"They *used* to say it was better..." - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 01:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is something parents of intact boys are told to tell their sons if they ask why they were not circ'd but their older brother or daddy was...

But how do you explain it when your child notices that their younger cousin, half-brother (your ex's baby with his/her new partner), friend's new baby brother, etc. has been circumcised? Because, obviously, this child was born after boy #1--he might start wondering if the recommendations changed again, or why Aunt Beth and Uncle Bill haven't heard...
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#2 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 11:39 AM
 
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I honestly don't expect that it'll ever be brought up, really. If it does, it's not a big deal (in my head, anyway...) I just plan on saying that our bodies are all a little bit different: "Some mommies and daddies have their baby boys circumcized, but you weren't." I really doubt it's going to cause him any distress, but if it did, I suppose I'd ask him why he's concerned, and then we could talk about that. I honestly don't think it becomes a big deal unless someone else makes it a big deal, though.

I try to stay away from discussions about what's "better" when talking to little kids. Some little six year old boy doesn't need my kid telling him that his parents wanted to hurt him, or that their parents didn't do what was "right".
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#3 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 11:46 AM
 
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I meant to just add this to my first post. Oops.

ETA:

Quote:
Because, obviously, this child was born after boy #1--he might start wondering if the recommendations changed again, or why Aunt Beth and Uncle Bill haven't heard...
How old is the kid we're talking about? Again, I really think that these postulations are more likely to happen in a parent's brain than a little kid. I can't see a six year old kid worrying about whether the American Pediatrics Association has changed their official position on RIC. If the kid is slightly older, a discussion about relative risks would probably be my strategy - I'd probably just say that parents make their choice for a number of reasons: sometimes religious, sometimes for health reasons, and sometimes for personal ones. Each parent makes their own choice based on the information they have at that time. Then I'd tell him that for US, we thought that not circumsizing was the right choice.

Once again, though, I have to say that I doubt this is anything to really worry about. It's not like all kids used to look the same - it's just the majority group that's changed, you know?
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#4 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 11:58 AM
 
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My then four year old son recently saw his newborn (and newly circed) cousins' penis during a diaper change.

He asked me, after they left our house, what was wrong with his (the cousin) penis. I told him that some people pay a doctor to cut off part of their babys penis because they want it to look a certain way.

He asked if it hurt a baby to do that. I answered yes very badly. He asked if we did that to him and I answered that Daddy and I thought it was very wrong to do that to a baby, and no we did not do that to him or his brother. He said phew, that's good. End of conversation.

My mother told me babies come out of your bellybutton. I remember arguing with a friend of mine when I was in gradeschool (she knew the truth) and when I was proven wrong(we asked a teacher), I was so embarrassed and angry with my mother, I promised myself that I would always be truthful with my children.

You don't need to go into a ranting, graphic details or anything, but I think telling the truth to kids is a great opportunity to teach them your values as well.

Take care!

Tara Momma to Callum and Gavin
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#5 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 01:04 PM
 
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I totally agree. Don't lie, I would say, not that they "used to think it was better" but that some people "do think it is better" for little boys to be circumcised. And we think little boys are perfect the way ... they were born/God made them. My older son is aware that people have different belief systems.

Wife to DH, Mom to my Intact Boys DS1: Born 02 Pain Med Free Hospital Birth, BF'ed for 9 Months, Partially Vax'd DS2: Born 06 via UC, BF'ed 3 years 10 months, and UnVax'd
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#6 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 02:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MyBoysBlue View Post
I totally agree. Don't lie, I would say, not that they "used to think it was better" but that some people "do think it is better" for little boys to be circumcised. And we think little boys are perfect the way ... they were born/God made them. My older son is aware that people have different belief systems.


That's so true.
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#7 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 05:20 PM
 
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We've chosen to say, "They used to say it was medically necessary." Or, for very young ones, "They used to tell Mommies and Daddies that they had to do it." If that leads to other questions, then, "We don't do that in our family."
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#8 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 06:42 PM
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My son is in boarding school now and I think he's the only intact boy in his house. It hasn't even come up, but I would assume he would be told "some do, some don't". His houseparents have had other intact boys (incident free) so they know that it's okay not to be

He's only 4 but he does know some people's penises aren't "inside" and doesn't have any feelings about it except he likes his "staying warm"

Long distance Mom to boarding school superstars E (9) and Layne (6).
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#9 of 12 Old 12-08-2009, 10:09 PM
 
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My son asked me why some boys don't have foreskins. I told him some parents decide their boys should have them removed when they were babies. He asked why would they do that and I told him I don't know. It is absolutely the truth for me. I don't understand it. It bewilders me so I let him know that. That's good enough for him now. We'll talk more about it when he is older, I'm sure.
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#10 of 12 Old 12-09-2009, 08:12 AM
 
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I was circumcised. My two younger brothers were not. I do not remember it being an issue or anything. In fact the only memory I have about it was my mother explaining to me that the doctors had recomended it when I was born, but later did not. I only remember that as a something offered, most likely to me after I asked, but I do not remember for sure. Nor do I remember any particular feelings from hearing that.

Regards
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#11 of 12 Old 12-12-2009, 02:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calngavinsmom View Post
My then four year old son recently saw his newborn (and newly circed) cousins' penis during a diaper change.

He asked me, after they left our house, what was wrong with his (the cousin) penis. I told him that some people pay a doctor to cut off part of their babys penis because they want it to look a certain way.

He asked if it hurt a baby to do that. I answered yes very badly. He asked if we did that to him and I answered that Daddy and I thought it was very wrong to do that to a baby, and no we did not do that to him or his brother. He said phew, that's good. End of conversation.
Honestly, I would have done the exact same thing. I doubt it will come up as I'm the last in my family to be having children and we don't see DP's family. And I have very few friends with babies, but if it did come up, that's what I would say. There's no need to lie.

Me with my baby girl Maeleigh (Oct 08) and My (step) baby girl Whren (May 05) in Heaven with her mommy .. And introducing our little JuneBug (June 10) We heard the !!!
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#12 of 12 Old 12-12-2009, 07:34 PM
 
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Haven't read other replies, but I would say:

"You know what honey, that's a good question. I really don't know why they did that. We wouldn't know unless we asked them, and that is a pretty private subject that really isn't our business. Private parts are just that, private"

I'm completely anti circ, but unlike some people, I am not outwardly vocal about it unless i am directly asked. It's my personal approach to not push my views on people, because IME, that only makes people more resistant to a new idea. I would never confront a parent about having their son circed unless I was asked or it was a very close friend who knew I meant well, especially after the fact. The state of someone else's genitals is NOT my business unless they make it such. I realize circ is a horrible thing, but you can't change people overnight. How does the saying go? "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar?"

That being said, I can't imagine this even coming up. But if it did. . .

Samantha, Student, wife to my best friend (1.30.09) Mama to three beautiful daughters and and a handsome little son
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