Can we bust the myth of locker room comparison? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 08:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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And maybe even the myth of father/son comparison? I would like to challenge the notion that 'all boys compare'


I asked my dh about the locker room scenario. He says that from what he remembers he chose to look at the ceiling, the walls, pretty much anywhere, but down. He says that the last thing you want to get accused of is looking at other boy's penises.

I asked my dh (sadly, he's circ'd) wether or not his Dad is circ'd, he has no idea. His parent's are very conservative & private, but dh is sure he had seen his Dad naked, but no real comparison was ever made. I know for sure that our ds, age 12 and modest by his own choice, has never had any reason to compare himself to his father. He has certainly seen dh naked, they pee in the woods together, and used to bathe together. An infant/toddler/preschooler's penis looks nothing like their father's anyway. I can't imagine a father or son asking for a direct comparison after puberty or in adulthood. My ds is well aware of the fact that we chose to leave his body alone & that His Dad was not so fortunate.

My ds homeschools, so he hasn't had time in a locker room. We talk pretty openly & I think he'd say if his buddies were comparing. Especially if it bothered him.

Anyway, I would like to hear what other men/husbands/fathers have to say on this subject. I suppose I should have posted a poll, but this will have to do, feel free to post a spin off poll.
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#2 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 09:18 AM
 
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My DP says he never spent time comparing.  In a conversation we had once about father/son comparing, he casually mentioned as an afterthought that from what he recalled, he didn't think his father was circumcised.  So the two of them were different, and it was such an unimportant fact to him that he almost didn't think of mentioning it. 

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#3 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 09:43 AM
 
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I disagree. I remember lots of boys talking about or teasing other boys in the locker room. I saw my dad and step dad's penises. When I first met my now ex-h his friends teased him about the size he was and we were all in our mid 20's. I don't see what the big deal is though because at some point everyone gets teased for something so if a penis is uncircumsized or not it's just another thing to get over. All the boys in my son's class are uncircumsized and I'm hoping that this is becoming the  new norm.

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#4 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 10:25 AM
 
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I think people compare and make fun of a lot of things. The question is, do we surgically alter newborns in hopes that we are helping to avoid this teasing? Or do we accept that if it's not one thing it will be another, and the real solution is to build our children's self-esteem and give them the tools to successfully cope with teasing.

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#5 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 11:11 AM
 
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My son is about to be 16. No one has ever said anything to him about his intact status.
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#6 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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I don't think it really matters. Kids get teased. If it isn't over his penis, it'll be something else. I got teased over being flat chested until I was nearly 15 and my breasts finally decided to show up. Doesn't mean my parents should have whisked me off to get implants. I also got teased for being short. I had friends that got teased over the size of their ears, the shape of their nose, their weight, their freckles, et cetera. Some kids look for excuses to ridicule. Cosmetic surgery on children is not the answer. What kind of message is that sending? Some people don't like this about you, therefore you should change it. Hack off parts of your body to make other people like you. I don't think that's a very healthy way to deal with it. I'd rather give my children the tools to cope with teasing and try my best to raise them not to tease others.

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#7 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by tooraloora View Post

I don't think it really matters. Kids get teased. If it isn't over his penis, it'll be something else. I got teased over being flat chested until I was nearly 15 and my breasts finally decided to show up. Doesn't mean my parents should have whisked me off to get implants. I also got teased for being short. I had friends that got teased over the size of their ears, the shape of their nose, their weight, their freckles, et cetera. Some kids look for excuses to ridicule. Cosmetic surgery on children is not the answer. What kind of message is that sending? Some people don't like this about you, therefore you should change it. Hack off parts of your body to make other people like you. I don't think that's a very healthy way to deal with it. I'd rather give my children the tools to cope with teasing and try my best to raise them not to tease others.



Well, that's pretty much my point, from a different angle. wink1.gif.
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#8 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 02:16 PM
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My boys (intact) never noticed that their dad was circumcised. I think a grown man's parts look so much different in general that it just wasn't obvious to them. My DS1 did notice his best friend's penis looked "weird" when they were 6-7 years old and were changing at the pool. He didn't say anything to his friend, but he later asked me why it looked the way it did. I explained briefly about circumcision and my son was horrified and said, "It's too bad the baby doesn't get a say." Out of the mouths of babes....

 

My ex (my boys' dad) had no idea his father was intact until our first baby was born. FIL had been born at home, and so had his brothers. Their parents were immigrants from eastern Europe.

 

Locker room? Dunno. My boys are/were homeschooled, and so are most of their friends. Also, from what I've heard, many high schools have gotten away from the forcing-kids-to-be-naked-together aspect of gym.

 

 

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#9 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 09:36 PM
 
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I asked my DP about this. (He was born in 1979, which if I understand correctly, was pretty much the peak of circumcision in the US, but somehow he remained intact.) He said guys all made a point of NOT ogling each other's penises. In fact, he was surprised to hear that circumcision was common. He thought only a few Jewish or Muslim people circ'd.

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#10 of 21 Old 09-11-2011, 11:32 PM
 
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I have to wonder, in this generation, is there even opportunity in the locker room!? I don't get it. The only time I've ever been fully disrobed in a locker room was at a public pool, so, not among peers I see daily. At school, our underwear is never removed when changing for PE. There were no showers at all. 

 

I heard a story of my nephew "comparing" to his dad when he was around 3. They were in the shower together and he stared with a kind of concerned look on his face. "Mine's little". 


