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Does anyone regret NOT circumcising? *this is NOT a pro circ thread, just curious about the medical complications*

20K views 132 replies 62 participants last post by  beckwith 
#1 ·
Has anyone NOT circumcised their child, and then later regretted it? I don't even know what I am having yet, and I am pretty sure that IF i have a boy we will not circumcise, BUT i have talked to many men about the idea, and they all say that I SHOULD do it. One of them elected to be circumcised as an adult, and one had a horror story about a "friend" that had to go through a horrible surgery as a teen. So now I'm worried that my choice for my child will lead to him just having to have a more painful procedure later down the line.

I feel like i wouldn't want my father making any decisions about my genitals, and therefore, i should really rely on the overwhelming opinion of other men including my DH. But then i wonder if they even know what in the heck they are talking about.......but then again if they are missing anything then whats the big deal right? But i don't want parts of my babies body just cut off for no real reason.

*please know that I am 100% not here to debate it at all, I am here to seek experience and advice from mothers that have been through making the tough decision, i like every parent, would like to make the best decision for my child*
 
#30 ·
No, but I certainly regret having had them circumcised! I think that most of the previous posters have made excellent points. That is the way their bodies were born, and that is the way they should remain. We did it--my husband had an opinion on the issue with our first born and I had not done much research. It bothered me initially, but I just assumed that it was the way things were done. In the end, we circumcised him. I later read more and wished I had not been so willing to go against my own instincts.

The worst was having a second son and having to circumcise him to be like his brother--I know I could have made them different, but it meant more to me to have them the same. Doing it the second time was just awful. They're 9 and almost 11 now and so the decision is long past. Still, there will always be an ache in my heart. I would say that, if you are in doubt, just don't do it. You could always have it done later.

Maggie
 
#31 ·
Nope! I don't regret keeping them intact! It is their body, not mine, so if they want tatoos, peircings, surgeries, body alterations etc. they can do any of that when they are consenting adults.

The foreskin has a purpose! I read this awesome book (free to read online):

EBook: Sex as Nature Indended It http://www.sexasnatureintendedit.com/eBook/SANII_by_chapters_in_pdf.html
The foreskin is a sleeve to cover the glans (head) and keep it an internal organ! Why are parents so willing to continue this social habit, without stopping to think what this body part may be needed for? It is actually a very positive subject if you look at its function, its uses, and not look at what could potentially go wrong. Heck, something could go wrong with any body part if you look at it that way. Don't worry about any possible amputation of your son's foreskin, there are doctors out there that ARE smart about the care of intact penises, but you have to find one. If you cannot find one that knows, then you can be the right person for the job to educate them on what not to do to your son, and you could be helping other future parents out too. That is what I had to do with two doctors, tedious yes, but it is worth it. (I wish I could remember where I once saw a list of intact friendly doctors. Maybe someone will post a link for you.)
 
#33 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyblackdot View Post

I guess my concern is that i came to this thread looking for information and it seems like every other post is something about an infected penis, or UTI, or Dr saying a child needs a surgery. So to me its all good to say that circ isn't necessary, but it looks like (according to the posts on this forum at least) that there seem to be a few complications that go along with it. If not why are there so many posts about it?
Usually, there are no problems with intact penises (unless there is forced retraction, which, unfortunately, is common due to misinformation). Parents don't come here to ask questions about their lack of problems. So naturally, the majority of questions are going to be about problems (or perceived problems).
 
#34 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyblackdot View Post

I guess my concern is that i came to this thread looking for information and it seems like every other post is something about an infected penis, or UTI, or Dr saying a child needs a surgery. So to me its all good to say that circ isn't necessary, but it looks like (according to the posts on this forum at least) that there seem to be a few complications that go along with it. If not why are there so many posts about it?
I think , you should wait and see first ! IF your son has a problem , that could be bettered with circumcision , then do it ( I guess )

And if he grows up like a healthy little boy should , then don´t ! After all , it´s his wiener , not yours , and if he ever chooses to , or needs to , he can have the operation , when he gets old enough to make his own decisions
 
#35 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowdancer77 View Post

My husband has reported that he wondered if he would be able to bond with him when he's older because they look different. I'm sad that they "look different" but honestly, I more sad that my husband had no choice. My son does.
My husband thinks this looking like dad thing is the craziest argument ever for circ'ing. His dad was circ'ed, he was not. He says that it would *never*, *never* cross his mind to compare his and his dad's penises. And, looking back, I can see that, when was the last time I compared my genitals to my mother's? Ewww!

