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#1 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, I'm pregnant again and we dont' know the sex yet so this whole post could end up moot...

We had DS circ'd. I had been a member of MDC, rolled my eyes at the TCAC forum, and went on with it...when he came back hiccuping from the crying I felt bad. When the dressing came off and I SAW the raw wound I broke down and sobbed. He has 2 skin bridges (one in the exact same place as DH oddly enough) and I've never mentioned it to a medical person because I don't want them to go "Oh, well, we'll just cut that" or something.

I'm on the fence right now. I could use LOVING comments...I don't want to be a UAV, but I know I need to be specific because this is a passionate subject. I would especially like to hear from moms that were on the fence and how your thought process went in making your decision.

I'm terrified of coming across a problem. One of DH's cousins (I just found out tonight) isn't circ'd. Apparently he had chronic UTIs as a child and the ped said it was because he wasn't circ'd. One of DH's coworkers dated a guy in college that wasn't circ'd and she said that he had CONSTANT infections and that's why she had all of her boys done.

My mindset is currently: IF it needs to be done later it can be...and usually WITH anesthetic. I can't undo it after it's already done.


Help?

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#2 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 09:57 PM
 
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I am going through this same emotional heartbreak, though I have not had a child yet. Our babe is a boy and I have been going back and forth through the positives and negatives of both. I absolutely hate to bring my child ANY pain, especially if it is unnecessary... but even in this anti-circ board most of the posts are desperate mothers worried about forced retraction, uti's, nameless boils and cysts, bleeding and infections. All uncirc'd boys, and I can't help but question myself on the morality of the possibility of putting my child through years of pain until he is old enough to tell me that he would like a circumsision... Not saying that every uncirc'd kid has problems. But the number of stories is overwhelming for this first time mom.

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." ~A.U.
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#3 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:04 PM
 
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I think I know how you feel. One reason (among many) that I believe I'm done having children is I don't want to face the circ decision again.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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#4 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Baby~Braatens~Mama View Post
I am going through this same emotional heartbreak, though I have not had a child yet. Our babe is a boy and I have been going back and forth through the positives and negatives of both. I absolutely hate to bring my child ANY pain, especially if it is unnecessary... but even in this anti-circ board most of the posts are desperate mothers worried about forced retraction, uti's, nameless boils and cysts, bleeding and infections. All uncirc'd boys, and I can't help but question myself on the morality of the possibility of putting my child through years of pain until he is old enough to tell me that he would like a circumsision... Not saying that every uncirc'd kid has problems. But the number of stories is overwhelming for this first time mom.
Keep in mind that this is one of the best places to go to ask questions about intact boys. It shouldn't be interpreted that such events are common.
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#5 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:11 PM
 
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You are a wise partner & mom to approach this matter again, thoughtfully and without derision, to gain a clear idea of what is best for your family.

It hasn't been that long that parents - and even the medical profession - have been aware that the longstanding advice to "retract & clean, retract & clean" was wrong. It undoubtedly contributed to many, if not most, of the problems that intact American guys had in the past. It's a surefire way to tear the normal adhesions of the developing penis, mess up the natural flora of the glans tip and urethra, and inadvertently introduce pathogens. We once knew this intuitively as a nation, but lost the knowledge as circumcision replaced intactness. For this reason, I never believe using intact American's experiences is good guidance, particularly regarding guys born a generation & two ago when circumcision was highest and intact knowledge was lowest.

Half of my relatives live in Europe, and I have never, ever once heard any stories about any foreskin problems among my cousins & nephews. Because Europe never lost the hand-me-down knowledge of just leaving alone, they let nature take its course and all is generally fine.

You don't have to buy into the beliefs of many here that circumcision can have deep-seated and lasting physical and psychological side effects. That is still a controversial issue. It is every bit as legitimate to base your decision solely on which approach has the fewest complications, for example.

