PTSD and circumcision - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 11-16-2010, 07:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i always thought my son had gotten lucky. he hadnt had any problems with his circumcision. he was "normal" for a circ'ed kid. I was young and didnt know any better or i would never had done it.

 

today at 15 he tells me all these feelings he had hidden inside. he has never trusted anyone for as long as he can remember, not even me. he has fears of trusting people. he feels alone and unloved. he has trouble being in a relationship. he has anger issues. he arges with everybody. there was more he said. but i cant remember all of it right now.

 

i doubt my son has ADHD and ODD now. i believe he has PTSD.

 

he was circ'ed in the hosp with prob no pain med. we lived in an busive house for his frst 6 mo. then when we left i was told to let him CIO which i did at 11 mo bc i could not get him to sleep in his bed. which the CPS worker told me he had too. (we were involved bc of foresaid abusive house).

 

i feel sick to my stomach to know how bad i let my son down. i can only hope i can find him peace. he sees his therapist tomorrow. should i give her a printout of the article showing a link between circ and PTSD? should i just write her a letter? he takes meds for ADHD and i think he might be better served with some treatment for PTSD not neccessarily meds.


Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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#2 of 7 Old 11-16-2010, 10:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Postshould i give her a printout of the article showing a link between circ and PTSD? should i just write her a letter?


I would.

 

I have no other advice. I am so sorry. ((hugs))

 

There is one thing, I've heard of emt therapy for PTSD being very effective. I'm not that familiar with it to be honest. I may even have the name wrong. I'll look further into this.

 

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#3 of 7 Old 11-17-2010, 08:24 AM
 
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I do believe that circumcision in and of itself is traumatic and can cause lifelong emotional as well as physical harm. But it also sounds like your son's life continued to be traumatic long after his circumcision.  While in a child from a healthy home the betrayal of circumcision is incongrous with all the other love messages- ... in his case- it sounds like it was just the event that got the awful ball rolling.  If he has not specifically mentioned circumcision as one of his concerns- I don't think it's appropriate for you to disregard his present time issues as if they all spring from that one event.  Where is his father and what role does his father play in his life now?  While it's reasonable to acknowledge circumcision as one event or many-  if you were telling your version of his whole life story from start to present (and why not include the prenatal experience as well?) - I don't think it's reasonable to look to circumcision as the cause of his feelings and symptoms when it seems that there is a heck of a lot of other pain in his life as well.

 

It seems like he is a willing communicator, for all the apparent lack of trust- it seems he was very open with you.  I hope that his counselor is a great one and that he is able to make some progress and get the help he needs. 

 

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#4 of 7 Old 11-17-2010, 08:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i was abused while pregnant and lived in fear.

 

his father, the abuser, did not abuse him but did not see him much. there were a couple of times he had some time with him but the man just quits again. it has been 3 years since he seen him last.

 

i agree that there is a lot more to his problem than just circ. but it had to have started there. and then never healed bc of later issues.


Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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#5 of 7 Old 11-17-2010, 08:56 AM
 
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Hi there...
While I agree that early life events shape who we become and I do not think routine circumcisions are warranted, I also think women have a tendency to place all burden and blame on themselves. Nature and nurture both play crucial roles in development, and along with potential connections between PTSD and circ, there exists much research in support of the stress a mother experiences during pregnancy affecting the fetus, as well as many other life events which have undoubtably shaped your son(both positively and negatively). You should try to be gentle with yourself here and know that blaming yourself will likely lead to more pain. Your son has a wonderful mama and is lucky for it, and it seems he is getting the professional help and support he needs as well. This will likely be a journey for you all to come to healing, but in my experience I have found that such matters of the Human mind are rarely as clear as one cause and one effect.

Hugs, mama.
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#6 of 7 Old 11-17-2010, 11:27 AM
 
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I feel a little reluctant to even mention this book, which is a bit dated (1980s) in some aspects and I'm not sure I buy the whole package... yet on the other hand I don't discredit the whole idea either, it's called "The secret life of the unborn child" by Thomas Verney.  Even without purchasing the book you can probably find a lot of references to these ideas through google.

 

I'm sorry about all that you both have been through.  The simple absence of father... although in many cases is a much better option that the presence of an abusive one- is not something that an individual, especially a child, can really comprehend as a lesser of two evils- they still have a profound absence in their life that has got to hurt.

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#7 of 7 Old 11-18-2010, 01:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i did talk to his therapist and explained my concerns. she agreed that all those early life experiences could certainly have caused ptsd. she referred him for a complete eval. at the childrens hospital. they knew all this before but did not connect the dots (her words) and in light of his now finally telling some things, thinks it would be a good thing to redo the eval. DS iis ok with this as he only wants to feel happy.


Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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