If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 8Likes
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#241 of 729 Old 01-17-2007, 08:14 PM
 
paisleypoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had both of my sons circumcised without hesitation, and I now feel sick about it. In my younger years I worked at a nursing home and had to clean many old men who were not circumcised, and it grossed me out so much that I swore any boys I had would be circumcised, for that reason, and the fact that my husband was circumcised and I wanted them to look like their dad. After their circumcisions, they came back to me sleeping and I never knew what went on, or that they had no anesthetic. Now that I know better, I feel awful that I put them through that. Would we ever do that to a baby girl? How is that any different? If I could have watched just one of them, I never would have done it again. Then with one boy they didn't do a very good job and didn't take off the entire foreskin, so I had troubles keeping him clean in there through the whole diaper years. It made me think that they could have just as easily taken off too much. And for what? Anyway, if I ever have another boy, he will not be circumcised. It's barbaric.

Jade : -Writing, vegan mom of Garrett, Drew, and Grace. Into feeling:
paisleypoet is offline  
#242 of 729 Old 01-22-2007, 02:30 AM
 
cj199's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I very much regret having a circumcision done to my two boys. Ages 7yrs old and 5.5 months old. I wish with all my heart and soul that I had left them intact. I pray that my boys and God will forgive me. I will from this day on, try to educate others so they don't have the procedure done.

CJ
cj199 is offline  
#243 of 729 Old 01-23-2007, 12:18 AM
 
jessjgh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 4,956
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
CJ- I see this was your first post.... May your future posts at MDC not be as hard to write or be about so heavy a topic.

Welcome.

Jessica

Jessica..lady.gifintactlact.gif Falling in love all over again..... 
Dhprivateeyes.gif, Joshua rolleyes.gif Rebeccagrouphug.gifand dog2.gif.    candle.gif for Laura
jessjgh1 is offline  
#244 of 729 Old 01-24-2007, 01:48 PM
 
Selesai's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Keeping it all together
Posts: 1,725
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don’t have any excuses for circumcising my son.
I found MDC after I learned of my pregnancy. I was convinced that I was having a girl, so I never thought about circumcision. I knew the subject would be a challenge to discuss with my husband because my initial feeler-statements yielded a pro-circ response.
I found out that our baby was a boy. My thought was: now we have to deal with circumcision.
I kept meaning to research it. I kept putting it off. I told DH I didn’t want our child circed. My brother isn’t circed; I know it’s not necessary. At what became my last appointment with my OB, I told her we still hadn’t decided about circumcision so she was not to do anything without discussing it with me, were my child born before I saw her again.
Three days later my son was born. I was confident that my OB would be the best person to perform the circ, were we to choose it. She told me she used a local anesthetic and allowed it to take effect before beginning, and also that she used sugar water. She told me that her sons were both circed; there were health benefits involved.
I eventually signed the papers. I told DH that we could do it if he was the one to explain to our son, when he had become an adult, why we had. DH was at home when our baby was taken for the circ, and I was still in the hospital.
When Philip was brought back to me, he was alert. He was not crying or sleeping. I sobbed. I sobbed so hard. I called DH and told him it was his fault that our son was scarred. At first DH thought that something had “gone wrong,” and our baby had been deformed.
Yes, he was deformed, but not as DH thought.
I remember what my son looked like intact. He was beautiful. I took something from him, I harmed him in the most intimate, permanent way, because I was too fearful to fight for what I instinctively knew was right. It took two days for me to fail my son—only two days of his life.
I will never forgive myself. I think I have no excuse for my actions. The information was available to me and I did not choose to read it.
Nothing can fix what I have done.
Selesai is offline  
#245 of 729 Old 01-24-2007, 02:02 PM
 
Lula's Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Roswell, GA
Posts: 4,579
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh... I am so sorry. Please try to be gentle with yourself. I know that's easy to say from here. If I were in your shoes I would feel just like you do.

I want to kick that OB in the box, the one who told you there were health benefits and she would do it so it wouldn't hurt. It is her job to know better, and she failed you and your son.

~*Kristi*~
Tallulah Dare 8-01,  Marcos Gael 12-04, Cormac Mateo 9-09, Leonidas Ronan 11-11

Lula's Mom is offline  
#246 of 729 Old 01-31-2007, 11:28 PM
 
Mama Meesh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 59
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sorry for the copy/paste....this was (most) of my post from another mom site...I am feeling really sad/depressed, guilty, angry, in need of answers!! A member of the other board directed me here for support, as the other board only is a path to debate, particularly on a "hot" subject such as circumcision.
Sorry to make this my introductory post, I'm just feeling alone right now with this. My parents and in-laws are "supportive" - they tell me everything will turn out ok in the end, but I sure don't feel like they will. Anyway, here's my post:


I had my son this past week. Even up to his delivery, I wasn't decided one way or the other about a circ. I knew the arguments for and against, but didn't feel strongly either way.