I hope many parents weigh in with useful, sensitive comments about their own experiences. You sound like you have already overcome the "look like the rest of the guys in the family" hurdle and only want what is best for each member of your family, now and in the future. Read lots, and best of luck!
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#6 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:17 PM
 
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The problem thing is odd to me, b/c my DH and 3 DS's are intact, as are my brothers, and I've never heard of any issues due to not circ'ing. I know that probably doesn't help ease your fears, but I honestly can't think of any male who has had issues (not that we talk about penises all the time, or anything).

What I have heard about, IRL and online, is problems with botched circs. When I worked on mother & baby I'll never forget the fear two young parents had when they changed their son's diaper and he was bleeding really bad - the nurses rushed him out, saying it was really dangerous. I don't know what happened to him (I was just there taking newborn photos), but I'm sure it happens to other newborn boys.

Anyhow, good luck researching and soul searching.

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#7 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:19 PM
 
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There are positive and negative anecdotes on both sides of the issue, and none of them will matter if it's your son that's having problems. For us, one factor of many that heavily influenced our decision was, as the OP said, it can always be done but can't be undone. I would certainly rather deal with issues if they pop up (which, incidentally, none have) than have my son go through the pain, loss of sensitivity, etc... for a problem that might never occur. Best of luck in your decisions--I'm sure having one son already circ'd doesn't make it any easier.

K + J = DS Evan 1/26/09 and happily welcoming DS Colin, our 9lb 5oz vbac.gif New Year's Day baby, 1/1/11!
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#8 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:27 PM
 
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Keep in mind that most of the posts here that pertain to "problems" are here simply because the poster does not know where else to ask. A vast majority of the problems have been caused by doctors who are totaly ignorant of normal, intact male genitalia. I too have intact relatatives in Europe, and one never hears of issues there becuse there aren't any.

If our doctors here would just leave little boys foreskins alone, and advise parents to do the same, there would be no problems. A foreskin does not have to retract, or be scrubbed clean or be subjected to any othe manipulation. Remember - nature does not make mistakes - the design is perfect !!
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#9 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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Keep in mind that this is one of the best places to go to ask questions about intact boys. It shouldn't be interpreted that such events are common.
Exactly...these threads are posted because this is the best place to ask for advice and help. As one of the members said the other day, no one posts daily that everything is fine, although I'm sure the majority of us could do that. And other places online, I read just as many posts about circ complications: bleeding issues, adhesions ("just keep ripping it and letting it heal again"), botched circs, bad scars.

My brother, father, uncles, grandfather...all the men on my dad's side of the family are/were intact and I never heard of anyone requiring a circ in their adult years or of any problems. Considering the vast majority of the world's men are intact, if foreskins were that inconvenient, dangerous, and all, then I'm sure you'd see huge rates of adult men getting circed, but that is not the case.

To the OP: kudos to you for posting and giving it some serious thought. I was never on the fence, but my mindset was similar to yours in that it cannot be undone. My view was that it's my son's body, so not my choice to make. If he decides he wants a circ when he's an adult, that's his business, but I'm not making that choice for him. I hope you'll stick around and keep reading and posting...it's a wonderful community with a lot of information.

Mother to DD#1  s/b @40w 2003 for unknown reasons; DD#2   9.5 years old; DS  6 years old 
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#10 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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I'm from Europe and I only know one case of true phimoses (sorry, spelling). Of course nobody in my family, circle of friends or anyone I know is circumcised but my cousin due to a phimoses. Everyone in my family felt very sad for him to have a circ done, but it's not a tight circ and he was 6 years old and in pain, but not badly and the docs recommended it. I doubt they would ever recommend it light-heartedly.
My MD sister said they don't do newborn circs, at least at her hospital. It is only done with older kids under full anesthesia. I know my mom had several Muslim boys in her class and they all had it done at age 9 as a rite of passage, with a huge party, but it was a surgery with full anesthesia at the hospital. A lot of them felt sick for a while or got infections, it must be a hard adjustment.