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#11 of 21 Old 09-12-2011, 01:43 AM
 
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dh has told me they noticed and made fun or otherwise.. so I know his friend's size because of him relaying the teasing. Dh is pro circ and I'm pretty sure his dad is. Not sure how size related to genes to compare father/son. He's never mentioned comparing himself to me but I know he does it

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#12 of 21 Old 09-12-2011, 08:43 AM
 
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They are both busted. The lockeroom reason (which is more about parent's fearing comformity) is null and void considering the current circumcision rate. Soon, it will be circumcised boys getting teased. The look like dad reason has never been valid. If a boy glances at his dad, what he'll see as different is size and hair. These two items are the rationalizations for some deeper reason. Mostly, I think, its just American's remnant Victorianism mixed in with a big dose of fear of being called a poor parent.

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#13 of 21 Old 09-12-2011, 11:34 AM
 
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My dad is circumcised and I was born when the rates were still 80%+, and as an intact man I never had any ill-effects with either issue. (In fact I don't ever recall being exposed to others' genitals in the locker room.)


Kelly, a man who is proud to be intact!
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#14 of 21 Old 09-12-2011, 11:52 AM
 
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dh (intact) said it was never an issue for him in high school or otherwise.  i think he may have also told the other guys that the ladies loved it.  shake.gif  but my dh is gregarious and everyone has always really liked him, so if he had had two peni or something people would probably have thought it was just lovely. 

i don't know if he knows whether his dad is circ'ed or no.  i think maybe he wasn't because dh seems to think that catholic families at that point in time of his dad being born tended to not.  (is peni really the plural of penis?)


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#15 of 21 Old 09-12-2011, 12:03 PM
 
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(is peni really the plural of penis?)

I couldn't find any links without pictures so I'll just tell you.. the plural of penis is penises or penes.
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#16 of 21 Old 09-12-2011, 12:40 PM
 
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My DH is circumcised, but he does not know about his own father or any other family members or friends.  He has had a close friend through high school and college, and they were roommates for many years.  I know his friend did not circumcise his son, so I asked my DH about whether the friend was circumcised or not himself.  My DH was surprised that I thought he would know.  I pointed out that they had lived together for years and played sports and were in the same fraternity, but he said that he has no clue about this guy's penis.  I really just think that they are not looking for the most part.  My sons did have an experience where friends asked them why theirs was different, and we used that as an opportunity to explain what circumcision is and some of the benefits of having a foreskin, etc., and it turned out to be positive.  Everyone is unique, and I think that if you are open and honest and teach your kids to respect their bodies, then it should not matter.  I tend to think that parents who are not willing to have these types of discussions with their children are probably setting themselves up for bigger problems than penis status.

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#17 of 21 Old 09-12-2011, 11:20 PM
 
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I'm cut at birth in 1962, and I never knew my dad was intact until 2003, even though we we're casually nude in the house when I was growing up. 

 

We showered in gym from 6th grade through college.  The only kids I ever saw get teased were the first kid to sprout pubic hair and the kid with the longest penis. 


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#18 of 21 Old 09-13-2011, 02:56 PM
 
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My DH has said that the only thing he remembers about his dad's penis was the size difference. FIL is circ'd and DH was as well "to match" becuause MIL and FIL were told at the hospital that boys ought to match their dads. Or so this is their claim...I kinda' think that they did it bcause it what was done in '80, '83.

DS is intact. He's only 14 mos. so there's no real comparison from him.

DH has said that there's no way any teen boy would be taking about another teen boy's 'junk' for fear of being labled as being gay or checking out another guy.

 


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#19 of 21 Old 09-13-2011, 10:55 PM
 
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My dh said he never saw his dad's penis and had no idea what he looked like.  Do kids even have locker room showers anymore?  It seems that lots of schools are not requiring that any longer, even though it seems a good idea after PE!  The locker room myth is just that, a myth.

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#20 of 21 Old 09-14-2011, 11:46 AM
 
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My DH and his brother are both circumcised, and didn't learn until they were in their 40's that their Dad was intact. They were born in 1956 and 1962.

 

Our twin sons are intact, and just turned 17, seniors in high school. As little kids, they noticed their Dad's genitals were big and hairy; when they learned about circumcision, at age 8, they were appalled; when they learned that their Dad was circumcised, one of them said "Poor Dad - he's missing the best part!" When they became aware that their Dad's glans was exposed, they just assumed he kept his foreskin retracted (since they could retract their foreskins and expose their glans).

 

My sons have no idea of their friends or classmates are circumcised or intact - they don't look, and they don't ask. But they are both VERY glad that they are intact, and would have no problem defending their status is anyone did make a comment.


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#21 of 21 Old 09-16-2011, 08:17 PM
 
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I spent my entire school career in boys boarding schools starting at age 6.  The shower rooms were totaly communal.  There was absolutely no privacy.  About 2/3 were circumcised, and I do not remember one single instance of teasing based on circumcision status.  We all knew who was intact and who was not - you could not help but notice - and homophobia never appeared on anyone's radar until at least mid teens, so yes, we looked.  The thing was, nobody cared.  It was just accepted that some were different.  Speaking for myself, I was a bit envious of those with a foreskin, because I percieved them as having something cool that I did not.  I do know that my Dad and other male members of the family were circumcised because I saw them, but it would not have bothered me in the least to have been intact.

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