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Old 09-05-2010, 02:11 PM
 
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I just wanted to add that my dh was really against it in the beginning (sounds like even more than your dh, since yours has stated that he isn't so very against it at the moment), then against it but less sure as he got more info... and this was right up until literally the week ds was born. I knew I would regret it so I wasn't backing down, but I also wasn't about to make it a fight, so I didn't push back at him too much. He didn't need more info, he just needed time to process. I took silence as leaving the decision up to me. He didn't want to bring it up, so I didn't bring it up AT ALL. We actually pretty much just stopped talking about it.

After ds was born, and he held him, dh looked at him for a long time, then at me, and quietly said "you were right about the circumcision thing." I think he really couldn't process what the whole thing meant until he saw the baby. Looking at the little guy now, I would no sooner cut off his foreskin than any other part of his adorable pudgy, little body.

IMO, I don't think a mohel is much of a compromise (and naturally they will minimize the pain/trouble aspect of it, because it is their livelihood)... there's still no pain control there. I think you'd be much better waiting a bit longer and going the whole anesthesia route with a trained pediatric urologist. (also more time to realize that the whole thing really isn't necessary or worth the pain and $$ spent).

So sorry about the marital troubles though Go easy on yourself. You sound so troubled... and I completely remember feeling that way, like I was tied in knots... but I promise it is not so monumental as it seems. Just take a deep breath and set this aside for awhile. It isn't worth having such an argument within yourself of with your dh, because it sounds like you still have time. Just remember that by not circumcising, you actually aren't doing anything but leaving things alone, which is actually really easy to do (just like housework, lol, but that's another topic)! When in doubt, just procrastinate!! (that's my motto about everything!)

Mom to Delia  (5/25/07) and Alex  (4/10/10) and 2 spoiled kitties
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Old 09-05-2010, 07:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've had several good talks since then...not really about circ, but marital stuff. He said to me, "I think part of it is with all the other crap going on I want to cling to the familiar and part of that is 'boys get circ'd'" So, I told him I wouldnt' mention it again.

Last night we were in the shower and he randomly says, "I probably won't ever say "Let's not circ" but, instead, I just won't say do it." Which, honestly, is fine by me. Silence counts as a "win" for not circ'ing right?

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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Old 09-05-2010, 07:49 PM
 
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We've had several good talks since then...not really about circ, but marital stuff. He said to me, "I think part of it is with all the other crap going on I want to cling to the familiar and part of that is 'boys get circ'd'" So, I told him I wouldnt' mention it again.

Last night we were in the shower and he randomly says, "I probably won't ever say "Let's not circ" but, instead, I just won't say do it." Which, honestly, is fine by me. Silence counts as a "win" for not circ'ing right?
Wow!! That's absolutely wonderful!!

 
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Old 09-05-2010, 08:29 PM
 
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We've had several good talks since then...not really about circ, but marital stuff. He said to me, "I think part of it is with all the other crap going on I want to cling to the familiar and part of that is 'boys get circ'd'" So, I told him I wouldnt' mention it again.

Last night we were in the shower and he randomly says, "I probably won't ever say "Let's not circ" but, instead, I just won't say do it." Which, honestly, is fine by me. Silence counts as a "win" for not circ'ing right?
Yes it does. Realization of your points will likely come later.
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Old 09-05-2010, 10:52 PM
 
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We've had several good talks since then...not really about circ, but marital stuff. He said to me, "I think part of it is with all the other crap going on I want to cling to the familiar and part of that is 'boys get circ'd'" So, I told him I wouldnt' mention it again.

Last night we were in the shower and he randomly says, "I probably won't ever say "Let's not circ" but, instead, I just won't say do it." Which, honestly, is fine by me. Silence counts as a "win" for not circ'ing right?
Yes, it does count. Same with my dh - I had no idea this was such a hard thing for them to come to terms with, and unlike us they kinda want to just make the choice not to do it and not think about it anymore.

Congrats! I am so happy for you, and your little boy.

Candacepeace.gif, Married to dh   guitar.gif, Mom to ds (8) biggrinbounce.gif , Gavin candle.gif (9/30/10 - 12/19/10) and cautiously expecting our rainbow1284.gif 4-29-12

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Old 09-07-2010, 11:54 AM
 
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"I think part of it is with all the other crap going on I want to cling to the familiar and part of that is 'boys get circ'd'"
(bolding mine)

That is incredibly self-aware and perceptive of him. Sounds like he is really getting in touch with his feelings. You can be so proud of him for realizing that, being able to admit it, and being willing to give it up in order to protect his son.

And that is really, really great of you to be willing to drop the subject, now that he's said he would go along with not circing.

Hope all gets better and better for you all.

Jen
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Old 09-07-2010, 12:14 PM
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Last night we were in the shower and he randomly says, "I probably won't ever say "Let's not circ" but, instead, I just won't say do it." Which, honestly, is fine by me. Silence counts as a "win" for not circ'ing right?


Awesome news, thanks for sharing!!
Yes, it is a win and the happy winner is your son!!!
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Old 09-07-2010, 12:18 PM
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Yes it does. Realization of your points will likely come later.
yes, it took dh years to fully digest the info and understand just how wrong circ is. Now we have two anti-circ bumperstickers on each of our two cars .
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Old 09-07-2010, 12:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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(bolding mine)

That is incredibly self-aware and perceptive of him. Sounds like he is really getting in touch with his feelings. You can be so proud of him for realizing that, being able to admit it, and being willing to give it up in order to protect his son.

And that is really, really great of you to be willing to drop the subject, now that he's said he would go along with not circing.

Hope all gets better and better for you all.

Jen
He always has been pretty self aware and in touch with his inner self. (Honestly, a lot of it comes from theatre training ) I'm glad too.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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Old 09-07-2010, 12:51 PM
 
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Awesome news, thanks for sharing!!
Yes, it is a win and the happy winner is your son!!!
this exactly! how wonderful for all 3 of you!

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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Old 09-07-2010, 07:22 PM
 
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Yay!!!

Now watch the baby be a girl

But it's good that you guys went through this, it will eventually strengthen your marriage, even though it might not feel like it right now.

You know...my dh was similar. When I said I didn't want to circ, he just shrugged it off and said "whatever". Then, when our second son was a baby, we were at the mall and both heard some poor child just SCREAM and both turned to see a little girl getting her ear's pierced. My dh said "that poor kid, she had no idea what they were about to do to her!"

I used that as an opportunity to discuss the similarity to circ (although still miles and miles apart, they are both done mostly for cultural reasons in this country) And it was like a light, he finally "got" it. For some reason he just didn't connect the unnecessary-ness (is that a word?!) of it, plus the intense mind-numbing pain (even with anesthesia, nerve blocks hurt like a <bleep>) until he saw something else being done to an unconsenting child in the name of culture and "beauty".

But still, he will say that he's glad our sons are circ'd, but doens't care enough about it to say that no boy should be. He's just not an activist, about anything really!

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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Old 09-08-2010, 12:16 AM
 
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Lovely update. I have thought of you so many times and have consciously been wishing for some peaceful resolution. I am so happy for the steps that you two have taken.

"To err is human, to forgive, canine." - Unknown
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