That being said, you can always do it later if you want to, but you cannot take it back.
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#11 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:33 PM
 
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Like a PP said, this is an extremely knowledgeable place, one of the best on the internet, so many moms flock here if they have questions. For every mom that asks a question about a potential issue, there are dozens who never encounter an issue.

I have three intact sons, the only issue I've ever had was one nurse that retracted my middle son during a VCUG (which is a test for urinary reflux after he had a UTI at 9 weeks old. Turned out his UTI had absolutely nothing to do with his foreskin status)

Like you are experiencing now, a circumcised penis is not without its share of troubles, go to any mainstream board and you will find many mamas talking about their sons having to be re-circ'd, or adhesions being corrected, or buried penises. Those moms talk about those issues like they are just normal, when in fact they are directly a result of the circumcision, and would not happen if the circ had never been done.

I usually tell moms to try to take the emotion out of the decision and focus on just facts, but in your case I'd encourage you to remember the way you felt when your son was brought back to you. That was pure mama bear right there, and in my experience, mama bear has never been wrong. Mama bear doesn't get riled up over a heel prick for newborn screening, mama bear doesn't get riled up over a needle stick for an IV even. I held my child down while they put 10 stitches into his eyeLID (not eyebrow), I hooked up an IV pump to my special needs child's PICC line every day for 4 weeks. In those cases, my heart hurt for my little guy, he was in pain and I didn't like it. But mama bear did not come out. I think there's something to be said about that guttural reaction you experienced. And I'm so sorry that you did experience it

Read, read, read. Research everything from the purported benefits to the risks. Research foreskin function. Research the history of the procedure. Research care of the intact penis. Research what other cultures do. Talk to your Ped, your OB, cold-call some other Peds. Ask questions like "what do you recommend and why? What reasons do you think warrant the procedure? What if any issues have you see with uncirc'd and circ'd?" Then go look them all up on your own. For every issue with the intact penis, seek out other ways to manage it. Let's say you believe that there might be an increase in UTIs...how else could they be prevented or treated? Let's say the STD research is concerning to you...how else could they be prevented or treated? Are those other methods preferable to circ?

GOod luck in this journey mama, and good luck with the pregnancy!

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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#12 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Keep in mind that this is one of the best places to go to ask questions about intact boys. It shouldn't be interpreted that such events are common.
I thought about this in the shower...if I hadn't had a mom that breastfed me until 14mo the BFing forum would have scared me off because it's full of moms asking for advice about infection and pain and cracks and AAAHHHH... Like someone said in another thread: No one comes in and posts "My son's penis is GREAT today." No one comes into the BFing forum and does weekly updates about how well it's going.

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The problem thing is odd to me, b/c my DH and 3 DS's are intact, as are my brothers, and I've never heard of any issues due to not circ'ing. I know that probably doesn't help ease your fears, but I honestly can't think of any male who has had issues (not that we talk about penises all the time, or anything).
Everyone I know is circ'd (well, everyone that I know anything about them personally...)

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There are positive and negative anecdotes on both sides of the issue, and none of them will matter if it's your son that's having problems. For us, one factor of many that heavily influenced our decision was, as the OP said, it can always be done but can't be undone. I would certainly rather deal with issues if they pop up (which, incidentally, none have) than have my son go through the pain, loss of sensitivity, etc... for a problem that might never occur. Best of luck in your decisions--I'm sure having one son already circ'd doesn't make it any easier.
I did a post a while back that actually made me WANT to circ any other boys because it ended up full of comments along the lines of, "Well, you'll have to tell the other son that you mutilated him for no reason." It made me feel even worse...Hence the "only respond with love" qualifier.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#13 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:34 PM
 
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My first son is circ'd.

10 years passed and I was about deliver my twin boys. I saw pros and cons for both, but in the end, the complications from a circ seemed much more dangerous than a possible infection or two. IF it turned into something more chronic or serious, a circ could be done later.

