handing him over. I have to say also that both times my husband wanted to have the procedure done. I had him read all the information, and I wanted to be fair and let him have a say as well, but when the time came, I would have bawled my eyes out and crawled and kicked to save him from that. I went into it so reasonable, and when I saw my son, there was no reasoning. As the mama, my instinct to protect just took over. Luckily my sweety didn't object lol. I really love him for that.
I have two uncircumised boys now, and after readdressing the issue, I'm oh so glad.
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#197 of 736 Old 07-09-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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Jillcuster-

About the whole locker room thing...we DID circ our first because of that mentatlity (that he might be made fun of later on). Then we circ'd our second because we had already done our first even though we pretty much thought it was not necessary (our third is intact and we are SO glad about it!).
Anyway...the funny or ironic thing is that we ended up deciding to homeschool our 3 boys. This was NEVER even a thought when we had the first or even the second son. Guess what??? Our two boys are the ONLY circumcised boys in our entire homeschooling group that we hang out with!! I would have never thought that they would be the minority when we made the decision to circ! If I had know that, we would have never done it. Thankfully the kids in our hs group would never think to make fun of someone for their appearance and so it just goes to show that you never know what social circles your sons will end up in and it's ridiculous to make such a huge decision based on what you *think* may happen in the future! Shoot--they may end up living in Europe or going to school there and then they will be fine

BTW--in our area, the rates are going way down and my midwife estimates that when they are in highschool, the circ/intact rate will probably be around 55/45 if not higher on the intact side!
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#198 of 736 Old 07-09-2006, 11:39 AM
 
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#199 of 736 Old 07-23-2006, 03:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ntengwall
Kati6110-

You said, "I was raised to be a good girl and do as I'm told, and ironically this experience has made me a better advocate for my boys than I would've been otherwise."

I feel exactly the same way! Maybe this is the ONLY good thing that came from having my first two cut. I love not caring what others think of my parenting choices now and have no problem sitting at a family get-together (especially my hubby's right-wing consertive one) and defending my choices! Would I rather not have to do that? Yes, but it's better than allowing them to think that there way is the only way! I even put a bumper sticker on my car that said, "Circumcision: His Body, His Choice" They all *loved* that one (not!) LOL
This is me too. I can't even talk about my son's experience, hurts way too much.

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#200 of 736 Old 07-24-2006, 02:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm the original poster for this thread. I'm so glad that it is still active. It helps to know that I am not alone with feeling gulity about circ'ing my oldest and so happy/relieved about keeping my youngest intact.

The parents I talked about in the first post have since had a second son. I am sad that they circ'ed that little guy too.

Keep on posting, these stories are helpful to everyone in different ways I think.

Take care.
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#201 of 736 Old 07-25-2006, 02:55 AM
 
