"X has a funny looking penis" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 09-28-2010, 10:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My 4 year old came home from preschool the other day and told me that, "X has a funny looking penis. His pee thing sticks out." First I asked him how he knew that and he told me they needed to go to the potty at the same time and he was second, but wanted to be first. I'm OK with that answer so we moved on.

I then told him that some boys have penises that look different just like people look different. I really didn't want to get into too much detail with a 4 year old. Anyway, later that night we were getting out of the pool and everyone was changing. DS then notices that Daddy has a funny looking penis too.

We tried not to make a big deal of it and just repeated exactly what I told him earlier in the day.

When did your DS notice that other boys were different and how did you deal with it?

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#2 of 9 Old 09-28-2010, 02:07 PM
 
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My son recently asked why he looked different than his dad - but they're both intact! I think we also told him that all boys just look a little different.
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#3 of 9 Old 09-28-2010, 02:21 PM
 
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I would keep it simple and tell him the truth.

Some people cut their the penises of their little boys, we thought we would leave that decision to you when you grow up."

You can also explain to him that at some point he will be able to pull his foreskin back anytime he wants and then he can look like daddy

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
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#4 of 9 Old 09-28-2010, 02:38 PM
 
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I do believe if their is kids around who have been circ'ed the kids who are not circ'ed do need to know what is the 'real difference is " that will help save the intact kids as they get older to not be talked into circ'ing their kids because it has happened before .

Then as they get older they Get More Specifics !
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#5 of 9 Old 10-02-2010, 10:09 AM
 
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Personally I think 4 is old enough to go into specifics. We started talking about this when my boys were 3 or so. We explain that we loved them so much that we didn't want to hurt them when they were tiny babies by cutting off part of their penis. We live in an area where not 1 in 10 boys is intact so we feel it is important to build up our sons' confidence regarding their bodies as early as possible. My DH is circ'ed and we explain that by saying that DH's mom and dad didn't know any better and that we wish they had left DH's penis alone.

Catholic mother of three intact boys, ages 9 and 5 year old identical twins. Licensed acupuncturist, herbalist, and nutritionist in private practice. Daughter of CNM.
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#6 of 9 Old 10-02-2010, 11:07 AM
 
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Ds 1 noticed at a crowded rest-stop bathroom that "Daddy, your peepee looks like a MUSHROOM" DH was like "yup". He didn't really ask any questions though, but he has officially noticed.

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

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#7 of 9 Old 10-02-2010, 12:08 PM
 
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Saw this from the main page . . . .

Since just after he turned 3, my son has been going to a preschool with a pool on site, and daily swimming lessons. The 10 boys in his class change for swimming altogether, every day. His school also contains a lot of kids whose parents are immigrants (either Indian or Asian).

One day, soon after he started, he came home and started telling me all about how different boys have different looking penises. Some were peeled and some were not peeled (yes, hate that bizarre terminology), and both were normal. Despite the terminology, I nodded, smiled, and was glad that it seemed that someone had school had tried to handle the topic well.

One recent night, he announced at bath that Y. has a very different penis. Since we've been through the circed v. not discussion already, I asked oh? how? Yes, apparently Y. has a chocolate-colored penis. (Y. is a very, very dark-skinned Indian boy.)

I had to laugh.
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#8 of 9 Old 10-02-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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A very good friend of mine used to shower with his sons when they were small (like, after mowing the grass, etc.). The boys are 6 years apart, so these instances occurred separately.

Each son eventually noticed that his penis was different from Dad's (though not really specifying how) and asked about it. My friend and his wife explained that boys come in two forms, ones with "open" heads and ones without.

When they told me this, I really let them have it. I thought this was a terrible way to approach the issue, a guaranteed way to cause anxiety in the child. What boy wants to believe he's a different species from his father?

I asked why they didn't simply say when Daddy was a baby he had an operation. My friend said, "I don't like the fact that I had an operation. Why would I want my kids to know that? They think I'm perfect. I'd rather tell them there are males of type A and males of type B. I'm an A and they're a B. Sometime after they learn Santa Claus isn't real we'll have the talk about circumcision."

I told them this still sounded like a bad idea, but at least the boys would be prepared for high school, where they'd be the only intact boys in the showers.

It turned out their private high school did have daily showers and yes, they were the only intact boys -- I learned this from the older son, who is now almost 21 and told me that to this day his parents have never whispered a word about circumcision and just let him think he was an oddity; they never even told him his brother was intact. They didn't even mention to him any of the 4 excellent books about circumcision/being intact I had given his parents over the years and which they accepted gratefully. Not a peep. The younger son just started high school last month and I can only imagine what he's going through; he's the one who always succumbs to peer pressure.

My advice: in age-specific language, tell 'em the truth early and probably more than once.
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#9 of 9 Old 10-02-2010, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fyrestorm View Post
I would keep it simple and tell him the truth.

Some people cut their the penises of their little boys, we thought we would leave that decision to you when you grow up."

You can also explain to him that at some point he will be able to pull his foreskin back anytime he wants and then he can look like daddy
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