This is not necessary right? (Just got back from pedi appointment) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 05:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, as the (new cuz we just moved here) pedi is checking the diaper area, I realize I haven't talked to him about DS being intact and not retracting, etc. DS was freaking out because someone he didn't know was holding him down so I was trying to comfort him. Well, I looked at what the doctor was doing and he was pulling at the foreskin from the base of the penis. I grabbed his hand and said, "I don't want you to do that."

The doctor looked like he was about to have a heart attack. I could tell he was trying to control his anger at me and he said, "Don't touch me while I'm examining." I continued to block his hand and said, "I don't want you to retract him." He said he wasn't going to retract but needed to see if there was a hole there. I said, "He doesn't have any problems urinating so that is not a concern." He went on to checking his hips and then fastened the diaper but I could tell he was REALLY irritated with me. Like, super tense and annoyed and completely different from the friendly guy who had just been talking to me.

At the end of the exam he told me he would never retract a one year old but he wanted to see if there was a hole and that I should be doing that much pulling back at every bath because oils could build up. I didn't even know what to say to him so I just nodded. This is not true, right? Just leave it alone, correct?

E, wife to D, mommy to G (born March 2010). joy.gif

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#2 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 05:15 PM
 
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What, does he think the urethra is going to magically disappear?

 

And, no, ANY movement of the foreskin toward the body is retraction, and all retraction is bad.

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#3 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 05:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Cyllya View Post

What, does he think the urethra is going to magically disappear?

 

And, no, ANY movement of the foreskin toward the body is retraction, and all retraction is bad.


Thank you! I couldn't believe he said he was checking for the hole. How exactly does he think the wet diapers happen if there is no hole???? I guess for the next appointment I'm going to have to make him mad again by insisting he not touch the penis at all. Should be a fun appointment. shrug.gif

E, wife to D, mommy to G (born March 2010). joy.gif

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#4 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 05:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by goinggreengirl View Post

So, as the (new cuz we just moved here) pedi is checking the diaper area, I realize I haven't talked to him about DS being intact and not retracting, etc. DS was freaking out because someone he didn't know was holding him down so I was trying to comfort him. Well, I looked at what the doctor was doing and he was pulling at the foreskin from the base of the penis. I grabbed his hand and said, "I don't want you to do that."

The doctor looked like he was about to have a heart attack. I could tell he was trying to control his anger at me and he said, "Don't touch me while I'm examining." I continued to block his hand and said, "I don't want you to retract him." He said he wasn't going to retract but needed to see if there was a hole there. I said, "He doesn't have any problems urinating so that is not a concern." He went on to checking his hips and then fastened the diaper but I could tell he was REALLY irritated with me. Like, super tense and annoyed and completely different from the friendly guy who had just been talking to me.

At the end of the exam he told me he would never retract a one year old but he wanted to see if there was a hole and that I should be doing that much pulling back at every bath because oils could build up. I didn't even know what to say to him so I just nodded. This is not true, right? Just leave it alone, correct?

Mama I would be looking for a new ped because of the bolded. It is your job, responsibility, and god-given right to protect your son's bodily integrity as you see it. How dare he get mad at you and tell you not to touch him? He obviously feels it is perfectly appropriate for him to touch your son. I would have real issues with any medical professional who told me that their personal space and authority is somehow sacrosanct over my objections.

Grrrrr...I am mad for you mama. What a censored.gif.
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#5 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 06:18 PM
 
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If you think he may be open to education there is a new info pack from The Whole Network.

 

The "Don't Retract" Pack

http://www.thewholenetwork.org/dont-retract-packs.html

 

It is geared towards medical professionals.


Wife to DH, Mom to my Intact Boys DS1: Born 02 Pain Med Free Hospital Birth, BF'ed for 9 Months, Partially Vax'd DS2: Born 06 via UC, BF'ed 3 years 10 months, and UnVax'd
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#6 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 06:45 PM
 
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Because of his reaction to your request I to would be looking for a new ped.

