looking for some advice - re adult circ. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 11-22-2010, 02:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hi there - i have been told to seek advice here, as some of you may have experience of my situation,

 

my fiance, is 28, and has for the majority of his adult life suffered with cracks on the tip of his foreskin, they are painful for him, and they make sex uncomfortable, as when the forsekin retracts over the glans the cuts pull and bleed and then are very stingy,

 

he has been embarassed about this for a long time but has only recently attended our gp to seek advice. they advised circumcision.

 

i really don't want him to do it. i have read about it and believe it is mutilation, i would never dream of having my labia cut off, why would he want to do it, he says he read a leaflet and it will solve problems and he wants to.

 

they have given him a steroid cream but he doesn't know what to do with it, and also has a phobia of touching creams - i usually apply any creams or ointments for him -

 

will the steroid cream help to avoid circ or is it just to make him more comfortable while he awaits the surgical appointment?

 

any advice gratefully received.

 

Trisha 

Scotland, UK

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#2 of 23 Old 11-22-2010, 03:41 AM
 
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Not sure if this is relevant at all, but came to mind... Does your fiance by any chance have a chronic/low level yeast infection? I didn't know it until I passed one to my DH, but men get them too, and they can result in a dry, cracked foreskin. Topical anti-fungal cream worked for him to eliminate the yeast which then allowed the foreskin to heal. Also cutting out beer and yeasty bread for a while helped too. And I also realized that I had a yi but that it just wasn't very symptomatic, so getting rid of mine was also essential. It probably wouldn't hurt to look into anyway, before going to the length of circumcising. Good luck!


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#3 of 23 Old 11-22-2010, 04:21 AM
 
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Does he wash with soap? If he does then he needs to stop now cause it can cause dryness with cracking. He could have a yeast infection for that get some OTC monistat and put that on daily to see if it helps.

Also he needs to find an intact friendly Dr. he should go to doctorsoposingcirc and see if he can find a Dr. near him to go to. Steroid cream isnt going to help him if the issue is cracking the steroid cream is for a foreskin that wont retract. He needs a culture to see if there is yeast or bacteria present then treat it appropriately with the right med.

 
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#4 of 23 Old 11-22-2010, 06:55 AM
 
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I saw your post from front page and could not not respond even thought I do not normally post in this forum.

Cracks and dryness could be from having a yeast infection even mild one. Men get them too. Dh had got it from me and had simptoms you are describing.

Other reason could be using soap to wash the area, usually just rinsing with water is enough. Yet another reason for cracks like that could be phimosis, steroid cream would help with it and I think in worst case scenario as last resort making a small cut on the side of foreskin will relieve it and no full circumcision is necessary.

He needs to find a doctor who is going to diagnose his problem and treat it instead of cutting his foreskin off. Cutting foreskin off will be like cutting whole finger off when you have a paper cut that got infected. You fiance needs to do some research on functions of foreskin before he makes a decision and find out what exactly he will be loosing with circumcision. There is a web site - sex as nature intended it. that has good explanation why foreskin is important for both man and women. I don't necessarily agree with anecdotal examples they provide but the scientific part "10 reasons how circumcision hurts women" and "10 reasons how circumcision hurts man" are very good and and in deph of why.

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#5 of 23 Old 11-22-2010, 07:31 AM
 
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It sounds like yeast.

 

Be sure that BOTH of you get treated.  Otherwise, you can just re-infect each other.

 

Ask yourself this:  If a woman presented with cracking, painful labia, would the doctor suggest cutting off the hurt parts?  Or would they try to find out WHY the labia hurt?  And then treat the cause with the least invasive way.  Surgery would be the absolutely last resort after all other courses of treatment failed.  It should be the same for men.

 

Sounds like he needs a new doctor.

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#6 of 23 Old 11-22-2010, 07:56 AM
 
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I have a friend who had a problem with a dry/cracked foreskin. At first he figured it was yeast (he's diabetic), the doctor agreed that was most likely the cause, and he tried treating that. However, there was no change. He ended up discovering that it was actually an allergic reaction to either the spermacide/lubricants he was using, or the latex in condoms. Unfortunately, the damage done was quite severe. He got an infection, and at the end of his rope he decided to get circumcised. He's still mourning the loss of his foreskin and it's been 6 months now. He accepts that more could have been done to save his foreskin, but at the time he was in so much pain he was willing to do anything immediately just to make it stop.