FWIW, almost two years later and we have no problems.

Joanna - wife to Mike, mamachicken to Cub(8/98), Kitten (4/07), Dew-man, and Woe-boy(twins, 10/08)
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#14 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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To the OP: kudos to you for posting and giving it some serious thought. I was never on the fence, but my mindset was similar to yours in that it cannot be undone. My view was that it's my son's body, so not my choice to make. If he decides he wants a circ when he's an adult, that's his business, but I'm not making that choice for him. I hope you'll stick around and keep reading and posting...it's a wonderful community with a lot of information.
Thank you.

I was talking to my MIL about it and I said that I heard there was a way where they pull the foreskin forward and cut the excess and just expose part of the head of the penis. She said, "I thought that was how it was done." My eyes got big and I said, "No, there's tearing and ripping and cutting...all without any anesthetic." She said, "Well, then just don't do it and have it done later if something goes wrong." So...it's an easy mindset to get into.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#15 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:51 PM
 
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I am going through this same emotional heartbreak, though I have not had a child yet. Our babe is a boy and I have been going back and forth through the positives and negatives of both. I absolutely hate to bring my child ANY pain, especially if it is unnecessary... but even in this anti-circ board most of the posts are desperate mothers worried about forced retraction, uti's, nameless boils and cysts, bleeding and infections. All uncirc'd boys, and I can't help but question myself on the morality of the possibility of putting my child through years of pain until he is old enough to tell me that he would like a circumsision... Not saying that every uncirc'd kid has problems. But the number of stories is overwhelming for this first time mom.
My son is nearly 15, intact and has no issues whatsoever.
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#16 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 10:55 PM
 
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UTI have NOTHING to do with having a foreskin or not. That myth was shown to be a myth many years ago. Girls have them at a much higher % than boys do yet we cut nothing off them.

I am curious but feel free to ignore me. If your ds has bridges you know first hand what can and does go wrong so why would you even consider risking that for your new ds? I mean an infection give abx skin bridge unless he wants to have it fixed is for life and dh's bridge gets infected from time to time yes he chooses to keep it because he dosnt want his penis cut on any more.

I hope you can get past worrying about what can happen with intact and remember that the odds of a circ complication is a whole lot higher than with the intact penis.

You dont have to tell your first ds that you mutilated him all you have to tell him is that when you had him you thought it was for the best to do it but learned later than it wasnt.

I cant even imagine risking my ds's life with circ. Yes boys can and do die every year from circ and yes that is here in the USA not some third world country. MRSA is rampant now and many circed boys get it and some loose their whole penis but I havnt heard a single case of MRSA causing the life of an intact child.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#17 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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The only person I know with a foreskin issue IRL is dh, who has phimosis due to scar tissue memories of his mother repeatedly forcibly retracting him, so I'd imagine she did it daily for years. Even with the phimosis, you couldn't pay him enough money to get circumcised. In fact, he avoided trying to get steroid cream to help with it for years because he was sure he'd just be told to have a circumcision.

I also have a male friend in his early 20's who can't have an orgasm because of the damage from his circumcision. He didn't even realize that was the cause until I told him, poor guy. Most circ problems are just passed off as "one of those things" instead of the complications from infant surgery they really are.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#18 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am curious but feel free to ignore me. If your ds has bridges you know first hand what can and does go wrong so why would you even consider risking that for your new ds? I mean an infection give abx skin bridge unless he wants to have it fixed is for life and dh's bridge gets infected from time to time yes he chooses to keep it because he dosnt want his penis cut on any more.
.
He had a bridge and a scar where there was a HOLE from where they botched it...he said it was just always a part of his penis and he's never had an issue with it. I think that's what it comes down to: Even though it's a "problem" he's never had serious problems with it. It may not be a TRUE bridge. It's more like an adhesion I guess?

