How to talk circumcision w/ a husband who is pro-circumcise - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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The Case Against Circumcision > How to talk circumcision w/ a husband who is pro-circumcise
vachi73's Avatar vachi73 10:46 AM 01-05-2011



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren82 View Post

I do believe the only real medical reasons for male circumcision are gangrene or frost bite. Just about any other penile problem can be corrected without removing the foreskin.

 

FGM is usually for religious reasons too but people view that as a horrific thing.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006

 

I do believe that if there is a religious reason or REAL medical reason for a circumcision that it is fine. Bolt.gif


 



I agree about the medical thing, there is almost no time there is a real medical reason for a circumcision.

 

But, I am a Christian and believe every bit of the Bible so when God said to the Jewish people to circumcise their children to be a part of the covenant, I can't argue with that. But, I simply respectfully disagree with you and that's all I'm going to say about that. I won't mention it again. Just wanted to explain myself better.

 

I absolutely don't believe in FGM though. 


This will probably get deleted, but I wanted to suggest gently that you also consider what the NEW TESTAMENT teaches about the NEW COVENANT. Paul's letters are very, very clear that circumcision is NOT part of the new covenant. Circ was an OLD TESTAMENT requirement only.

 

This will probably get deleted, too, but many many many of the OT "requirements" for the Jews are NOT followed anymore, either -- starting with animal sacrifices.



malayasmommy's Avatar malayasmommy 09:20 PM 01-05-2011

Just an update for all you--and again thank you for your wise input!  I ended up gently bringing up the subject w/ hubby, just saying it had been on my mind for a while and I wanted to discuss with him my thoughts about circumcision.  Told that I was very uncomfortable with doing that to our child, and told him I had some articles I had accumulated that explained my concerns.  I asked him if he would read through them and get back to me with his thoughts.  He was genuinely surprised, he said "You know I haven't even thought about it since we found out we're having a boy".  He explained again the reasons why he was uncomfortable with it, which I acknowledged.  I especially acknowledged the part that I loved him for who he was, intact or circumcised, and if our child found someone who truly loved him it would be the same situation.  He agreed to read through the info.  In the meantime, a friend of ours DID circumcise their child and the husband who was there for the procedure told me about what he saw.  I started to relay the info to hubby and he said "You know, I'm really leaning towards NOT circumcising.  My only concern now is if he were to ever need to have it done later in life and what an awful memory that would create."  I reminded him that the trauma he could expect to experience himself is the same thing that would happen to our little boy if we did it to him, and is it really better just because he won't "remember" it?  He agreed that it would not.  I also assured him that a lot is known about how to keep an intact penis healthy.  It was HIM that brought up the fact that our daughter has had multiple ear infections since a child, so do we automatically put tubes in his ears too?  Of course not, we wait to see and in the meantime do the best we can to keep her ears healthy.  While he hasn't firmly committed to anything, I feel pretty confident he will be agreeable to keeping him intact.  :-)  Sorry to drag the story out, I just wanted to update as well as provide info to anyone else who is dealing with the same questions.


sosurreal09's Avatar sosurreal09 07:00 AM 01-06-2011

I showed DH the 50 reasons thread on here and it was like a lightbulb went off he is so anti-circ now it's great!!! I even played it up by giving him extra affection and saying how sorry I was that he had to go through all that pain.


nerdymom's Avatar nerdymom 12:24 AM 01-07-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by malayasmommy View Post