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#7 of 23 Old 11-22-2010, 08:07 PM
 
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It sounds like yeast to me too.  It might be another type of skin problem though.

 

I would start with an OTC yeast treatment.  If that fails then take him to a dermatologist.


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#8 of 23 Old 11-22-2010, 08:19 PM
 
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I want to chime in because my dh had this problem years ago.  He didn't get much useful help from the docs and did go ahead and have a circ.  I wish we had investigated more possibilities/ treatments before going ahead with this.  It may be that he has a circ in the end, but my advice is investigate everything else first. 


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#9 of 23 Old 11-23-2010, 06:07 AM
 
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Could he be allergic to soaps or laundry detergents? A dermatologist might be the person to see.

 

Has he tried to "super moisturize" the outside of the tip with Aquaphor or Vaseline (with the disclaimer that it is bad for condoms)?


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#10 of 23 Old 11-23-2010, 07:40 AM
 
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It sounds like yeast or an allergy.  But I do have to beg you, though, to try to get him to see that he will lose a lot by being circumcised, especially when there are other ways to solve the problem.  Applying creams is a lot easier that surgery (for which he would have to apply ointments afterward anyway.)


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#11 of 23 Old 11-24-2010, 11:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for all your advice, i am trying to gently introduce the idea that it might be a yeast infection, he now tells me the sexual health clinic told him he has psoriasis on his willy. he is adamant that a circ is what he wants, if an appt comes through i fear i may hide it :(

 

will keep working on him,

 

Trisha

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#12 of 23 Old 11-24-2010, 11:58 AM
 
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maybe he needs to see quotes on what happens after adult circumcisions and maybe he will try more harder to avoid circ because right now all he thinks is that he may be better of without his foreskin but if he tries to find a 'way to get it foreskin better he proably will be pretty happy with his foreskin . What area do you guys live in ?  He needs to find a doctor that stop giving him wrong diagnosis .

 

Show your bf what circumcision is many guys don't realize how much is taken off or realize how their foreskins are full of nerves  .

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#13 of 23 Old 11-24-2010, 07:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trishy28 View Post

thanks for all your advice, i am trying to gently introduce the idea that it might be a yeast infection, he now tells me the sexual health clinic told him he has psoriasis on his willy. he is adamant that a circ is what he wants, if an appt comes through i fear i may hide it :(

 

will keep working on him,

 

Trisha

My DH has psoriasis in many places including his penis, he as a victim of RIC and that only makes the problem worse, as psoriasis tends to appear in locations that have been injured. If it is indeed psoriasis, it is likely that removing the foreskin will simply cause the psoriasis to appear on the shaft and or/ the glans making them sensitive to rubbing, prone to cracking and bleeding, and of course when the psoriasis flares up badly, the shaft will likely crack with the pressure caused by erection. Also, there are a lot of links between psoriasis and systemic yeast/candida overgrowth, so rather than that dx ruling out the yeast issue, it actually means the yeast issue is more likely.
 

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#14 of 23 Old 11-24-2010, 07:54 PM
 
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I think he will have a much better time understanding what he is asking to be severed from if he understood the function of this part of his body.  this educational video might help him to understand the function of the foreskin.  It was made by physicians from the group Doctors Opposing Circumcision.

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/video/prepuce.html 


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#15 of 23 Old 11-26-2010, 07:40 AM
 
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If he feels circumcisoion is what he wants, he should first take the time to research the value of a foreskin.  Most people who are circumcsied don't have a clue, so will give him bad information.  Doctors are notorius for giving bad information about foreskins.

 

I can say, as someone who was circumcsied and is now far along in restoration, he (and you) will find sex a lot less enjoyable.  The foreskin is the most important part of a man's anaotomly for sexual function and feeling.  There is actually research that supports this, but doctors typically do not keep up on it.  Here a few sites he should at least read with an open mind before making a decision that will have far reaching effects on both of you:

 

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/pdf/2007-03-19pressrelease.pdf 

 

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/foreskin.html 

 

http://www.circumstitions.com/Sexuality.html 

 

You or he can feel free to contact me via PM if you wish to have more details about my experiences.

 

Regards

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#16 of 23 Old 11-26-2010, 10:46 AM
 
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But, if it is even psoriasis, circumcision will not make it better.  He would still have to deal the psoriasis along with the pain of a circumcision.  I would think the psoriasis would even become worse after circ, since the foreskin-free glans would be subjected to constant friction from his underwear and clothing.  Psoriasis thrives on weakened/damaged skin.

