What led you to the decision not to circ. - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 115 Old 05-14-2010, 03:36 PM
 
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I didn't make a decision not to circ. Inaction doesn't require a decision all the time. You make a decision TO circ. In my mind there is a big difference.

It was never a question or a decision to be made in my household. Just as so many other "big decisions" such as bf weren't ever decisions but just were.

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#92 of 115 Old 05-15-2010, 11:57 AM
 
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That's interesting that the culture surrounding RIC in so different out West. And people talk about the Maritimes as being backward No one in my family is circ'd either. In fact the only circ'd man I've ever seen or heard of is my DH (he was born in the States).
This is sad, but true. My doctor tells me that there are a lot fewer circumcisions being performed now than five years ago, but they do still happen - I know of two.

On another note, I have twice written to The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Alberta asking what their official policy is regarding infant circumcision. They huffily replied that they expect their members "to use good judgement".
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#93 of 115 Old 05-15-2010, 12:08 PM
 
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I haven´t read the whole thread, but will reply to the OP´s question...

We live in Peru where it is not as common to circ. - although many still do. DH is not circumsized and the pediatrician we chose, who is pretty straight-laced about most things and who studied and practiced in the States for years - is very anti-circumsicion. Also, one of my closest friends is a licensed naturopath - we were both raised in a reform Jewish households - and I asked her about the subject when I was pregnant. She had already done the research (religious and medical) when she had been pregnant with DD1 (which they didn´t know was going to be a DD) and informed me of what she found. That was enough for me - for me the religious reasons were bogus and outdated (I am not even religious, so why would it matter) - and we had encouragement from the Pedi. that there is almost NEVER any valid medical reason to circumsize. It was pretty simple and that was enough for us. I have also always been wary of altering the natural body permanently and coupled with the fact that DH is intact, we were both very comfortable and happy with our decision not to do it.

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#94 of 115 Old 05-16-2010, 02:53 PM
 
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I have 2 boys and they are both circed. I did not realize at the time that it was so controversial or had such a lasting impact on them. I just thought it was the "normal" thing to do. I guess my thinking on that subject had never been challenged before. I thought I would just ask my DH because he would know more about it than me. Since he is circed that's what we did. Thinking back on it now I wish we had dug into the subject more thoroughly . I guess we just didn't know what we didn't know.

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#95 of 115 Old 05-20-2010, 08:28 PM
 
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I watched some videos. I presumed the first one was an exaggeration or a propaganda thing. I watched a few more. Then I learned that it makes sex more pleasurable for a male to have the foreskin. Then I learned that it was not unsanitary and not likely to be a contributor to STDs.

Then I gave a lot of thought to why I thought I would circ and whether I was really going to do what I saw in the videos to my son to protect him from potential locker room banter. And I thought about the source of strength and pride in a young boy and decided I could try to equip him with tools to accept and be proud of himself in the event he does turn out to be the kid who gets teased, and gets teased about being intact.

I thought about what I wanted to teach him. I want him to learn to be his own person, to be able to be proud of himself. How can I teach him to be his own man if I surrender his body to accommodate useless cultural norms that hinder his sexual pleasure?

Finally, I decided that for me to be proud of myself as a mother, I had to let go of my inclination to cling to the mainstream, and make the best decision for him. No health reason to do it; less pleasurable sex; pain to a newborn baby v. what?
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#96 of 115 Old 05-23-2010, 09:45 AM
 
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she then stated she was pro circ
you know, it´s funny...I never thought of anyone as being, particualrly "pro-circ" - as if that were something to fight for - to try to convince everyone to circumsize their boys...I mean, if you do it, I don´t agree but ultimately it´s not my decision to make for you...it seems silly and odd to me that someone to take a position to try to convince me to circumsize...I know the woman was defending her decision more than trying to make others do it (I guess), but someone labeling his/herself as "pro-circ" just seems odd to me...

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#97 of 115 Old 05-23-2010, 10:07 AM
 
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When I was pregnant with my first I assumed I would circ if she had been a boy, just because that's what everyone does (and I live in an area that still has a circ rate of like 80%). Then I started actually learning about it. Watching circ videos clinched it for me. No way would I ever do that to my baby. This is our first boy and I'm glad it's not a conversation dh and I even need to have now, he'll absolutely be intact
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#98 of 115 Old 05-23-2010, 11:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sarahdavida View Post
you know, it´s funny...I never thought of anyone as being, particualrly "pro-circ" - as if that were something to fight for - to try to convince everyone to circumsize their boys...I mean, if you do it, I don´t agree but ultimately it´s not my decision to make for you...it seems silly and odd to me that someone to take a position to try to convince me to circumsize...I know the woman was defending her decision more than trying to make others do it (I guess), but someone labeling his/herself as "pro-circ" just seems odd to me...
The main reason the need to educate about the harm of circumcision exists is because of the well funded and active work of a handful of people who are PRO circumcision. Edgar Schoen, and Brian Morris come to mind.