Just an update for all you--and again thank you for your wise input!  I ended up gently bringing up the subject w/ hubby, just saying it had been on my mind for a while and I wanted to discuss with him my thoughts about circumcision.  Told that I was very uncomfortable with doing that to our child, and told him I had some articles I had accumulated that explained my concerns.  I asked him if he would read through them and get back to me with his thoughts.  He was genuinely surprised, he said "You know I haven't even thought about it since we found out we're having a boy".  He explained again the reasons why he was uncomfortable with it, which I acknowledged.  I especially acknowledged the part that I loved him for who he was, intact or circumcised, and if our child found someone who truly loved him it would be the same situation.  He agreed to read through the info.  In the meantime, a friend of ours DID circumcise their child and the husband who was there for the procedure told me about what he saw.  I started to relay the info to hubby and he said "You know, I'm really leaning towards NOT circumcising.  My only concern now is if he were to ever need to have it done later in life and what an awful memory that would create."  I reminded him that the trauma he could expect to experience himself is the same thing that would happen to our little boy if we did it to him, and is it really better just because he won't "remember" it?  He agreed that it would not.  I also assured him that a lot is known about how to keep an intact penis healthy.  It was HIM that brought up the fact that our daughter has had multiple ear infections since a child, so do we automatically put tubes in his ears too?  Of course not, we wait to see and in the meantime do the best we can to keep her ears healthy.  While he hasn't firmly committed to anything, I feel pretty confident he will be agreeable to keeping him intact.  :-)  Sorry to drag the story out, I just wanted to update as well as provide info to anyone else who is dealing with the same questions.


That is awesome! Thank you for the update. Don't forget, if your son chooses to have himself circ'd, he can be put under for the surgery and take pain meds afterwards. I think that is a lot less traumatizing than it would be for an infant.


rabbitmum's Avatar rabbitmum 04:39 PM 01-08-2011

Great news! joy.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by malayasmommy View Post

Just an update for all you--and again thank you for your wise input!  I ended up gently bringing up the subject w/ hubby, just saying it had been on my mind for a while and I wanted to discuss with him my thoughts about circumcision.  Told that I was very uncomfortable with doing that to our child, and told him I had some articles I had accumulated that explained my concerns.  I asked him if he would read through them and get back to me with his thoughts.  He was genuinely surprised, he said "You know I haven't even thought about it since we found out we're having a boy".  He explained again the reasons why he was uncomfortable with it, which I acknowledged.  I especially acknowledged the part that I loved him for who he was, intact or circumcised, and if our child found someone who truly loved him it would be the same situation.  He agreed to read through the info.  In the meantime, a friend of ours DID circumcise their child and the husband who was there for the procedure told me about what he saw.  I started to relay the info to hubby and he said "You know, I'm really leaning towards NOT circumcising.  My only concern now is if he were to ever need to have it done later in life and what an awful memory that would create."  I reminded him that the trauma he could expect to experience himself is the same thing that would happen to our little boy if we did it to him, and is it really better just because he won't "remember" it?  He agreed that it would not.  I also assured him that a lot is known about how to keep an intact penis healthy.  It was HIM that brought up the fact that our daughter has had multiple ear infections since a child, so do we automatically put tubes in his ears too?  Of course not, we wait to see and in the meantime do the best we can to keep her ears healthy.  While he hasn't firmly committed to anything, I feel pretty confident he will be agreeable to keeping him intact.  :-)  Sorry to drag the story out, I just wanted to update as well as provide info to anyone else who is dealing with the same questions.




QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar QueenOfTheMeadow 05:08 PM 01-08-2011
Please keep in mind we do not allow discusion of or reference to religion in TCAC.
earthmama369's Avatar earthmama369 05:25 PM 01-08-2011

Great update!


mrsberman's Avatar mrsberman 12:14 PM 01-14-2011

Great update! I wish DH was open minded like yours. I brought up the no-circ situation again yesterday and DH said he might agree if I agree to let DD get the chicken pox vax?! I told him bartering one child's health with another's is not an option! He did agree to look up information about circumcision and what happens and we can talk about it more. I honestly don't think he will want one for our baby (if it's a boy) once he knows the procedure.


Galatea's Avatar Galatea 12:53 PM 01-14-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsberman View Post

Great update! I wish DH was open minded like yours. I brought up the no-circ situation again yesterday and DH said he might agree if I agree to let DD get the chicken pox vax?! I told him bartering one child's health with another's is not an option! He did agree to look up information about circumcision and what happens and we can talk about it more. I honestly don't think he will want one for our baby (if it's a boy) once he knows the procedure.