 

Has he tried any treatments for yeast?  It certainly won't hurt (and might really help!) to do a simple 7 day miconazole cream treatment (brand name is Monistat).  Keep in mind that you would need to be treated too, since yeast is easily passed back and forth between partners.  You can buy a tube of generic brand Monistat for about $4.  It would be crazy to sign up for a circ (which also wouldn't solve his problems, since circing won't make a yeast infection go away!) before trying a simple treatment like that.  As others have said, it is common for yeast infections to cause friable skin and cracking/bleeding much like you describe.

 

Please encourage him not to circ until he knows exactly what is causing his trouble.  Circumcision is not a cure for psoriasis.  Or for yeast.  Or for a skin sensitivity/allergy.  


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#17 of 23 Old 11-27-2010, 06:51 PM
 
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I can sympathise with your partner wanting a solution asap.  I didn't say this in my reply above, just in case he does find it necessary, but my partner's circ proved very, very difficult for us as a couple.  It has never been the same for us.  Of course I love him immensely and we are still very loving even so.  Your guy just needs to understand, there's no going back on this decision and to take his time and employ some patience and try everything else. Then at least he will know he did all possible.  hug.gif


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#18 of 23 Old 11-28-2010, 07:38 AM
 
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Trisha, I am somewhat surprised that a doctor in Scotland - a nation of predominantly intact men - would suggest surgery right off the bat. What the others have posted is really good advice.  He most likely is suffering from a yeast infection. If after going through treatment for that, there is no relief, then consult a dermatologist.

 

Also, as others have pointed out, he needs to learn what he will be loosing. This is not a decision to be taken lightly. Once circumcised , the best part is gone for ever. There are some excellent links posted above. Also check out www.noharmm.org/separated.htm  which is an article that appeared in "Mens Health" magazine some years ago.

 

Good luck and don't give up !!

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#19 of 23 Old 11-30-2010, 09:41 AM
 
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A note on the psoriasis.  My brother has severe psoriasis and is circ'd.  He is actually working on restoration because he has lesions on his glans, and his doctor thinks that a restored foreskin will help protect that part of his body.  Psoriasis often happens most in areas that the body thinks are damaged.  If he does have psoriasis on his foreskin, think of how much worse it would be to have it on the glans....

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#20 of 23 Old 12-04-2010, 11:46 PM
 
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A few things:

As a person with psoriasis I want to support what folks are saying that scars usually lead to more proplem sprouting up and most hematologists will say to do whatever you can not to scrap or scar any area that is prone to it.
So some research into psoriasis would help him out on that front.

In general, I would also say, don't we usually talk about how circ is a persona choice, the owner of the penis'? I fully agree that you should do whatever you can to help him learn off the options and pros and clear cons of this choice, but in the end it is his penis and i think respecting how someone wants to address their own body is a good thing for us all to work on.

If he ends up still wanting to after learning all the options, make sure you have a talk about what it will mean for the two of you so that he understands. But in the end, some compassion and support might be the only thing that can be offered. It must be very hard for a man to be facing a medical issue with his penis, I know having issues with my uterus or other lady parts is a very emotional issue for me when I had them.
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#21 of 23 Old 12-05-2010, 09:56 AM
 
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I agree that it's absolutely up to the owner of the penis. I also have a lot of sympathy for the OP's fiance.

 

OTOH, I've never been with an intact man, so I can't speak from personal experience. But, I know one woman who says she's never had non-painful sex with any man who was circ'd, and never had painful sex with am an who was intact. This is obviously not the norm (I've certainly had lots of non-painful sex, with only circ'd partners), but it's very difficult for the OP to talk about what this "will" mean for the two of them, as she can't know what it will mean until and unless the circ is actually done.


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#22 of 23 Old 12-05-2010, 10:31 AM
 
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Just wanted to add that as a psoriasis sufferer I have found it to be related to candida (yeast).  A very strict no sugar diet clears it up or reduces it after a few weeks.  Psoriasis on the glans will be more painful IMO and your bf will have lost the most sensitive part of his penis if he is circ'd.


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#23 of 23 Old 12-10-2010, 12:33 PM
 
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In this case this wont be of much help but for others who might find this thread while searching it is important to remember that a total circ is always the very last option. There is the dorsal slit and the removal of the sphincter at the tip for the treatment of true phimosis (diagnosed in late puberty or adulthood not for a child under the age of 16 since it cant be diagnosed then)

 
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