Where is circumcision in your hierarchy of parenting decisions? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 79 Old 07-28-2010, 01:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 2boyzmama View Post
What I mean is...when I look back on all the decisions I've made as a parent, I used to think that breastfeeding was on top of my list of "I'm *SO* glad I chose that" or "if I had to pass on one piece of advice to a new mom, it would be breastfeeding." But I've come to realize that I think not-circing tops my list in decisions I'm glad I made.
This is an interesting way to frame the question. Of all the things I have done in regard to my babies, if I had to pick ONE thing to pass on to a new mom or proselytize for, it would be circumcision. Far, far above breastfeeding, for example. Pretty close behind circumcision would be childbirth choices.

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#62 of 79 Old 07-28-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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it is a hill upon which i'd die; no question about it.
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#63 of 79 Old 07-28-2010, 02:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ShadowMoon View Post
IMO, circumcision isn't a parenting decision, (or at least shouldn't be). It's a personal decision the child should make when he's old enough to do so. This is a non-negotiable issue for me.
That's how I feel as well. Also, for me, it's not something I can compromise on. It's not like I'm going to get all exhausted scrubbing out his foreskin 70 bazillion times a day that I throw up my hands and say, "to hell with it, let's cut it off already!". But that's what can easily happen with cloth diapers, breastfeeding, making baby food, ect. I planned to make baby food...never did. I didn't even plan on using cloth, but then I did, and now with kid #2, I'm back to using disposables part-time. I breastfed #1, pumped for #2 (tube fed, so no way I could have nursed) and I quit much sooner than I would have liked because I threw up my hands and said "to hell with it!" To be perfectly honest, I even went back on my "no spanking" rule for a while (thankfully found out it didn't work and stopped). I know lots of people that plan to CIO and don't or don't plan to CIO and then do. Or plan to homeschool and don't and vice versa. But foreskins don't affect the day to day life of any of the family. They don't get in the way. They aren't troublesome. They don't exhaust you. They're just....there.

I change what I do as needed. But there's no need for cutting off a foreskin (routinely anyway), so it's not something I'm just going to change on.

As for hierarchy? #1 I suppose, but like another person said, sort of a non-issue. I don't think about it anymore than I think "I won't compromise on beating my kids". But not everyone sees it like that, so when I started seeing someone after I left ex, one of the first things I let him know once we were serious was that if we have kids, they will be circ'ed over my dead body. He was a little offended at first, because he thought he should have a say. Once I explained that it's not about what I want or what he wants, but what the kid wants, he agreed with me 100%. We've found out that we disagree on MANY parenting things. None of it deal-breakers though. I'm very disappointed that he's totally anti-homeschooling, but that is something I would compromise on. He's a little weirded out by the extended nursing, cloth diapering, veg*nism, no-vaxxing, ect but that's stuff HE'S willing to compromise on. I'm flexible, just not with circ. Or beating my kids.
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#64 of 79 Old 07-28-2010, 04:33 PM
 
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1. Circumcision
2. CIO
3. GD

(I don't mess with the psyche!)

4. Breastfeeding
5. Chemicals and medications (labor, vax, food, etc)

6. Anything else on the Attachment Parenting list (co-sleeping or close sleeping, baby-wearing, etc) is a bonus.

7. Anything on the Natural Parenting list (CD'ing, organics, etc) is nice if you can swing it but not everyone can for one reason or another.

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#65 of 79 Old 07-28-2010, 06:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MoonJelly View Post
1. Circumcision
2. CIO
3. GD

(I don't mess with the psyche!)

4. Breastfeeding
5. Chemicals and medications (labor, vax, food, etc)

6. Anything else on the Attachment Parenting list (co-sleeping or close sleeping, baby-wearing, etc) is a bonus.

7. Anything on the Natural Parenting list (CD'ing, organics, etc) is nice if you can swing it but not everyone can for one reason or another.
You know...I don't know if I'd come down exactly the same way you have, but...I'm pretty close, and I love the way you put this. (I think I might switch around 5 and 6...maybe - some overlap...I'm not sure.)

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#66 of 79 Old 07-28-2010, 10:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Fyrestorm View Post
What other parts of our children can we remove and still call it a parenting choice?
You are a thousand persent right! Another one I like is where parenting choice stops and abuse begins.
But at the same time in this crazy hypothetical situation where i *had to* choose between the two, I'd rather have my some hating me for violating his human rights than injecting with something I now strongly believe can cause very serious life lasting consequenses (cancer being one of them). And yes, restored foreskin is definitely not the same, but then, I believe it goes the same about health damaged by vaccines...it never is the same once it gets seriously damaged...
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#67 of 79 Old 07-29-2010, 10:14 AM
 
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You know...I don't know if I'd come down exactly the same way you have, but...I'm pretty close, and I love the way you put this. (I think I might switch around 5 and 6...maybe - some overlap...I'm not sure.)
Thanks!

I actually agree 5 and 6 could be re-arranged too. And I guess it could be argued that 5 is really part of 7. In any case, I am not against all medications in all situtations and I know I can't/won't avoid all chemicals and I am okay with that.


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#68 of 79 Old 07-29-2010, 06:19 PM
 
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The only completely non-negotiables for me are circumcision, CIO, and spanking. Others are way up there, but I can't say, as a non-parent, that I absolutely will or will not do anything else.

