Family Interference - I hear you...you wont hear me-rant - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 08-22-2009, 08:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Im absolutely not circumsizing my son, and ive been set on it since i found out i was pregnant, and even before i was...it was never something i saw the value in.

Now my family on the other hand, consisting of 3 older brothers, mom and dad is and has been strongly againest my decision and has battered me about my decision. And, of course all the males in my family are snipped.

Ive held my ground and to my best attempt tryed to share my point of view and arguments againest it, lets just say if my baby ever gets some sort of infection through his life....ill never be able to live it down.

Now my brother and his wife are planning to conceive, and my brother says im f***ed for not and his wife says shes on the fence and undecided about their own choice if they have a boy, yet...the only reasons they have are hygiene, and his wife says "well, he should look like his dad for you know, if they ever shower together or something" really? how often will that be happening? I offered he watch a video of it being done..he said he could handle it, and i said alright, lets put one on, its on youtube. his wife said "no no, it will be too tramatic...i dont want to see whats going to happen, i rather they just do it"

what!? shes a pediatric nurse btw. shes even said...well if its alot of skin i will, if its just a little i wont. my opinions and statements about it are brushed off and ignored, im considered as a extremist for my opinions.

what do i do?! i know they dont even have a baby yet, but its so scary the way they are speaking...i want so badly to change their mind, i find circumsion so sick...what other methods should i use? or should i back off until they are pregnant....its just i hear all about how could i do that to my son, but they wont even look up the facts.

Shawna young single liquid gold feedin intactlactivist co-sleepin mama to my mixed baby boy Carter Jesse (aug 26th 09)
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#2 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 12:29 AM
 
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If your brother says he would watch the vid I would definetly have him sit down to watch it at your place with volume on w/o his wife if he's the one who is willing to see it and if it doesn't phase him .

Then I would show him how it's easy to care for a intact boy once your son is here . Do diaper changes in front of them show them that the foreskin isn't some scary piece of infection disease etc . Show it's just a part of another body part that should always belong there but for some reason parents want to create a defect in their kids.

Show his wife also & the whole family how easy & how well it's to care for a kid whose intact because if they won't hear what your saying then they should 'experience' your truth of what's it like to have a intact son.

Soon enough they will see it as just another body part it took mom only around 9 months to see it as another body part !
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#3 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 12:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by MommytoB View Post
If your brother says he would watch the vid I would definetly have him sit down to watch it at your place with volume on w/o his wife if he's the one who is willing to see it and if it doesn't phase him .

Then I would show him how it's easy to care for a intact boy once your son is here . Do diaper changes in front of them show them that the foreskin isn't some scary piece of infection disease etc . Show it's just a part of another body part that should always belong there but for some reason parents want to create a defect in their kids.

Show his wife also & the whole family how easy & how well it's to care for a kid whose intact because if they won't hear what your saying then they should 'experience' your truth of what's it like to have a intact son.

Soon enough they will see it as just another body part it took mom only around 9 months to see it as another body part !

thats smart, you know i was talking about intact care today and his wife went as far to correct me to say "you mean uncircumsized" i said well...intact.. she said "intact?....all these names" *sigh* but i was discussing the smegma and retraction, things like that and her nose just turned right up. She just said how unattractive a intact penis is, how gross it is that all that skin is hanging down, i said well...only on a limp one does the skin hang. i really hope if they see it more it will be comfortable to them, and i think i will have to just get my brother to watch it away from her....i have such a hard time seeing it, i couldnt even get through one video

thank you for your suggestion, maybe it will change my moms mind too

Shawna young single liquid gold feedin intactlactivist co-sleepin mama to my mixed baby boy Carter Jesse (aug 26th 09)
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#4 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 12:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Carter'sMummy View Post
thats smart, you know i was talking about intact care today and his wife went as far to correct me to say "you mean uncircumsized" i said well...intact.. she said "intact?....all these names" *sigh* but i was discussing the smegma and retraction, things like that and her nose just turned right up. She just said how unattractive a intact penis is, how gross it is that all that skin is hanging down, i said well...only on a limp one does the skin hang. i really hope if they see it more it will be comfortable to them, and i think i will have to just get my brother to watch it away from her....i have such a hard time seeing it, i couldnt even get through one video

thank you for your suggestion, maybe it will change my moms mind too
When someone says "uncircumcised" around me, I say, "Being uncircumcised is a little like being undead. You're either alive or dead the way your are either intact or circumcised."

I don't get how someone's own sexual preference should dictate if they violate their child or not! Maybe you could ask her why she thinks it is that European men have such a great reputation. Have you asked her why she is against letting her son decide what to do with his own body? Good luck.
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#5 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 08:44 AM
 
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You're in Ontario, right? If circumcised, your nephew will be in minority; most boys I've seen in 4 years of going to playgroups, pools, parks, beaches here in Ottawa are intact (I say most boys because I don't know the status of all of them and the subject of circumcision never comes up with my mommy friends, but the ones I've seen were intact).

Maybe let your SIL know that boys in your nephew's generation are intact and the chance for her son to be considered "gross" (by people other than his own mother) are pretty slim.