He was born with a natural "partial" circumcision. The nurses and doctors at the hospital all pushed for circumcision - some offering what I felt were "fair" arguments (statistically lower transmission rates of things like HPV, HIV) and other arguments that I felt were ridiculous for the situation (one nurse said she had witnessed lots of "gross" penile infections in elderly, demented uncirc'ed men when she worked in a nursing home - and how is this relevent to my newborn baby??) In the end, I left it to my husband to decide, and he favored circumcision and didn't want the baby to have a real memory of the event, so we decided to proceed with a circ.

I sat in on the procedure - I felt it was only fair. I wanted to provide comfort to my son and witness what exactly I was putting him through. The ped who did the procedure gave a topical anesthesia, followed by an injected local anesthesia to minimize any pain.

Despite my very specific instructions to NOT give any sugar water (I'm breastfeeding), the tech assisting with the procedure administered syringe after syringe of sugar water into my son's mouth, while he was restrained flat on his back (very dangerous for aspiration) - I was stunned that they had ignored my instructions about this, but did not want to throw a scene right there, since the doctor was in the middle of cutting off my son's foreskin, for God's sake!

The doctor did a good job at the procedure itself. However, it was quite obvious at certain times during the procedure, that there was definitely some significant pain involved. The doctor dressed the wound with a Vaseline gauze dressing and instructed me that it should not be removed for 24 hours. Within 4-6 hours, the nurse came in to "check" his penis, soaked off the dressing, and discarded it. Not surprisingly, the site started bleeding. She applied pressure manually and then with a pressure dressing. Because I had delayed the decision to circ, my son and I were discharged that day. Within a day, the corona of his penis developed an area of swollen, puffy, hypertrophic tissue ("proud flesh"). I had to call the ped. via her non-helpful, dismissive, condescending nurse. I had to be obnoxious, but I did end up getting through to the doctor, who essentially said we'd have to just hope the tissue receded as it healed. At my son's follow-up today, his ped (different doc from the one who cared for him in the hospital) said the adhesions might occur.....AND, there was potential for curvature of the penis in the future. Six days old, and I might already be negatively impacting my son's future sex life. Heavy thoughts, indeed.

Let me just say, there was nothing wrong with my son's uncirc'ed penis. Nothing. It was perfect and lovely just as it was. What the rush or need for the circumcision right away after his birth is a mystery to me. I wholly regret the decision to have him circumcised, and I am nearly depressed by the fact that I cannot take this all back.

For all of us mothers, it is your and your family's decision as to whether or not to circumcise. What I can tell you from my experience is:
1) that pain may be a factor, even if the doctor is providing the maximum interventions for anesthesia
2) you should be aware of measures (like the sugar water) that the staff may institute (with or without your approval) during the procedure which could impact other things, like your efforts to establish breastfeeding
3) wound management is an extra task for you to manage during your baby's first few days (along with everything else, like cord stump care, etc.) - my son screams in pain every time I have to handle his penis for wound care during diaper changes.
4) there may be a poor cosmetic and/or functional outcome, as seems to be the case with my son (mostly to do with the nurse's improper care of the post-op site!)
5) there should be NO RUSH to make a decision, especially if you are on the fence or not 100% certain you want to circ. I could have/should have waited a few more days/weeks/months or even left his "just fine as it was" penis uncirc'ed and left the decision to him. Now, there's no going back. What's done is done.

The experience turned me from being a mom with no real opinion either way into a mom who would never again consider circ'ing any future sons I may have.

Thanks for reading!

Meesh
Mama Meesh is offline  
#247 of 729 Old 02-01-2007, 12:41 PM
Banned
 
Yulia_R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lafayette, CO
Posts: 3,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh mama, I’m so sorry it happened to your little boy ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Meesh View Post
...I knew the arguments for and against, but didn't feel strongly either way...
I just want to say that I don’t think you knew all the facts. They are just too strong for anyone to know and still decide to circ. You probably just knew what doctors (doctors ignorance on the subject is just unbelievable!) were telling you.
If you really want to know the facts (they are very heavy though) so you can educate others and perhaps safe few little boys from this life-time damage you can read them here, for example:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=604463
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=605163

a lot of healing vibes to your baby ,
yulia.
Yulia_R is offline  
#248 of 729 Old 02-01-2007, 02:38 PM
 
saucebox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 64
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankly Speaking View Post
My parents circumcised their son and I deeply regret it. It wasn't theirs top cut off and they did not have to live with the after effects.



Frank
I'm curious what your aftereffects are.
saucebox is offline  
#249 of 729 Old 02-02-2007, 02:00 AM
 
hummingbear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Rocky Mountains
Posts: 1,019
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh I hope Frank replies. I haven't seen him here in soooooooooo long.
hummingbear is offline  
#250 of 729 Old 02-02-2007, 02:07 AM
Fi.
 
Fi.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nashville TN/Vancouver BC
Posts: 1,367
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by saucebox View Post
I'm curious what your aftereffects are.
I'm 99% certain Frank won't be replying, however there are several other circumcised men here who will tell you their after effects. Some include painful erections, hair growth on the shaft, not a lot of sensation. It'd be worth starting a thread on and maybe even getting it stickied.