Good response.  Besides, why is he stuck on the chicken pox vax?  IMO, that is the most pointless vax of all.  Didn't we all have it and survive?


Marissamom's Avatar Marissamom 10:01 PM 01-18-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by Galatea View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsberman View Post

Great update! I wish DH was open minded like yours. I brought up the no-circ situation again yesterday and DH said he might agree if I agree to let DD get the chicken pox vax?! I told him bartering one child's health with another's is not an option! He did agree to look up information about circumcision and what happens and we can talk about it more. I honestly don't think he will want one for our baby (if it's a boy) once he knows the procedure.



Good response.  Besides, why is he stuck on the chicken pox vax?  IMO, that is the most pointless vax of all.  Didn't we all have it and survive?



Polio is more pointless if you're in the US and most of the developed world. the US hasn't had any domestic cases of Polio in the last decade. 


mrsberman's Avatar mrsberman 03:04 PM 01-21-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by Galatea View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsberman View Post

Great update! I wish DH was open minded like yours. I brought up the no-circ situation again yesterday and DH said he might agree if I agree to let DD get the chicken pox vax?! I told him bartering one child's health with another's is not an option! He did agree to look up information about circumcision and what happens and we can talk about it more. I honestly don't think he will want one for our baby (if it's a boy) once he knows the procedure.



Good response.  Besides, why is he stuck on the chicken pox vax?  IMO, that is the most pointless vax of all.  Didn't we all have it and survive?


He's not really stuck on the vax. It's the only one DD hasn't gotten and it's keeping her out of daycare. I think he doesn't see any reason for her to not get it. It doesn't help that her pedi try telling us she can die from CP! I thought he agreed with me on no CP vax until I brought up no circ if this baby is a boy. LOL, that was a schocker to me. He keeps saying let's hope it comes out a girl. If this baby is a boy, right now my only defense is using the delay until he's good a breast feeding argument. He still hasn't looked up anything about circ/no circ like he promised. One day he's going to come home to find a picture of a botched circ tapped to the front door if he doesn't do what he promised.


QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar QueenOfTheMeadow 04:22 PM 01-21-2011
Pl.ease leave the discusion of vax to the the vaccination forum. Thanks!
billikengirl's Avatar billikengirl 01:19 PM 01-22-2011

 http://www.adriancolesberry.com/life/?p=554

Framing Circumcision for the (Happily) Circumcised

 

http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2009/12/would-you-circumcise-your-daughter.html

Would Your Circumcise Your Daughter?


billikengirl's Avatar billikengirl 01:26 PM 01-22-2011

There was a great post on this forum once that said "My son's body is not a marital bargaining chip" -- for those husbands who would argue to "trade" a circumcision for some other parenting choice.


sunnygir1's Avatar sunnygir1 02:43 PM 01-22-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsberman View Post

Great update! I wish DH was open minded like yours. I brought up the no-circ situation again yesterday and DH said he might agree if I agree to let DD get the chicken pox vax?! I told him bartering one child's health with another's is not an option! He did agree to look up information about circumcision and what happens and we can talk about it more. I honestly don't think he will want one for our baby (if it's a boy) once he knows the procedure.


I just want to encourage you to continue to compassionately express your concerns and your convictions with your dh.

 

When we were pregnant with our first child, I talked with dh about circumcision, and he was for it, for some of the reasons mentioned above.  He said he was concerned that not circing would be setting our child up to be harassed at school -- an argument I find unconvincing even if it were based in reality.  I did some research, talked to dh more, spoke to my intact brother who is 28.  He said that he doesn't have problems with hygiene or infections, and that he thought there might have been another boy in school who was intact (couldn't seem to remember for sure) and said that he was not teased at school or in sports.  I shared that with my dh, who still seemed unconvinced.  Fortunately our first turned out to be a girl, so we didn't have to discuss it again.