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#6 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 02:16 PM
 
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Don't you just love when you have sound and reasonable thoughts and opinions and no one will hear them out because they think your ideas are "icky"? : Seriously some people need to grow up. My sister called me "sick" for not doing it. "Sick"? Really? I'M sick for not letting some doctor strap my kid down and hack at his penis?

They don't want to hear your thoughts. I'm not saying don't stop trying, just that you may be wasting your breath. Considering the hostility they've already shown, I suspect this is not going to be the last time you are put down for your choices. I eventually had to be cut people out of my life...the last straw was when I was pretty much told that they are allowed to say whatever they want about me because my choices are weird and I better not dare say anything to them. You know, because I'm in the minority, my opinions aren't valid. Hopefully they wise up. It's not ok how they are talking to you though. It's not just about your choice. They are being extremely disrespectful and THAT is the issue here.
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#7 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 02:20 PM
 
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Here is a link to a great FREE movie on circumcision. http://www.cutthefilm.com/Cut_Website/Home.html
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#8 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 03:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you mama's

funny enough, my sil has said she knows its not a common practise and that most of the population is intact. Im not sure why her sexual preference is playing a role on her decision....now thats sick.

My cousin and aunt were discussing with me a few weeks ago the practise they use now to circumsize. It involves apparently clamping the skin and cutting of the circulation, so it just falls off similar to the cord. Its supposed to be less invasive...thats so nasty. I said oh, well im not circumsizing. They looked taken back and said oh....ok, and completely dropped it.

As for my brother and his wife, im not sure i cant handle discussing it anymore. If i do get any comments back about my intact baby boy, ill respond as i did the other day to my brother when he was questioning my motives. I called him a "penis mutalator" my sil finds it comical when i called him that. Or ill offer bringing up a video to my family. I just hope they dont have a boy before they educate themselves on the subject.

Shawna young single liquid gold feedin intactlactivist co-sleepin mama to my mixed baby boy Carter Jesse (aug 26th 09)
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#9 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 05:39 PM
 
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My cousin and aunt were discussing with me a few weeks ago the practise they use now to circumsize. It involves apparently clamping the skin and cutting of the circulation, so it just falls off similar to the cord. Its supposed to be less invasive...thats so nasty.
That isnt a new thing it is the plastibell method. The foreskin is ripped from the glans and then a cut is made along the bottom line so that the ring will fit under it then a rubber band is placed around the ring where a groove is and the remaining foreskin is left to rot off :Puke: yeah that is so less traumatizing :

My youngest brothers was done with one. I know because my mom still has the ring : it is on the same safety pin as his cord clamp.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#10 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 05:44 PM
 
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Disengage. "I know where you stand. You know where I stand. I'm not talking about this with you anymore."

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#11 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 05:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Carter'sMummy
thank you mama's

funny enough, my sil has said she knows its not a common practise and that most of the population is intact. Im not sure why her sexual preference is playing a role on her decision....now thats sick.

My cousin and aunt were discussing with me a few weeks ago the practise they use now to circumsize. It involves apparently clamping the skin and cutting of the circulation, so it just falls off similar to the cord. Its supposed to be less invasive...thats so nasty. I said oh, well im not circumsizing. They looked taken back and said oh....ok, and completely dropped it.

As for my brother and his wife, im not sure i cant handle discussing it anymore. If i do get any comments back about my intact baby boy, ill respond as i did the other day to my brother when he was questioning my motives. I called him a "penis mutalator" my sil finds it comical when i called him that. Or ill offer bringing up a video to my family. I just hope they dont have a boy before they educate themselves on the subject.
I think since you're in Ontario you're in a perfect position to play the reverse locker room card....in other words, why open up their son to teasing because he's circed when the vast majority of boys his age will be intact? Why would they want to run the risk that girls will reject him for a different penis when all the other penises they see will be intact?

(Yes, I know, shallow reasons for circing, just reversed -- but in this instance the peer pressure/societal pressure might be a good thing.)

Also, they'll have to pay out of pocket, right? It's no longer covered by Medicare.

And don't forget -- Ryleigh McWillis, a Canadian boy, bled to death after a circumcision.

http://www.circumstitions.com/death-exsang.html

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#12 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 08:54 PM
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Stay Strong Mummy! Don't give up trying to educate the ignorant. Just remember that Canada overall is making good progress in killing infant circ. The current rate for the country is about 10% with provinces like Ontario and BC being higher, maybe about 20%So to circ. an infant "for conformity" or to "look like dad" is no longer valid (they were idiotic reasons to begin with !). Regarding hygiene, remember.... no retraction of infants or young children since the inner mucosal tissue of the foreskin is attached to the glans and not suppose to be rolled back or manipulated by caregivers. Forcing or rolling back the foreskin in babys and young children most likely will just cause problems including infections.
Regarding changing their minds... some people just never "get it". Don't give up though especially since they are family. However, during your pregnancy if the topic is too stressful... please let it go for awhile. You and baby don't need any unnesessary stress.
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#13 of 13 Old 08-23-2009, 10:07 PM
 
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Well if they thing smegma is gross maybe mom should be circumcised. You will be far more likely to find smegma on a woman and women get many more infections than men. Amputation is not hygiene!

Congratulations on the baby boy. Here is a link that will help you kick some of those hygiene questions in the bud. Hygiene for an intact boy = DO NOTHING!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...893&highlight=

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