Long distance Mom to boarding school superstars E (9) and Layne (6).
Fi. is offline  
#251 of 729 Old 02-11-2007, 01:33 AM
 
*Karen*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Lexington, KY
Posts: 2,417
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been here a while and just never gotten to courage to post here. My son is circed and I regret it every single day. My DH is pro-circ and I let him make the decision. I backed out the day it was to be done. I said I couldn't do it. I said I didn't want it done. But I didn't stop it. I could have stopped it. Our doc wasn't even pro-circ. My poor baby boy was mutilated for no reason at all. Now I am embarassed to change him in public. I am embarassed for anyone to know what I did to him. I go to AP play groups but only change him in the car. I cannot imagine how I will deal with telling him what I did to him when he is old enough to understand. It hurts me so badly inside to know that I took something from him that he will never ever get back. My poor little love. I will never ever do this to another boy. Please know that I have learned so much since I did this to him, and I will never forgive myself for what happened.

CPST and SAHM to DS (4/20/06) and DD (6/13/08)
*Karen* is offline  
#252 of 729 Old 02-12-2007, 12:02 AM
 
jessjgh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 4,956
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Karen,
((Hugs)) to you.

You just took such a huge step and wrote your post out. Give your self a time, but you need to start to forgive yourself and move past this so you can turn your feelings into something positive (like focusing on helping other mothers that need support and information around this issue-- when you are ready).

In the mean time your son needs you to be present. That probably means taking a deep breath and stop hiding. You need to find places that feel safe and any good friend (or AP parent) should totally understand your feelings and support you- if the subject even comes up at all.

It sounds like you still need some time to heal and maybe to prepare what you might want to say to other mothers or parents about your experience.

I hope you have read through the whole thread here and see that you are not the only mother that has gone through this-- the fact that you came forward and posted speaks volumes about you.

You also should realize that you could have been given a lot more support around this issue--- and just after birth is a very hard time-- your siggie says he had a rough start-- and birth stress can make it so hard to stand strong (at least in my experience).

Thanks for posting on this forum and here... I know that the words that I read here before my son was born were instrumental to keeping me on guard and strong and I am ever indebted to the parents who posted here to share their heartbreaking stories.... and I KNOW that someone in the future will read your words and others and be given the same strength and resolve I was.

((Hugs))

Jessica (and Joshua)

Jessica..lady.gifintactlact.gif Falling in love all over again..... 
Dhprivateeyes.gif, Joshua rolleyes.gif Rebeccagrouphug.gifand dog2.gif.    candle.gif for Laura
jessjgh1 is offline  
#253 of 729 Old 02-12-2007, 01:53 AM
 
guestmama9908's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,821
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would like to share my son Calen's story with you. I found out that I was pregnant in June of 2004. I was thrilled and knew from the moment of conception in my heart that I would be having a little boy. I wanted to be the best mom that I could be to my sweet baby that was on its way.

I will give you a little bit of my background. I am a Pediatric Registered Nurse. I went through nursing school and the topic of circumcision was never discussed. All of the literature that is used in today's medical schools all picture the circumcised penis as the norm. I live in an area of the country where it is highly uncommon not to circ. I can honestly say that I have never seen an intact penis in my nursing career. I ignorantly thought that circumcision was something that was medically necessary and that it was beneficial. I naively thought why would the medical community propagate something that wasn't necessary? I never witnessed a circumcision as a nurse or a student nurse so I truly didn't understand what the procedure entailed.

I found out at 24 weeks gestation that I was indeed pregnant with a little boy. I never researched circumcision before he was born. I honestly thought I was doing what was best for my son when I handed him to the Doctor the day after he was born to be circumcised.

That day is the greatest regret of my life.

I specifically asked the Doctor who would be performing the procedure if he would be using proper anesthetic because I didn't want my baby to be in pain. He assured me that he would be using Lidocaine. I felt comfortable and trusted this physician with my child. After my son developed complications from his circumcision (I will detail these below) I requested his hospital records. This is when I learned that the Doctor had used only sugar water on a pacifier for anesthesia! The Doctor lied to me. He did not use proper anesthesia for my poor baby boy. I shudder to think at how my son suffered at that Doctor's hands during his circumcision.

Caring for the circumcision was an incredible ordeal. The circumcision site was red and raw and bloody. It had to be cleaned at every diaper change and my son would shudder and cry in pain. It then had to be covered in Vaseline and covered with a gauze 4 x 4. He would cry any time that he urinated. I am sure that the urine burned on that open wound. It eventually seemed to heal and I thought everything was okay.

At 15 months I was changing my son's diaper. I noticed a white mass at the circumcision site. I pushed on it and it began to come out of the side of his penis. I continued to push on the area and a large marble sized white pea emerged. Where it had come out there was now a huge hole in the side of my son's penis. I was alarmed to say the least! I hadn't ever seen anything like it and I am a Pediatric RN. I though it was an abscess of some sort.
The next morning we went to the Pediatrician. I had the white mass in a plastic bag. When we went in the Pediatrician looked at it and began to laugh. He explained that my son's circumsion had healed wrong and that the skin had reattached to the glans of his penis. He told me that this happens in up to 71% of circumcised boys. He said that the white mass was a smegma pearl that had developed in the pocket that his adhesions had left.