Quote:
Originally Posted by HealthyHappyMom View Post

My son is uncircumcised. My husband and I knew that it would have been traumatic to his physical body and emotions. We use a natural and non-toxic solution to cleanse him to prevent any infections.
I don't think I have ever used anything other than water, and not done any active sort of cleaning at all. Child plays in the bath for an hour here and there, usually anywhere from twice a day (at his most water obsessed or on a boring day) to once a week if we're so busy we forgot to throw him in the tub. I have never had any reason to worry about infections.

eta: I have a 3 1/2 year old who is going to need general anesthesia for some serious tooth problems and we've known that he needed it since before he was 2 but we're waiting as long as possible so that he'll be bigger and stronger before the surgery and also so that we can talk with him more about happened afterward. To me it makes no sense at all to do an elective surgery at the earliest possible moment. I mean, circs are often done before the mom's milk has even come it. Baby hasn't even figured out how to eat yet. I hate to think about it...
 
#37 ·
I bet *dads* compare themselves to their *sons* but not the other way around. Dad is changing diapers, helping his son toilet train, so has ample opportunities for comparison. Son is a baby/little kid, and probably will not even remember what dad's penis looked like if he saw it when he was toilet training. I don't think most fathers and sons habitually get naked together.
 
#38 ·
#39 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by HealthyHappyMom View Post

We use "my gentle baby aromatherapy care" that we buy from our practitioner. It contains baby-friendly essential oils. The container comes with a dropper top, so you can place a few drops on the head of his penis, no retracting necessary.
That's cool, although I do want to assure our OP, who already seems skittish about intact care, that this is NOT necessary. Just regular baths work fine.
 
#41 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by HealthyHappyMom View Post

We use "my gentle baby aromatherapy care" that we buy from our practitioner. It contains baby-friendly essential oils. The container comes with a dropper top, so you can place a few drops on the head of his penis, no retracting necessary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichelleZB View Post

That's cool, although I do want to assure our OP, who already seems skittish about intact care, that this is NOT necessary. Just regular baths work fine.
I have never used any sort of special oils/creams/lotions/potions/etc on either one of my boys' penii. As infants, I would wash their whole body, running the soap/rag over their penis just like I did their butt. As children, I taught them to run the soap/rag over their whole body. I have talked about them retracting and rinsing with water (no soap, ever), and how they will need to do that when they are older and able to retract themselves. But it's really not an issue, and they are perfectly fine.
 
#44 ·
To respond strictly to the original question, no, I have never regretted keeping our son intact. He has never had any issues with his foreskin. It's a total non-issue. We don't clean it specifically. We don't retract it. We don't oil it. It's not dirty. Honestly I haven't given it three minutes of thought in his life.

I also don't regret not circumsizing our daughter.
 
#45 ·
I have two intact sons, 13 and 17 years old. Other than minor irritations when they were in diapers (same as my two daughters, who had flaming red irritations at times), my boys have had no infections, or other horrible issues.

I can say with certainty that both boys are enjoying all their parts with enthusiasm. Don't ask. Just a reminder, always knock when a door is closed. The great thing is, no tubs of lotion or vaseline needed with an intact boy. Built in lube.
 