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#19 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 11:26 PM
 
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You dont have to tell your first ds that you mutilated him all you have to tell him is that when you had him you thought it was for the best to do it but learned later than it wasnt.
This. There's no way to know how your first ds will feel about it when he's older, but there's no reason for people to be so nasty about it. What's done is done. I feel sorry for your ds (the skin bridges) and for you, having that experience. But, as a mother of four, I can tell you that making a mistake - of any kind - with one child doesn't mean I (or you) have to repeat that mistake with every other child, just to keep it "even". I just explain "well, at the time/in those circumstances/whatever, that was the best I could do, and now/in these circumstances/whatever, this is the best I can do".

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#20 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This. There's no way to know how your first ds will feel about it when he's older, but there's no reason for people to be so nasty about it. What's done is done. I feel sorry for your ds (the skin bridges) and for you, having that experience. But, as a mother of four, I can tell you that making a mistake - of any kind - with one child doesn't mean I (or you) have to repeat that mistake with every other child, just to keep it "even". I just explain "well, at the time/in those circumstances/whatever, that was the best I could do, and now/in these circumstances/whatever, this is the best I can do".
Thank you for this. Truly, thank you.

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#21 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 11:34 PM
 
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To me, the most important perspective to take is that the foreskin is a normal, healthy, eminently functional body part (both protective and sexual functions). It's there for a reason, and it knows how to take care of itself just like every other part of the body, male or female.

The big problem is that as circumcision took hold from the Victorian era on into the 20th century, the foreskin not only became unfamiliar, it also was unjustifably demonized, and made into an object of fear and loathing. Fear comes from lack of knowledge.

Please keep educating yourself. If you're afraid of something in particular, research that. You'll find that the things you're afraid of are either not that common, are easily prevented by common sense behavioral measures, or turn out not to be that big a deal if they do occur (i.e. easily treatable). The true need for later circumcision is in truth very very small.

Here is a really good article about some of the normal variations or minor issues that might come up with the intact penis, that a doctor might sometime say a boy "needs" to be circumcised - and why its almost NEVER so. This is a very reassuring article and a must read for parents of intact boys, and those who are worrying about what might happen when choosing not to circumcise:
http://www.mothering.com/health/prot...advice-parents

The foreskin is no more problematic than any other body part. There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of leaving your son's penis whole as it is naturally made. The body knows what it's doing. Choose wholeness, not fear. Education is the key. The more you know, the more confident and comfortable you will be in leaving future sons intact.

BTW, this is not just about getting over fears of the normal, intact penis, but also looking at the risks and harms of circumcision with wide open eyes. The tendency is to minimize the risks, deny the harms, so make sure you educate yourself about the realities of the procedure, the potential complications, the effects on sexuality, and the ethical issues.

Thanks for being open to learning more, and I hope these responses are helpful in easing your concerns.

Gillian
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#22 of 98 Old 08-11-2010, 11:39 PM
 
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I agonized over the decision up until ds was born. Deep down, I knew I didn't want to do it, but dh did. I was worried deep down that ds would somehow be angry at me in the future for it.... but the more I looked into it, the more it seemed like most men who are intact are happy with things, just like most men who are circ'd are generally happy with things (though, at least for dh, they attribute some of the discomforts of being circ'd as "just how things are")... so in the end, I couldn't justify a painful surgery if I knew that there was a high likelihood that ds would end up pleased as punch with his foreskin if I left things alone.

I decided that I couldn't predict everything, and I have no idea what my son will experience. He will likely get teased... about his hair, is weight, his height, or whatever arbitrary thing other kids find. We can't protect them from that. I know that what I can do is raise him with body confidence, and be confident myself that someday this little babe will be a man, and trust that he will know what he wants for himself.