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I regret it DEEPLY. I was too young to even be having a child at the time and said child's dad insisted, since he is circ'd. I should have never, would never again, and highly encourage anyone else to never ever do it.
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#202 of 736 Old 07-25-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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Add me to the list of mamas outraged at my own ignorance. Our ultrasound indicated I was carrying a girl baby, and I allowed that to be my reason for my lack of research. I read through the 5 or 6 page packet given to us by a pediatrician we had interviewed (and later decided against). Nowhere in it were any of the vitally important reasons NOT to circ that I know now. In fact, it left us with the impression that the only difference was a slightly better chance of not transmitting an std if a boy were circ'd. My dh basically fell back into the "I want him to look like me" camp. None of the other health practitioners gave us any info about it at all. Not my midwives, not the lactation specialist, not the hypnobirthing teacher, not the pediatrician we eventually chose. When asked by the pediatrician's office about what our choice would be, I responded, "I'm pretty sure we're having a girl, but I guess we would circumcise." The nurse did not offer any info to help me make a more confident choice. My mother, an RN who worked in surgery for 20 years, told me horror stories of terrified and embarrassed adolescents and men who had to be circ'd later in life. When I countered that that must be a pretty rare thing, my mom said something like, "Why would you risk putting them through such trauma? If you do it now, it's a much simpler surgery, and they give them pain killers, and they won't ever remember it." WHy risk trauma indeed!? Two days after Henry was born, via a totally unexpected c-section, in my drugged, in pain, fevered, and totally overwhelmed state of mind, the pediatrician casually said, "today we'll do the circ." It took me several minutes (he had already left the room) to even realize he was talking about circumcision. I felt like I'd been socked in the gut. I remember thinking, "Oh God! Oh no! I said we would do that!?" I honestly can't remember specifically the conversation I had about it with my husband. I do remember his confidence in the importance of having it done, and of course, my mother, right there nodding that it just had to be done. My fears were simply disregarded. When they came to take Henry away for the "procedure" I cried and said I simply could not watch it happen. I took one last look at my son's intact penis, and thought, "What could be wrong with that?" My husband went along to witness it. The waiting was awful. I actually considered getting up and trying to stop it, but felt totally powerless as walking down the hallway to the bathroom was a two person gig (I needed someone to help me drag my IV bag trailer along with me. Walking and standing were still very painful. I laid in bed and stared out the window. When they brought Henry back, my husband described what happened. NOONE ever mentioned that my tiny baby would be strapped down to a board, or ever said a word about the details, that I have now buried in my subconcious. I just held him to my breast and cried and said, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." My mother attributed the "fussiness" that followed to his "probably being pissed off about having his tallywhacker cut." The whole thing, including my sadness and fear was made into a joke. I was totally scared to diaper him, freaked out about the plastic ring around the glans of his bright red penis. My husband kept that ring as a memento! AFTER the fact, I began to hear similar stories to my own, and began to learn more and more about circumcision, and of course, my regret grew into anger. WHY did so many people treat this as some minor thing? WHY didn't the hospital have to disclose the real risks? WHY did my midwives not offer any info or advice? and most of all, WHY didn't I seek it out? I told my dh in no uncertain terms that any future babies will NOT be altered. I have since switched pediatricians. Dr. A refuses to perform circs. WHY isn't this the norm?!!!
My son has an exceptionally high pain tolerance, and I can't help wondering if this isn't due to his circ. We had difficulties nursing, and he could not sleep for longer than 5 mins. outside of my arms for at least six months.
I was the first of my peers to have a baby, and I just didn't know how uninformed I was about so many things! I thought that by choosing midwives for my prenatal and birth, by preparing to nurse, by choosing a natural childbirth method I was surrounding myself with people who were to be trusted to let me know aobut the important things I didn't know. I was so WRONG! I am one of those naive mamas who skipped over the chapters about c-sections, totally sure that would simply not happen to me. Yet, I truly believe that if I hadn't been so out of it, my inner she-wolf would have said, "Not no but HELL NO you are not going to do that to my baby!"
Needless to say, my next pregnancy, if we are so blessed, will be a whole different story. The thing that totally enrages me is that parents-to-be have to work so hard to learn the truth, that it is not simply automatic for all parents to see a picture of what a circumcision really entails and means for boys who are forced to endure them. If it were, there wouldn't be so many of us regretful mamas.
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#203 of 736 Old 07-28-2006, 05:28 PM
 
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I have 3 sons and they are all circumcised. With my first I was only 15 when I had him. I didn't understand the procedure exactly and went with what was considered the "norm" for those around me. It wasn't really a question. It was not discussed with me during my pregnancy. I wish I had been given more information on it so even at that young age I could say I was somewhat informed. I figured having him circumcised he would look like his father and the other men in my family. When I had my second son I also had him circ'd because I still had the mentality that he should look like the rest of the boys/men in our family. I didn't get any further information on this procedure and this was about the time I really started educating myself on parenting and everything my children meant to me.. When I had my third son I again went through with the circumcision because at this point I felt I knew enough, I had 2 other boys and they seemed fine for the most part. Why change when you think you have done well up to this point. Things that have happened to my children regarding their circumcisions: my oldest had meatal stenosis which requires surgery to correct.. I was never told that this was a direct result of having him circumcised. I can remember him coming out of surgery and the anesthesia wearing off and him crying (screaming) for me and the nurse wouldn't let me in to comfort him. I can remember him screaming they cut my penis.. this was heart-wrenching for me to hear and I pushed my way past this ignorant woman and into the room they were holding my son. I comforted him and felt terrible for this pain he was in. I had to insert a catheter in his urethra for 6 mos after his surgery. This was very traumatic for my son. I had to do this to make sure the hole didn't close back up. He refused to even be touched by the doctor after we had his check up.. can you blame him? My middle son and my youngest both had adhesions. I was told this was because they didn't have as much taken off during their circumcisions. I remember the first time the doctor showed me how to pull back on my sons penis to correct this problem. He jumped and it looked painful. I was told to make sure I did this regularly to avoid it. I did religiously until they were roughly about 2 yrs of age. I knew this could be a serious problem as my step-son had to be recircumcised at 3 yrs because he actually had bacterial infections caused by the adhesions. If I had been more informed I doubt that I would have had any of my boys circ'd. I was pro-circ until I came across this site and was sorta iffy on the whole thing until I watched a graphic circ video yesterday. To hear that little baby's cries and screams and to see how barbaric and cruel of a procedure circumcision truly is made me very against circumcision. I wish I could go back and do this all over again. I wish I could take away the pain I have caused my sons. I wish I could make their penis whole again... I have already convinced my husband that when/if we have another child we will not be circumcising.. not at all! I hope my sons forgive me for doing this to them.. my only excuse is that I was terribly uninformed and misguided. I thought I was honestly doing what was best for them. Thinking back on it I think a part of me knew it was wrong even then... I had a hard time changing their diapers after is was done.. it looked sooo painful and I didn't want to be the cause of any further pain to them in that area. I hope to educate those around me about the dangers of circumcision and to let them know from my experience that it isn't better, cleaner, healthier.. prettier.. or anything for that matter. I also think that parents should know more facts on this so that they are less likely to make the mistakes I made. I hope in time I am able to forgive myself for the trauma I put my precious little boys through... in time maybe we can all heal.