Two years ago at the Genital Integrity Awareness Week demonstration in Washington DC, John Geisheker from Doctors Opposing Circumcision, made the statement that if you put all the pro circumcision people in one place - they would fit into a minivan. He was referring to those in places of influence and not the misled general public. The point being that the pro circ movement is well funded (Bill and Melinda Gates funding of circ in Africa for example) but conducted by a few very PRO circ people.

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#99 of 115 Old 05-23-2010, 11:17 AM
 
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I agree with PF - I think a lot of the people in the general public that come off as pro circ are just defending their decision or status.

In my circles (I live in a very high circ area) people that have cut their sons are very defensive of the decision...especially in light of the truth. Their defensiveness makes them come off as pro circ.

People need to believe that they made the best choice for their child. They need to keep on believing it.

Many men who defend circ are cut - they come off as pro as well, they need to know that what was done to them was better then being left intact. Their defensiveness makes them appear pro.

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#100 of 115 Old 05-23-2010, 11:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sarahdavida View Post
you know, it´s funny...I never thought of anyone as being, particualrly "pro-circ" - as if that were something to fight for - to try to convince everyone to circumsize their boys...I mean, if you do it, I don´t agree but ultimately it´s not my decision to make for you...it seems silly and odd to me that someone to take a position to try to convince me to circumsize...I know the woman was defending her decision more than trying to make others do it (I guess), but someone labeling his/herself as "pro-circ" just seems odd to me...
Oh, some people are definitely pro-circumcision, and label themselves as such. I agree that most people are just defending themselves, but pro-circers do exist.
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#101 of 115 Old 05-23-2010, 11:48 PM
 
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This board taught me everything about not circing. I am researcher though and often question the masses; sometimes they are right but I like to do the leg work first. The leg work for circumcision led me here.

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
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#102 of 115 Old 05-24-2010, 09:59 AM
 
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Oh, some people are definitely pro-circumcision, and label themselves as such. I agree that most people are just defending themselves, but pro-circers do exist.
I actually was pro-circ for a while in high school. I was friends with a pro-circ guy who used to talk about all the (health/hygiene/social/sexual) problems intact guys had growing up just because their mother's were "too squeamish" to do the right thing and cut them at birth so they wouldn't have to grow up like that. And I believed him and his reasons. I also agreed that it looked better circ'd. I told him I wouldn't be one of those mothers who was too squeamish to do the right thing.

As it turned out, it was a moot point, but I can honestly say that squeamishness had nothing to do with my leaving DS intact. And I *know* I did the right thing.

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#103 of 115 Old 05-25-2010, 04:44 AM
 
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From the time I learned what circumcision was, I have been against it. I just didn't understand why one would remove a natural part of the body. It didn't make sense.

It wasn't until I decided to have children that I really looked into the issue and became informed on the the anatomy of the foreskin and the procedure of circumcision. But before I had the facts, I had an instinctual sense that it was wrong.
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#104 of 115 Old 10-11-2013, 06:30 PM
 
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Babina's Mommy, I am also someone completly comfortable with going against the tide when I know that I am right.
The feelling I get knowing that I've saved my son from this harm is one of deep compassion and peace. I truly believe it's a humanitarian act and that this act of protection for my son radiates out into the universe. I hope he's a gentler more peaceful soul for not having to experience this pain and have it a part of himself to carry for life. Much as violence begets violence - the child spanked grows up to be a spanker with their own children - I hope that gentleness begets gentleness.
The point I am making is that I see it as a much bigger isue than just my own specific son. How we treat the young and the elderly speaks volumns about our society. I think we have a long way to go but I am eased to know that I have contributed kindly to the shaping of a new person.


I love your post. I couldn't have stated it better myself.

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#105 of 115 Old 10-11-2013, 06:50 PM
 
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I changed my brother as a newborn and thought what they'd done was pretty horrific. I never really noticed my would be husband was intact at first but once he mentioned it, well it wasn't a big deal. His mom was paying for his birth and everything out of pocket and saw no need for opting for that procedure. So I started out thinking at best it's a neutral thing, at worse it's harming them to do it. I'm of the opinion of if choice of do something and do nothing are equal then do nothing.

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#106 of 115 Old 10-11-2013, 09:20 PM
 
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I came to the conclusion when I was probably around 16ish. I remember walking down the street, lost in thoughts. And I got to thinking about it. I didn't know much. Probably about all I knew was: its pretty common, it allegedly reduced risks of infections, but it was controversial and some people didn't believe that, or didn't think that was good justification, its a Jewish commandment, and not a commandment for my religion. I also had two nephews, one intact one not. So, with just that information, I got to thinking. Everyone is born with a foreskin. So, its normal. And probably there for a reason. So were we improving god's/nature's design by altering the normal state of the body, or were we messing it up? And I came to the conclusion that it makes the most sense to leave it alone. Anyway.. seemed like pretty common sense logic. Then of course, the more I learned the more firm I was in my position!


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#107 of 115 Old 10-12-2013, 06:46 AM
 
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I never thought of it until I was pregnant with my first. Then, she turned out to be a girl.

 

Second time around, the subject came up again and poof! A boy!! DH and I had talks about it. Our #1 reason for not circ'ing our son was because it is mutilation. Males are born with foreskin for a reason. Nature knows what it's doing. Not gonna mess with nature.