The pediatrician then did something that makes me sick to this day. He grabbed the head of my son's penis with two fingers and his remaining foreskin with the other hand and RIPPED literally ripped the skin loose. My son screamed and writhed in pain. He bled and it left a red raw wound where the pedi had ripped the skin loose. I asked the Doctor what he had done. He explained to me that the adhesions had to be ripped loose otherwise when my son was a teenager and had his first night time erection that they would be ripped loose then and would bleed. He said it would be better to do this now than to have him traumatized as a teenager. He then instructed me and my Husband that the skin had to be ripped loose at each diaper change otherwise it would grow back in the wrong place again.

We followed the Pediatrician's instructions for several months. My son began to scream before we even took his diaper off. He was so traumatized that if you even tried to wipe his penis with a baby wipe he would begin to beg you not to and cry.

I finally realized that something was seriously wrong with this whole situation. I began to research circumcision. That is when I learned the truth about the procedure. I learned that it is purely cosmetic and has no medical benefit. I also learned that the pediatrician was correct when he said that 71% of circumcised boys develop the penile adhesions my son has. I also learned that ripping adhesions loose can cause scar tissue to develop and cause permanent nerve damage. We could have permanently injured my DS even further if we had continued to follow the pediatrician's advice.

I am horrified that my Poor Baby Boy has suffered so needlessly because I made the decision to have him circumcised. I get out pictures now from the day he was born when he was still intact and whole and I want to cry. He was so perfect just the way he was born and I took that away from him. I feel such incredible guilt when I think about all of the pain he has gone through. It makes me sad every time I change his diaper or I put him in the bath and I see his poor little penis.

I would never circumcise another child. I would urge anyone who is considering it to rethink their decision to circ. Even my Husband is now against circumcision.
guestmama9908 is offline  
#254 of 729 Old 02-15-2007, 06:34 AM
 
tqoe62's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 40
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been an INTACTIVIST for nearly 25 years now. My journey into this arena began when my first child, a son was born, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, I researched everything I could find on pregnancy, birth, babies, etc... (pre-pc-era) I took Bradley classes, joined LLL still pregnant, wanted to homebirth, but got talked/scarred out of that, VERY LITTLE info on circ, so I talked to people, circ'ed and whole men and all thumbs were up for circ, so against my own instincts, I had it done.
I was in a fairly sound proof room* and they took my son down and across the hall to another room. The sound of his screams are forever burned into my brain. I almost fainted. NEVER AGAIN....if I am ever blessed with another boy...never again...(*the NICU, shoulda done it at home, Dr. nearly killed my baby with unneeded/unwanted interventions, 16 days NICU)
Always GO with your instincts, it's your Mother Wit guiding you.
So, I got on my and started talking to people about how it was mutilation, dangerous, PAINFULL, etc...when pc's came along I was/am rabid about it!
It is EXTREMELY frustrating when you present a person with unarguable FACTS and they still mutilate their child anyway.
They MISS 2 key factors; #1; Circumcision is sexual mutilation. #2; Parents are the 'care takers' of the child, not the OWNER of the child. The child's body BELONGS to the child!

P.S. We do have another son, Marley, 5 1/2, solo UC water birth, INTACT and PROUD of it.

Keep spreading to word, sometimes people DO listen.

P.P.S. You GO Molly! You're on the road and you can only go forward.

Blessed Be,
tqoe62 is offline  
#255 of 729 Old 02-15-2007, 11:53 AM
 
SkyDweller's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.
My mom remembers when I was taken from her...she heard my screams. She felt sick. And then I nearly died because I wouldn't take to bottle or breast.

I've been amazed at the sexual responsiveness of the women I've been with--responsiveness I'm missing. I asked my dad this summer 'why did you circumcise me'. I told him that it drastically reduces sexual responsiveness and pleasure for both men and women. His reply, "maybe that's a good thing"(victorian ideas about sex being negative). I was furious. He later apologized. He himself is intact. I would give anything to have my foreskin back.

I wish they'd led ME decide what to do with that 'useless' piece of skin.

The only things that alleviate my anger and sense of loss are:
1. I've talked two of my parishioners(couples) into keeping their sons intact
2. I'm restoring for the benefit of myself and my future wife
SkyDweller is offline  
#256 of 729 Old 02-15-2007, 12:17 PM
 
SkyDweller's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fi. View Post
... however there are several other circumcised men here who will tell you their after effects. Some include painful erections, hair growth on the shaft, not a lot of sensation. ....
Yep, that's me. Hair on the shaft, lack of sensation compared to women I've dated. I'd do anything to get my foreskin back.

At times this forum is a difficult place to be--it reminds me of what I've lost. But I do appreciate all the 'ammo' and support I receive here to counter this incredibly barbaric practice. And it's the medical community that perpetuates it!! (It's the medical people in my church that are virulently supportive of it!)