Nic, loving mama to 5 with a SURPRISE 6th on the way.

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#204 of 736 Old 07-28-2006, 09:08 PM
 
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Mumof3, your thoughts echo mine. I wrote a note in ds's baby book asking him to forgive me. I just didn't do enough research and I just didn't listen to my gut and let myself be bullied into it. I so hope to have another boy someday to try and correct the wrong I did to my son. What a fool I was.

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#205 of 736 Old 08-05-2006, 08:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MistyD
Hello everyone,

I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.

I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.

Thank you.

(edit for spelling)
My name is Melissa and my son is just over 2 1/2 years old. Circumcision was just something we never talked about while I was pregnant. We both thought it needed to be done so we didn't bother asking anyone about it or our Dr. When he was about 9 months old, I finally looked it up and was shocked at what I found! It sickens me everytime I think about it (which is pretty much everyday. I unwrapped my son when they first handed him to me after birth and kept repeating "You're so perfect!" I ask myself now if I thought he was so perfect, why a couple days later did I let some stranger circumcise him? I wish I knew then what I know now! I'm pregnant again and due in January. If this is a boy, we'll definately not be circ'ing. DH agrees and feels the same way about it. He was luckily very open minded about it when I looked into it. There's absolutely nothing we can do for our circ'ed son, the damage is done. All we can do is move on and let our future sons benefit from our looking into it.

Me Hubby
Colin 1/13/04 Elena 1/18/07
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#206 of 736 Old 08-09-2006, 12:29 AM
 
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I regret it everyday. We've had too many problems and I didn't do the research I should have.
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#207 of 736 Old 08-12-2006, 07:27 PM
 
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I am encouraged that so many parents are verbalizing their regret having circumcised their son. As a man who has an early recollectioni of his circumcision, and all the horror that goes with it, I am glad that these feelings are being said out loud.

To encourage others to speak their regrets, and to save them for others to read, I have created a blog where you can post your stories. I hope everyone who has posted here will submit a copy there, too.

Please visit blOUCH!, the blog for Project: OUCH!

Dan
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#208 of 736 Old 08-14-2006, 10:28 PM
 
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I'm pregnant (with my second). My first child is a girl so I never had to deal with this issue. DH and I have started to dance around this topic. I seem to be the one who is more in favor. Reading this sticky is really opening my eyes and I am grateful to you all.
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#209 of 736 Old 08-14-2006, 11:06 PM
 
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I regret it every day. I am still not sure what I was thinking or not thinking that day, especially since I am a midwife. I do know that, if we hadn't done it, our son wouldn't have reoccurring sore spots on his penis from being exposed to urine -- even with very frequent diaper changes...and eventhough he's diaperless at home, he still picks on the sore spots making them take longer to heal.

If our future children happen to be boys, they will NOT be damaged the way our son is.
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#210 of 736 Old 08-14-2006, 11:23 PM
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Ditto on alot of what other mamas said. My ds may have no problems now but I feel guilty for what he won't know he's missing when he gets older And not that I plan on any more, but I would never do it again. And I've planted many a fine seeds in dd head and will in ds head about the issue.
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