In the end, after ds was born, dh was holding him very thoughtfully and looked up at me, and confessed that he thought I was right about "the whole circumcision thing" Now we joke about it as the "nonissue." It is just like I walked through Alice's looking glass, only when I got to the other side, I realized that looking back, I was on the side where things made sense It was quite an aha moment for me, and a big relief! American society can really load on the guilt baggage.... but as soon as I realized what it really was--just implied baggage that could be tossed aside... it was easy as could be! I haven't regretted it for one second since.

Not to make this post any longer, because I've already written a novel, but I think almost all the problems people post are either related to improper medical advice or normal separation and things that take care of themselves. I think (actually, I know that now, because I understand it!) that the fire in many people's posts is from trying so hard to change the way society views circumcision. Change is really hard to set in motion, and it requires fire and passion to keep at it. I hope I haven't rambled too much and I wish you luck with your decision.

Your kids are lucky to have such a thoughtful mama!

Mom to Delia  (5/25/07) and Alex  (4/10/10) and 2 spoiled kitties
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#23 of 98 Old 08-12-2010, 12:15 AM
 
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Thank you for this. Truly, thank you.
You're more than welcome. Being a mom is hard enough, without other people loading on guilt. (And, looking back to when I was a new mom in 1993, I think one of the hardest things about being a mom these days is the sheer information overload. It's useful, but it can be sooooo overwhelming.)


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Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#24 of 98 Old 08-12-2010, 02:31 AM
 
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We were on the fence the whole time I was pregnant with DS (we didn't know he was a boy). We still didn't know what to do after he was born & asked various nurses, docs, aides at the hospital for advice. Most just said that it was up to us and didn't really give advice. Someone (can't remember who) talked about how circs were cleaner, less prone to infections, etc and we became convinced to do it. We had one scheduled. A couple hours before it, we were still going back & forth & asked another nurse what she thought. She told us how (from what she knew) hardly any of the doctors there had sons with circs. And none of the doctors who performed circs had circed sons. She said that it really wasn't dirtier or un-healthy in any way. I am so glad we spoke to her & she convinced us not to circ DS.

I am so happy DS is not circ-ed. So far, (knock on wood), there have been no problems. I hadn't discovered MDC yet when he was born, but now that I've read stuff on here, I realize that not circ-ing is not difficult & usually has very few or no problems.

I understand how big of a decision this is for you. My advice is to do lots of research & do what you feel is right in your heart for your little one. Also, I wouldn't do it just b/c your other DS has it. Even if they're both circ-ed they could still look different. And if you have new info now that you didn't have then, you may as well use it!

Erin - mama to my happy little guy, born April 09  kewl.gif

and my sweet baby, born July 12  babygirl.gif

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#25 of 98 Old 08-12-2010, 02:45 AM
 
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Well I've said this before, if DD had been a boy she may very well have been circ'd. I thought that there was a reason it was done and honestly most men in my age group are circ'd. That's what was done. I also was one to roll my eyes at the anti-circ thing, then I got pg with #2 and didn't know the gender, but in my heart I knew that the baby was in fact a boy. I did come here looking to see what the reasons were for anti-circ, then I read multiple studies. Plus in my area there are more natural minded mamas, and most boys I personally know that are young children and babies are not circ'd, my state is one of those that is falling below 25%.

When I was talking to DH about it I was worried, the I want him to look like me, locker room etc would come up. My Dh luckily trusted my research and in his experience as a teen the locker room thing is a load of BS, he never heard anybody tease anyone else. Plus my DH had the same fears that I did about a child being like DH after his circ, DH had to stay in the hospital due to bleeding complications from his circ, it was a risk we felt was completely avoidable.

I never thought that I'd become as passionate about being an intactivist , but I am I post on FB now, if I can change one persons mind about physically altering their child then I've done my job educating others.