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#108 of 115 Old 10-24-2013, 12:52 AM
 
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I would have had to have spoken to a senior doctor to request circ for my son - unless for religious reasons its really seen as very odd over here. I saw a circ man once and didn't know what wasnt right about his penis for ages. Just completely diff I guess
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#109 of 115 Old 10-30-2013, 04:53 PM
 
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In early 2004 I was pregnant with my first and was online reading about natural birth and breastfeeding.  That led me here but I didn't join as a member until some time afterward.  It was so early in my pregnancy that we didn't even know the sex of the baby.  (I had a natural birth in the hospital the first time.)  Matt looked up from his computer, across from where I was sitting at my computer and asked my opinion on getting the baby circumcised if it was a boy.  I replied, "I've heard the word a few times but I have no idea what it is."  He told me that it's when a boy has part of his penis cut off.  I scoffed and said, "Well yeah, if it's horribly diseased or he's going to die or something."  He told me that, nope they just do it.  I didn't believe him at first.  How could I be an adult woman and have no idea that all around me almost every man I had ever met had part of his penis chopped off as a baby?  It completely blew my mind.  I was against it immediately.  Matt was happy I felt that way.  He has actually been against circumcision longer than he's known me.  I know often it's the mom who introduces the dad to the information.  In our case it was the other way around.


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#110 of 115 Old 11-07-2013, 10:39 AM
 
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I just pulled up a picture on the internet!  

 

Many things over time but the initial spark was that one night early in our marriage, the subject came up and my (circ'd) husband stated, rather emphatically, that he would never, ever do that to a child and that he had always been upset that he was cut ever since he realized that this was done to him.  I retorted with some typical culturally conditioned response (like "ew, gross" or something ignorant lol!).  

 

DH wandered off but I immediately went to the computer and Googled to find pictures of intact penises!  I figured if this was something my husband felt strongly about, then at the very least I needed to see what one looked like lol!  I thought, well, it is a bit different but not really bad different or good different.  Just different than what I was used to.  And really that was the beginning of my journey.  Of course now I realize it doesn't matter what my personal views are on the appearance because it is not my body to decide.  However, if this is what helps get some mothers over the initial fear or whatever, so be it.  I think more women should see what they look like up close and that it really isn't that big of a deal. 

 

Full disclosure: I am embarrassed to say that on reflection, I realized that I had indeed had sex with an intact man in college.  I just didn't know it because they look very similar when aroused.  More proof that it's all in our heads! 

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#111 of 115 Old 12-18-2013, 09:24 PM
 
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When I read the web site "Top 10 Ways Circumcision Harms Women", that was when I decided I would never circumcise.


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#112 of 115 Old 12-28-2013, 11:05 AM
 
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In the 90s or maybe as late as 2001, I saw a display by a student group against circumcision.  I didn't really have any opinion of it at the time or even much interest.  I was just curious. I looked at their material and thought it all sounded like common sense.  I had fortgotten about that exposure by the time I got pregnant. I think, however, it took root in my psyche. 

 

By the time I got pregnant, I was naive. I read through an informational binder of prenatal care and birth choices provided by my midwives. There was a page on circumcision which started with a noncommittal paragraph about how it is not medically necessary but some parents have it done and it's no big deal.  I just thought, "people still do that?" and "why, if it's not necessary, would anyone cut off a bodypart from their baby?"

 

The naive part was that I assumed circumcision was rare, especially among educated parents.  Then my friends and peers all started having babies and circumcising their sons! I was dumbfounded. Most of them had advanced degrees and yet they were consenting to pointless surgery.  That's when I got outraged and found out more about it. It was more than pointless, it was harmful too.

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#113 of 115 Old 02-14-2014, 06:54 PM
 
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I wasn't sure how I felt about it for a long time. We thought we were having a girl so I was glad I wouldn't have to decide.
I happen to think piercing a baby's ears is mutilation, so it's surprising it took me so long to decide against circumcision. I thought there would be all this cleaning involved with an intact penis, but then I read something online about how you don't need to clean under the foreskin, the first person who should retract it would be my son, and it all clicked.
I also looked up botched circumcisions. There's all sorts of things that can go wrong even when everything looks okay, like little adhesions. My fiance is fine now, but he almost lost his penis as a baby because his mom forgot to change his circumcision dressing.
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#114 of 115 Old 02-15-2014, 04:17 PM
 
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I can't pinpoint an exact moment, but my second sexual partner wasn't circumcised and I was kind of like, hmm, this is sort of cool to play with, why do people cut it off? So I think after that, I didn't really see the point. I don't recall spending a ton of time on the decision, but it seemed fairly self-evident that there wasn't a really good reason to do surgery on a tiny baby. Any further reading I did only solidified my feelings on the matter. Some time before DH and I had kids I laid down the law that any future sons wouldn't be circumcised. He is circed and doesn't seem bothered about it, but he didn't have a problem with going along with my position on the matter. 

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#115 of 115 Old 02-15-2014, 04:38 PM
 
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We just figured that it is his decision.... Why do a painful procedure if it is not needed.  He can always do it later if he wants.  


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