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#69 of 79 Old 08-03-2010, 01:25 PM
 
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Not circumcising is at the top, but tied with breastfeeding. Gentle sleep training and babywearing would be next. Other things, like cosleeping, cloth diapering and vaccination are not ranked as high for me.

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#70 of 79 Old 08-05-2010, 11:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Quirky View Post
In a way I see it as a non-issue and a non-parenting issue. It's not my body, it's not my decision to cut parts of it off, so
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Originally Posted by Fyrestorm View Post
What other parts of our children can we remove and still call it a parenting choice?
I completely agree as usual with both of you. There is no decision to make.

For those who have said they would choose anything else over circumcision if it came right down to it... Would you also circumcise your daughter? Or cut off any other functioning part of your child's body (either sex)?

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#71 of 79 Old 08-06-2010, 04:36 AM
 
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I think everyone has issues that are important to them for personal reasons.


I don't have a hiearchy. I have "negotiables" and "non negotiables"

yeah, I do put breastfeeding at the same level as cicumcision but not because I would permit my daughter to be circed but that I have asthma, bad allegies and an autoimmune disease. Breastfeeding isn't only best for my kids but it would be detrimental for them not to have been nursed.

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#72 of 79 Old 08-06-2010, 11:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
I don't have a hiearchy. I have "negotiables" and "non negotiables"

yeah, I do put breastfeeding at the same level as cicumcision but not because I would permit my daughter to be circed but that I have asthma, bad allegies and an autoimmune disease. Breastfeeding isn't only best for my kids but it would be detrimental for them not to have been nursed.
The top part is true for me too I think.

As for the second part I actually 100% agree with that as well in practice. I was never going to try breastfeeding, I was breastfeeding. I considered it (still do) absolutely necessary for my children to have breastmilk if at all possible (thinking one of the rare diseases on the part of the baby where it is not compatible to have EBF).

That being said while I would and do put it at the same level as circumcision in that, for me, there isn't a choice to be made, there is only a default position that I will defend for my children's well being... still if it came down to it (and I know it never would) where it was a choice between breastfeeding my child or circumcising them (either sex), I view breastfeeding as *more* of a choice. There is no choice at all with circumcision (either sex) unless we are talking about my own body, any more than there would be if I said is it a choice to cut off the top portion of my child's healthy finger. With breastfeeding there is technically a choice. A child needs to be fed... how are you going to do that?

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#73 of 79 Old 08-10-2010, 03:10 AM
 
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Keeping a baby in one piece is the number one priority. No other decision involves permanently removing part of the body and doesn't come close.
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#74 of 79 Old 08-14-2010, 04:54 PM
 
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leaving my son intact was a no-brainer honestly. i don't know if i could even call it a 'decision'.

Jessicaintactlact.gif, wife to Derricklurk.gif, missing Joslyn angel3.gif, 22 weeks 06.18.08, rainbow1284.gifBaby Kai Ambrose 05.10.10 and Isla Blythe born on Thanksgiving '12 uc.jpg

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#75 of 79 Old 08-14-2010, 08:04 PM
 
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I think it's great that none of us here consider it a 'decision' in the strictest sense of the word- however, especially for people who have hospital births, at some point a health care provider is going to ask if they want it done to their baby and they are going to have to say 'yes' or 'no'. So, in that sense, while it is sad that the issue even comes up, the question will be asked and the answer will have to be given at that time.

It shouldn't be a decision, but it is, and it's one that we can use as an example to help others in their decision-making process, at least until whether or not to circ is finally, someday, no longer a question that is routinely asked of parents.
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#76 of 79 Old 08-15-2010, 11:22 AM
 
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I think it's great that none of us here consider it a 'decision' in the strictest sense of the word- however, especially for people who have hospital births, at some point a health care provider is going to ask if they want it done to their baby and they are going to have to say 'yes' or 'no'. So, in that sense, while it is sad that the issue even comes up, the question will be asked and the answer will have to be given at that time.

It shouldn't be a decision, but it is, and it's one that we can use as an example to help others in their decision-making process, at least until whether or not to circ is finally, someday, no longer a question that is routinely asked of parents.
You are so right - It is ridiculous that this question is even asked. One might tranlate it to "Would you like your baby's penis mutilated before he goes home?" BUT, I guess when ca$h is at stake ??!!
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#77 of 79 Old 08-15-2010, 12:00 PM
 
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it was #1. its simply not my choice to make.
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#78 of 79 Old 08-20-2010, 07:57 AM
 
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It's probably #1 for me, but I'm not a parent yet, so it may change.

I just wouldn't like a partner who wanted to circ (and I would in no way let them do it!) and prefer to associate with people who don't do it either. I'm very judgmental when it comes to circ.
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#79 of 79 Old 08-20-2010, 08:01 AM
 
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I don't really see many of those things are "choices".

With DD1, due to thyroid issues, i lost my supply. i HAD to formula feed her. There was no milkbank, no nursing friend able to help out, no choice. I had to.

I have had 2 natural births, but i wouldn't consider it "easier" to have a c-section, and i would have a c-section if i medically needed one, so again, not a hill i get to pick to die on or not.

With daipering i kind of think that IS a choice, and you might trade off home-made foods (which take more time) for jar foods, because you gain TIME. What do you "gain" with circumcision?
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