I talked one friend out of circumcising his son (wife already didn't want to). He actually raised the topic with a full table of people during an 'after church luncheon'. It was a male nurse who was most in favor of circing! (inharmony with the other nurses and physicians in my church who all think it's a wonderfully 'biblical' thing to do. NOT) ARggggghhhhh

:

Also, a fascinating post from the "Myth: Uncircumcised men enjoy sex more" thread which says,

My daughter's father happens to be a fag. He is intact, he is British and RIC is very uncommon. He has slept with literally hundreds of men, like 400+ probably, so that's a pretty good case study IMO. He gets around. And he says that intact men are *way* more sensitive than cut men, and that cut men require much more intense friction than intact men to orgasm, whereas intact men can enjoy much more subtle forms of stimulation. He said he couldn't believe the difference when he came over here and began having sex regularly with circed partners.
SkyDweller is offline  
#257 of 729 Old 02-15-2007, 04:39 PM
 
tqoe62's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 40
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyDweller View Post
I would give anything to have my foreskin back.

I wish they'd led ME decide what to do with that 'useless' piece of skin.

The only things that alleviate my anger and sense of loss are:
1. I've talked two of my parishioners(couples) into keeping their sons intact
2. I'm restoring for the benefit of myself and my future wife
I'm happy to see a man here in this discussion. Believe me, you are not alone in your feelings. As an intactivist, I have been in many discussion/education groups and MANY men feel as you do; violated.
I am glad to know that you are restoring. I am talking to my husband about doing that as well. It is the only thing that I would change about him, if I could.
Blessed Be,
tqoe62 is offline  
#258 of 729 Old 02-17-2007, 07:12 AM
 
Danemom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 334
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I literally feel physically ill. :Puke Not kidding. As a mother of two boys (both circ'd and now ages 9 and 7) I wish I had known all of this when they were born. To me, it was a very normal and "more sanitary" practice. I want to wretch. Great, now I feel like a horrible barbaric mother. It didn't even occur to me to research it when it has always been presented as "normal" and actually healthier than leaving it alone. I am glad and horrified at the same time that I found this information. While I am not going to have anymore babies, I have plenty of friends and family who will/are. I will be passing this on. I can't even tell you how sick I feel. If my babies weren't sound asleep I'd be hugging them tight right now........

Oh geez
Danemom is offline  
#259 of 729 Old 02-17-2007, 09:14 AM
 
Mommiska's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,596
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danemom View Post
I literally feel physically ill. :Puke Not kidding. As a mother of two boys (both circ'd and now ages 9 and 7) I wish I had known all of this when they were born. To me, it was a very normal and "more sanitary" practice. I want to wretch. Great, now I feel like a horrible barbaric mother. It didn't even occur to me to research it when it has always been presented as "normal" and actually healthier than leaving it alone. I am glad and horrified at the same time that I found this information. While I am not going to have anymore babies, I have plenty of friends and family who will/are. I will be passing this on. I can't even tell you how sick I feel. If my babies weren't sound asleep I'd be hugging them tight right now........

Oh geez
I'm so so sorry. to you and your boys.

It's the medical establishment that is to blame for this atrocity - that is perpetuated on both little boys AND their parents (often, especially their mothers).

Many doctors who oppose circumcision won't tell the parents until AFTER they have left their sons intact. :

Please forgive yourself and do what you can do - share the information about the realities of circumcision with those around you. And we'll end it, so that our children aren't even presented with circumcision as an option when our grandchildren are born (which is how it should be).
Mommiska is offline  
#260 of 729 Old 02-17-2007, 02:15 PM
Banned
 
Yulia_R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lafayette, CO
Posts: 3,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
Many doctors who oppose circumcision won't tell the parents until AFTER they have left their sons intact. :
That is true. When our son was born we required all the check ups to be done in our room (we wouldn't let him out of our sight). So when the ped came in to check him she ask in a very neutral voice if we were going to circ him. And only when we answered "no" she said happily "thanks god, i wish there were more parents like you guys!". I liked that ped, but what the h**l, it didn't even occur to her that she herself could make a huge difference by just telling parents the truth..:
Yulia_R is offline  
#261 of 729 Old 02-17-2007, 05:44 PM
 
jessjgh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 4,956
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yulia,
Yeah, you know, you wouldn't want to even run the risk of offending a parents by offering them both sides of the story so they can make an educated decision.

Like there's no possible way to be neutral while providing parents with the purpose of the foreskin, risks of doing nothing, and risks of the procedure. It is too bad doctors don't simply see these thigns as their job.

