My mistake and my son - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 12-14-2011, 06:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So I have not really been too informed on circ, totally my fault.  When I was pregnant with ds I made the desicion to not have him circed, with a lot of "opinions" from the peanut gallery, mostly mainstream friends.  Well I made a rash desicion in the hospital to go ahead with it, mostlywith prodding from dp and the hospital staff..... HUGE F'ING mistake.  They cut his testicles and he was so bruised and it was ALL my faultbawling.gif  He had issues healing after and it was terrible, I felt like such a failure to him.  Well fast fwd almost 4 years later and he is not circumcised......yes I know I sound like a freak, but I do not know what they did, but they didn't get the foreskin.  So now I put him threw all that and now dp is saying we need to get it re-done!  WTF?!?!?  That is NOT going to happen, he will not be having major surgery that is completely unnessecary.  So I am asking for some resources for myself and to share with DP... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIA


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#2 of 10 Old 12-14-2011, 11:43 AM
 
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He IS circ'ed but it is common these days for doctors to do a "loose" circ so they have enough skin to grow into.  It may not look "done" but I assure you, he's had plenty taken off already.  If you have it done again, they are only taking more of his functional tissue.  He may end up with MORE problems, like tight, painful erections.

 

Please try to explain to your DP that it is a decision best left up to your son when he's older.  He will likely grow into his skin and look 100% circ'ed, but if he has a little overhang it should be up to HIM if he wants it removed.

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#3 of 10 Old 12-14-2011, 02:22 PM
 
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All circumcisions are not created equal. There is no dotted line on a baby's penis saying "Cut Here" to tell doctors exactly how much foreskin to remove, so every one comes out different. There's also no way to predict, at birth, how large a boy's penis will be when he's an adult, so again, it's impossible for them all to turn out the same.

 

Even among intact males, some have more foreskin than others. None of it is "extra", and more than a person with large earlobes or long fingers has "extra".

 

As Bandgeek said, today doctors are more often erring on the side of removing less instead of more, because of the many problems caused by cutting too much. I'll bet the head appears when he has an erection - which is exactly what is supposed to happen.

 

Your DP is dead wrong. Your son's penis is just fine - he does not have a medical condition, therefore he does NOT need surgery. Perhaps this will help:

http://www.medicinenet.com/surgery_questions/article.htm

 

It is a list of questions to ask before having surgery. Most people don't think of circumcision as an operation, but "just a snip" - but a 4-yr-old will require general anesthesia (which has it's own risks), and a significant healing period, though this time he can tell you when he needs more pain medication.

 

My two sons have had a total of 7 operations, and we took every one very seriously. In two cases, we waited years before having surgery, because we didn't want to do it if it wasn't absolutely necessary. By the time our kids were 3, we took their opinion into consideration (my 3-yr-old had a hernia, which was painful, so he wanted Dr. T to fix it and make him better). My other son made the decision to have a ruptured eardrum repaired at age 5, since he was the one who had to deal with an earplug in the swimming pool. If he had not wanted it done then, we would have waited.

 

I doubt your son, at age 4, would be too thrilled about having part of his penis cut off, when it's not giving him any trouble.


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#4 of 10 Old 12-14-2011, 02:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the link, I will NOT be making ANY plans for a "re-do".  I just need to be more in the know, so to say, so when I am making my argument to DP he listens, instead of just blowing me off.  He is in the mind set that ds has to be like daddy, seriously??? c'mon.  My mil is very mainstream, temp of 100...hurry get the tylenol......kids coughing....hurry call the Dr.  It can be very frustrating!!  I have actually lied to her before to say that I had given dc tylenol right before she babysat when the kids had colds etc... so she would not give them any.  sorry about the mini-rant, but it gets tiring. 


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#5 of 10 Old 12-14-2011, 07:10 PM
 
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This article is for you.  It explains what is likely going on w/ your husband.  http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html

 

I'm sorry to hear about what your ds went through.  And, what you are currently going through.  Thank you for protecting him from another unnecessary surgery.

 

Sus


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#6 of 10 Old 12-14-2011, 09:24 PM
 
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Quote:
He is in the mind set that ds has to be like daddy,

This is usually an indication that male was circed at birth, probably without anesthetic and was traumatized by it. Infant circumcision gives men an inferiority complex.

 

"To look like Daddy  ", is highly irrational and a very selfish reason for circ.


 
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#7 of 10 Old 12-14-2011, 09:35 PM
 
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if you want to learn a lot and stay strong in your opposition, simply frequent this forum, and read everything.

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#8 of 10 Old 12-15-2011, 06:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much!!!!  It seems to come up a lot from dp latey cause ds prefers to be nakey butt at home, and dp thinks that he looks "weird", which of course he does not.  so I will definitley be reading and reading and reading, and lurking here.  THANKS AGAIN.....

mama24 I LOVE your siggyjoy.gif


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#9 of 10 Old 12-15-2011, 06:46 AM
 
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OP, your DH doesn't really want his son to "match" him - he wants to believe that there is nothing wrong with his own penis. This is about DH, not DS.

 

If father/son matching was truly the issue, then what about this? Do DS and DH have the same eye color? Hair color? Are their ears the same shape? Does DH have facial hair? Pubic hair? (If so, he of course shaves often, since DS doesn't have either, right?) Are they the same size? Do people get them mixed up? Do they have the same hair style? Does DH have any scars or tattoos? Do they wear matching clothes?

 

I'll bet DH and DS are very different in many, many ways - size, skin tone, body hair, facial hair, voice, strength, physical skills (I'll bet DS can't drive a car, or use a power saw). DH honestly isn't interested in his son being exactly like him in any of these other areas - there's no reason their penises have to "match" (which they wouldn't anyway, since DH's genitals are no doubt much bigger, and he has hair). Forcing them to match in any other way is just plain silly - I don't know anyone who makes their kid wear colored contact lenses, or dyes their hair, so they are the same as the Dad, and these are characteristics that people can see.

 

Sorry about your MIL - I would lie to her too. I completely agree with you about letting coughs and low-grade fevers run their course.


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#10 of 10 Old 12-15-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sahmof2girls View Postmama24 I LOVE your siggyjoy.gif


inspired by a family member, who probably would have said his son had to be cut to look like him, too :-(.

 

Sus

 


Baby the babies while they're babies so they don't need babying for a lifetime.
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