Does the awkwardness ever go away? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 10-09-2009, 01:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not as avid an intactivist as some, I'm pretty low key and kind of pick and choose when to share. When I do share, I try to be pretty gentle and non-confrontational. That's just what works for me--I realize that many have a broader comfort zone and that's great, but if I get too wrapped up in controversial dialogue with people over the subject my personal and family life is very negatively affected.

However, I find that I still feel awkward and nervous whenever I talk to someone about circ. Do these feelings ever go away with time? I would like to have a time talking to someone where I didn't second guess myself a million times afterward and have an elevated blood pressure and pulse for hours afterward.
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#2 of 9 Old 10-11-2009, 01:25 AM
 
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I am the same way. Very non confrontational and low-key about any controversial issue (although I am passionately against circ).

I just got asked the other day if we would be circing our babe (it's a boy). I said NO emphatically and then a short conversation ensued. I couldn't stop thinking about "I should've said blah blah" later on.

Samantha, Student, wife to my best friend (1.30.09) Mama to three beautiful daughters and and a handsome little son
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#3 of 9 Old 10-11-2009, 03:39 AM
 
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I have to admit to feeling awkward starting conversations, but I've gotten a lot better at capitalizing on a teachable moment when the topic comes up on its own.

If the topic comes up, I think one of the most non-confrontational things you can say that can open up a good, wide-ranging, and non-defensive conversation is simply saying, "Have you considered not circumcising?" - and then following up on whatever response you get.
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#4 of 9 Old 10-11-2009, 03:53 AM
 
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I don't find it too awkward, mainly because I always fall bank on my tried and true line "oh, well, I'm from Europe so these barbaric American ways are new to me." This is how I usually end the discussion when I see that it's not going anywhere. Once I see that, I end it with that line as I find it helps ease the awkwardness and gets an additional point across: not all countries are filled with circumcised men.

I don't say it in a mean/angry tone of voice. So no one has ever gotten offended.

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#5 of 9 Old 10-11-2009, 12:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlessedMommy2006 View Post
I'm not as avid an intactivist as some, I'm pretty low key and kind of pick and choose when to share. When I do share, I try to be pretty gentle and non-confrontational. That's just what works for me--I realize that many have a broader comfort zone and that's great, but if I get too wrapped up in controversial dialogue with people over the subject my personal and family life is very negatively affected.

However, I find that I still feel awkward and nervous whenever I talk to someone about circ. Do these feelings ever go away with time? I would like to have a time talking to someone where I didn't second guess myself a million times afterward and have an elevated blood pressure and pulse for hours afterward.
I seriously could have written your post, quite literally word for word.. except I would have to add in instantly sweaty armpits and a bit of stammering (if in person) to the mix.

Unfortunately, I have no advice, but just wanted to let you know that you are FAR from alone.

I'm not only this way when it comes to discussing circumcision, but with all controversial topics, in general. Heck, it even happens when I am trying to educate or correct someone on something that I do know tons about and is NOT controversial in any way shape or form. I question myself constantly throughout the conversation, which I'm sure probably makes me seem less credible.

Do you have low self esteem? I only ask because I always have and I think that that is 90% of my problem.

Wife and mother to 2 kiddos - 17 yr old DS jammin.gifand 13 yr old DD energy.gif.. and a cat that thinks he's a dog dizzy.gif
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#6 of 9 Old 10-11-2009, 11:36 PM
 
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Say it with a smile, folks! Just smile big and say NOPE. If you need to, have another topic at hand so that you can put it out there as soon as you've answered. *Smile* NOPE! What do you think of the new children's librarian!? The Mexican burrowing toad has a pointed head, a book you've read, Nobel Prizes, etc etc etc. Just move it on, and don't get stuck in that awkward place. HTH! (PS - I thought I was going to be more confrontational about no-circ, got myself a couple of interesting no-circ bumper stickers, but I haven't put them anywhere, and really I don't enjoy the confrontation.)

Mama to B and O , wife to J and me to me! :
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#7 of 9 Old 10-14-2009, 03:29 PM
 
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I have always been able to discuss sex straightforwardly and so I think people respond well to me not blushing or stammering. The usual context in which I am doing it is pregnant customers in my store for an orientation, who ask what to do with circ ointment and the diapers. What happens is that my face gets red and hot and I feel faint - this is my extreme anger - and then I take a breath and start the education. By the end, they decide not to circ. But you know what? It took 5 years to be able to do this coherently, so to answer your question, yes, it will get easier.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 born at 31 weeks Oct. 2014
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#8 of 9 Old 10-14-2009, 05:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your kind replies. Glad to know that I'm not the only one who has difficulty! I hope that it will get easier over time.
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#9 of 9 Old 10-16-2009, 01:28 AM
 
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It's an awkward topic in that people seem to think it's not something that should be discussed.
I go the route sometimes about how sorry I feel for the babies, and how the infant deaths are under reported.
I also get that adrenaline rush you describe.
Keep trying, every little bit helps.
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