 

When we got pregnant with our second child, I brought it up to dh again.  He said that he didn't want to circumcise our baby if it was a boy.  Yay!  He had been thinking about it over time and had come around on his own.  He does, sometimes, do research of his own as well.  As a pp said, in the information at the hospital after ds' birth was a pamphlet about circumcision.  It was not anti-circ, but it did basically say that there was no medical reason to do it and that increasing numbers of parents were choosing to forgo the procedure.  Maybe something like that, from a main stream medical establishment would help?  You could ask your doctor for information.


mrsberman's Avatar mrsberman 08:47 PM 01-24-2011


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnygir1 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsberman View Post

Great update! I wish DH was open minded like yours. I brought up the no-circ situation again yesterday and DH said he might agree if I agree to let DD get the chicken pox vax?! I told him bartering one child's health with another's is not an option! He did agree to look up information about circumcision and what happens and we can talk about it more. I honestly don't think he will want one for our baby (if it's a boy) once he knows the procedure.


I just want to encourage you to continue to compassionately express your concerns and your convictions with your dh.

 

When we were pregnant with our first child, I talked with dh about circumcision, and he was for it, for some of the reasons mentioned above.  He said he was concerned that not circing would be setting our child up to be harassed at school -- an argument I find unconvincing even if it were based in reality.  I did some research, talked to dh more, spoke to my intact brother who is 28.  He said that he doesn't have problems with hygiene or infections, and that he thought there might have been another boy in school who was intact (couldn't seem to remember for sure) and said that he was not teased at school or in sports.  I shared that with my dh, who still seemed unconvinced.  Fortunately our first turned out to be a girl, so we didn't have to discuss it again.

 

When we got pregnant with our second child, I brought it up to dh again.  He said that he didn't want to circumcise our baby if it was a boy.  Yay!  He had been thinking about it over time and had come around on his own.  He does, sometimes, do research of his own as well.  As a pp said, in the information at the hospital after ds' birth was a pamphlet about circumcision.  It was not anti-circ, but it did basically say that there was no medical reason to do it and that increasing numbers of parents were choosing to forgo the procedure.  Maybe something like that, from a main stream medical establishment would help?  You could ask your doctor for information.

 

Thanks. I tried explaining the bolded to DH. Besides all my other reasons for not wanting a circ the fact that Drs say there is no medical reason to do it is a big one. I have heard that some insurance companies don't even cover it because of this. I was talking with my SIL about this and she said that DH's brother didn't even know if he was circ'd or not. LOL, I wish DH had no clue, then it would make my life a little easier. Right now my mind is freaking out because I'm not sure if we will agree on this or not. He's already saying his opinion doesn't matter because I always get my way, but this is not how I want things to go.
 


tammylsmith's Avatar tammylsmith 09:07 PM 01-24-2011


 

Quote:
 Right now my mind is freaking out because I'm not sure if we will agree on this or not. He's already saying his opinion doesn't matter because I always get my way, but this is not how I want things to go.


He might huff and puff. You might have to accept that he isn't going  to be happy about this... at least at first.  Dh and I have a very loving relationship and we value one another's opinions. However, I just had to be loving and firm. Nothing I said, no fact, nothing at all would convince him. In the end, we were both shocked at how quickly his argument went from big deal status to "eh." He's no intactivist, but he's glad we didn't go through with it. I think going from anti-intact to intact-is-normal is a pretty acceptable change of heart!


MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar MCatLvrMom2A&X 09:47 PM 01-24-2011
In the end all that matter is your ds's right to choose for himself. My dh gave me a hard time to but I just told him it wasnt happening and he had to figure out a way to live with it. This after we had hashed it over many times and finally I just had to be the mama bear and protect my ds.
sosurreal09's Avatar sosurreal09 01:34 PM 01-25-2011

have you showed him this? http://www.mgmbill.org/ They are trying to illegalize circ. That was enough for DH. Also when I told him that girls could have things taken off down there until they illegalized it in the 80s. I mean really that was not long ago...

 

It was icing on the cake for him to feel strong in our decision. His family thinks we are nuts but he explained all the info to them and is becoming some what of an intactivist lol.


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