Jessica

Jessica..lady.gifintactlact.gif Falling in love all over again..... 
Dhprivateeyes.gif, Joshua rolleyes.gif Rebeccagrouphug.gifand dog2.gif.    candle.gif for Laura
jessjgh1 is offline  
#262 of 729 Old 02-17-2007, 06:14 PM
 
Danemom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 334
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
After having some time to think this all over after finding this information just last night, I am ENRAGED that I was not offered with facts on both sides so I could make an informed decision instead of just ASSuming at the ages of 20 and 22 (ages I was when the boys were born) that it was the only way to go. AND I was told BOTH times that my boys slept right through it. I am so pissed!!!! I think about my precious babies when they were tiny and having to endure that because the doctors didn't want to inform me of the "other side". That ped should be glad that I don't still use him or he would be receiving a ranting and raving mother in his office on Monday and THEN I would drop him like a hot potato. I know I could have done my own research but I was very young and very stupid (I have realized in my older age). That is not meant to be offensive because not all young mothers are blind to such issues. I only mean that "I" was young and stupid. And sadly misinformed.....

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!:
Danemom is offline  
#263 of 729 Old 02-17-2007, 08:30 PM
 
Nathan1097's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Senior-Title-Less!
Posts: 3,534
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danemom View Post
After having some time to think this all over after finding this information just last night, I am ENRAGED that I was not offered with facts on both sides so I could make an informed decision instead of just ASSuming at the ages of 20 and 22 (ages I was when the boys were born) that it was the only way to go. AND I was told BOTH times that my boys slept right through it. I am so pissed!!!! I think about my precious babies when they were tiny and having to endure that because the doctors didn't want to inform me of the "other side". That ped should be glad that I don't still use him or he would be receiving a ranting and raving mother in his office on Monday and THEN I would drop him like a hot potato. I know I could have done my own research but I was very young and very stupid (I have realized in my older age). That is not meant to be offensive because not all young mothers are blind to such issues. I only mean that "I" was young and stupid. And sadly misinformed.....

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!:
I know I would've had the same story, had I had my kids in my early 20's. As it was, I was 25 when my eldest was born, and it was only a month before he was born when I changed my mind from "I guess so..." to That's too much to cut off my baby!" That was nearely 10 years ago now.
Nathan1097 is offline  
#264 of 729 Old 02-19-2007, 03:46 PM
 
pdx.mothernurture's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 2,522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I came across a quote on a website called Journey of Hearts:

Our grief always brings a gift.
It's the gift of greater sensitivity and compassion for others.
We learn to rise above our own grief by reaching out
and lessening the grief of others.


Peace & healing to all who have the courage to share their stories here.



Jen
pdx.mothernurture is offline  
#265 of 729 Old 02-22-2007, 02:27 AM
 
boysmom2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,032
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reading all of this just breaks my heart. I have 2 boys, both circumcised. If only I could take it back... With our first ds, I was against it but didn't know enough to really argue. DH was VERY for it. His unscientific poll of random guys he knows proved to him that it was better to be circ'ed. He wanted him to look like dad. I finally gave in, but made him go with and watch. I cried the whole time they were gone. He came back and told me he just slept. Passed out from the pain was probably more like it. With our second ds, I consented again, mostly because I felt like I couldn't change mid-stream. We couldn't have one that looks like dad and one that doesn't, right? Now there's some study on African men that says that circumcision reduces HIV transmission (sorry if any pp mentioned this already - too heartbreaking to read all the posts). DH thinks this makes his side even stronger - end of discussion. I don't know if we'll ever have another baby, but I don't think I could let this happen again. I'm not sure how that will work, though. My DH is such a great guy, and he truly believes he's doing the best for his sons by insisting on circ. I just wish I could convince him.

My advice, DON'T DO IT! It could always be done later, but it can't ever be undone.
boysmom2 is offline  
#266 of 729 Old 02-22-2007, 03:02 AM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,785
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That study as we now know is a bunch of hooey. If circ was such a success at preventing AIDS then why does the USA with the highest circ rate also have one of the highest AIDS rates?? : It just dosnt make sense that they can believe this way.

I want to thank you all for sharing your stories. I know it couldnt have been easy.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
#267 of 729 Old 02-26-2007, 01:05 AM
 
Mommy&Will's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Formerly wishing I was there
Posts: 2,246
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessjgh1 View Post
Yulia,
Yeah, you know, you wouldn't want to even run the risk of offending a parents by offering them both sides of the story so they can make an educated decision.

Like there's no possible way to be neutral while providing parents with the purpose of the foreskin, risks of doing nothing, and risks of the procedure. It is too bad doctors don't simply see these thigns as their job.

Jessica

This upsets me so much. Why, why, why? Both of my sons are circ'd. Nobody even gave options in the hospital. I was totally clueless about circing with my first son. My second son I was just starting to learn about um, freaking CHOICES in child birth in general. My second son escaped the barage of vax's as I intended to delay until I learned more. I didn't do the same with circing. Every day I see my naked little boys and it hurts me so much to think I let that happen out of ignorance. It is truly one of my greatest failures. :

I don't understand why all that I have learned on MDC is considered so "out there" in the mainstream world. It just all makes sense. I took child birth classes, read lots of books. Just all the wrong things. Thank goodness for Mothering - its saving babies every day.
Mommy&Will is offline  
#268 of 729 Old 03-04-2007, 02:09 AM
 
Serendipity12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I really regret having my son circ'd.....it was almost 11 years ago

I hate to use "ignorance" as an excuse.....but I was 20 years old and did no research at all and was never made aware of my choices....he was born in a military hospital and I remember when he was about a day old they took him away for "testing"....I didn't question it.