#46 ·
I grew up in a non circ country. Until spending time in the States I thought only Jewish people circed. I also thought it was a small snip, no big deal. My boys are 9 and 10. I have never talked about retraction with them or given them cleaning instructions. It's not even a topic of conversation, ever in a non circ country.There really are NO conversations about how to take care of a penis! The only thing I ever remember was, in a diaper change watch out for spraying pee!! that.is.it! I remember in the hospital(US) being asked he was being cut. I was confused and thought, well, if he is to be American maybe we should. Our Dr. here is Dutch. he assumes I am American. When he gave the boys a health check he almost hugged me for keeping them whole..lol

I wonder why it done within days of birth, before a baby even gets mommas milk, usually. Never got that. Surely it would be better to do a procedure(non emergency, cosmetic) at 5 years when the child can be under anesthestic and the child is known to be healthy. Just wondering how this became the norm. Pinning a childs ears back is cosmetic and nothing compared to cutting BUT i can't imagine it being done to a 2 day old.

I applaud all you Moms who go against generations and break the cycle.
 
#47 ·
I'm in the UK. I know 2 circ'd men. My father was circ'd as a child after the dr told his mother to retract and clean him thoroughly and daily from birth. The scarring became so bad he could no longer pee and they had to circ him (in the late 1940's). He was very young and doesn't know what he's missing, he doesn't regret that it was done, but he bears visible scars still, even with the worst scarred area removed, so he knows there was no choice. He did NOT seek circ for his sons and he did NOT retract his own sons to clean! My friend's husband developed buried penis and severe, persistent phimosis due to obesity. They tried numerous things over 3 years and did two buttonhole procedures but the problem persisted and eventually they had to circ. He hates it, she hates it, they have had serious problems with intimacy since (it was nearly a decade ago).

I've *ahem* been around the block. Here in the UK most guys are intact. All the guys i've been with were intact. None of them had any problems or regretted it. When you live somewhere like here, where it is normal, it takes some mind-bending to get your head around the idea that it could be seen as otherwise. As someone said above, mothers here don't talk about how to care for an intact penis, you care for it like you care for a surgically-unaltered vulva i.e. it takes care of itself. A friend's little boy has had slight infections in his penis. Both times he had a swollen and red glans (covered with the foreskin still as he couldn't yet retract) and some pus at the opening. Both times she took him to the GP. Both times the GP prescribed an antibiotic cream. Both times her son refused to let her put it on him. Both times it healed up fine without any treatment. No one EVER suggested circumcision, or even a referral to a urologist. The GP treated it as he might have a mildly infected cuticle or spot. Here's some cream, it'll probably go on it's own though. The GP said maybe it's the foreskin loosening off and a bit irritated, maybe he pulled at it and hurt himself a tiny bit, maybe the new bubblebath irritated it, maybe maybe maybe, it'll heal, no need to worry. He is now much older and his penis, and foreskin, are perfect.

Really the belief that it's a big deal is the big deal here. If you have a son just wait, leave it be and wait, and you will see, it's no big deal. For a massive part of the world it's the unquestioned normal.
 
#48 ·
Just for a different perspective for you, here in the UK routine circumcision is not done, just...not at all. When I went to the states and did my doula training I was shocked to find that if the mother had a big and did not want to circ that I should follow the baby to ensure they do not 'accidentally' do it anyway. I was just...speechless.

Anyway, my point here is that I do not know ONE man that is circumcised here. Not a single freaking one. Now it's not like I've seen a lot of penises or anything
redface.gif
but it's so uncommon here that we would know about it, especially in school when no one has any secrets!

So...the UK is not filled with men that have smelly, unhealthy, dirty foreskins that should have been chopped off in their childhood.

And neither is the rest of the world.

It's utter nonsense.

**Edited to say: I see a lot of non US people have chipped in too. See....it's really no big deal!**
 
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#50 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyblackdot View Post

I think the non circ of the uk is what pushed DH over to my view. We are very confident in not circ at this point IF it is a boy! Than you to all of the helpful patient information!
joy.gif
Whatever it takes! Glad things have calmed down & you don't have this to concern you any longer. I now hope that the baby is a boy! We need more intact ones ;-).

Best wishes,

Sus
 
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