And the fact he "was checking for a hole" eyesroll.gif It truly would be one for the medical journals for your ds to have reached a year old without being able to urinate.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#7 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 08:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by goinggreengirl View Post

So, as the (new cuz we just moved here) pedi is checking the diaper area, I realize I haven't talked to him about DS being intact and not retracting, etc. DS was freaking out because someone he didn't know was holding him down so I was trying to comfort him. Well, I looked at what the doctor was doing and he was pulling at the foreskin from the base of the penis. I grabbed his hand and said, "I don't want you to do that."

The doctor looked like he was about to have a heart attack. I could tell he was trying to control his anger at me and he said, "Don't touch me while I'm examining." I continued to block his hand and said, "I don't want you to retract him." He said he wasn't going to retract but needed to see if there was a hole there. I said, "He doesn't have any problems urinating so that is not a concern." He went on to checking his hips and then fastened the diaper but I could tell he was REALLY irritated with me. Like, super tense and annoyed and completely different from the friendly guy who had just been talking to me.

At the end of the exam he told me he would never retract a one year old but he wanted to see if there was a hole and that I should be doing that much pulling back at every bath because oils could build up. I didn't even know what to say to him so I just nodded. This is not true, right? Just leave it alone, correct?



Mama I would be looking for a new ped because of the bolded. It is your job, responsibility, and god-given right to protect your son's bodily integrity as you see it. How dare he get mad at you and tell you not to touch him? He obviously feels it is perfectly appropriate for him to touch your son. I would have real issues with any medical professional who told me that their personal space and authority is somehow sacrosanct over my objections.

Grrrrr...I am mad for you mama. What a censored.gif.


I agree with this.  It is wrong to retract a foreskin early, but many physicians are relatively uneducated about appropriate foreskin care.  It actually bothers me more that he felt *you* were interfering with *his* examination.  His attitude shows that he doesn't acknowledge you as your own child's guardian, he sees you as someone who is in his way.  But as the person legally responsible for making decisions for your son, everything done to him should be explained to you and with your permission.  If a doctor ever spoke to me that way, I wouldn't be seeing him/her again.  This goes for anything, not just circumcision. 

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#8 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 09:19 PM
 
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I would switch doctors too. A doctor that responds that aggressively to you is not going to respect your parental authority. Doesn't set the stage for a good relationship in my opinion.

Sounds to me that he was pissed that you challenged his authority. 

 

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#9 of 12 Old 04-28-2011, 11:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the comments on his response to me. It felt really wrong at the time. My first reaction was to grab my son and tell him to leave the room! Maybe I should have... I think I will try a different pedi next time. I kept thinking that the only reason he is touching my son is because I permitted it. I would think that as soon as I say stop, the permission is revoked.

E, wife to D, mommy to G (born March 2010). joy.gif

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#10 of 12 Old 04-30-2011, 07:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goinggreengirl View Post
 I kept thinking that the only reason he is touching my son is because I permitted it. I would think that as soon as I say stop, the permission is revoked.


This is exactly true! (At least up here in Canada.) Touching without permission is assault.

 

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#11 of 12 Old 04-30-2011, 07:48 AM
 
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This is exactly true! (At least up here in Canada.) Touching without permission is assault.

 



In the US (under tort law) its battery.

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#12 of 12 Old 04-30-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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Clearly he is clueless about proper foreskin care.  His need to retract and his justification that there are imaginary "oils" that build up demonstrates this.

 

The fact that he got mad suggests that he has anger management and control issues.

 

If you stay with him, you will need to always be on guard with him and will have to be agressive in getting him to do things and give you the information you want.  Not the best situation, in my book.  If you have other options reasonably available, I would look into them.  I prefer the doctor to be my partner that is willing to accept my views and respect my feelings in care giving, not my adversary struggling for who is in control.

 

Regards

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