So much is said about "matching" or "looking the same" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 01-11-2011, 07:41 PM - Thread Starter
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I don't know ... maybe that glass of wine with dinner is making me sentimental ... but I am struck this moment by the number of posts with parents (largely relating the fathers' interests) wanting boys to "look like them."


Seriously, where does this end??


My DH, whom I love dearly, was born with a congenital birth defect that required facial surgery. In other words, he has a facial scar, very visible and obvious, despite two corrective surgeries. By the "look like dad" logic, all FOUR of our delicious boys would "require" a similar facial scar -- and related pain! -- to "look like dad." Um, no.


Did I say, "NO" vehemently enough??


That aside, how many circ "styles" are there?? Can anyone even imagine that any TWO can look "the same?" My two nephews were "done" by the same pediatric urologist, and one is borderline botched, IMHO. They do not resemble one another, other than they both seem to demonstrate some degree of meatal stenosis (my bathroom floors and toilets can verify this, but they're pre-conversational). Talk about SPRAYING. Ick.


I digress.


I just think that the "look the same" argument -- whether talking about TODAY or in XX years -- is just soooooo lame, it ought to be outlawed. Strikes me that men who claim that as being important are telling us more about their insecurity than anything else.


Just sayin' ...


(headed back under my rock for tonight!)

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#2 of 11 Old 01-11-2011, 07:48 PM
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I agree. The look the same argument is ridiculous!

E, wife to D, mommy to G (born March 2010). joy.gif

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#3 of 11 Old 01-11-2011, 08:05 PM
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It's the most ridiculous argument.

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#4 of 11 Old 01-11-2011, 09:51 PM
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Our daughter looks SO MUCH like her father they're almost I guess she needs a sex change to finish the job by that logic.  It would probably take less work than making her look like me at this point.  I personally am glad that I look like neither of my parents....and I've never looked to see what my mother's vagina looked like.  I don't think DH ever compared to his dad either.

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#5 of 11 Old 01-12-2011, 04:22 AM
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Aside from size, my breasts look like my mom's.  I'd much prefer they didn't as they are rather flat and saggy. 

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 born at 31 weeks Oct. 2014
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#6 of 11 Old 01-12-2011, 11:48 AM
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IMO, when they talk about wanting the baby to look like them, they aren't actually referring to the appearance, but rather that they just have the same "style" of penis, just like it's important to them that their son has the same last name. (I remember one mom-to-be on here said her husband wanted to circ their baby primarily because he thought HER main reason for wanting him uncirc'd was because she'd had an intact lover in the past that she liked better. Everyone flipped out reading that. But I don't think it was because the dad thought his wife was trying make their son into a good sex partner for herself, but rather he felt the same way he'd feel if she wanted to name their son after a past lover.) The only reason I can think of that this applies only to foreskin amputation and not other amputation, cosmetic surgery, etc, is that penises are specifically "man-related," like patronymic surnames.


But, yeah, that doesn't make it any more of a valid argument.

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#7 of 11 Old 01-12-2011, 02:15 PM
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DF is intact, and his father isn't. and DF has told me that as a little kid and his only exposure to "Normal" being seeing his dad and other grown men in public restrooms, he did think that he was weird or that something was wrong with him. now he knows more, and is really glad that he is intact, even if it did cause him to be self-conscious about himself as a kid. 

Marissa, Partner to J geek.gif, SAHM to A (05/09)fly-by-nursing1.gif and I (03/11)stork-boy.gif. we cd.gif
selectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gifnocirc.giffemalesling.GIFecbaby2.gif part-time and familybed1.gif through infancy. planning ahomebirth.jpg
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#8 of 11 Old 01-15-2011, 10:41 AM
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Of course, they do, are you kidding me! So they don't feel that there is something wrong with them! Plus it is not like having a difference somewhere on the penis where no one sees it's the FACE where they can realize their weirdness due to the absense of daddy's scar every moment of every day. So, get right on it, mama, save your boys from unnecessary trauma! Oh, wait a minute, circumcision IS unnecessary trauma...ops, got all confused here ;) (I'm being sarcastic, of course). But seriously, I personally think that "looking like daddy" IS the silliest and most senseless argument of all.

Originally Posted by vachi73 View Post

By the "look like dad" logic, all FOUR of our delicious boys would "require" a similar facial scar... 

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#9 of 11 Old 01-15-2011, 03:18 PM
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I think the most ridiculous reason given is "My husband gets to make the circ decision because he has a penis, not me."  **Gag**

And, my husband is tattooed from knee to ankle on both legs, so I suppose all 4 of our sons need to have their tattoos started immediately.

Mindie, wife to Mark, not-so-crunchy mom to Dylan (4/04); Devon (6/06); Dorothy (9/07); Derek (12/19/09); Daniel (12/18/10); Newbie D (2/22/12)

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#10 of 11 Old 01-18-2011, 12:08 PM
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We were adamant that our son would be left intact, though we were still asked.  My husband is cut, (though he does not know if his father is, family nakedness was not done then,) and he did not want his son to have this personal right taken away without permission.  Our son is now 26, has never asked why his Dad is 'different', and has never had a problem.

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#11 of 11 Old 01-18-2011, 02:15 PM
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I think it's funny because my 6 year old hasn't even noticed there's a difference and he showers with his dad.  Most kids are a lot younger when they stop seeing their dad naked (I know we tend to be on the more liberal side when it comes to nudity).  They don't even KNOW if they "match" or not!  Therefore it is PURELY for the parents' sake, not the child's, therefore a selfish decision, not "for the child".

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