During this time I attened a 30 minute class about the benefits of having your son circ'd and when they returned him to me they had cut him

I also was not able to BF him for his first feeding....he was taken away immediately after I delivered him and the nurses bottle fed him.....but that is a whole other topic :

I'm much older now and have spent many years researching the pros/CONS of circ'ing and my husband and I made the decision years ago to never circ any future sons that we may have.

I ended up having 3 girls.

I have a friend who didn't circ her son until last year.....he was 11 and his foreskin was fused and he had a malignant mole/growth under the skin.....even though this was the best decision....she regrets it everyday

I'am OK with my decision now....I just wish I knew then what I know now.
Serendipity12 is offline  
#269 of 729 Old 03-09-2007, 04:51 PM
 
jmmsunshine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 154
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was against circ from the beginning - I had a psych class in college and up until then I never thought about it, but we had a section of our texbook on Genital Mutilation and lo-and-behold, circ was discussed there. It changed my views forever.

When I was preg and found we were having a boy, we began to have the circ discussion - DH said Yes, I said No. His arguments were for cleanliness - my response was if this was a girl should we have her labia surgically removed because she wouldn't have folds to clean so she would be cleaner? Then he argued the kids in gym and the showers would tease him... My responses were A - do guys really check out other guys genitals when showering? and B - if we had a girl and she was 13 and hadn't really begun to develop and was getting teased for being flat chested, would we be giving her breast implants? My arguments made a dent, but didn't convince him.

When interviewing pediatricians, we discussed it. I liked him immediately - and still do. He had circ all 3 of his boys and said it wasn't a big deal and most of the kids he saw were still being circ. He suggested I let Dad make this one decision. Ultimately, that is what I did.

DS came back from surgery and I changed his diaper - and I looked at my previously perfect intact son who was now swollen and bleeding. I can't describe the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I had. When my husband came in from work, I made him change the first diaper that evening - the color completely drained from his face.

Here is where our story takes a truly negative turn. It's important to know that babies are born with swollen genitals - all babies - and mine was no exception. At 6 weeks, we began to be concerned. My DS penis didn't look "right." It didn't hang outside his body, it seemed to slip back in. We brought him to the ped and asked him and he said everything looked "OK."

A few weeks later I was watching a surgical show where the patient suffered from Hidden Penis. After the discussion, I went online and looked it up - I found a picture of a 2 year old boy and he looked exactly like my DS!

I began to do more research for our 3 mos appt and brought my concerns to the Dr. At that point I was at least reasonably well versed in what I thought we were dealing with. Because we had circ my DS, it was more likely he would suffer from adhesions (he has) and could have long lasting damage. Circ is contraindicated for the small percentage of boys with Hidden Penis. Hidden Penis is caused by a small fat pad that sits on top of the pubic bone, and that allows the shaft of the penis to shrink back into the fat pad and the skin that should be along the shaft just sags and covers up the (now exposed from circ) glans.

My ped did a very thorough exam and said that we would really need to wait till DS was about 3 to make a diagnosis, but it was possible. He also told me that he does see many boys that look like my DS that 'grow out of it' as they loose their baby fat.

Now DS is 16 mos old. He's had several adhesions and we've been told if we don't break them now, we run the risk of infection (which he's had already) and when he's a pre-teen and has his first erection the adhesions will break and bleed and swell and be sore. Gee... that's exactly what I want him to remember from his first erection - it's painful and I bleed! Honestly, I don't like either option - I hate pulling back on all the loose skin (skin that should be along the shaft of his penis) and so does DS, but I hate the idea that his first erection will be a painful experience!

I'm a member of La Leche League and I see so many of their beautiful, intact baby boys getting their diaper changed at meetings and every time I think, "Why did I let them do this to my son?" The circ certainly didn't cause the Hidden Penis, but it has caused complications.

Now we are in a waiting period. If over the next year and a half the extra fat pad over his pubic bone goes away, DS will be "normal" except for the scar from the circ. If it doesn't, then we're looking at finding a pediatric urologist and plastic surgeon to correct the Hidden Penis and we'll hope the circ didn't end up taking off too much skin to complicate the corrective surgery.

My first major decision as a mother was WWWWAAAAAAYYYYY wrong - and possibly harmed my son more than one would think. Of course since then, I've made much better decisions - exclusive breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, gentle discipline, home made baby food, nutritios food... but I dearly regret my... our decision to circ.

My husband has mixed feelings - but now that we're expecting #2 I told him hell would freeze over before this baby (if it's a boy) would be circ. It would literally have to be done over my dead body. My DH has no response. I don't know if he would still want it done, but he knows there is NO discussion on this topic.

It's taken most of the last year before I was really even able to tell our story - and some in my family still don't know it. When I know someone who is having a boy, I tell them. I don't tell them what to do - I tell them to educate themselves. Really look at both sides of the argument and see if they can find enough evidence based information FOR circumcision.