It's OK that you had your son circ'd and you may not circ another, my SIL did with her first son, but by the time her second son was born 12 years later she was a more educated mom, she didn't feel it necessary because she knew it was/is an unnecessary procedure. You felt it was the right thing to do at that time.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#26 of 98 Old 08-12-2010, 09:59 AM
 
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My mindset is currently: IF it needs to be done later it can be...and usually WITH anesthetic. I can't undo it after it's already done.
(emphasis mine)What other body part that *might* get infected do we amputate at birth? It just makes no sense. Our kids would have all their parts cut off.

if it's done later for medical necessity (HIGHLY UNLIKELY), it would be done with anesthetic AND proper follow up pain medication AND you won't be dressing an open wound with poop and pee in a diaper. Remember if it's done at birth the whole glans is an open wound because the foreskin has to be ripped off like a fingernail. If you wait until it naturally separates/retracts then you don't have that going on.

The worst problem your intact son will run into is that someone THINKS he has a problem. Usually a US educated physician who has NO IDEA what to do with a foreskin besides cut it off. Foreskins do not cause UTIs. It's just an excuse to circ.

Melissa, wife to Brian, mommy to my home born, breastfeeding, sling-riding, sleep sharing, cloth diapered, intact kiddos Adam 11/09 and Leah 8/12.

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#27 of 98 Old 08-12-2010, 10:43 AM
 
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I agree with the posters who said no one ever comments about their kid's lack of issues.

My son is 8 years old and intact. He has never had any problems. Recently he saw a friend's penis while they were changing to go swimming. His friend is circumcised and, according to his mom, it went badly. DS took me aside and asked very sadly what happened to his poor friend's penis? DS has never seen anyone who is circumcised. He said, it looked funny.

Sadly, the friend's mom still insists if she had another son or had to do over again, she still have him circumcised because she wants him to look like everyone else.
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#28 of 98 Old 08-12-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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I am going through this same emotional heartbreak, though I have not had a child yet. Our babe is a boy and I have been going back and forth through the positives and negatives of both. I absolutely hate to bring my child ANY pain, especially if it is unnecessary... but even in this anti-circ board most of the posts are desperate mothers worried about forced retraction, uti's, nameless boils and cysts, bleeding and infections. All uncirc'd boys, and I can't help but question myself on the morality of the possibility of putting my child through years of pain until he is old enough to tell me that he would like a circumsision... Not saying that every uncirc'd kid has problems. But the number of stories is overwhelming for this first time mom.
I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but it sounds like you are saying that in an effort to avoid the very small chance of your child experiencing minor pain later, you feel better exposing him to a 100% chance of severe pain as a newborn. I know that the argument for this is that he won't remember the pain, and chances are that is true, as long as he doesn't have any complications from the circumcision that require further surgery or that cause lifelong problems.

OP, you are correct in your equating this forum with the Breastfeeding forum as far as challenges go. As for your DS1, I think he will understand if you explain that you did what you thought was best for him when he was born. Getting DS2 circumcised isn't going to make things better for either of them. I see that others have already said this much better than I did: When you know better, you do better. I think you are doing a great job of asking questions to get educated.

Now mom to a boy born January 2010. 
Cautiously expecting Dec 2014!

 12/08 (6 weeks),  1/13 (11 weeks), &  12/13 (9.5 weeks)
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#29 of 98 Old 08-12-2010, 11:47 AM
 
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I think first we have to realize that viewing the normal male penis as a ticking time bomb is purely cultural. Boys get the same infections as girls (who statistically get them more often even) and the treatment is also the same (unless you live in the US). If we lived in a culture that cut girls a forum like this would be just as full of questions about what to do when there is an issue with normal female genitalia. The out comes to said posts is really important to pay attention to because almost always everything turns out just fine (and with out removing the foreskin).
The foreskin is a healthy and functioning part of the body and we don't cut off other body parts (of newborns especially) just in case and the foreskin should be no different.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#30 of 98 Old 08-12-2010, 12:07 PM
 
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Here are a couple of threads you may want to take a look at.

The Post here if you've never had a problem thread.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1228068

The "Post here if you regret circumcising" thread.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=112410

 
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