Thank you - for giving me a place to tell my story about our experience. I hope that some mom or dad-to-be will read it and, at the least, will really educate themselves BEFORE they make this truly life changing decision.


Daughter of the King, wife to a loving husband, mommy to DS 10/26/05, DD 9/16/07, and my precious gone to be with Jesus 12/09.
jmmsunshine is offline  
#270 of 729 Old 03-09-2007, 05:00 PM
 
Cassandra M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 895
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry for your trauma. I do think you should start a new post about your sons adhesions and condition. I don't think it's recommended to pull his adhesions back, but to leave them alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmmsunshine View Post
I was against circ from the beginning - I had a psych class in college and up until then I never thought about it, but we had a section of our texbook on Genital Mutilation and lo-and-behold, circ was discussed there. It changed my views forever.

When I was preg and found we were having a boy, we began to have the circ discussion - DH said Yes, I said No. His arguments were for cleanliness - my response was if this was a girl should we have her labia surgically removed because she wouldn't have folds to clean so she would be cleaner? Then he argued the kids in gym and the showers would tease him... My responses were A - do guys really check out other guys genitals when showering? and B - if we had a girl and she was 13 and hadn't really begun to develop and was getting teased for being flat chested, would we be giving her breast implants? My arguments made a dent, but didn't convince him.

When interviewing pediatricians, we discussed it. I liked him immediately - and still do. He had circ all 3 of his boys and said it wasn't a big deal and most of the kids he saw were still being circ. He suggested I let Dad make this one decision. Ultimately, that is what I did.

DS came back from surgery and I changed his diaper - and I looked at my previously perfect intact son who was now swollen and bleeding. I can't describe the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I had. When my husband came in from work, I made him change the first diaper that evening - the color completely drained from his face.

Here is where our story takes a truly negative turn. It's important to know that babies are born with swollen genitals - all babies - and mine was no exception. At 6 weeks, we began to be concerned. My DS penis didn't look "right." It didn't hang outside his body, it seemed to slip back in. We brought him to the ped and asked him and he said everything looked "OK."

A few weeks later I was watching a surgical show where the patient suffered from Hidden Penis. After the discussion, I went online and looked it up - I found a picture of a 2 year old boy and he looked exactly like my DS!

I began to do more research for our 3 mos appt and brought my concerns to the Dr. At that point I was at least reasonably well versed in what I thought we were dealing with. Because we had circ my DS, it was more likely he would suffer from adhesions (he has) and could have long lasting damage. Circ is contraindicated for the small percentage of boys with Hidden Penis. Hidden Penis is caused by a small fat pad that sits on top of the pubic bone, and that allows the shaft of the penis to shrink back into the fat pad and the skin that should be along the shaft just sags and covers up the (now exposed from circ) glans.

My ped did a very thorough exam and said that we would really need to wait till DS was about 3 to make a diagnosis, but it was possible. He also told me that he does see many boys that look like my DS that 'grow out of it' as they loose their baby fat.

Now DS is 16 mos old. He's had several adhesions and we've been told if we don't break them now, we run the risk of infection (which he's had already) and when he's a pre-teen and has his first erection the adhesions will break and bleed and swell and be sore. Gee... that's exactly what I want him to remember from his first erection - it's painful and I bleed! Honestly, I don't like either option - I hate pulling back on all the loose skin (skin that should be along the shaft of his penis) and so does DS, but I hate the idea that his first erection will be a painful experience!

I'm a member of La Leche League and I see so many of their beautiful, intact baby boys getting their diaper changed at meetings and every time I think, "Why did I let them do this to my son?" The circ certainly didn't cause the Hidden Penis, but it has caused complications.

Now we are in a waiting period. If over the next year and a half the extra fat pad over his pubic bone goes away, DS will be "normal" except for the scar from the circ. If it doesn't, then we're looking at finding a pediatric urologist and plastic surgeon to correct the Hidden Penis and we'll hope the circ didn't end up taking off too much skin to complicate the corrective surgery.

My first major decision as a mother was WWWWAAAAAAYYYYY wrong - and possibly harmed my son more than one would think. Of course since then, I've made much better decisions - exclusive breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, gentle discipline, home made baby food, nutritios food... but I dearly regret my... our decision to circ.

My husband has mixed feelings - but now that we're expecting #2 I told him hell would freeze over before this baby (if it's a boy) would be circ. It would literally have to be done over my dead body. My DH has no response. I don't know if he would still want it done, but he knows there is NO discussion on this topic.

It's taken most of the last year before I was really even able to tell our story - and some in my family still don't know it. When I know someone who is having a boy, I tell them. I don't tell them what to do - I tell them to educate themselves. Really look at both sides of the argument and see if they can find enough evidence based information FOR circumcision.

Thank you - for giving me a place to tell my story about our experience. I hope that some mom or dad-to-be will read it and, at the least, will really educate themselves BEFORE they make this truly life changing decision.

Cassandra M. is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off